by Violet Paige
“Mmmhmmm, what else?”
“Well, I mean he was more tan, too. He grew a beard out, and his hair was way longer than it ever was before.”
“I bet you creamed yourself from just one look of those green beauties.”
“I couldn’t really say,” I replied blushing profusely.
“I bet you couldn’t.”
“It doesn’t matter how hot he is though, or how much he makes me wet my panties,” I said waving the air like Hawk was an irritating fly.
“So he did get you all hot and bothered.”
“Who cares,” I reiterated. “He is an unreliable tool that threw us away like yesterday’s trash.”
“I know,” she said as if she regretted that such a sexy body encased such an ass-hole.
“I say just sleep on things though. For Emma's sake. She deserves to have a dad if he wants to be there.”
My heart did sink a little. I did everything in my power to raise Emma as best as I could. That being said, there were still things I know she missed only having a single parent. If she had the chance to have both her parents in her life, shouldn’t I give that to her?
I would do anything for Emma. I hated that right now that meant swallowing my pride and possibly letting Hawk come around.
I finished my glass and put the rest of the bottle back in the fridge. I gave myself a smug grin that I had successfully not dunk the whole bottle.
I still had so much on my mind and wondered if talking things over with Savannah had only increased my agitation instead of calm it.
Either way, I would have a full day of taking care of a sick baby in the morning. I needed to get some sleep. I crawled into my bed and turned out the side light.
I laid there a few minutes just letting my mind wander. Hoping that it might lead me to drift off to sleep. Instead, it took me down memory lane. It was not wanted, but I let my mind go there anyway.
“I win again,” I said as I came up for air and touched the side of the pool.
"Not fair,” Hawk called from behind me.
He slowed his rapid strokes to a leisurely pull as he came up next to me. He wrapped me in his arms, and I relished the feel of his warm body in the cold pool.
“All you do is practice laps all day long. I'm not used to it.”
“I know,” I said with a wicked grin as I let my body easily fold into his. “If we did it your polo way I would just stand in the water and wait. That’s no fun.”
“You just jealous because I go for strength. It takes a lot of muscle to knock another guy down in the water,” he said with his cocky charm.
Hawk tightened his grip on me, and I felt him fiddle with the back of my swimsuit. He kissed me then, and I let him.
It was such a common assurance for me. To feel the water encompass my body and Hawk's lips on mine was like second nature. Even still, it would send fantastical sensations up and down my body.
I felt his hard erection pushing against the thin fabric between us.
“You know this is a public pool,” I said between kisses.
He stopped then and looked around the indoor pool on the college campus like he just realized for the first time where we were.
“We’re all alone,” he said as he took his kisses down my neck.
I heard myself giggling as if it was some far off echo. Like traveling down a tunnel, the memory started to fade from view.
Soon the giggles were replaced with soft crying. I came to my senses. I was back in my darkened room. Huddled in my bed hugging my pillow. I was the one crying.
7
It was pitch black. I couldn’t even see my nose in front of me. It made my heavy breathing all the louder. In the distance, I could hear the gunfire. It was much closer then it should have been.
I was still covered in blood. It wasn’t my blood, though. I was in the middle of surgery. It was just a clamping of an artery to stabilize the patient for airlift. One minute I was under the bright lights of our makeshift surgical tent and then next everything was black.
I had enough sense to realize it was some kind of bomb. It was close enough to knock me back and cover me in debris.
Now that my senses were slowly coming back, I realized that I was covered in various trays of clamps, lights, as well as the whole operating table. I felt around looking for the private.
I finally reached far enough that I touched flesh that wasn’t mine. The stretching sent a horrible burn up one leg. I had no care for the pain. The patient would bleed out if I didn’t see to his wounds. That didn’t even take into account any new wounds he might have received in the blast.
Scrambling around, I found one lamp still working face down in the dirt. Flipping it over, I illuminated the entire room, or what was left of it.
My vision was going in and out and now being more able to see around me I realized the shooting was much closer then I realized. Half the tent had collapsed on top of us the other half was open and ripped to shreds. I could see men all around shooting.
It made me pause for a minute. They were close enough that if I took just a few steps, I would touch one. Yet, the sounds of their guns were like a distant echo.
I felt up to my own ears and found more blood on my fingers. A part of my mind said ruptured eardrums, nothing to worry about now.
I saw the streak in the night sky. I heart the men shouting next to me but in the distance. Focusing on a face, I realized it was LT Franklin yelling at me. The streak was another incoming missile.
It all happened in an instant but seemed like slow motion. I lunged forward not caring for the ripping pain in my leg and covered as much as I could of the Army private.
The sound of the second blast woke me. I sat bolt upright in my bed. I was drenched in sweat, and the ringing in my ear was so loud I wanted to scream.
I sat their gripping the sheets hard as I struggled to regain my breath and calm my heart. Finally, it started to pass, and I wiped the drenched hair off my forehead. I peeled the blankets from off of me and crawled out of bed.
It didn’t matter that it was the middle of the night, there was no going back to sleep after that. Instead, I headed to the bathroom, slipped into some workout clothes, and headed to the 24-hour gym down the street from my small townhouse.
I wasn’t exactly sure that a hard workout at three in the morning till the sun came up was the right choice. It was what we did, however. One thing you could count on every Military base across the world was a fully equipped gym. It was the best way to forget nightmares, to exhaust yourself so much you didn’t even have the energy to think.
By the time it was six in the morning I was completely and utterly spent, and finally able to unclench the fear that had shot up during the night. I got home and showered.
I knew Julie wasn’t to keen on me coming by and defiantly didn’t trust me. I didn’t see any other way of gaining that trust back if I didn’t stop by. After a lot of back and forth in my mind, I finally resolved I would go back to her place.
Worse case she kicked me out, and I spent the rest of the day at the gym burning off that frustrating. I was hoping for the best scenario, however, that I got to get to know Emma a little more.
By eight o’ clock I decided I waited long enough. Julie had been a morning person before. I figured having a kid wouldn’t result in sleeping in, so it was a good chance she was already up and ready for the day.
I stopped at my favorite mom and pop bakery and picked up some beagles and a doughnut with pink sprinkles for Emma. I was not above bribing her to like me.
I hesitated for just a second outside Julie’s apartment door. I listened in. I could hear the TV going, so I was relieved I at least wasn’t waking them up. I knocked softly.
I could hear Emma's soft voice call out, “Mommy, there is someone at the door.”
I waited quite a while and wondered if one look through the peephole and Julie had decided to keep it closed.
“Jules, I know you're in there. Come on, open up,” I called
through the door.
I heard the lock slowly turn and the door opened. Instead of Julie, however, it was little Emma at the door.
“My mommy’s in the shower,” she said peaking through the door.
I bent down to her level.
“Do you remember me? I’m Dr. Smith. I came to see if you are okay,” I said as soothingly as possible.
That being said, in the back of my mind I was also taking a mental note to scold Jules for not teaching our daughter proper safety.
“I brought you a doughnut too,” I said pulling the sprinkle treat out of the bag.
Her two brown eyes lite up to the size of dinner plates at the treat.
“Emma, what are you doing? You know better than to open the door,” Julie called as she rushed to her daughter's side in nothing more than a towel.
She opened it more full and stood in front of Emma. I let my gaze linger on her dripping wet body, her breast bursting to come out from the towel wrapped around her.
She looked back down at me with first shock and then malice.
“Don’t you have something better to do other than luring little girls with sweets.”
“If you would prefer,” I said tucking the doughnut back in the bag, “I would be more then happy to set my aim on you.”
Her eyes narrowed to a slit.
“You have nothing to lure me with,” she said as she tucked the towel tighter into place.
“I think you remember what I have. You use to rather enjoy it.”
“That was a long time ago.”
I shrugged like her turning me down didn’t bother me.
“Well there is always beagles and doughnuts if all else fails,” I said holding up the bag. “Can I come in? Breakfast is my treat.”
I saw her determination waver.
“Mommy,” Emma said from behind her mother. “He has pink doughnuts. Please.”
“Fine,” Julie conceded stepping to the side for the benefit of her daughter finally eating something.
“Just so you know,” she added as I walked into the room, “We don’t normally eat things that are ridiculously sweet or with artificially food coloring. It's not good for her.”
“Savannah,” I said simply.
Julie shrugged.
“She is Em’s Godmother.”
“Yes well, I hope you are sticking to actual medicine for her cold and not that voodoo witchcraft she is no doubt concocting at her farm.”
“What’s voodoo?” Emma asked her mom.
“You can explain that,” Julie said to me, “While I go put something on.”
I watched her figure as she walked away. Her hair was much longer now and left little drips in her wake. It was like breadcrumbs begging me to follow.
Instead, I met the eyes of the little girl still waiting for her answer.
I walked with her over to the table, and she sat down. Taking out the doughnut, I put it on a napkin in front of her.
“You ever saw the Princess and the Frog?” I asked.
Emma nodded her head between enormous bites of doughnut. It must have been true that Julie didn’t give this kid much sugar the way she was wolfing it down.
“Only one time,” she said with a stuffed mouth. “Mommy said it was too scary.”
I rolled my eyes.
“Well, you know that bad guy?”
She nodded again.
“There you go. That’s voodoo.”
“Auntie Savannah does that?” She asked truly terrified.
“No,’ Julie said firmly coming back down the hall.
If she had no interest in me, she sure as hell was going to make a point to flaunt what I couldn’t have.
Julie was wearing the shortest shorts I had ever seen paired with a floral tank top. She was still drying her hair with the towel as she walked our way.
Julie didn’t even give me so much as a glance as she leaned over me and reached into my bag for a bagel. I took the moment to inhale her sweet scent. Every muscle in my body was itching to take her in my arms and sit her on my lap.
Julie didn’t seem as affected by our closeness, and instead sat in an empty chair nibbling on her dry bagel.
“I was just joking,” I finally said to Emma. “I use to know your Auntie before you were born. I like to make fun of her.”
“Did you know Mommy too?” Emma asked looking between the two of us.
It was the first time our eyes really met since I walked through the door. In that look more was spoken then could ever be put into words.
“Yeah, we use to be good friends too.”
“So what happened?” Emma asked.
“Man, you like to ask a lot of questions,” I said with a soft laugh as I rubbed my beard.
“That’s my Em. Never satisfied with just one answer,” Julie said looking lovingly at her little girl.
“Well, I joined the Navy. It’s part of the military. I was a doctor for a group of guys that traveled all over and had special missions to capture the very worst bad guys. We were called Navy SEALs.”
I pulled out the dog tags I still had around my neck. I probably shouldn’t have worn them anymore, but it was still second nature to me. Emma got up and came over to inspect them. I took them off so she could hold them in her hand.
“Are you still a SEAL?” Emma asked trying the word out for the first time.
“No. I got hurt pretty bad. When you get hurt bad enough it's not safe for you to still be apart of the team.”
“Do you have a bionic leg?” Emma asked suddenly excited.
I looked at Julie surprised at this five-year old’s vocabulary. Instead, I saw pure shock staring back at me. I guess Julie didn’t know what had brought me to retire.
“No,” I said looking back at the little girl. “I still have all my arms and legs.”
“Oh,” she said sitting back down to her doughnut. Apparently not losing a leg was a big let down.
“Mr. Henderson has a bionic leg.”
“He is the third-grade teacher at her school,” Julie explained to me. “Sometimes he comes over for dinner.”
I looked over at Julie with a raised brow. She gave me her own penetrating look back, daring me to ask.
I struggled to hide the crazy amount of jealousy that was boiling between my skin. Of course, I shouldn’t have expected Julie never to have another relationship. At the same time, I wasn’t ready to hear about it either.
“He is in his late sixties and lost it to diabetes,” Julie finally said by way of explanation. “He lives all alone and in our complex.”
I smiled at the wave of relief that washed over me. I couldn’t help but notice the satisfying blush my smile brought to Julie’s cheeks. She may have been pissed as hell with me, may have hated my guts, but she was still just as attracted to me as I was to her.
“How bout you go brush your teeth real quick and then time for medicine,” Julie said to Emma as she licked the last sugary crumbs from her fingers.
The little girl obediently got up and walked down the hall.
“Still got a fever?” I asked as I watched her walk down.
“It’s a little better, but not much.”
“Has she been keeping hydrated?” I asked.
“Yes, Dr. Smith, she has been drinking Gatorade to keep hydrated.”
“I didn’t mean it like that. I can see you know what you are doing.”
She softened her hard exterior at my words.
“I’m actually a little glad that she finally ate something, even if it was a doughnut.”
“Not eating? Is it because her throat is too sore. I could give another exam real quick if it would make you feel better.”
Julie gave me a soft smile before shaking her head no. Emma came back into the room, and we dropped the conversation.
I spent the next hour on Emma’s bedroom floor playing dolls and having princess berets styled in my hair.
I could hear Julie around the apartment cleaning this or that poking her head in from time to t
ime. I ached to get to know every inch of this little girl in front of me. I couldn’t believe I had gone the last six years without knowing she existed.
Finally, I could tell she was getting pretty tuckered out. The fever still kept her skin pretty warm, even with the reducers, and it was a lot for such a little thing. Without so much as a word, she grabbed a little pink bear lovey and, with thumb in mouth, crawled into bed.
“Are you getting tired?” I asked.
She nodded her head.
I grabbed the cup of Gatorade that Julie left in the room.
“How about you finish drinking this, and then I can pick a book to read to you?”
She nodded again and took the cup from me. I scanned her little shelves of books before coming on one I liked. I sat down next to her on the bed and took the now empty cup from her.
In my head, I was doing my calculations. Probably wasn’t more than four ounces in there. Not nearly enough for half of a day. At least it was better than nothing.
I leaned against her headboard as I read Emma the story of Corduroy Bear. She happily rested against my chest to look at the pictures. I couldn’t help but wish to have this moment not just now but for forever.
Soon I felt the heavy weight that told me she had fallen asleep. I set the book aside but wasn’t ready to move. I softly stroked the length of her black hair. Softly I ran one finger down her cheek. It was still that soft, cherubic chub of a young child.
She stirred a little, so I pulled my hand away. I moved to get up and realized that Julie was standing in the doorframe.
She was staring at me with an unreadable expression. Maybe I had crossed a line for her.
“Sorry, she just fell asleep,” I said trying to move as stealthily as possible as I got out of her bed.
“No, its fine,” she said turning away.
I could swear she wiped away a tear in the process before walking down the hall and to the living room.
I followed after her and found her folding laundry on the couch.
“It never ends,” she said without looking at me. I could tell her voice was a little husky from emotion.
“I guess I should go,” I said rubbing the back of my neck.
“Yeah, sure,” she said looking my way for just a split second. I could tell by the red rim of her eyes she had been crying.
