by Violet Paige
“Jules, what is it?” I urged as I instinctually pulled her into my arms.
She didn’t fight me. Instead, she crumbled against my chest. I held her and soothed as best as I could as she cried against me.
I was waiting for her to yell at me. Tell me these tears were my fault. That I had left her, hurt her, and cause her so much more difficulty then she should have had to face over the last six years. I deserved it. That and so much more.
“What if you died,” she finally whispered against my chest. “What if you never came home and Em never got to meet you.”
I was shocked. She was upset because I got hurt? The only thing worse then her hating my guts was the fact that after all I did to her, she still cared for me.
I walked her over to the couch and pulled her onto my lap as we sat.
“I’m fine. It wasn’t that bad, Jules. I’m the last person you need to cry over.”
“Not that bad. If it wasn’t that bad, then you wouldn’t have come home. Hawk what if you died,” she pleaded again.
“I’m here now. That’s all that matters. I won't leave again. Not you, not Em. I swear. I’m here for both of you.”
She lifted her head and looked into my eyes. Searching for truth in my words. What I wouldn’t give to make her see how much I felt for her, how much I wished I had never left her.
I brushed a thumb across her cheek to remove a tear. When she did push away from my touch, I continued to trail it along her neck. Bringing my thumb back up, I brushed it on her lips.
She parted them ever so slightly, inviting me in. It was all I needed. I took her mouth with mine. At first our lips just touched softly. I let my hand tangle into the thick brown locks that still splayed damp around her.
Her arms encircled over my shoulders and around my neck. She opened her mouth to me, and I dove in greedy.
“Hawk,” she moaned no more than a whisper against our lips.
I gripped her ass and pulled her down on the couch under me. She arched her hips up to meet the hard pressure I was giving her.
“I’ve missed this,” I said as I nibbled a trail down her neck and onto her shoulder.
I pulled her tank top and bra strap aside giving me better access to her shoulder and down on to her breast.
“Wait!” Julie suddenly said. “I can’t do this.”
She pushed against my shoulders, and I instantly stopped.
“I’m sorry,” I said cursing myself. I knew I needed to move slow to gain her trust back and I had just blundered it. “I should go.”
8
For the rest of the weekend, I did my best to keep my head down, focus on Emma, and forget about what happened on my couch. It wasn’t very easy when Hawk’s simple kiss burned down to my core.
Emma still didn’t seem to be getting much better, in fact, her cough started to get really nasty. I thought about calling Hawk on Sunday but figured I was just over reacting. Worse, I worried I was just looking for an excuse to get him back over.
On Monday, with Em still running a low fever and coughing I called into work and kept her home for one more day. I was pretty sure we were over the worst of it, but I would rather be safe than sorry.
Emma was going just about as stir crazy in the house as I was. She finally was feeling well enough to eat and that brought her energy back just about instantly. Aside from her coughing fits she was back to being the regular little inquisitive girl she always was.
“But Mommy,” Em said with that wine that told me she was feeling better. “I don’t want to take a nap.”
“I know your feeling better honey, but you still have that cough. Resting your body will help you heal faster. Then you can be back to school tomorrow.”
Emma loved her kindergarten class and teacher, and I knew using that as leverage would get her in her room.
“You don't have to sleep if you don't want to. Just lay in bed for a bit with your dolls and play.”
Emma reluctantly retired to her room as told. She may have started to get a bit of that girl wine to her now and then, but for the most part, she was an angle of a child. I knew I was lucky to have such a good kid.
Twenty minutes later I looked in on her to find Emma sound asleep surrounded by dolls and sporting a princess dress. I did my best to pull the blanket over her and her massive entourage before tiptoeing back out of her room.
I stretched out on the couch and decided to flip through the channels. I very rarely watched TV. Frankly, I didn’t have time for it, so it wasn’t that easy to find a show to catch my attention. Before I knew it, like Emma, I had dozed off without realizing it.
I felt the warm sensation of his arms moving up my legs before I open my eyes. I didn’t have to see; I knew it was Hawk. I looked around; I was in my bed. Hawk must have come in and carried me here.
He was sitting on the edge of the bed waiting for his trailing hands to wake me up.
When I looked at him, he smiled back at me satisfied. He was wearing the same tight t-shirt and jeans that he had worn the last time he was here, and his long black hair flopped over to one side.
Seeing that I was awake, he moved his hands now with more purpose up my legs. He came around and on top of me spreading my legs between him. With a quick yank of my hips, I slid down so that my center was pushing right into the fold of him.
He leaned his head down with his arms on either side of me. Up until this moment I hadn’t moved. I only watched as he stalked me like I was his prey. My heart was pounding in my ears as he dipped his head just short of my lips.
I wrapped my legs tightly around him and arched my back up encouraging him to kiss me. He pulled away, however, choosing instead to tease me. I watched my own hands as they trailed up either side of his thick muscles and settled in his hair.
He smiled down at me with that cocky air.
“You think you are so smooth, don't you?” I said barely above a whisper.
He didn’t reply but instead bore his mouth down on mine. It wasn’t like last time that started soft and gentle. He was hungry, and I let him take all of me.
Arching my hips upward I ground against the bulge bursting to get out of his jeans. He wrapped one arm around my waist and encouraged me to push harder against him.
I felt him tug at my shirt and within an instant, it was over my head, and his mouth was back on me. I reached down to take his shirt off too.
He stopped me, gripping my hand and putting it over my head. He stopped kissing me then, and I looked up at him questioning. He took my other arm and pinned it over my head, holding both of my arms in his one strong hand, and I let him.
With his one arm holding me in place, he began to send soft kisses down my neck and along my collarbone.
He got to the rim of my bra, and with his teeth, he pulled one cup back exposing my whole breast. My nipple was already hard and aching for his touch.
He kissed it softly, getting it wet, then blew cold air on it. I arched harder against him with my hips as I moaned in satisfaction.
He took my nipple whole into his warm mouth, and the sensation was almost too much. I could feel him rolling my hard peak against his teeth.
"Hawk," I moaned as I struggled against his hand holding me.
He let me loose and my hands when immediately to tangle in his hair. I encouraged him to take more of me. Leaning over, he pushed aside my other bra cup and took my other nipple in his mouth.
I only half felt his hand unsnapping my shorts and his fingers finding their way in. In an instant, I could feel the warmth of his touch on my most delicate spots, and it was maddening.
He dipped his fingers deep inside me and continued to pulse them as he sucked on one nipple and then the other.
I could feel the rise building deep inside of me. It had been so long since I had done this I honestly was surprised my body remember how. Under Hawks touch, my body had no chance of fighting the rising orgasm building in me.
“Come on Jules,” he moaned against my breast. “You know you
want to cum for me. Cum for me baby,” he whispered in his husky voice.
It was so much sensation my mind was spinning. I could feel Hawk slip his fingers deeper and deeper inside me; now moving slickly against my arousal. He reached forward with his thumb and with one quick thrust combine with his rubbing mensuration I called his name.
I woke up startled on the couch. I was bewildered, my body was pulsing with unfinished arousal, and I wasn’t entirely sure if I had actually said Hawk's name out loud.
I sat up and waited for my body to stop tingling. Even in dream form, Hawk was a force to be reckoned with.
I laid back down on the couch while I replayed the dream in my head. Even after all these years, after being left to raise our child alone, I still hadn’t gotten over him.
My mind wandered to that image of Hawk and Emma laying in her bed. It was one of those picturesque moments that you want to remember forever of a perfect family.
I closed my eyes and saw it again. Hawk was sitting on the bed, looking all together cramped in such a small space, with one arm resting behind his head. Little Emma was peacefully sleeping with her head on his belly. She looked so safe and secure in her father's care.
The stupid girl inside me had always wished for Hawk to come back. She hoped he would come banging down the door and sweeping her off her feet. That wasn’t real life, however. I was an idiot to listen to that stupid girl inside my head.
On the other hand, however, he had made a pretty significant gesture once finding out that Emma was, in fact, his daughter. And then there was that kiss before he left.
I rubbed my fingers over my lips trying to remember it perfectly.
Even if things never worked out for Hawk and me, at least I could make sure Emma had her dad in her life. If we gave it a go and it didn’t work out, I knew he would still be man enough to be a father to Emma.
I was somewhat sure, too, that if I didn’t at least try to see whatever was still between Hawk and me through, I would regret it for the rest of my life.
9
I was hoping it was only because it was Monday, but it was turning out to be an extremely long day. I had kept my distance from Julie and Emma all day Sunday.
I text her at lunch to make sure that Emma was feeling better and instead I was told that she wasn’t. I planned on stopping by tonight, maybe bring over some dinner.
I wasn’t exactly sure how welcome I would be after how we left things on Saturday. It was easy to see that the heat was still there for the both of us, but then she had put on the breaks.
I worried I might have moved to fast too soon. I really hoped I didn’t ruin everything.
“Last patient’s yours,” Dad said taking off his white coat and hanging it on the hook.
"Do you have plans or something tonight?” I asked surprised to see Dad ducking out so early.
“Not really, just handing over the rains like you asked. Figured you could do the last of the paperwork for the night.”
“Yeah and maybe start moving it off of the desk,” I mumbled under my breath.
“Hey, Dad, “ I called before he left the office. “Did you know? I mean you had to of known, so why didn’t you tell me?”
I hadn’t said anything to him about going to visit Julie, having her in the office, or the fact that I now knew Emma was my daughter. I had a feeling he knew all along.
“Of course I knew. Why do you think I had you see Emma on Friday?”
“So, why the hell didn’t you tell me?” I said throwing down a folder on the desk.
“It’s not like she ever came out and said it. I may be losing my memory, but I’m not an idiot. I was pretty sure when she was pregnant, and after the little girl was born…she looks just like your mom,” he added softly.
Talking about Mom was a taboo subject. Now that he said it, I too could see a lot of my mom in Emma.
“You still should have told me,” I said partly understanding now why he never brought it up.
He shrugged and shuffled towards the door.
“You left, and you didn’t care about anything you left behind. If Julie didn’t say anything to you, it wasn’t my place to do so,” he surrendered before leaving the office altogether.
I paced the room a few times. I was ready for my anger not to fly off the handle anymore. Part of me wondered if I would ever get control of it. Learning things like my dad knowing all along that I had a kid and choosing not to tell me really didn’t help.
I had to get control however so that I could see this last patient with a clear head. Taking a deep breath, I walked out of the office and into the small room without a second glance.
I was halted in my tracks to find Julie pacing the room as she wrung her hands. She stopped at my entrance and looked at me nervously.
“You're here,” I said surprised.
“Yeah,” she said.
I could tell she was still nervous by the way she was twirling a lock of auburn hair in her hands. She was wearing leggings and a tight tank top like she had just finished a workout. It wasn’t leaving anything to the imagination.
“Is Emma okay,” I asked wondering why she was here alone.
“Yeah,” she said again before giving a soft laugh at her monosyllable answers. “Savannah is watching her right now. So I could come here.”
“Come here?” I asked leaning on the door and crossing my arms. I wanted to take her in my arms again, but my logical side was saying give her space.
“What for?”
“I’ve been thinking it over. I will be okay if you want to come around and see Em. And if you feel it is right, you can tell her you're her dad.”
Julie let out a long breath like she had been dreading saying these words.
“You just have to promise me you won't up and walk out again. No matter what, once you're in, you're in for good,” Julie pointed a scolding finger at me in a motherly fashion.
I couldn’t help but crack a little smile at her action.
“I mean it, Hawk," she said smiling herself as she put down her hand.
I walked over to her then. I took her hands in mine. I wanted to be closer to her, but I had to be cautious.
“Leaving you was a mistake,” I finally said softly looking down at her. “If I could go back, I would do it differently. If it takes the rest of my life, I will make it up to you, to both of you.”
“Hawk,” Julie said letting our hands fall between us and taking a step back. “I’m talking about Emma, not us. I don’t think that is ever going to be possible again.”
I felt my brow furrow and fall at the same time.
“Is there someone else?” I asked.
“No,” she said with a soft laugh. “Trust me even if I had time for that, no one is lining up to date someone with a kid.”
“Okay,” I said. “Then how about dinner tonight?” I asked.
“What?" She said shocked by my question. “I just told you…”
“I know. I just mean dinner so we can talk over arrangements. You know the whole every other weekend thing.”
I wasn’t surprised to see her nose crinkle in distaste. I knew she wouldn’t like that idea.
“Or we could take it,” I added now moving closer and wrapping my arms around her, “as second chance at a first date. I want Em to have us both, to have a family together. All I’m asking is for a chance to try again.”
“Hawk,” she said softly not meeting my eyes.
I titled her chin up till she looked at me. I could see the glassy look of brimming tears.
“I can’t go through that again,” she whispered.
“Baby, I won’t hurt you again, I swear. I am here for you however you want me, as long as you want me.”
I cupped her face and let her forehead rest against mine.
“I never stopped loving you,” I whispered softly.
I felt her melt into my touch. I tilted her chin and kissed her softly. I pulled away just for a second to make sure she wasn’t going to push me away aga
in.
Instead, she wrapped her arms around my neck and pushed up on her toes to kiss me again. I took her encouragement and wrapped my arms tight around her as I took our kiss deeper.
I reached my hands under her ass and pulled her up to wrap around my legs. I walked her against the door and thrust hard against the thin spandex fabric. I knew she could feel my hard erection when she rocked her hips against it.
In an instant, she was pulling my white coat off and tugging at the buttons and tie on my shirt. It only took a few seconds before she had me entirely bare-chested before her.
She leaned back against the door and pushed her hands against my chest. I thought she was pushing me away again, but instead, she looked me up and down.
“You have a lot more than before,” she said as she ran a lazy finger up and down my abs. It sent little shivers through my body.
I hungrily went to her neck and started to kiss and nip it greedily. I released my hold on her hips, letting the wall and her legs hold her up as I let my hands travel up to cup her breast.
“I want you now," I breathed against her throat.
“Hawk,” she moaned as her fingers intertwined with my hair. I could feel one set of nails scratch along my back, and I pushed my long erection harder against her.
“Hawk,” she said this time with more of a warning tone. “We can’t. Not here.”
My face reached her cupped breasts, and I buried myself between them as I drove my erection against her again.
“Oh fuck!” Julie called out. “Tonight,” she moaned.
I wasn’t sure if she was trying to convince herself or me to wait.
“Does that mean you’ll go out to dinner with me?” I asked looking back up at her.
She bit her lip trying to calm her own arousal and nodded yes.
I reluctantly released her and helped her slide to the floor.
“Fine,” I said quickly kissing her again. “I have about an hour more here, and then I can come pick you up. Is that alright?”
She nodded yes again this time blushing like a school girl. I couldn’t help it I kissed her again.
