After All

by Mia Josephs

  “The logical side of my brain is losing.” He trailed soft kisses down the side of my neck as his hands tightened around my ribcage and his fingers traced the bottom of my bra.

  He started to speak but I stopped him with a kiss at which point we lost ourselves in each other again. His arms pulling me toward him and our mouths together, and as much of me pressed against as much of him as I could. He unsnapped my bra at about the time I unbuttoned his pants.

  His mouth closed over mine and I lost myself in that delicious haze of Brandt and kissing and new and need… We stumbled onto the bed and the cool sheets hit my back as the warmth of him hit my front. His arm slid under my lower back, easily lifting me and scooting us further on to the bed. Everything in me twisted in anticipation, arching my back toward him and threading my fingers through his hair.

  He paused, out of breath as his fingers brushed a few loose strands from my face. “It’s been a while for me.”

  “Me, too." I didn't want to think about my few hook-ups with sort of friends in college because this was something entirely different. “Stop talking.” I chuckled softly.

  I slid my fingers under the edge of his boxers and started easing them off. Then we slowed down. I helped him with the final bits of his clothes, and he helped with mine, sliding his fingers over every part of me—like he meant it when he said he wanted to take his time.

  His hands rested on either side of my head as I laid on my back, his body silhouetted perfectly in the dim light of the room and the sheets hanging just below his waist. I didn’t just want him anymore, I was starting to need this.

  “Ash, are you—”

  I slid my hand behind his neck. “I’m sure I need you to stop being so careful with me.”

  He paused for a half second before his mouth came down on mine and our bodies slid together and he stopped being too careful. And it was perfect.

  TWENTY-SIX

  Brandt

  It was morning, and Ashley was still with me. I hadn’t been able to keep my hands off her all night. My fingers drew lines and words and phrases across her bare back as she slept.

  I didn’t want to close my eyes. Didn’t want to start another day where I had to leave for work instead of lying with her. But once I thought about work, the day started to stack up in my brain and I slid my lips across her shoulder blades before dragging myself from the bed. I left the bathroom door open in case she wanted to slide in… If she woke up.

  The shower I’d taken hundreds of showers in felt empty as I rinsed off. When I finished, I ran my hand over my face as I stood in front of the mirror, trying to decide if I was going to take the time to shave today or not.

  “What are you doing in here all alone?” Ashley teased as her hands slid around my waist from behind.

  “Didn’t want to wake you.” I rested a hand over hers.

  “Well, you did.” Her lips touched my back and then again and again and each time the desire to pick her up and carry her back to bed grew.

  “I’d say I was sorry, but—”

  “Come with me.” She tugged backward.

  “Done.” Just as I stepped back, she pushed forward.

  “Wait.” She reached around me, squirted a small drop of toothpaste on her finger and smiled at me in the mirror as she scrubbed her teeth.

  “Do you seriously think I’d care?” I laughed as I turned around and wrapped her perfect body in my arms.

  “Just making sure.” Ashley grabbed the back of the towel I had around my waist and dropped it to the floor. Nope. I definitely was not going to have time to shave.

  By mid-afternoon, I realized there was no way I was getting home on time. Trevor was already eating our stock of rice noodles for dinner and Ree was still at Jen’s for another night of sleepover, so I slumped behind my desk and tried not to think about last night and this morning and Ashley in my bed.

  “You got stuck late, too, huh?” Gabby stopped in my doorway in a snug black dress and newly applied makeup.

  Oh, no. Please let that not be for me.

  “You headed off?” I asked, only my voice sounded off…weird.

  “Yeah.” She pulled in a breath. “I wanted to apologize for the other day. Weeks ago, I guess.”

  “For?”

  “Making assumptions about you and someone younger.” She gave me an apologetic frown. “It wasn’t my place, and I don’t know her or the situation, or…”

  I waved between us. “No apology needed.”

  “And it’s going well?” she asked.

  All I could think about was last night… This morning…

  “Never mind.” Gabby smirked. “It’s going well. The look on your face says it all.”

  “And you’re good?” I asked, realizing how long it had been since Gabby and I talked, and that before she wanted more from me, we were pretty good friends.

  “Yeah.” She had a funny, confused smile on her face. “My sister set me up, and we’re doubling tonight.”

  “Well, you look fantastic, I’m sure you’ll bowl the guy over.”

  She wagged her brows. “Thanks. And I bet money he shaved this morning.”

  I chuckled as Gabby walked away and then took a deep breath. Another loose end tied up. Better.

  TWENTY-SEVEN

  Ashley

  Amy and I rested together on the couch overlooking the back yard as the light dimmed.

  “You’re for real going back to undergrad?” she asked.

  “I for real am. I only have two semesters before I’m in master’s classes.”

  “I love this idea for you, but I still think you’re crazy.” She chuckled.

  “Maybe I am, but it feels good right now, and I’m really trying to let the big stuff go so I can follow something quieter.” And I felt more relaxed than I had in a long time.

  “So you and the neighbor are back together.” She smile was wide.

  I let out a long slow sigh as I thought about our night. ”We are.”

  “So?” She nudged me with an elbow, digging for details. “Is that all you’re going to say after not coming home last night?”

  “Let’s just say that there’s definitely something to be said for a man who is not afraid to take his time.” A shudder ran through my body making me wonder how long I’d have to wait for a repeat.

  “Hmmm…” Amy sighed just as my phone rang and I nearly jumped off the couch.

  I laughed as I pulled it from my pocket. “Maybe that’s him now.”

  But it wasn’t him. It was Ree.

  “Ree?” She was supposed to be crashing with Jen again.

  There was some hiccupping on the other end before words began to come. “Can you…come…get me?” she sniffed a few times, and I started for the back door to get through the house, beginning to panic.

  “Are you okay? Where are you?” I bolted back through the house, Amy on my heels.

  “Alex… I thought I was ready, but I wasn’t, and he… and he…” Another keening sob came through instead of words. That little creep.

  My chest caved as I thought the worst. “Did he hurt you?”

  “He was mad. I’m okay. He didn’t hurt me, but we’re over, and I…” She broke down again. “I just want to be home.”

  “I’m coming now.” I jerked open my car door, my bag over my shoulder.

  “You’re practically their mom already.” Amy gave me a smile as I jumped in.

  “Later!” I waved as I hit the gas and waited for Ree to breathe deep enough to give me directions.

  Marie’s face was swollen and red when she climbed into my car, and the second I reached for her, her arms were around me.

  “I have to know if he pushed you. Did he hurt you, Ree?” I whispered.

  She shook her head. “He stopped when I told him to, but he was so mad, Ash. He scared me. Put a hole through the door, and then he ran out yelling about how stupid I was being, and I freaked out. I didn’t know who else to call, I hope—”

  “You called the right person.�
� I ran my hand up and down her back a few more times before she pulled away.

  “Thank you, Ash. You have no idea.”

  I slid my locket off my neck. “This is just a loan, okay?” I said as I slid the chain over hers.

  She fingered the large locket as she stared.

  “This is from the guy I call Dad. He gave it to me, said it was his moms and that she’d rub it when she was sad about something and it helped her let the sadness go.”

  “Thanks.” Her words were still broken, and I ached for her.

  It didn’t matter that there was no way her and Alex were going to be a forever thing. At that age… It was just hard. And made worse, I was sure, because she’d been warned.

  “I promise it sucks now but it’ll get better.”

  “Like you and Dad, huh?” She peeked through her hair at me.

  I tried to hold in my smile, but it broke free and felt amazing. “Once you find someone who wants to be good to you, the way your father wants to be good to me. Then yes, it definitely gets better.”

  “I’m glad we’re friends.” Her fingers still ran over the locket.

  “Me, too, Ree.” I pulled her into another hug hoping Brandt would be home by the time we got back because I might be who she needed now, but I wasn’t her parent.

  TWENTY-EIGHT

  Brandt

  “Where did Ashley go?” Trevor looked over his iPad.

  “To pick up Ree.” I shrugged. “Amy said that Ree called and asked for a ride.”

  “Party.” Trevor nodded. “Alex set it up.”

  “Party?” I sat up, slapping my feet on the floor. “She’s at Jen’s.”

  Trevor snorted and my gut sank. After curfew, now this?

  “So I owe Ashley a huge thank you.”

  A knock at the door nearly shot my heart through the roof, and I set down my magazine to answer.

  “I got it.” Trevor jumped up, pulled open the door and froze. “Mom?”

  Ice ran through me. How many years had it been and she just drops in?

  I jumped up, standing between her and Trevor. “What are you doing here, Jess?”

  She looked older, but not much. Same pale green eyes and wide smile. Even after her time in jail and whatever over priced facility her parents paid for, she had this innocent, childlike look about her.

  “I haven’t seen you all in so long…” She swallowed once and stepped into my arms.

  I had no idea what to do with her, but found myself hugging her back because for twelve years she’d been here. My body knew her. My hands. My arms.

  I stepped back, suddenly uncertain. I didn't know whether to he stunned or furious. And then memories of unanswered letters began to surface, and the trial and crying children and furious was going to win if I didn't get my brain under control.

  “Got a hug for your mom?” She shrugged and smiled like Trevor was still a little boy.

  Trevor’s eyes were wide like he’d finally internalized that she was here, but now wasn’t sure what to do.

  “Trevor, you don’t have to do anything,” I said, still standing in the open doorway. “She doesn’t need to be here like this.”

  “Brandt.” Her eyes widened. “What happened? Do you really think so little of me?”

  “I don’t know what to think of you.” And that was the truth in so many millions of ways. I breathed in and memories swirled through my brain. She smelled the same.

  Ashley’s car pulled back in front of the house and my gut sank. Of all the horrible situations to be in, this would have to be near the top. I ran down the steps to warn them both, but it was too late. Ree’s jaw was set and her arms were crossed. No way she was getting out of the car, which gave me an idea.

  Ashley rolled down the window looking hurt and confused and she had that uncertain look about her again that I hated seeing. “So.”

  “She showed up like two minutes ago." I glanced over my shoulder and then back to Ashley, leaning against her door. "I don’t—”

  “I’m not going in. I’m not talking to her.” Ree ground her teeth and stared at the road ahead.

  I sighed and glanced back toward the porch where Trevor had fully stepped outside and was smiling with Jess.

  “Why didn’t you call the cops? Why is she here?” Ashley asked.

  “Just showed up. Honestly, two minutes ago. Trevor wanted to see her, and I—”

  “You knew what Marie would say.” Ashley’s uncertain face was back. She was in protective mode now—probably for both her and Marie.

  “Ash.” She was probably thinking a million horrible things at that moment and I could feel the weight of the pressure of what I needed to do. And I knew Ashley well enough to not push her out of this situation. She'd be worried about the kids. "Please. Trust me. Take Trevor and Marie, and I’ll meet up with you later.”

  Her brows came down and she swallowed a few more times. I glanced over my shoulder at Trevor, tension mounting for every second I was away from the conversation he was having with Jess.

  “Why don’t you call…?”

  I could guess what she wanted to know. “After the cops were at our last house, it’s all everyone talked about. I can’t do that to them again. I can’t.”

  She scowled. “But it was ok to call them to mine?”

  “There was an eight hundred pound man who had you pinned against your house. I think that’s different.”

  Ashley leaned toward me, but there was no mistaking the frustration on her face. “And you think this feels better than that to your daughter?”

  In that moment, I knew a few things needed to be taken care of. “The cops can do nothing unless she refuses to leave. That’ll create another mess and another battle. Just… I’m going to send Trevor down to you.”

  “Oh-kay…” And then she stepped out of the car, closing the door behind her.

  I stepped back at the look on her face.

  “Do you know where I was?”

  “Getting Ree.” The other mess happening tonight.

  “Because her boyfriend tried to push her too far,” Ashley hissed. “They just split up. Marie was already low, and this, just…”

  I covered my eyes with my hand for a moment. “So, she has colossally bad timing.”

  “Your daughter needs you.”

  “I need you to trust me, Ashley.” Even though I had no idea what I was doing. I rested a hand on either shoulder, desperate for this situation to go away. "Please. Ree loves you. Just sit with her. I’ll owe you.”

  Ashley took a breath in and softened. “You don’t owe me anything. I adore Ree. We’ll be fine.”

  “Trevor?” I asked. “Please… Just… Trust me.”

  “Of course I’ll take Trevor.” And there was no way either of us missed the fact that she never said she trusted me. Please don’t let me make a mess of this.

  I slowly kissed Ashley's cheek before I jogged up the porch steps. Ashley stood with arms crossed shooting daggers at Jess with her eyes. “Hey, Trev. Ree and Ashley are headed out. Why don’t you ride with them?”

  He and Jess exchanged a few more words before she reached over and gave him another hug. Trevor kept his body at a distance, like he still wasn’t sure what to do with the situation. But he closed his eyes as her arms went around him, which I took as a sign that he was okay with her being here. But how was I?

  Too much to think about.

  I walked off the porch with Trevor.

  “What’s going on, Dad?” he whispered.

  “Just… I’ll make sure you have her information if you want to be in touch, okay?”

  “But what if she doesn’t come back?” Trevor asked, his voice breaking as he glanced over his shoulder at where Jess stood bewildered on the porch.

  “Then we’ll deal with it like we did last time. I can’t force anything, but I’m asking you to trust me and go with Ashley, okay?” Trust me. Like I had any right to ask that of him either.

  “Okay.” He nodded and jogged to the car without anot
her word.

  I tried to catch Ashley’s eyes, but her face looked confused and pained, and it broke me to think about how awful and rotten this whole thing was. I knew her well enough to know that I’d at least gain points for making sure the kids were safe with her. And this time, no matter how angry she was, I’d make her listen to me.

  “Brandt?” Jess called just as Ashley pulled away.

  I turned back around to see the woman who was familiar like family, doe-eyed as ever, but also a stranger and thought, Now what do I do?

  TWENTY-NINE

  Ashley

  What was happening? How would I find out? Did Brandt still want me? Did I still want him after going through another mess? I had no answers. And after last night...

  This wasn’t how it was supposed to happen. I was supposed to fall in love with someone my own age. Someone without complications, without a whole family, and without an ex-wife. I was nauseous at the thought. Ex-wife. All those wonderful firsts wouldn’t be firsts for him. They’d be seconds. I’d be the second wife. I laughed out loud and was finally able to acknowledge that I was crying and needed to wipe away a few tears. Wife. No way I'd known him long enough to even have that thought. I needed to get a grip on myself. I had to get to work. I couldn’t keep thinking about Brandt.

  I took a deep breath, and focused on the road in front of me. Mom had been so happy for me when I told her Brandt and I had things sorted...before the ex-wife showed up.

  ”You okay, Ash?” Trevor asked from the back seat, and I jumped almost forgetting I wasn’t alone.

  Ree was still quietly processing—she’d had a rough night. Her desperate call for a ride home already had my mind and heart racing.

  “I have no idea.” And I also had no idea where to go, but my house didn’t seem like a great option. What was Brandt doing? Did he want time with her? At least the kids were with me. That was something. Was Jessica better? Would she resort to violence if Brandt cornered her or if she got frustrated?

  “I can’t believe you talked to her,” Marie finally said.