by J. Darling
He didn’t answer, just raised an eyebrow at her words.
Sitting in her chair, she stopped short. There were her missing car keys, they were giving her back her car. Jingling as she picked them up, she felt her eyes well up. Looking around the table, she said, “Thank you.”
Her brothers just nodded, but her father spoke from behind the morning paper. “Just promise me you’ll talk to me about what’s going on, before you go taking off, okay punkin?”
“I promise,” she answered, “and just so no one worries, I’m heading to Bella’s, and will be there most of the day.”
“Good for you!” he answered. “You deserve it. Now make your father feel better by having a little something to eat before you go.”
Adding a generous amount of cream and sugar to her coffee, she took a long drink, then sighed. Reaching, she scooped up a spoonful of scrambled eggs, and put them on her plate. Then grabbing a half a piece of toast, and a piece of ham, she ate, as her family sat watching.
**********
Nate’s phone dinged. Picking it up, he looked at the message from Jake. She came to the table happy, ate, and was spending the day at Bella’s. Flipping to the contacts list on his phone, he couldn’t help but think Doris set him up good. He was fairly certain the contact information for every person within a fifty mile radius was saved on his phone. Putting his phone to his ear, he waited as it rang.
“Bella’s Salon and Day Spa, this is Sissy, how can I help you?”
“Hey Sissy, is Heidi there?”
“Just a moment please.”
“This is Heidi, how can I help you.”
“Heidi, please don’t say anything. I don’t want anyone to know I called. It’s Nate Sanders and Linnie’s coming in today.” He knew he could count on Heidi. She’d make sure Linnie was treated like a queen.
“Why yes, I think I can help you. What were you thinking?”
“I know every customer’s special,” he explained, “but Linnie deserves extra special. I want the red carpet, all of it, no expense spared, and the bill goes to me. She’s not to pay. Oh, and make sure she has something to eat, please.”
“Certainly, that won’t be a problem,” Heidi answered, continuing the charade. He heard the tinkle of chimes, and then people were talking in the background. Then she added, “I’ll be able to get started on that as soon as we hang up. Check in with me later today, we’ll settle things up then.”
She was there. “Heidi, you’re the best.”
“Why, thank you. You don’t worry about a thing. We’ll get it all taken care of. Talk to you later. Bye-bye.”
Ending the call, Nate felt a measure of relief knowing where Linnie was, and what she was doing. She’d been through so much, and he took immense pleasure in knowing she was being waited on, hand and foot. Armed with a closet full of new clothes, he went about preparing for his first day of work as a civilian. It felt good. He felt good, and thanks to his mother, he didn’t stick out like a sore thumb in his Army issued threads.
Later that day, Nate had barely gotten home and out of the shower, when his cell phone started dinging like a winning slot machine. Picking it up, he saw he was receiving text, after text, after text. Opening a couple of them, he burst out laughing. Apparently the Knitting Brigade had gone high tech, and they had his number. Linnie was on the move, and had been spotted leaving Bella’s looking like a billion bucks. She was, at this very moment, headed south on 1st Street.
Dressing quickly, he listened as his phone continued to ding and rattle on the dresser. Opening the latest text, he saw she’d parked outside the Lutheran Church, and was heading to the gazebo across the street. She was less than two blocks away, and it was show time. This was his big chance, and somehow he had to get her to listen. Saying a prayer, he headed for the door, glancing in the mirror as he went by. His clothes fit perfectly, and he had to admit he cleaned up pretty good. The question was, would Linnie notice?
**********
Linnie felt wonderful. Somehow there’d been a miscommunication, but she wouldn’t complain. She’d planned on a getting a massage, and then her hair done. Well she’d gotten that, plus a facial, manicure, pedicure, and a full makeup consultation. Not to mention the highlights, and lowlights in her hair, along with a huge bag of personal care products, and makeup to take home.
She felt a bit embarrassed though, because when she’d gone to pay, Heidi, the owner, glanced at the schedule book and realized the mistake, then insisted it was all on the house. So, she’d tried to leave a generous tip, but Heidi wouldn’t hear of it. Thanking them profusely, she left. Except she felt so wonderful, and the day being so beautiful, she didn’t feel like going home quite yet. Getting in her car, she headed towards the lake.
It was kind of hard to do though, because it made her think of Nate, and all the times they’d sat on the park bench kissing by the shoreline. Unable to go there, she parked in front of the Lutheran Church, got out of her car, and walked across the street. Climbing the stairs of the gazebo, she moved to a bench and sat. Looking all around, she stopped and stared at the big stained glass window on the front of the church, admiring its vibrant colors. Her eyes traveled the spire, to the cross at the top. Her prayer was simple. Lord, please help. I need it.
Hearing a noise, she turned, and saw Nate approaching the gazebo in long determined strides. Lord, this isn’t funny! Stepping up, he was in front of her, larger than life, making the gazebo feel like a fishbowl. Standing there, watching as he came towards her, she couldn’t help thinking how thankful she was that he was alive and safe. He was so incredibly handsome, with his sandy brown hair and hazel colored eyes. She studied his face, and remembered looking upon him in the past with happiness and joy, but now, not so much. His jaw was square, his nose straight and strong, and he had gentle, well defined lips, with the slightest of dimples in his chin. He was tall, always had been, but he was taller than ever, and as he stood in front of her, she was overwhelmed by the strength of his cut body, and ripped muscles.
Looking up into his eyes, she saw it all, the depth and breadth of his emotion, and what she saw scared her. He was the one, and she knew it like a body knows it needs oxygen to survive. After everything that had happened, she fought it with a vengeance, her battered and bruised heart sounding the alarm, clamoring for protection from the ravages of love. She couldn’t do this, she couldn’t. Breaking their connection, she turned her back to him.
“Linn—”
“Don’t,” she said calmly, cutting him off. “Please, don’t.” She heard him take a deep breath. Her heart thumped in her chest. She didn’t want to hear it. Most women would kill to be an object of love and devotion. Not her. It just hurt too much when it ended, and it did end. She knew that for a fact. She had the broken heart to prove it.
“Linn—”
“No, Nate!” she snapped, as she moved to leave the gazebo.
CHAPTER 5
Trailing her, Nate tried his damndest to come up with a plan He had to get her to listen to him, somehow, someway. She headed towards the school, and he followed along. Leaning on his Army training, the best he could come up with was evade and capture. Once at the school, she turned toward the playground and sat on the jungle gym. He climbed up next to her. She immediately got up and climbed down, then went to sit on one of the slides. He followed, and sat on the other slide facing her. She got up and headed for the merry-go-round. Hmmm, he was on to her, and he’d just figured out his master plan. Now, he just needed to keep her going till she came to the right piece of equipment. They kept it up, until finally, he had her where he wanted her. If she thought this would stop him, she had another thing coming.
Feigning acquiescence, he began to walk away. When he’d gone far enough, he turned and ran towards her, as she sat on the swing, slowly going back and forth. To her surprise, he pushed her far and shoved her high, as he ran under her. Screaming from fright, she clutched the chains. Running alongside her as the swing swung back, he watched her go up hig
h. Turning, he followed her as she came down. Then running with her, he pushed her farther and shoved her harder, as he ran under her again. She was light as a feather and flying. Not wanting her to jump off that swing, he stood in front of her, watching as she went back and forth. When she began to slow down, he ran alongside her, turned, waited, then pushed and shoved her again, as he ran under her. She wasn’t coming down till she listened to him. He prepared to run with her again.
“Let me down,” she ordered.
“No.”
“Nate. Let. Me. Down!” she demanded.
“No,” he responded, just as determined. Running with her again, he turned, waited for her to come down, then pushed and shoved her hard as he ran under her.
“Naaate!” she yelled, glaring at him as she went back and forth.
Standing in front of her, he shook his head in response. “Not till you listen to me.”
“Stop it!”
She was getting pissed, he could tell. “No,” he responded calmly, while taking an avid interest in his fingernails.
“Nate, I’m not kidding! Let me down!” she demanded.
Unaffected, he answered, “Aaahaaa, right. Ready to listen?” He prepared to run with her again.
“NATE!” she screamed.
Running with her, he said, “Yesss, Linnea?”
She squealed when he pushed and shoved her higher. He’d given it his all. “I hate you! I really do!”
He expected that. Good, now that she said it, they could move past it. “Ohhh really? Well, I love you,” he responded amused.
She sure didn’t like that. “Let me down, right now!” she snapped and growled, each word going off like a firecracker.
“You going to listen?”
“Sure. Fine. I’ll listen,” she relented, calmly.
He had to chuckle. What kind of fool did she think he was? Shaking his head at what a horrible liar she was, he stepped into position. Well, she’d seen nothing yet. He wasn’t done with her. She was going to listen to him.
Watching as she slowed, he waited till the time was right, then he ran alongside her. Except he didn’t turn to go behind her as he’d done all the other times. No, instead he stepped right in front of her. Screaming for him to move, as it became apparent she was heading straight towards him, he reached out and caught her by the knees on the down swing, his arms bending at the elbows absorbing the momentum. Then straightening his arms on the recoil, he held her up high, suspending her in the air above him. Nothing but the seat of the swing, and the palms of his hands, kept her from falling. Waiting and watching as she looked around taking everything in, shocked at her predicament, she openly looked at him. There it was, he’d seen that look before, he’d caught her, and she was paying attention.
“I love you, Linnie. I always have. There’s never been another for me. It’s always been you. I never slept with Naomi. I didn’t know enough back then to deny it, but I know now I didn’t. I understand if that’s too much to believe right now, but soon the truth will come out, and you’ll know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I didn’t. I’m sorry you were hurt in all this, and I’m sorry I was weak. I let you down, and there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t regret the minutes I’ve missed with you. I love you so much, and as I say those words I know your trust in them is broken. I’ll wait. I’ll wait for you till you’re ready. Just know that my heart is forever promised to you.”
**********
Falling, she was falling, and yet he held her suspended above him. Why had she listened to him? She knew she shouldn’t have listened to him. She looked upon him with sadness. So much about the two of them had changed. Staring at him, at the man he’d become, she felt completely overwhelmed. They really had just been children before, hadn’t they?
Seeing him now, hearing what he had to say, made her realize she’d just been going through the motions of life since he left. She’d loved him so much back then, and when it became apparent he wasn’t coming back, she thought she’d reconciled her feelings for him, and in effect, let him go. But she hadn’t. She still loved him. She knew she did, but her emotions for him remained elusive. Nothing bubbling to the surface, no giddy excitement, nothing but an echo of the pulse that’d once run between them. Where had those feelings gone?
Focusing on the wasteland one could now call her heart, she wondered if she’d ever find them under all the rubble, or if she even wanted to. Looking at him, she was struck by his hopeful determination. Is that what was missing? Had she lost hope? Using the strength and sincerity behind his words, she searched deep within herself, and found much of the pain and sorrow that’d come with the confusion of his leaving, gone. In its place, a kind of peace. The kind that comes at the end of a raging storm, when one realizes that all that is truly important in life had survived.
She didn’t know what happened all those years ago, or in the years since, but his being alive, and well, undermined any anger she had. The hurt however, at being left behind, remained. Could she forgive him after everything she’d been through? Could she trust him again? She didn’t know, but what she did know, was that although her heart wasn’t where it needed to be, it was a lot closer than it had been because of him. Heart pounding, she released the chains holding her from him, and fell into his waiting arms.
**********
He had her. She was in his arms, and he held her. With her arms tight around his neck, and her face buried in his shoulder, he felt her tremble, causing him to hug her tighter. He’d never forget the moment, because just as his arms went around her, the six o’clock church bells began to ring. After a few minutes, she loosened her hold and pulled back, looking at him, troubled. This wasn’t over, he thought. He wanted to kiss her so bad, but opted instead to drop his forehead to hers, bringing them closer. As he’d held her up in the air, he’d watched the war of emotions play over her face, and so he knew the depth to which she’d struggled. That she didn’t move away now, was encouraging, but something told him not to rush this. Pulling back, he placed a tender kiss on her forehead.
She quickly pushed, and moved, to be released from his hold. Not wanting to, he let her go. Walking to the edge of Big Butternut Lake, she stood staring out over the water. Coming up behind her, he did the same. Wishing she’d say something, he laughed to himself. How many men out there wished their woman would stop talking, and here he stood wishing he had one that wouldn’t? Linnie was like that though, quiet and calm, until she was certain of what she was thinking or doing. Looking at it that way, this behavior was encouraging, because if the last few days were any indication, this was a return to normal. They stood there like that for several minutes, before she ever so slightly leaned back, resting against him. She hadn’t used words, but she’d just spoken to him. Sighing a huge sigh of relief, he put his arms around her and pulled her closer to him. Placing a kiss on top of her head, he wished he wasn’t so tall.
**********
Linnie couldn’t believe she’d slept for nearly two days. The last she could truly recall was standing at the lakes edge, finding the first bit of solace and peace she’d had in five years, while held within the safety of Nate’s arms, and then she faded from there. After everything that had happened, added to a day of massage and pampering, she was out. He’d given her a piggyback ride to her car, and when she fumbled trying to put the key in the ignition, he insisted on driving her home. She didn’t argue, because she fell asleep. She vaguely remembered him carrying her to her room, and kissing her goodnight. She slept that whole night, and all of the next day, short of some bathroom breaks and her family coming to check on her, while making her drink water and take some bites of food. Then after sleeping the whole next night, she was now waking up to three salmon colored roses on her nightstand. Lying there, she gazed upon them. They were beautiful, and she felt rested for the first time in she didn’t know how long. It amazed her how she hadn’t realized to what degree her sleep had suffered in the last five years. First the worry over Nate, and then her mother
’s passing, coupled with four years’ worth of all night study sessions, added to night duty and swing shift scheduling at the hospital, and she was quite simply overstressed and under rested. Then there’d been Purdy.
She refused to think about him. Instead, she thought of Nate. She’d come home needing rest and relaxation, and had every intention of warding off another relationship for years to come, and now this. She still…loved him. Oh God, I still love him. Her heart started to race. He was going to want to see her, talk to her, tell her what happened between him and Naomi, and she didn’t want to hear it. Just thinking about it made her feel rebellious, and sick to her stomach. Did what happen really matter? Were the details important? Nothing would change, they wouldn’t get those five years back, and the hurt of his leaving would still be there.
The only thing up in the air, was if he was the father or not, and if he was, he was. She couldn’t change it. Did she need the details? She didn’t want the details. Closing her eyes, she immediately saw the scene of Purdy and Susan the moment she’d flipped on the light, except in her mind, it was Nate and Naomi. Oh, her heart burned, ached to the core. The pain was so raw, and she knew she didn’t want the details. There was no point. Knowing them would make no appreciable difference, and quite frankly, it was all in the past.
Stepping into the kitchen, she found she was alone. It was later than she thought, and her father and brothers were at the creamery. Setting a cup of coffee on the table, she went to the fridge and found a plate of breakfast food had been left for her. Warming it up, she sat and ate, enjoying the peace of being alone.
Despite the sun shining bright, it was cool for a fall day, and she decided she wanted chicken and dumplings for supper. Her mother had taught her how to make it, and she hadn’t had it in years. Moving to the pantry, she looked at its contents, seeing bits of her mother’s touches here and there. She didn’t know how old the flour was in the canister, but from the looks of things, she was pretty certain her mother was the last to have bought the baking supplies. So, in other words, the first order of business would be to set about giving the whole kitchen, cabinets and all, a thorough cleaning. She didn’t mind, she loved cleaning, and loved when things were clean. With a plan, and on a mission, she headed for the freezer and took out some chicken. When she was done, she’d run to Wayne’s Foods to get stuff to make the dumplings.
