The Land of Stories--Worlds Collide

by Chris Colfer

  “Everyone listen up,” he said. “We’ve got people to find and an army to defeat. We’ll accomplish neither of these things if we just stand around scratching our heads. So first things first—Lester, I want you to do a lap around the city and see if you can spot either Alex or her brother. Come back to us the moment you see something.”

  Lester saluted the young king and took off at once.

  “As for the rest of you, we’ll need to split up into four teams,” Arthur instructed. “Team one will go after the witches, team two will face Captain Hook and his pirates, team three will confront the Wicked Witch, the Winkies, and the flying monkeys, and team four will track down the Queen of Hearts and her card soldiers.”

  All the characters were confused. None of them had the slightest clue who this bossy young man was.

  “EXCUSE ME, BUT WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? THE KING OF ENGLAND?” Robin Hood asked.

  “That’s exactly who he is,” Mother Goose announced. “Everyone, meet King Arthur! He just pulled the sword out of the stone back in Camelot!”

  “OH,” Robin Hood said. “IN THAT CASE, CARRY ON!”

  Arthur let the disrespect roll off his back and dived into planning mode.

  “Before we storm the city, it’s crucial we know how to defeat the villains we’re up against,” he said. “Does anyone know how to defeat Captain Hook or the Queen of Hearts or the Wicked Witch?”

  Liberty Island went completely silent as everyone thought about it. The Lost Boys, Blubo, and the Tin Woodman had always dreamed about destroying the villains from their home worlds, but none of them knew how to actually go about it.

  “Gosh, it’s been so long since I read those books,” Charlotte said.

  “Oh, I know!” Bob announced. “Wait—never mind, that was how they did it in the movie, not the book.”

  “Oh come now,” Arthur said encouragingly. “There’s got to be someone who knows about their weaknesses!”

  To the rest of the crew’s surprise, Catfish Kate raised a hand. “Master Bailey knew how to defeat Smoky-Sails Sam,” the pirate said. “I bet he would know exactly how to defeat Captain Hook, the Queen of Hearts, and the Wicked Witch!”

  “You idiot,” High-Tide Tabitha said. “That was because Smoky-Sails Sam was Master Bailey’s character—the captain, the queen, and the witch aren’t his creations.”

  “Then who is their creator?” Arthur asked. “We must speak to him immediately!”

  “You can’t,” Bob said. “James M. Barrie, Lewis Carroll, and L. Frank Baum have all been dead for decades.”

  Charlotte didn’t want to give up just yet, so she imagined what Alex or Conner would do to get the answers they needed. Her eyes were drawn to the binder of short stories and the flask of Portal Potion in her hands.

  “Wait a second,” she said. “Maybe it is possible to speak to them. If we wrote a story where the authors came back to life, we could use the Portal Potion to enter the story and ask them how to defeat their characters!”

  “Holy Mary Shelley,” Mother Goose said. “It’s both brilliant and immoral—just like me!”

  “I’m more than willing to break some morality clauses if it means saving the world,” Charlotte said. “Who’s got a pen?”

  Beau Rogers handed Charlotte a pen from inside his leather jacket. She sat on the ground and quickly jotted down the short story she had in mind on a blank page in Conner’s binder. Once she was finished, Charlotte poured a few drops of the Portal Potion on the story, and a beam of light shot out from it.

  “Here goes nothing,” she said.

  Charlotte stepped through the beam and entered a bright and endless space. The words from her story floated in the air all around her. She watched in wonder as the words started to stretch and gain color and texture. Soon Charlotte found herself in a dark room with three empty chairs. The words James M. Barrie, Lewis Carroll, and L. Frank Baum slowly transformed into the men they described, and the authors materialized before her eyes.

  “Hello, gentlemen,” Charlotte said. “We need to talk.”

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  FAIRIES VS. WITCHES

  Once the battery on Bree’s cell phone died, Conner and his friends had no way of tracking the time. They felt like they had been trapped in the candy cane cage for days, but whether that was due to the time alteration or their anxiety was anyone’s guess. The escapees they’d met under the Bethesda Terrace and the captives in the other cages all sat silently. They watched the horrible events around them as if they were trapped in a nightmare they couldn’t wake from.

  Goldilocks hadn’t sat down once since they were put inside the cage. Her eyes never left Hero as he bounced around in the BabyBjörn attached to Rat Mary. Eventually, the infant became hungry and started to cry. Instead of giving him back to his mother, Rat Mary tried feeding him a bottle of bright green elixir—a potion Conner and his friends didn’t recognize. Hero smelled the liquid and wisely refused it.

  “Attaboy,” Goldilocks whispered.

  After the ovens were filled to capacity with baking gingerbread soldiers, the witches gave the Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts of America a new task. All the cauldrons and trays were moved to the side of the Great Lawn and replaced with piles of candy. The witches gave the Scouts welding tools and ordered them to make weapons out of the sweets. The children made candy cane swords, lollipop axes, licorice whips, candy apple ball and chains, and gummy bear nunchakus. The Scouts piled their finished creations in the center of the lawn, and the arsenal grew a foot taller with every passing hour.

  To say that the Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts were exhausted was an understatement—it was a miracle they were still conscious. The children had been working non-stop since before Conner and his friends had even arrived at the witches’ base. Many of the Scouts started nodding off as they made the candy weapons, but they would quickly sit up before one of the witches could punish them. Although Conner’s adrenaline kept him alert, watching the tired Scouts put him in touch with his own fatigue. He leaned his head against the bars of the candy cane cage and, against his will, fell into a deep, deep sleep.

  Conner dreamed he was standing in his old neighborhood in front of his old house. It wasn’t the boxy rental house the twins had moved to after their father died, but the house their family lived in while he was still alive. It was painted blue with white trim and had so many windows, the house looked like it was wearing a pleasant smile. The front yard was groomed to perfection, and there was a large oak tree the twins loved climbing when they were little.

  Oblivious to the horrors in his waking life, Conner smiled at the lovely sight of his former home.

  “I must be stressed about something,” he said to himself. “I only dream about this house when I’m upset.”

  Conner walked up the winding path through his mother’s rose garden and entered the house through the front door. He expected to step into a cozy living room with tufted sofas, a small white piano, and all the other furniture they’d had to sell when they moved. But the front of their old house was barely recognizable because the entire room was covered in papers. Handwritten notes were taped to the walls, pinned to the sofas, and spread across the floor and all the surfaces. Not an inch of the living room was visible.

  “Well, that’s odd,” Conner said. “I must have eaten something funky right before bed to be dreaming this. I wonder what it’s supposed to symbolize.”

  The handwriting was the same on all the notes and looked very familiar, but it wasn’t his own. Conner pulled one off the wall to read it:

  Conner,

  I’ve been trying to contact you for days but we’re never asleep at the same time. If things escalate to what I’m afraid of, then I know you’ll be dreaming about our old house eventually—you always do when you’re troubled. Please forgive the mess I made in your subconscious, but it’s very important I get this message to you.

  This won’t be easy to read, but please hear me out. As you know by now, I’ve been cursed—probably
with the most powerful curse that’s ever been created. It’s turned me into an angry, vengeful, and miserable person. It’s as if the witches have transformed me into Ezmia, and it makes me wonder if they were the ones behind her undoing all along.

  Unlike the Enchantress, the witches have found a way to keep me entirely in their control—and that’s what worries me the most. They’ve forced me to do so many terrible things already, but I’ll never be able to forgive myself if I harm someone I love. So I’m begging you, don’t give the witches the chance. You can’t stop the curse, but you can prevent me from doing the unthinkable, by stopping me.

  I understand that what I’m asking is a burden no brother should ever be asked to bear, but you’re the only person I can trust to get it done. You’ve seen the magic I’m capable of when I’m upset; if the witches unleash it, the Otherworld could be destroyed. That’s why you and you alone must make sure it doesn’t happen. By taking my life, you’ll be saving the lives of millions, and we both know it’s a worthy sacrifice.

  I’ve had a wonderful life, Conner. The adventures we’ve shared over the years are what dreams are made of. I can’t imagine having a better family, better friends, or better memories. That’s why I can willingly “return to magic” without any reservations. I look forward to watching over you and Mom with Dad and Grandma at my side.

  I love you with all my heart and am forever proud to be your sister,

  Alex

  Conner knew he was experiencing much more than a dream. He ripped up the note as if it would make the request disappear, but every note in the sitting room was scribbled with the same message. Conner whirled through the house and tore every paper he could get his hands on, but the message rang out loud and clear: Alex was asking Conner to kill her.

  Even in his sleep, the thought of harming his sister made Conner’s heart race and beads of sweat run down his face. Soon he felt two pairs of hands on him, shaking him awake.

  “Conner, wake up!” Jack said.

  “Sorry!” Conner gasped, and quickly sat up. “How long was I out?”

  “An hour or two,” Bree said. “Then you started going full Exorcist on us.”

  “I was having a nightmare, but it wasn’t just a nightmare,” Conner said. “Alex has been trying to communicate with me in our dreams. She covered our childhood home in letters asking me to kill her! She thinks the only way we can save the Otherworld is by taking her life!”

  “That’s terrible!” Red said. “Just because someone is dangerous doesn’t mean they have to be killed to be stopped. Think about the Evil Queen—oh wait, I suppose that mirror thing was worse than death…. Well, think about the Enchantress—oh yeah, never mind…. But General Marquis—oops, he really died…. Well, the Masked Man didn’t—oh, that’s right, he did…. Sorry, I thought there were plenty of examples. You know, maybe Alex has a point—”

  “We’re not killing my sister,” Conner said. “I refuse to believe there isn’t a way to break the curse she’s under! Alex’s emotions are being affected right now and she’s jumping to conclusions. We’ll find a way to help her.”

  “Yes, we will,” Goldilocks said confidently. “I know exactly what’s going through Alex’s mind right now. It wasn’t long ago that I was in her shoes. She’s feeling scared, embarrassed, and guilty, and she thinks there’s no coming back from the place she’s at. But luckily for her, she’s got us to set her straight.”

  “Oh, it’s Goldilocks!” Red declared with a snap of her fingers. “She’s the example I was looking for! Goldie was a lonely, miserable, and ill-tempered thief when we first met. But thanks to my friendship, she’s turned her life around and become a social, happy, and balanced woman.”

  Goldilocks sighed. “What can I say? I owe it all to you, Red.”

  “You’re quite welcome,” Red said. “What I did for Goldilocks is exactly what we need to do for Alex. If she insists on being killed, then we’ll just have to love her to death.”

  Conner and his friends nodded politely and gazed outside the cage, hoping Red wouldn’t come up with any more nonsensical anecdotes. On the west side of the Great Lawn, they watched Charcoaline as she inspected the giant ovens. The gingerbread soldiers had been baking for hours, and Conner had been wondering how much time they needed. Charcoaline cackled with delight and rang a large bell.

  “Your Excellencies! Our army is finished!” Charcoaline announced.

  The Snow Queen and the Sea Witch stood up from their thrones, and eerie smiles spread across their faces.

  “Release them from the ovens!” the Snow Queen commanded. “And line up the children. They must greet the army they’ve created.”

  The witches rounded up the Boy and Girl Scouts and forced them to stand in groups facing the ovens. Charcoaline pulled open the door of each oven, and smoke filled the air. Like something straight from a horror movie, hundreds of gingerbread soldiers slowly crept out of the smoky ovens like zombies, moaning like the ghosts of tortured souls. They were tall, their bodies were burned, and they left behind trails of crumbs as they walked.

  “You must be starving,” the Sea Witch hissed. “Come, have a snack and gain your strength before the big battle.”

  The gingerbread soldiers skulked toward the groups of Scouts. The children tried to step back from the frightening cookies, but none of them could move. They looked down and discovered that Tarantulene had sprayed the grass with her web—the Scouts’ feet were stuck to the ground! Conner and his friends didn’t understand the point of this, but as they watched the gingerbread soldiers approach the children, it all made sense.

  “They’re going to feed the Scouts to the gingerbread soldiers!” Conner exclaimed.

  “That’s horrible!” Red said.

  “Obscene!” Goldilocks said.

  “We have to do something!” Bree said.

  Conner and his friends jumped to their feet and shook the bars of their candy cane cage, but no matter how hard they shook them, the bars never budged. The Boy and Girl Scouts started screaming as the gingerbread soldiers crept closer. The demonic cookies opened their wide mouths and revealed their sharp candy corn teeth.

  “Alex, you’ve got to help those kids!” Conner yelled at her. “The sister I know and love would never stand by as innocent children were devoured—no matter what kind of curse she was under! Come on, you’ve got to fight it! You’ve got to save them!”

  For a brief moment, the expression on his sister’s face changed. Alex tightened her brow, clenched her jaw, and made fists with her hands. Conner could tell she was fighting the curse with every fiber of her being. Her glowing eyes started to fade, her floating hair started to fall, and the shield she was keeping up around Central Park began to flicker like a dying lightbulb, until it finally disappeared.

  “Don’t let him distract you!” the Snow Queen screeched at her. “Keep the shield steady!”

  The command reinforced the curse. The expression faded from Alex’s face, her eyes glowed brighter than before, her hair floated back above her head, and the shield reappeared around Central Park. However, the brief moments she had managed to let the force field down had been long enough for a few familiar characters to sneak through it. A split second before the gingerbread army took their first bite out of the Boy and Girl Scouts, a colorful cavalcade suddenly charged out of the trees.

  Mother Goose and Merlin swooped onto the Great Lawn aboard Lester’s back, and the Fairy Council soared through the air beside them. On the ground below, Froggy and Rook rode in on Cornelius, while Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table stormed onto the lawn on foot. Conner and his friends were shocked and ecstatic to see their friends arrive.

  “Am I seeing things or is that Mother Goose and the Fairy Council?” Jack asked.

  “It is—and they’ve come in the nick of time!” Goldilocks cried.

  “And Charlie’s with them!” Red shouted in disbelief.

  “How is this possible?” Conner asked. “The Fairy Council were statues, Mother Goose
was in Camelot, and Froggy was trapped in a magic mirror!”

  “Who cares?” Red snapped. “After all the crap we’ve been through, just be glad we have some happy questions for a change!”

  The Scouts had no idea who any of the newcomers were, but their flashy entrance was enough to distract the gingerbread soldiers from eating them. The unexpected company infuriated the witches beyond belief. They had come so far; they weren’t going to let anything stop them now. The Snow Queen, the Sea Witch, Charcoaline, Arboris, Tarantulene, Serpentina, and Rat Mary formed a line at the south end of the Great Lawn, preventing the newcomers from coming any closer. The other witches cowered at the sight of the Fairy Council and hid behind the ovens.

  The Fairy Council, Mother Goose, Merlin, and Lester landed on the lawn in front of the witches. Froggy, Rook, Cornelius, Arthur, and the Knights of the Round Table joined the fairies and stood by their sides. The fairies and the witches stared at one another for a tense moment before anyone said a word.

  “Release these children and surrender your army at once!” Emerelda demanded.

  “Or what?” the Snow Queen asked.

  “Or we’ll remove them from you,” Xanthous said.

  The witches glanced at one another and roared with cocky laughter.

  “Is that so?” the Sea Witch asked. “And how exactly is that going to happen? After all, fairies can only use their magic to help others.”

  “Witch, please,” Mother Goose said. “We’re the ones who write the rules, and we can break them just as easily as you.”

  “This is your last warning,” Skylene said. “You will surrender and go back to the kingdoms where you belong.”

  “Don’t be foolish and make this worse than it needs to be,” Tangerina said.

  “The witches are not going back to the old world!” the Snow Queen screeched. “We’re sick of your limitations, sick of your regulations, and sick of your laws! Your kind has forced us into the shadows for centuries—so we left the kingdoms before you could suppress us into oblivion! We’ve found our own world to rule as we please, and there isn’t room for fairies here!”