Fall With Me

by Julie Particka

  My skin went icy with fear. I’d heard the last bit of Adam’s rant to Jenna. He was right. I hadn’t been any better than him when I was in Chicago.

  What if I hadn’t changed enough to make this work? What if Jenna was right, that I’d have to choose between her and my family? What if, at the end of the day, I hurt her as much as, or more than, Adam had?

  The drive was quiet, both of us lost in thoughts—mine better not thought at all. The only conclusion I’d come to was I wanted her here, with me. It would need to be enough to get me past the doubts. When I finally pulled up in front of my place and cut the engine, I held my breath. The lack of sound shook Jenna from wherever she’d been.

  Her brows knit together as she gaped through the windshield. “I said your house. Last I checked, you weren’t God.”

  I climbed from the car and rounded to her side, opening the door and holding my hand out for hers. The instant she took it, I felt like the world had become solid again and said, “Funny, Jem, that’s not what you said a couple weeks ago.”

  Crimson painted her cheeks, and for a second I wondered if she would reverse course and get back in the car. Then she stepped away and slammed the door. “Never going to let me live that down, are you?”

  No. I’m hoping after bringing you here I might still get the chance at a repeat. It was stupid. If I wanted something real with Jenna, she’d have to see my place eventually. In the end, if it was going to fall apart, maybe it was better to get through it now rather than later.

  “We’ll see. As for this place, someone else bought the church to turn it into a house. They made it a little way before running out of money. Bank foreclosed, and I got a new place. The windows survived, that’s the most important thing.”

  I resisted the urge to genuflect as we walked through the entry under the largest of the stained-glass windows. It was the only blatantly religious one of the bunch. Whether the previous owners had replaced the others or they’d always been more symbolic than overt, I didn’t know, but I was glad for it. I could only handle a certain amount of penance on a day-to-day basis.

  Inside, I watched Jenna’s reaction, wondering what she saw when she looked around. The church had mostly been gutted when I’d bought it—though thankfully they’d left the flooring alone. Knotty pine boards, covered in saw and other dust, stretched from one wall to the other.

  I’d bought a tattered old sofa to throw in front of my TV while I renovated, leaving the good furniture in storage. Three pews stood on end, leaning against the far wall near the cabinets I’d pilfered from the worksite. A rescued laminate table from the 1950s and two matching chairs sat in front of what was currently working as my kitchen.

  Jenna stared, her mouth slightly open, taking it in. “This is… Wow.” She blinked and her brows knit together again as they had outside.

  She didn’t hate it. That much was clear enough. I still wasn’t sure if she saw the place like I did or just thought I was insane for taking on this kind of project.

  Her fingers tightened in mine until I met her eyes. “Why were you weirded out about bringing me here?”

  She knew everything already, only not exactly that part. “I told you about how I’d lost myself in Chicago—I found myself here. Not because it’s a church, because I had to work at it. I’ve applied for a few jobs since I moved, and I keep turning down interviews because I didn’t want to leave this half done.”

  She cocked her head to the side, seeing right through my evasion. “I’ve seen half-done houses a million times.”

  It wasn’t that I was trying to hide anything from her, more like trying to break open my soul to show her what was inside. And the wall I’d built around it was stone, not eggshell.

  The affection lighting her eyes was enough to make it crack a little.

  “My apartment in Chicago was a revolving door. I didn’t want that to be true anymore. I guess I was stupidly afraid letting you in meant I was going to have to let you out again.”

  “Am I like the women in Chicago?”

  I knew she didn’t mean physically, but even there she was different. Everything about her was more real than anything I’d had there. “No.”

  “Which proves you’re not the same guy you were.” She popped up on her toes, kissed me softly, then nuzzled against my neck playfully, breaking the far-too-serious tone of the conversation. “Of course, if you’re worried about letting me go, you could always leave the door unlocked—that way I know I can come back.”

  “In metro Detroit? Are you insane?”

  She wrinkled her nose. “Or you could give me a key, but that’s so pedestrian.”

  I laughed and held her close, both of us sticky with frosting. “How about for tonight we finally acknowledge that we’re officially a couple. You can have that girlfriend label you were pestering me about before. You know, baby steps.”

  “Fine. I do have to admit I kind of like the sound of girlfriend.” She snuggled in closer, and the crack she’d created grew bigger. “So, boyfriend, no regrets about bringing me here then?”

  None yet, and I prayed there wouldn’t be any. No other woman had made me feel the things Jenna did. Being with her was more like coming home than walking through my front door. “I don’t think there’s a single one.”

  “Honest to a fault.” She laughed and pushed away. “Okay, wiseass, if this place is so great, where do you sleep?”

  “Past the kitchen.” She followed when I strode that way, stepping around boxes and crates of supplies. I pushed open a door and stopped in front of the winding staircase, waving off to my left. “There’s a guest room and bathroom down here. My room’s upstairs.”

  “Show me?” I didn’t have to ask which room she wanted to see; the breathiness of her voice told me sure enough. Without a conscious decision, I led her up the stairs, my descent into temptation nearly complete.

  Once in my room, she sucked in a gasp and stepped to the ornate iron railing. The expanse of the main floor spread wide beneath us, and the giant stained-glass window cast a multicolored glow on the scene. Jenna’s fingers sought mine, and I wrapped my hand around hers, holding my breath. Her voice was little more than a reverent whisper when she said, “It’s breathtaking. It’s not just yours; it’s you.”

  The walls crumbled.

  That was the moment—more than any that had come before—I knew I couldn’t lose her, couldn’t give her up. For the first time in as long as I could remember, someone finally broke through all my walls and defenses and lines of bullshit and actually saw me. I didn’t have to be anyone else for Jenna. She looked right inside my soul and found me worth having in her life—worth wanting. There was nothing in this world more amazing.

  This time when I realized I was crushing her fingers, Jenna was crushing mine right back. Without letting go, she met my eyes. In hers, I fell into a kind of forever I didn’t want to escape. “Come on, Jem. Let me get you cleaned up and take you to bed.”

  Her lips curled up into the most beautiful smile I’d ever seen. “I thought you’d never ask.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  -Jenna-

  If I’d thought we would hop into a little bathroom for a quick shower, I was wrong. Or at least mostly wrong. Sutton led me from his bedroom and through a door I hadn’t paid any attention to. As we stepped inside, I dropped his fingers and froze.

  “Holy shit.”

  His eyes twinkled when he turned around. “Sorry, no go. I asked a priest. Nothing that happens in this room is any more blessed than if it happened outside. I’m going to rinse real quick if you want to take a look around.”

  He hopped into the biggest shower I’d ever seen. We could have climbed in there together with a few of our closest friends and never touched anyone.

  And then there was the tub. It wasn’t quite as huge, but it was super deep. Two people could easily fit for bathing—or other activities. An enclosed toilet and double sink made up the other wall. I couldn’t tell if this was some sort of elaborate bac
helor bathroom or if he hadn’t actually left his hedonist ways behind in Chicago.

  If he was still the guy planning group sex in his bathroom, what did it say about the whole relationship we’d finally acknowledged?

  The next thing I knew, Sutton stood there, dripping wet, undoing the buttons on my blouse and sliding it off. I shook myself from the negative thoughts and tried to take over. He brushed my hands away and unhooked my bra. “Your turn. Just enough to rinse the worst of the stickiness from your hair. I’ll fill the tub while you’re in there.”

  I shoved off my skirt and panties, letting my clothes fall to the floor in a frosting-coated puddle. Shower. I needed a shower. And then apparently I needed to take a bath with my boyfriend…in the orgy bathroom.

  Because that would end well.

  As soon as the shower spray hit me, though, I regained my senses. He said he was over the meaningless sex thing, and I needed to trust that he planned on sticking around and being my guy.

  Water needled against my scalp and sluiced over my skin, taking sugar and sweetness with it. This wasn’t a fairy tale. I’d given up on those. If I wanted to know for sure where Sutton stood, I needed to get over myself and ask him.

  As soon as I managed to ignore the bench lining the far wall of the shower.

  I squeezed my eyes shut and turned around. If I didn’t look at it, I could pretend it didn’t exist for a minute or two. Long enough to get out and at least start the damn conversation without thinking about shower sex. Not giving myself time for another breath, I twisted off the water, felt for the door, and stepped onto the tile.

  Sutton swept me into his arms before I’d opened my eyes. “Now to get you clean.”

  “And here I was thinking you liked it dirty.” Yep. So much for not sounding judgey. Go me.

  “Only sometimes.” He carried me into the tub and sank into the water—complete with bubbles.

  I trailed my fingers through the foam, watching it pop. Time to burst one more. “I have to say, the bathroom kind of says otherwise. How many people can fit in that shower?”

  Laughter vibrated against my neck as he kissed me. “It is like something from one of the houses your dad works on, isn’t it? Fact is, the bathroom was done when I bought the place. And, as much of a pain in the ass as it is to clean, I wasn’t about to give up a steam shower.”

  Steam shower? I almost face-palmed myself right there. The bench. Not for sex. Well, I suppose it could have been, only not by design. “So no orgies?”

  “Whoa. When I said I’d given that up, I wasn’t expecting you to volunteer to take over.” He brushed my hair over my left shoulder, unveiling the side of my face closest to him. “No. No girlfriend of mine is having orgies in my bathroom, or anywhere else. Thank you very much.”

  “Glad we can agree on that.” It felt incredible hearing the word “girlfriend” coming from his mouth. I hadn’t realized how much I craved it. “Exactly what have you done with the place?”

  “Say it like that and it sounds like I haven’t done anything.” He nipped at my neck, and I squirmed, feeling precisely how unoffended he was. While I settled against him, Sutton poured shampoo and started working my hair into a lather. “The only part of the bedroom that had been finished was the stairs to get up here. I did the rest of that, and the guest room, and redid the bathroom downstairs. Started on the kitchen. Once I began working for your dad things sped up and slowed down. I had less time, but I could grab bits and pieces here and there rather than forking out the cash for everything. Don’t worry. It’ll get done, even if I have to wait until I’m working in finance again.”

  “I wasn’t worried.” But I was. Deep down I wondered if the church was some sort of therapeutic project. Once he was done, then what? “What’s the grand plan? Sell it at a profit or live here and raise your two-point-five kids?”

  “Not really a kid-friendly home.” That answered that.

  Sutton’s sudsy hands swept from my hair and over my shoulders to cup my breasts and pull me closer. “Only two bedrooms here. While I’m not opposed to kids sharing rooms, if we’re talking more than two, that room could get a little crowded.” He stopped toying with my nipples and let his touch sink lower—to wrap around my belly and hold me tight. “What are you asking, Jem?”

  When are you going to leave me?

  No, damn it. I would not let the ghosts of Dad and Adam cast shadows on our brand-new relationship. Time to put my cards on the table. “I don’t care about getting revenge on Adam anymore. If you need me to keep playing along with your big brother protector plan, I will. But I realized at the party today when Adam was stalking me through your parents’ house that if that’s the future Lacey wants, it’s not up to us to change it. I want you, and I don’t want to lose you because of scheming.”

  His grip tightened, almost clutching at my skin. “Rinse. I can’t—just rinse your hair before the shampoo dries.”

  Not exactly a resounding yes, I want that, too. I slid from his embrace, dunking my head beneath the water, raking my fingers through my hair as I shook inside. This was what came with deviating from the plan. Nothing good, only a whole lot of hurt.

  If he saw this as me asking him to choose between Lacey and me, our new relationship status would disappear before the night was over.

  A sad hiccup escaped from between my lips, and I clamped them shut again to keep from swallowing water and choking on it.

  Then Sutton’s hands were in my hair, sweeping it through the water. Slowly, he dragged me up against the slope of his chest.

  He held me tight and pressed a kiss against my temple. “You never would have lost me. Never. But I can’t condemn my sister to a life with him if there’s any way to stop this damn wedding.”

  I had only been half listening—or maybe a quarter listening—after he’d said never. As much as I wanted her as a friend again, in that moment I didn’t care about Lacey. “And us?”

  He flipped me over and pushed me onto my knees so fast I squeaked. Water splashed up the steep sides of the tub and a little spilled over the edge. The stare he leveled at me kept me from mentioning it—or anything else. I’d never seen him this intense. “I want you, Jenna Brandt. I want you in my life. The idea of not having you makes me insane. That’s where I stand with us. What about you?”

  If I thought I could have survived through it, I would have been sure my heart stopped beating somewhere in there and never restarted. “I don’t want to try living without you again. I just want us to be about us and not about Lacey and Adam. Can you do that?”

  “Of course.” He pulled me in for a kiss, and I slid against him, his cock pressing against my belly. Hard and soft. Wet and…wet. And more wet.

  I drew away from his mouth, barely far enough to breathe against his lips. “Take me to that gorgeous bedroom and show your new girlfriend what this whole ‘liking it clean’ thing means.”

  “Sounds like a plan, but maybe I’ll have to show you what I mean as far as dirty, too.” His teeth toyed with the spot at the base of my neck, and my arms nearly collapsed.

  “Yeah. Can’t have me getting those confused.” My eyelids fluttered as he teased the spot some more. There wasn’t a towel in the world that could dry the wetness he was creating with his tongue. No worries, no doubts. Sutton and I had each other, and the rest of the world didn’t matter. Nothing could ruin that now.

  “Might have to demonstrate more than once.”

  The next thing I knew, I was in his arms. He didn’t bother with a towel. Apparently we were about to make enough heat that we didn’t need one. “Good plan. Really, super-good plan.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  -Sutton-

  I whistled all the way through work. Jenna’s father frowned for a second when she climbed from my car in the morning, but the expression was fleeting. Happiness looked good on us, and obviously everyone could see it.

  “Hey,” I said, sidling up next to Jenna as she hooked up the electrical outlets in the kitchen, “what do
you say to a late night working at my place tonight?” And by working I of course meant working, and then sex.

  “As much as I’d love to do some work in your bathroom again, it’s family dinner night. Mom made me promise I’d do one night a week with them.” She screwed on the outlet cover and stood, brushing away hair that had fallen from her ponytail. “Unless you want to brave coming with? Then I might be able to do something after.”

  Which meant either giving up work or sex, and I knew which she’d lean toward. And I knew I wouldn’t argue. “How about this? You do dinner, and I’ll make some headway on my renovations. Then tonight, go to bed early, and I’ll come sneak you out through the window.”

  “Do people still do things like that?” Jenna laughed, and it was nice to hear the sound full and rich again without tension souring it.

  She leaned closer and brushed a chaste kiss over my lips. Her hand, however, wasn’t as innocent. With her body hiding the sight from prying eyes, she cupped the growing bulge in my jeans and stroked. “Fine. No dinner this week, but you aren’t getting out of it forever. And know that if you’re a no-show, I’m not going to wait on you to get the party started.”

  My head fell against the wall, and I let out a low groan.

  “You two about done in here?” Mr. Brandt rounded the corner, and Jenna spun, blocking my erection from view while making it very clear we’d been up to no good. He narrowed his eyes and his lips quirked to the side. “Hmmph. Let me rephrase. Finish the outlets and get on cleanup. We’re gone in fifteen.”

  “Sure thing, Dad!” Jenna said, bobbing her head up and down.

  I stifled another groan. “Yes, sir.”

  As soon as her dad was gone, Jenna broke into giggles. “Well, that was fun. Maybe you should come to dinner.”

  “No, thanks. I prefer not to walk willingly into my slaughter.” Before she made another grab for my groin, I snatched the broom and started sweeping the floors.