The Land of Stories--Worlds Collide

by Chris Colfer

  “You know, the president’s red button!” the young man said, like it was obvious. “The one they’re always talking about in the movies that launches all the nuclear weapons.”

  “Why? Are you going to push it?” the young woman asked.

  “Of course not, I just want to see—”

  The young man froze when he spotted the president standing in the doorway. The young woman jumped to her feet and bowed awkwardly. The young man ran out from behind the desk and stood by her side.

  “What are you doing in here?” the president demanded.

  “Madam President, it is such an honor to meet you,” the young woman said. “My name’s Alex Bailey, and this is my brother, Conner.”

  “Pleased to meet you, ma’am,” Conner said. “Our parents didn’t vote for you, but it’s still super-cool!”

  The president eyed the twins up and down, especially Alex.

  “Wait a moment, I recognize you,” the president said. “You were the girl destroying New York City in my dream!”

  “Actually, it wasn’t a dream,” Alex said. “But for the record, I was under a terrible curse and wasn’t behaving like myself. But I’ve completely recovered, so you have nothing to fear. Normally, I’m quite a lovely, precocious, and well-mannered person. Actually, I’ve always thought you and I could be friends.”

  As friendly as the twins seemed, the president wasn’t in the state of mind to make friends.

  “Are you telling me that an army of fictional characters attacked New York City in real life?” she asked.

  “You know, there’s literally no easy way to put it, so I’m just going to say yes,” Conner said. “But the army is gone, New York City is safe, and the whole world is asleep right now—so there’s nothing to worry about.”

  According to the look on the president’s face, she begged to differ.

  “What do you mean, the whole world is asleep?” she asked. “Will one of you please explain what’s going on?”

  “Madam President, you might want to have a seat first,” Alex suggested. “There’s a lot we need to fill you in on.”

  President Walker took Alex’s advice and had a seat on the sofa across from them. Once she was seated, Alex and Conner sat down, too, and did their best to explain.

  “As you probably know by now, this isn’t the only world,” Alex said. “There’s another dimension very similar to this one. We refer to it as the Land of Stories because it’s the home of all the fairy-tale characters we love; unfortunately, it’s also home to all the characters we don’t. Recently, a portal between the worlds opened, and the villains of the fairy-tale world emerged and tried to conquer this one.”

  “Once we defeated the army, Alex put the entire planet to sleep while we cleaned up all the damage they made,” Conner said. “You were sleeping for a lot longer than you think.”

  “How long was I asleep?” the president asked.

  “Two hundred years,” Conner said. “Everyone you know and love is dead.”

  “What?”

  Conner slapped his knee and burst into laughter. Alex shot him a dirty look.

  “I’m just kidding, you’ve only been out for a week,” he said. “Sorry, I’ve had a really serious month, so I’m getting my jokes out where I can. The good news is New York is completely back to normal—well, as normal as it was before.”

  “How did you rebuild an entire city in just a week?” President Walker asked.

  “With the flames of an albino dragon,” Alex said like it was obvious. “It’s a magic fire that restores and heals everything it touches.”

  “It’s also great for getting stains out of your clothes,” Conner said.

  “We covered Manhattan in the flames, and once the city was reassembled, we transferred all the sleeping New Yorkers back to their homes—that part took the longest,” Alex said. “Then we erased the entire New York incident from everyone’s memory. The whole world will wake up tomorrow morning and go back to their regular lives like none of it ever happened.”

  “If everything is taken care of, why bother telling me? Why not erase my memory as well?” the president asked.

  “Because we need your help,” Alex said. “Unfortunately, during the battle a few witches escaped. We thought the majority of them were dead, but when we rebuilt the city, their remains were gone. A secret society known as the Sisters Grimm has agreed to track down the witches. Here’s a list of their names, contact information, and the government clearances they’ll need in order to start.”

  Alex handed over a thick stack of papers, and the president gave the documents a quick scan.

  “Who are the Book Huggers?” she asked.

  “Oh, they’re the Sisters Grimm’s newest recruits,” Conner said. “The Book Huggers asked us to use their alias instead of their real names. They said the government would frame them if we disclosed their identities—you’d understand if you met them.”

  “There’s one more thing,” Alex said. “I did everything I could to close it, but the bridge between worlds is here to stay. However, I managed to move the bridge from the New York Public Library into the pages of this book.”

  Alex handed the president a thick storybook with a magenta cover. The title was written in gold: The Land of Stories: Volume Two.

  “You have to keep the book shut or the bridge will reappear,” she explained. “We figured it was probably best to leave it with the president of the United States instead of leaving it lying around our mom’s house. You have to keep it somewhere safe and quiet so it doesn’t end up in the wrong hands.”

  “Put it next to the flying saucer from Roswell,” Conner said with a wink.

  “Why are you trusting the United States with this?” President Walker asked. “I can keep this book as safe and quiet as I want, but if the next president has a different agenda, I won’t be able to stop them.”

  “We can cross that bridge when we get to it,” Alex said. “Due to a strange phenomenon, our worlds have collided, and I don’t think something that significant happens by accident. So rather than fighting against it with more secrecy, maybe it’s time we come together? Who knows, it might be what the worlds have been planning from the beginning.”

  “And why should I trust you?” the president said. “You say the curse is over, but how do I know the two of you aren’t a danger to national security?”

  Alex and Conner looked at each other, and both burst out laughing.

  “Madam President, we are absolutely a danger to national security,” Conner said. “But luckily for you, we’ve got each other to check and balance.”

  “No matter how far we stumble from the path, we always guide each other back to it,” Alex said. “So you can always count on us to do the right thing.”

  President Walker closed her eyes and rubbed her face. This meeting was providing a lot more information to digest than her usual appointments.

  “I appreciate your coming here, but I’m going to need to discuss this with the Joint Chiefs of Staff before I can fully commit the United States to such a—”

  When the president opened her eyes, the Bailey twins were gone. She looked around the Oval Office, but they had vanished into thin air. The president let out a deep sigh and glanced down at the magenta book in her hands. It was heavy in weight and in responsibility.

  “And I thought health care would be my greatest hurdle,” she said.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  HAPPILY EVER AFTER, AFTER ALL

  Once the Otherworld was finally put back in order, the twins and their friends returned to the Land of Stories to do the same. The flames of the albino dragon burned through the fairy-tale world until every brick the Literary Army had misplaced was restored. The kings and queens reclaimed their thrones, and their kingdoms entered a much-needed period of peace and prosperity.

  Alex and the Fairy Council waited until all the other kingdoms were finished before turning their attention to the Fairy Kingdom. Once the gardens were replenished, the fa
iries hosted a service for Rook Robins. His grieving father watched proudly as a large statue was erected in his son’s honor beside the statue of the late Fairy Godmother.

  “There’s nothing in the world I could do or say to ease your pain,” Alex told Farmer Robins. “But I wanted to thank you. If you hadn’t raised such an extraordinary son, I wouldn’t be alive right now. I’ll think about him and his sacrifice every day for the rest of my life.”

  “And I’ll spend the rest of my life making peace with it,” Farmer Robins said. “Rook was a stubborn boy, but he always followed his heart. And that’s more than I can say about most people.”

  After the Fairy Palace was reassembled, Alex hosted a huge reception on the grand balcony to thank all the people who had helped her and Conner defeat the witches and the Literary Army. Characters from fairy tales, literature, and Conner’s writing mingled while they enjoyed drinks and hors d’oeuvres. The pirates of Starboardia told the royal families tales from the Caribbean Sea, the Merry Men flirted with the Fairy Council despite their blatant disinterest, and the Traveling Tradesman taught the Cyborg Queen how to arrange her galaxy so the planets would always be aligned in her favor.

  Once everyone was settled in, Alex tapped the side of her glass to announce a toast. Seeing all the happy faces of her friends and family made her emotional before she had even said a word.

  “Four years ago, a twelve-year-old bookworm and a sixth-grade class clown stumbled into this world by accident,” Alex told the crowd. “They were both in desperate need of an escape—and boy, did they get one. Year after year, my brother and I have had one adventure of a lifetime after another. However, the more I immersed myself in this world, the more I learned a tough lesson: the fairy-tale ending I spent my whole life working toward didn’t exist. But recently, someone very close to me redefined what a happily ever after actually was. As I look around the balcony, I think I finally understand what they meant.

  “Happily ever after isn’t a finish line, it isn’t a paradise, and it isn’t a phenomenon that makes all your dreams come true. Happily ever after is about finding happiness within yourself and holding on to it through any storm that comes your way. And nothing has helped me grasp that happiness more than having friends and family like you. Knowing I have so many people to love and support me is the most magical feeling in the world. Now I’m certain that happily ever after exists because you are the happy ending I’ve dreamed about since I was a little girl. So, to quote that bookworm when she departed this world for the first time, ‘Thank you for always being there for me, you’re the best friends I’ve ever had.’ And now, four years later, I still mean every word of it.”

  The conclusion of Alex’s toast was met with passionate applause. She raised her glass to the people who gave her life joy and meaning, and they raised their glasses in return.

  Soon the sun began its descent toward the horizon and the time had come for the Bailey twins to say good-bye to their friends from the worlds beyond the kingdoms. Conner laid out all his short stories and all the books of classic literature on the floor and the characters lined up behind the stories they belonged to.

  “So long, my fellow explorers,” Beau Rogers said. “Don’t forget to write!”

  “It’s been an unforgettable voyage,” Auburn Sally said. “I hope we cross paths again.”

  “Stay super!” Bolt said. “And don’t be a stranger!”

  “Good-bye, humans,” said the Cyborg Queen. “Please don’t bother us again.”

  “IT’S WITH THE HEAVIEST OF HEARTS THAT WE LEAVE ALL THESE ATTRACTIVE DAMSELS BEHIND,” Robin Hood said. “FAREWELL, FAIRIES, MAY THE MEMORY OF MY HANDSOME FACE KEEP YOU WARM AT NIGHT.”

  After saying good-bye, the Merry Men and all of Conner’s characters stepped through the beams of light shining out from their stories and returned to their home worlds. However, the remaining characters from classic literature had a difficult time leaving.

  “Hey, Tin! Are you going back to Oz?” Conner asked him.

  “Actually, I’ve decided to stay and live with Trollbella,” the Tin Woodman said. “There’s really nothing for me back in Oz now that I have a heart, and a cross-dimensional relationship sounds awfully tedious. Better to stay put where I feel the happiest.”

  “Do you hear that, Butterboy?” Trollbella asked him. “That’s the sound of commitment. Take my Butter Tray’s example and the Breemonster won’t slip through your fingers as easily as I did.”

  Since Bree was standing right behind him, the Troblin Queen’s comments made Conner blush so hard, he looked like a tomato. He turned around but could barely look Bree in the eye.

  “Soooo,” Conner said with a nervous laugh. “That wasn’t the segue I was hoping for, but have you ever considered—”

  “Sorry, Conner, I can’t be your girlfriend,” Bree said.

  All the color drained from Conner’s face, and he did his best not to look disappointed.

  “That’s-totally-fine-no-worries-I’m-super-okay-with-staying-friends,” he said without pausing between words.

  “It’s not that I don’t want to,” Bree said. “I just know that as soon as I get home I’m going to be grounded for months. But once I’m free, I’d love to be your girlfriend.”

  All the blood quickly rushed back into Conner’s face. “You would?” he asked. “Cool, well, I guess I’ll see you back at home, then.”

  Bree kissed his cheek, then returned to the Otherworld through the Land of Stories treasury. Conner was so twitterpated, he practically floated across the balcony. He strolled right by his sister and didn’t even notice that she was having a relationship conundrum of her own.

  “I can’t believe you’re making me go back to Camelot,” Arthur said. “Even after pulling the sword from the stone and founding the Knights of the Round Table?”

  “You still have work to do, Arthur,” Alex said. “You would never expect me to shortcut my legacy for you, so I won’t allow you to shortcut yours for me. After you find the Holy Grail, your legend will be complete, and I’ll have no reason to keep you there.”

  “Fine,” the young king said. “I’ll find the stinking Holy Grail—but only if it makes you happy. How long do you expect it’ll take me?”

  “Oh, it’ll take you years,” Alex teased. “Maybe even decades. You spend your whole life searching for it in the legend.”

  Arthur leaned close to Alex and kissed her passionately on the lips.

  “I’ll do it in two months,” he said confidently.

  Alex blushed. “I’m counting on it,” she said.

  Mother Goose rolled her eyes at both sets of love-struck teenagers.

  “This place reeks of more adolescent pheromones than a middle school book club,” she said. “Let’s get back to Camelot before the Capulets and the Montagues show up—I’m late for a Pilates class with the Mists of Avalon.”

  The twins and their friends gave Mother Goose and Merlin good-bye hugs.

  “Bye, M.G.,” Conner said. “Thanks again for saving us in the—”

  “Listen, C-Dawg, I need a favor,” Mother Goose whispered while they were hugging. “Remember my vault in Monte Carlo? Well, I haven’t paid the lease in over a year. They’re going to throw my stuff out on the street if someone doesn’t clean it out. In the back corner, behind Plato’s scrolls, you’ll find a brown paper bag. Keep whatever you want, but flush the bag. Can you do that for me?”

  “Um… sure?” he said. “But what’s in the—”

  “You’re a good man,” she said, and patted him on the back.

  Conner was equally intrigued and disturbed by the request—but that was how Mother Goose left most people she encountered. She, Merlin, and Arthur stepped through the beam of light and returned to the world of Camelot.

  The only literary characters who hadn’t returned to their story were the Lost Boys from Neverland. They stared down at the book Peter Pan like it was a deep pool they didn’t want to swim in.

  “Tobias, what’s wrong?” R
ed asked Tootles. “Don’t you want to go home?”

  “Miss Red, the Lost Boys and I have something we want to ask you,” Tootles said as he nervously twiddled his thumbs. “We love living in Neverland, but now that Slightly is a baby and all, it’s a lot harder taking care of ourselves. We know you were just pretending to be our mother when you visited, but would you ever consider being our mother for real?”

  Red was very touched by their request and placed a hand over her heart. She turned to Froggy with large, pleading eyes.

  “What do you think, Charlie?” she asked. “I’m never having children the natural way after watching Goldie give birth to Hero—and Lord only knows what those children would look like. So why don’t we adopt the Lost Boys from Neverland? They’re already housebroken, and they make a delicious coconut daiquiri.”

  The thought of being a father brought a huge smile to Froggy’s face.

  “Actually, I would love it if the boys came to live with us,” he said.

  “Did you hear that, boys?” Red said. “You’re now officially part of the Hood-Charming family!”

  The Lost Boys cheered, but Peter Pan wanted no part of it.

  “Enjoy all your rules, chores, and bedtimes!” he said. “I’m going back to Neverland.”

  “But, Peter, how could you choose Neverland over being a Hood-Charming?” Curly asked him.

  “Two words,” Peter said. “Tiger Lily. See you later, boys!”

  The Boy Who Wouldn’t Grow Up flew through the beam of light and returned to his story with Tinker Bell at his side.

  The impromptu adoption reminded Goldilocks of a matter she wanted to discuss with the young queen. “Red, could I have a word?” Goldilocks said. “There’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you.”

  “The answer is lather, rinse, repeat,” Red said. “Didn’t we have this discussion already?”

  Goldilocks sighed. “That’s not what I was going to ask,” she said. “Look, I know we don’t always see eye-to-eye. We’ve had our share of disagreements, we often annoy each other to pieces, and we’ve each tried to kill the other at one point or another—but the truth, whether I want to admit it or not, is that you’re my best friend, Red. Would you do me the honor of being Hero’s godmother?”