Damn! The moment he stopped I wanted him closer to me thought about him pushing me against the wall and sticking his thickness in me, and I wanted to let him do whatever with me. I wanted to suck on him and just put every inch of him in my mouth and swallow him whole. As I attempted to leave he walked up on me and blew on my neck. I almost lost. It was really time for me to go. The he wrapped his warm arms around me. I turned around and his lips were right in front of mine and he took a kiss.
My thoughts kept going from yes, to no, to maybe so, to take me now. But I put my hand on the knob, opened the door and walked into the hallway. As I adjusted my clothes, he came out and accompanied me to the elevator. The elevator opened and he pushed up against the elevator wall and passionately sucked on my lips and tongue until we reached the ground floor. I was so into it I wanted to get back on the elevator and let him do whatever he wanted with me.
“You really leaving?” he asked as he kissed my forehead.
“I have to,” I said.
“In a perfect world I would take you back upstairs and make love to you. You just like I like ’em—brown, thin and gorgeous.”
“Thanks for the compliment, but I have to go.”
Lucky me, as soon as I waved for a cab, one stopped. Corey kissed me again on the cheek and closed the door. I felt instant relief. I slouched down in the cab and thought about what just happened. I could taste his cologne on my lips. I felt so proud of myself for not giving in to temptation.
“Hey, baby, you called me?” I asked Marcus after I got in my apartment. I was still shaking off the tingling of Corey.
“Yeah, I did. Where were you?” he asked.
“In the studio.”
“Damn. They always got you in the studio. They better give my baby a break. Well, I be there on Friday. You know I love you.”
“I love you too, baby,” I said as my other line started ringing. It was Corey.
“Babe, it’s Tony on the other line. I have to take his call.” That was wrong, but now that me and Corey were apart I wanted to hear what he had to say to me.
“Why you leave?” Corey said when I switched to the other line.
“I had to go.”
“No, you didn’t. We were just getting started. I think I’m about to come over there and get you and bring you back here. Or I’ll just stay there with you.”
“No, I’m good. I’ll talk to you later,” I said.
Knowing that my man would be here soon made me that much stronger. I couldn’t be getting caught up with Corey. He had a situation, and I had one too. Plus we worked together and I had to stay focused. And I’d never cheated on Marcus, so why would I start now?
Shelly called to invite me to the Fusion magazine party on Friday and said I needed something to wear. I told her I would only go if she could help me get my look together. I couldn’t afford another fashion mishap.
“This is why you need a stylist. You can’t show up at these big events with nondescript clothes on. I’ll have someone send you some things over. How are you going to take care of the charges?” she asked.
“I’ll pay with a credit card.” As I gave her my credit card information.
Shelly picked out the perfect outfit for me, a black dress with a plunging neckline that showed off my ample cleavage. I wore a gold charm necklace, a gold clutch bag and black pumps.
“I wish we could stay in and relax. I haven’t seen you in almost a month,” Marcus said watching me get dress.
“We can stay in tomorrow. We have to go to this party,” I said as I looked in the mirror and put my earrings in.
“Kendra, this is killing me. I miss you. I need you back home,” he said as he came behind me, tugged on my waist and attempted to nibble on my ear. “I don’t want to share you tonight. I miss my baby. You know we never been apart this much.”
“Okay, baby. I miss you too! But we have to leave,” I said as I was sliding on my shoes.
The party was at 40/40 Club. There was a wait and a long line outside, but I gave them my name and they let me right in. People were everywhere. Flat screen televisions were playing music videos. Initially, I didn’t see anyone I knew, so I decided until I ran into someone I would spend the time catering to Marcus. He seemed uncomfortable and needed my attention.
We sat down at the bar and I got the bartender’s attention.
“What can I get you?” he asked.
“A bottle of Moët,” I said as I handed him my credit card. “You okay, Marcus?”
“Yes, baby,” he said kissing my cheek. He smiled. He was getting a little more comfortable with the environment.
“I wanted to tell you, you look real sexy in that black dress,” he said, bending over and kissing my neck.
“Thanks. The girl Shelly picked it out for me. She is now my unofficial stylist-slash-PR person.” I laughed.
“You got a stylist? You’re going Hollywood,” he joked. The bartender brought the bottle uncorked. I poured our glasses, then I gave one to Marcus and sipped on the other.
“What’s this?” he asked.
“Champagne.”
“When you start drinking?”
“Um, I don’t know. I just did. It is not so bad,” I said, sipping from my glass. He looked at me, shook his head a little and then took his back. I noticed Shelly was walking past me. I got up. I tapped her on the shoulder.
“Hey, girl, I was looking for you,” she said, flashing me a smile.
“We just got here not too long ago,” I said as I introduced her to Marcus.
“Come to the room where I’m at,” she said as she took my hand and led us through the crowded club. We followed her upstairs to the VIP room. Marcus was in front of me and I was holding onto his hand as we went up the steps. Then I felt someone squeeze my ass. I jumped a little, and Marcus turned around to see what was going on. I looked around and saw Corey wink at me.
“You okay, babe?” Marcus asked.
“Yes, the champagne must be getting to me. I felt a little chill.” I couldn’t believe Corey would do that all while he was holding Aisha’s hand and I was walking with Marcus. I was glad we were walking in opposite directions. I wouldn’t know how to react if he came over and tried to talk to me in front of my boyfriend.
Shelly brought us to the table she was sitting at and said, “I’m glad y’all could make it. I’ll be back.” Me and Marcus was just sitting back catching up. When I saw people I knew, I said, “What’s up?” and made sure I introduced Marcus as my man to everyone I spoke to. I sat extra close to him, and I was leaning into him. I wanted him to know that I appreciated him and nothing would come between us. I laughed at all of his jokes and was showing him extra attention. Even when I saw Beazie and he said hello, I practically ignored him. I felt bad throwing him shade, but protecting my man’s feelings was more important. Then Shelly came over with a guy name Ashton Phillips, who worked for Nike. I said hello and got his card.
Shelly then came back to the table and said, “Make sure you call him. He’ll send you all the Nikes you want.” Then she told me, “Kendra, I have some other people I want you to meet.”
“Babe, I be right back,” I said as I took one more sip of my drink. We walked out of the VIP room into the main floor and she introduced me to the editor of Fusion and a few of the writers, and we started chatting about a whole lot of nothing. Then I walked Shelly to the bathroom, and on the way out we posed for pictures with a party Web site and made some more contacts. I looked down at my watch and realized thirty minutes had passed since we’d left the table. I had left Marcus alone for all that time. I knew he was probably steaming. I had to get back to him. Shelly kept talking and meeting and hugging people, so I finally left her. I went back to the table and apologized to Marcus, but he was just sitting there looking like he was enjoying the atmosphere.
“I want you to meet this photographer Johnny Nunez; he takes everybody’s picture.” Shelly flagged down the photographer and said, “Johnny—hey I wanted you to meet my friend Ken
dra Michelle, she is a singer on Touchlight.” He said hello and put his camera up and told us to smile. By now I had perfected my face-to-the-side, lips-pouted-out smile. He gave me his card and said “Nice meeting you.” I said likewise and put his card in my pocket.
As soon as I sat down Shelly walked back to me.
“Kendra, come here. Sorry, I have to steal her again,” Shelly said as she pulled me away from Marcus for the second time. I returned to the table but Marcus was gone. I called his cell phone, hoping he’d gone to the bathroom, but he didn’t answer. I waited around for a few moments and he still didn’t come back. I walked to the men’s bathroom and stood outside the door for a few minutes. Then a drunk guy walked out and I asked him if there was anyone else in there and he said no. Just to be sure, when he left I peeked in and didn’t see Marcus.
I searched all over the club. I ran into Corey again. He was leaning on the wall and Aisha was dancing all over him like a stripper. He was looking side to side at all the women passing by, like she wasn’t even there. He was so not into her—but that was their thing. I had to find my man.
He wouldn’t leave me, I thought. He wouldn’t not support his woman when she was trying to make moves; he wouldn’t do that. At least I thought that way. But I finally gave up looking for Marcus after I passed the same crowd of people three times. I tried to dial him one more time.
“Baby, where are you?” I asked.
“I left,” Marcus said.
“You did what? Why you leave?”
“You left me sitting by myself for an hour Kendra.”
“Where are you at now?”
“I’m on my way back to your place.”
“I’ll be right there.” I left the party. I didn’t even tell Shelly I was leaving. I was so fucking pissed off. Yeah, I left Marcus for a few minutes, but he should have been like, Look at my lady. She’s trying to make connects. Let me sip this champagne and relax until she get back. He couldn’t do any of that; he just left me.
I met up with him at the apartment. I walked in, slammed my bag down, looked him directly in the face and said, “Baby, what’s wrong with you?”
“Nothing.”
“So why did you leave the party? You are acting weird, Marcus. You’re changing.”
“I’m not changing, you are. When did you start drinking?” he said as he tapped the side of his head and then pointed to me as if to say, think about it.
“Okay. So what? I drink now. And what?”
“I’m just saying, Kendra, that’s your shit. I didn’t feel comfortable. All that fake shit. That’s not me. So I left.” He played with his water with his index finger. I swear sometimes I felt like I was sleeping with the damn enemy. I mean, he was supposed to be there supporting me, pumping his fist for me, telling me I’m doing good. But I didn’t feel like he was supporting my dream at all.
“Kendra, you know I love you, but I don’t know about all this. I need you home with me. This shit ain’t working out.”
“Well, I can’t stop working. I need you to be a little more supportive.”
“I’m not asking you to choose me or choose the music, but I don’t how much more I can handle,” he said, sighing, and palmed his face down taking a long pause.
“Let’s not talk about this right now.” I was still so mad. We lay in the bed.
“Baby, okay, when your album comes out, do you get downtime?”
“Probably not. Why?”
“Okay, can you take nine months to have a baby? Then I can have the baby with me.” He was still talking this baby mess. I couldn’t believe it.
“Marcus are you serious, look at me. Don’t you see what’s going on? I’m not having a baby next week or next year, so stop asking me.”
“All my friends have family, Kendra. I need that. I want that in my life. I want kids and a wife home when I get there. I don’t want to stop your dreams, but I have to live my life too!”
“So what are you saying?” I asked.
“Now that you are doing what you want to do with your life I am trying to figure out what I need to do in my life. I wrote a list of all the things I want to do. First, I know I have to get my home together and I can’t do that with my dad there, so I’m going to send him to Fayetteville with his sister. Then I’m going to try to get in the sheet metal union. And I want a family. It is only me. I’m the only child—no sisters, no brothers. My dad was the baby, and all his peoples are almost gone. My mom’s family—I don’t fuck with them like that. So when my dad go I’m going to be all alone.”
“You won’t be alone. You have me.”
“It’s not the same Kendra.”
“Baby, let’s talk about this later.” I was not thinking about having a baby no time soon. I was trying to get my career together. I was trying to enjoy us. Then maybe have a baby. I got back in the bed and he came and held me and said that he loved me.
My phone began to ring at 3:30 in the morning. I scrambled to look down at the screen and saw that damn 410 area code. I knew it was nobody but Corey, so I didn’t answer it. Then he called back twice. He was definitely tripping. Luckily Marcus was not a light sleeper. I walked into the kitchen and answered the phone.
“Hello?” I said with an attitude.
“What’s up?”
“Nothing? I’m sleeping and you are tripping. Please don’t call me this late again,” I whispered.
“Oh, your man must still be in town. All right, holla at me when he leaves.”
“Okay.”
“Yo, you know I’m really feeling you, right? I don’t know what it is, but there’s something about you,” he said. I looked down at the phone, closed it and went back in the bedroom.
“Who was that on the phone?” Marcus asked.
“That girl Shelly from the party.”
“What she want? Why she callin’ three in the morning?”
“She was making sure we got in all right.” He didn’t ask any more questions. I was happy, because I just wanted to go to sleep and forget about the entire night.
The next morning I was awakened by Marcus telling me that he was leaving.
“Where are you going?” I asked.
“I’m going home. I think we need time off,” he said. I sat up and said, “What are you talking about? I thought you were going to stay until Monday.”
“I was, but I think you need time alone. Kendra, if you want this life you going to have to live it without me. I want to settle down and have a family, and you’re chasing this music. I can’t have my woman all over the place.”
“What? What are you trying to say?”
“Nothing. Basically, I am here for you if you are home. I can’t deal with you being away, and until things calm down for you we should be apart.”
“Don’t do this, Marcus. I need you, Marcus. Baby, don’t do this,” I said as I leapt out of the bed and asked him to sit down.
“Stop acting like you care. Now you don’t have to call me back. You can party with all your new friends,” he said, trying to be smart.
“Marcus, why can’t you just understand?”
“I do understand. This is your new life and I’m not a part of it. Your life is to go to parties, take pictures and drink champagne,” he said sarcastically.
I started laughing at Marcus; that was the furthest thing from the truth. I walked up on him and he pushed me away.
“So you think this shit is funny?” Marcus asked.
“No, but you think that’s all I do is party. You don’t see when I be having twelve-hour studio sessions. This shit isn’t fun all the time. All I do is work. Marcus, stop this. Let’s talk about this.”
“I got to go to work. Some people have real jobs. I’m not no leech-ass nigga, Kendra. Here you go. Take this,” he said as he threw the watch I’d bought him at me. “I don’t need your watch, your clothes or this life.”
He was acting like a baby and I couldn’t stop what I was doing. I tried lying down and taking a nap. But I wound up just thinkin
g more about my relationship with Marcus. I was aggravated. Why couldn’t he just understand? The phone rang. I was hoping it was Marcus.
“Hello. Can I speak to Kendra Michelle, the next R&B diva?”
I laughed and asked, “Who is this?
“Your soul mate.”
“My soul mate?” I asked.
“Yeah, your soul mate. What’s up, Boo?” I realized it was Corey.
“Why did you grab me? That was so not cool.”
“So, I felt like grabbing you. You didn’t have a problem with me grabbing you the other night.”
“That was a mistake.”
“I don’t think so. You really wanted me. You need me in your life. You’re the type of woman who should have your man at her feet doing whatever she needs. If you were my woman, I’d give you whatever you wanted—foot massages, warm milk bubble baths and back rubs,” he said. Then he began to laugh and said, “No. When I’m going to see you again?”
“I don’t know why you’re saying all this and you have a woman.”
“Not anymore.”
“What happened?”
“I got rid of my dead weight. She is gone. You need to drop Mr. UPS and get somebody that knows how to take care of their woman.”
“He does know how to take care of me.”
“Dude looks like a clown. He’s insecure, too. He was looking all around, making sure nobody wasn’t looking at you the whole night.”
“You can’t keep talking about my man like that,” I said.
“Why you getting mad? It’s the truth. He’s a boy. I’m a man and you have outgrown that nine-to-five loser. When you’re ready for someone like me, get at me.”
“I’m going to talk to you later,” I said. He was making me mad—mostly because everything he was saying was true.
Marcus hadn’t called me in two weeks. I’d been too busy to pay attention because I was working with this other producer, Agent. He was a perfectionist asshole. He wanted every note completely on point. So between him and photo shoots I didn’t even know what day it was.
I had to go make sure Marcus was okay. I gave him two weeks to calm down. Eventually I knew we were going to try to work it out with him. He was my man and I needed to make him feel more comfortable. I just had to do whatever it took to do that. One way was to start going home more and to persuade him to come up here more.
All I Want is Everything Page 16
