Sam laughed. “No Duane … I’m a WereBigfoot … not a true Bigfoot and not exactly human. I was chosen by The Elders, as many before have, to help our tribe stay a secret and to stop their gene pool from drying up.”
“Chosen?”
“Yes son, chosen by the lights up at The Big X. They took me to the place I can never remember, but that’s not important … what is … is you, my son … you must continue to protect the forest and its secret.”
“What secret, Dad?”
“The Bigfoot! They must never be discovered … don’t ask me why … The Elders have never thought fit to tell me … but it’s real important … but I gotta go now, Duane.” Sam shuddered and trembled. “The forest is calling me.”
Duane heard strange animal sounds echoing through the woods. “Woooo … wooooo … woooooo.”
“Am I going to change too, Dad?”
“Yes son, you are The Guardian now. The lights will tell you what to do … and your sixth sense will come in handy.”
“Sixth sense … like in the movie?”
“Not exactly, Duane …do you remember the lights?”
“You mean that time I was spying on Virgil and Lou at Little Beaver and I saw the lights? Not long after that Virgil left,” he added as an afterthought.
“You got it in one, Duane. They chose you way back then. In the pantry is some weird-tasting stuff … fermented Jooobaaa … drink it all … but not at once … it helps prepare the way. If you like you can water it down with some OJ and limejuice, makes a great cocktail. It won’t diminish its unique qualities.”
“Eh, okay Dad. Will I see you again?”
“Yeah … I’ll be dropping by now and again to see how you’re doing.” Sam kissed Duane’s cheek and dashed from the log cabin howling like a howler monkey.
Duane’s thoughts wandered. He recalled an embarrassing moment, not long after he’d taken the Jooobaaa. It was during a football match. Something was up the moment he slipped on his head gear. A feeling of suffocation overcame him. The cheering teenagers went silent. All he could hear was his own breathing and his heart hammering painfully. With animal instinct, he ran hell for leather as his team mates tackled the defense. Without looking, he sprang high into the air and caught the ball then did a Forrest Gump and didn’t stop running until he was in the forest. That was the last time Duane participated in sports. From that moment school seemed useless and nonsensical.
Chapter 18
Here Come the Feds
DUANE SIGHED AT his own memories. He jolted and went stiff, sitting bolt upright on his hog. A raging bull of misery interrupted his peace. As it drew closer, Duane recognized the guilt coming his way. He grinned in anticipation and tuned into The Verge.
A shiny, black FBI Sedan drove at the regulation steady pace — well within the speed limit, down the narrow two-lane highway towards the town of Big Beaver.
Agent Virgil Tuckerwood sat in the passenger seat irately tapping his fingertips on both knees. He was tight-lipped, staring at the endless row of trees passing by. It was clearly evident he was not in the best of moods. The closer he got to Big Beaver the worse his nerves jangled — nerves of guilt — nerves due to her. A red-tailed hawk soared in a clear blue sky. He heard sniggering and turned.
Agent Merlot was at the wheel but not focused on the road. She looked from above to fixate on the stupid scene racing towards them.
Coming into view was a road sign — “Bigfoot Bend please slow down for Bigfoot crossing the road”.
Merlot sniggered out loud and pointed to the sign. She dutifully slowed down and scanned the forest for Bigfoot, calling out in a cute voice, “Here, Bigfoot. Coochee … coochee … coo, Bigfoot.”
Virgil stared at the sign as it flashed by and grimaced. His pulse rate had increased and his palms felt clammy. There was a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach, like a nest of snakes squirming out of control. And his throat felt dry. He wondered if this is what a panic attack felt like and dismissed that assumption as impossible. He was The Rock.
Virgil recalled telling his FBI Supervisor that it was a pointless waste of time reassigning him to a missing person in Big Beaver. Why investigate the disappearance of Beau Bruger, someone well-known for claiming he’d been abducted by Bigfoot?
His Supervisor had told him in no uncertain terms that it was on Doctor Martinez’s prescription that Virgil be sent to his hometown to sort out his personal problems.
It was just dumb luck that this abduction case should occur at the wrong moment, offering a perfect excuse to be psychologically evaluated. Damn it to hell! And here he was being evaluated by Miss Candi Merlot on his reactions returning to his hometown, a place he had expressed negative feelings about and was possibly the root cause of his recent antagonistic behavior. Shrinks — what do they know, Virgil thought. Problem was, deep down, Virgil knew the shrink was spot on.
Virgil looked askance at his partner and saw her take her eye off the road, yet again, probably looking for Bigfoot.
“Eyes on the road, Candi!”
Unfortunately, the Big Beaver welcome sign loomed up in front of them like something out of his darkest nightmares.
Virgil nervously swallowed. His pulse rate went up a notch. He ran his clammy hands down his trousers. The bad feeling in the pit of his stomach started to give him the cramps. Sweat broke out on his brow. He resumed tapping his fingertips on both knees.
The woman he once loved was so close his guilt was ready to explode in his head — guilt at dumping her without saying anything. He just left without a word.
The sign read “Welcome To Big Shaved Beaver”.
At first, Virgil wasn’t at all amused at what was emblazoned on the sign for all to see. Disgusting, he thought. But inwardly, the juvenile reference caused him to smile. Outwardly, he was The Rock.
Merlot looked at the sign and failed to suppress a fit of giggles. She slammed on the brakes with a squeal of rubber, and peered up at the welcome sign through the front window.
“Welcome to Big Shaved Beaver,” Merlot said as she read the sign. She took a snapshot of the sign with her cell phone and chuckled.
Virgil turned to his partner and gave her an irritated look. “It’s juvenile and it’s disgusting … and defacing town property … is a crime.” Without a doubt she would explode with laughter — and she did. He desperately wanted to laugh, but his stoic manner wouldn’t allow him to let his guard down. He would be vulnerable then. The Rock!
Merlot continued to look up at the sign. She snorted and fiddled with her cell phone.
“What the hell are you doing now, Candi?”
Merlot grinned and pressed a key, “There.”
“You sent that to the guys in Sacramento, didn’t you?”
“You betcha,” Merlot said, bursting out laughing.
Virgil clenched his fists in anger. Didn’t his partner realize what a pain in the butt she was? And just like the idiot who had defiled the town welcome sign, Merlot was a juvenile with a disgusting mind. Virgil would give anything right now to see the looks on his comrades’ faces back at the field office. But there was The Rock again.
“Are you going to stay here all day admiring such vulgarity?”
Merlot couldn’t stop giggling. “Lighten up … don’t you think Big Shaved Beaver is a good one?” She chuckled. “But I can think of a few better ones … such as Big Juicy Beaver or Big Trimmed Beaver.”
Virgil’s thin lip curled into a vicious snarl. “Zip it!”
Merlot looked askance at her partner. The smile left her face as she judged the nasty look Virgil was giving her. “You really mean that don’t you?”
“What do you think?” Virgil showed his partner the grimmest grimace he could muster. He was gratified to see Merlot’s unsmiling face. “That’s better. Now let’s keep it that way before I do something you’ll regret.”
“Okay, I get it, Dirty Harry, keep your gun holstered.” With those words Merlot put the car in gear and drove off.
&n
bsp; Several moments of zip it passed until Merlot began to chatter, like she always did when she was nervous. “I’m looking forward to seeing your hometown and meeting the people you grew up with.” Merlot grinned, showing her perfect white teeth. “Come on, Virgil … should be fun.”
Virgil didn’t reply. His gaze remained focused on the endless row of trees. He began to fidget. The thought of returning to Big Beaver, meeting the people he grew up with, seeing old friends and one friend in particular, filled him with dread.
Virgil hadn’t seen or spoken to her for five long years. He’d thought when he left Big Beaver that he’d never return. That his life could only get better. Since his early teens he’d planned to join the FBI. One thing he hadn’t planned on was falling in love with the most gorgeous girl in town, though at the time he’d thought his love for her was just young love, and that he’d get over her.
With mounting unease he wondered how she’d react to him coming back into her life, after ditching her the way he did. She’d probably knock out a few teeth and he wouldn’t blame her if she did. He truly regretted leaving her that way and felt guilty for not saying goodbye.
But Virgil knew the real reason why he’d left without saying anything. He wouldn’t have been able to handle the tears and hurt. His resolve would have weakened and he would have ended up staying in Big Beaver for the rest of his life. And if he had stayed, what would he have done with his life? Become a deputy, maybe even sheriff? That was not how he planned to live his life.
Over the years he’d dwelled more and more on his reason for leaving her. Had he made a mistake in leaving? No, he didn’t think so. He had his life to get on with — his life.
But these past couple of months, she had been on his mind more and more and then one day he received that that damned letter — the letter that crushed his cold heart. He was still waiting for the right woman to come along but none could cause sparks to fly like she could.
Had she been the right woman, perhaps the only woman? Virgil didn’t know the answer. What he did know, was that deep down, Doctor Martinez was right, he did have unresolved issues in Big Beaver — issues that had fucked him up real good.
“You suppose we’ll catch a glimpse of Bigfoot while we’re here?” Merlot asked, suppressing a fit of the giggles.
Virgil only half heard his partner speaking. “What was that? Catch a glimpse of … what?”
Merlot repeated herself in an obvious way, “Catch a glimpse of Bigfoot while we’re here.”
Damn it to hell! Was his partner kidding? Only idiots believed Bigfoot existed, he thought, which confirmed his suspicions about Merlot. He didn’t reply, continued to look out of the passenger window, hoping Merlot would shut up.
“Hey, Virgil … you ever seen Bigfoot?”
Virgil didn’t reply.
“Well … have you?”
Virgil gritted his teeth. His partner was irritating the crap out of him. “No I haven’t,” he replied through clenched teeth.
“Wouldn’t you like to see Bigfoot?”
Virgil turned to look at his partner and wondered if she was being annoying on purpose. Or was she completely unaware of how much of a mind-blowing, brain-destroying irritant she was these days?
Once they got back to Sacramento, Virgil promised himself he was going to insist on another partner, one that was less of a blabber-mouth of humungous proportions.
“Well … I’d like to see Bigfoot,” Merlot said as she glanced in the rear view mirror to see a solitary figure on a motorcycle racing towards them. Her eyes opened wide in amazement.
“I didn’t know Bigfoot knew how to ride a motorcycle,” she commented with a smile.
Virgil glanced in the passenger side mirror and saw some idiot approaching on a Harley Davidson motorbike, wearing Bigfoot duds and a Bigfoot helmet. Was it Sam Dexter or Duane, the guy who had looked up to him as an older brother? As the hog got closer Virgil was able to see who was riding the motorbike. It was Duane.
“Geez … it would have to be Triple D, that dumbass, Duane Dexter,” Virgil muttered. He watched Duane come alongside their car and wave frantically.
Virgil didn’t return the gesture. His expression was serious, not even a glimmer of a smile for the guy he treated as his younger brother and fishing buddy. Deep down, Virgil wanted to cry for ditching him too. But The Rock remained just that — a rock.
Merlot wound the window down and waved back, “Hey, Mister Bigfoot, how they hangin’?”
Duane grinned and used his forearm to describe how hung he was. With a wave of his hand, he drove past the FBI car and sped off down the road in front of them, entering the outer limits of Big Beaver.
“Does everyone you know have to be an asshole or a dumbass?” Merlot asked. “You know it takes one to know one.”
Yeah, he knew the guy. Virgil remembered what good fun he and Duane had. He had brief recollections of their glorious fishing trips for steelhead and the crazy searches for Bigfoot. They’d grown up together in Big Beaver, but he and Duane only got close for the one year before he left. They’d been like brothers, no, more like blood brothers. But that was then.
This was now. Virgil hadn’t seen or spoken to Duane for exactly five miserable years, along with everyone else in Big Beaver — everyone being her. And here he was returning to his shitty hometown to help solve a shitty case so some shitty nut doctor could declare him fit for shitty duty. The nightmare was about to begin. Shit! Shit! Shit!
Chapter 19
Welcome To Big Beaver
DUANE PARKED THE hog outside Annie’s Diner and strapped his helmet to the rear carry box. He grinned as he was hit with those waves of guilt pouring from The Verge.
Sitting on the hog, he recalled the events that led up to his and Virgil’s first meeting. He was thirteen and due to Big Beaver being such a small town the junior and senior schools were mixed. Taking advantage of this situation, Duane would sneak into the seniors’ toilet and let loose his devilish side.
On one occasion he spray-painted a couple of toilet seats with invisible crime paint in the hope that some senior would get a purple butt, namely Dwight. On another occasion he put itching powder in the hand blow dryer. The seniors were real pissed with their toilet being violated in such a way but Duane couldn’t help himself from pranking the crap out of them.
But all good things must come to an end. Maybe if he hadn’t spent those extra few minutes in the john sticking cling-film across the rims of toilets after he’d glued all the sheets of toilet paper together he might not have been caught red-handed by Dick and Rick and a couple of other seniors.
It had been Dick and some other guy — if he recalled accurately — who dipped his flock-of-seagull hair into the toilet, flush and proceed to use his head to mop the floor. The bullies had jeered and laughed so loud they attracted the attention of the captain of the high school football team.
The Verge entered the boys’ room and smiled at their antics. He ignored them and urinated, washed his hands and was about to leave when he turned to the bullies.
“Okay guys, you’ve had your fun … let the dumbass go.”
“Make us dick wad!” Rick squared up to The Verge with his gang to back him up.
Duane looked up and saw the total awesomeness that was The Verge lift Rick off his feet and plant him face first into a toilet.
An angered Dick charged at Virgil. Virgil slammed the toilet door in his screaming face. I bet that dent is still there, Duane mused.
Moments later the gang quickly dispersed. Virgil had helped Duane clean his hair as best they could in a washbasin. From then on Duane looked up to Virgil like an older brother. For one whole year no one dared touch Duane.
Sweet memories, Duane sighed as he watched the Sedan crawl down the street towards him. He acted nonchalant, leaning against his bike like an easy rider and connected with his prodigal friend.
Merlot drove down the main street of Big Beaver. She noted with a smile, Big Beaver’s bustling thoroughfare, li
ned with the usual kind of shops and businesses one would expect in a thriving tourist trap.
Locals and tourists alike sauntered happily along the boardwalks, going about their day-to-day business.
Virgil pointed to the sheriff’s department next door to Annie’s Diner where Duane the dumbass loitered.
Merlot saw Annie’s Diner and grinned mischievously, parking next to a patrol car. She got out and stretched aching muscles.
“So this is Big Beaver. Cool!” She smirked. “I’m having a David Lynch moment.” She thought the place looked as though, at any moment, a truck laden with logs would drive through the town, just like Twin Peaks. She looked at Virgil and sniggered at the scowl on her partner’s face.
“Hey Mr. Bigfoot!” she called to Duane.
Duane waved to her and slipped off his bike hoping to connect with Virgil, but the guy just walked towards the sheriff’s building without glancing in his direction. Duane’s lips trembled with emotion. Tears filled his eyes at being ignored.
Merlot frowned and looked at Virgil, “Hey, don’t you want to see Annie first?” She indicated Annie’s Diner.
Virgil grunted. Nothing had changed. He was in a shitty time warp. Shit! And why the hell would his partner think he’d want to see Annie Bumgardner? She was the furthest thing from his mind. He didn’t acknowledge Merlot or Duane as he entered the sheriff’s department. His stomach was in overdrive. He wanted to puke as waves of acid scorched his gut.
Chapter 20
The Feds Have Entered the Building
DUANE WAS DEALT a vicious curve ball! He would’ve bet all the money in his trust fund, Virgil would’ve at least stopped to say hi. The guy was going all Clint Eastwood on him or was it The Rock. Yeah, The Rock, that’s more like it. He sauntered down the alley and peered in through Lou’s office window and tuned into Virgil and Lou’s messed up heads. He could barely control himself with anticipation of their reunion.
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