I arrived at Philadelphia’s Thirtieth Street train station and took a cab to Marcus’s house. As I drove down his block I noticed two little kids with yellow Shop Rite bags getting out of my car and a short heavy woman unloading with them. I know Marcus wasn’t driving anyone around in my car because that would be straight-up disrespectful shit. She was closing my door and hit the alarm on my car. Oh, really? I paid the cab driver and got out. Marcus was coming to assist her. He still hadn’t seen me yet.
The second he grabbed the bag I yelled, “Marcus, who is this girl?”
Marcus started walking toward me dumbfounded. He was stuttering. “Kendra, this is Tamika. Tamika, this is Kendra,” he said.
“Why was she taking groceries out of my car?” I said very loud. He tried to pull me to the side.
“No! Get off me.” I yanked my arm away and turned to the girl. “Who are you?”
“Ask Marcus,” she said.
“I don’t got to ask Marcus shit. I asked you.” She looked at me and her kids were looking like, what is going on? She walked them up the steps into the house.
I turned my attention back to Marcus.
“What’s going on, Marcus? Who the fuck is this girl? Who are those kids? And why is she taking groceries up out of my car?”
“Baby, listen. Tamika is my friend from work. She got kicked out of her place and I’m letting her and her boys stay here until she gets another place. Ain’t nothing going on between us.”
“So you were driving her around in my car?” I asked.
“Not like that. I just let her pick some things up from the market.”
“You let her drive my car? I gave you a few weeks to get yourself together and you already moved somebody in and you’re letting them drive my car. Are you kidding me?”
“It’s not like that. Listen, Kendra…” he said trying to calm me down.
“It’s like something. I don’t believe this shit. You got some homeless bitch all up in your house.”
“Let’s talk,” he said as he followed me trying to get me to listen to him.
“Talk about what? I don’t want to hear nothing you got to say. Give me my keys.” I stood tapping my foot with my arms crossed. I looked at him. Tears were forming. I wanted to punch him directly in his head, but he wasn’t worth it.
“Marcus, this how you do me, huh? All these years, Marcus. We been together since I was seventeen.” I went to smack the shit out of him but he grabbed my open hand right before it landed on his cheek.
“What kind of woman are you dating? You got a woman out here making money trying to do right for you and you want to fuck with a broke-ass bitch with two kids. You are so damn sorry,” I yelled at him.
The girl gave me a look like, hold up, I’m not no broke-ass bitch. Then she had the nerve to say something.
“I’m not going to be listening to too many ‘broke-ass bitches’.”
“Fuck you. You’re a nothing-ass bitch. Please,” I said, looking down at her like she was a piece of trash.
“Marcus, you better get your girl,” she said while standing in the door.
“He ain’t got to get me, bitch,” I said as I lunged for her. Marcus grabbed the girl and asked her to go in the house. He told me to take the car keys and go home.
“Go home Marcus. You telling me to go home for this bitch! You going to protect her instead of me? Tell her to go in the house?” I said as he let me go. I walked to my car and began pointing and yelling and screaming. “Fuck you, Marcus. I did everything I could do for you. Keep on slumming, you fucking nothing-ass bitch. Look how you living. Look at this dump. Look at where you live at. Fuck you and fuck that dirty bitch. I’m above both of y’all lowlifes.”
“Kendra, come here,” he said as he ran up to my car.
I pulled off. There wasn’t anything he could say to me to justify—one, having someone driving my car, and two, letting them live in the house with him. Ooh, I was steaming mad. Somebody was going to get hurt.
As I pulled off I wanted to back my car up and run Marcus over. I wanted to go beat that girl’s brains out of her for trying to get smart. I stopped at a light and calmed myself down. Kendra, you have too much at stake. If you beat his ass, you’re going to jail and you won’t be able to finish your album. And I knew Marcus wasn’t worth it. Look at him. Let him stay right there where he at. He don’t want anything with his life.
Instead of turning around I drove straight to the New Jersey Turnpike, but I still felt the need to cuss Marcus out. He didn’t pick up his phone, so I left him a message.
“Fuck you, Marcus. I don’t want to talk to you ever again in life. You hear me? I have nothing to say to you. Nothing.”
After I left that message I called back and left ten more messages. I was so mad. I know I was a little guilty by flirting with Corey, but that’s all I did—flirt. Yeah, I kissed him, but he didn’t live with me and he wasn’t driving Marcus’s car. I’d wanted to get with Corey, but I hadn’t because I was loyal, and Marcus didn’t know anything about loyalty.
Marcus must have gotten all my messages and began ringing my phone. Each time he called I would send him to voice mail. I finally picked up the phone.
“Hello?” I shouted angrily.
“Kendra, just listen. I know you are mad, but let me explain myself.”
“Do you mess with her?” I asked.
“No.”
“You never slept with her?” I asked.
There was a long pause and then he said, “No.”
“You’re lying, I can tell. Don’t lie to me. I’m not a stupid bitch,” I said as I hung up the phone.
He called back and said, “Please listen. I did sleep with her, but I just was so upset you weren’t here with me.”
“You are a nasty dirty dick dog. I don’t want to talk to you ever again in life. You are a broke-ass loser. You hear me You are dead to me. I hate you. I hate the bitch that birthed you. I got too much to lose to fuck with a nothing-ass nigga like you. I tried to bring you up to my level, but that’s impossible. I’m too good for you, Marcus you know that. You ain’t shit. I can get much better but you are going to live in that dump with your dad the rest of your life. You tried to play me? Sit back and watch me come up on your ass. Watch while shit continues to crumble around you and you go nowhere. I’m going to come up.”
“Kendra, you don’t mean any of this. Stop talking to me like this.”
“I do mean it. Don’t call my phone ever again,” I screamed as I turned my phone off. I had had enough of Marcus.
My ride home I felt so alone. I didn’t even turn the radio on. I mean, I thought we were going to be together for the rest of our lives. I thought he was going to be my husband. But it was not my fault that he couldn’t handle my success. I tried to patch things up with him. I gave him a few weeks to get himself together. But he’s with somebody else already? That means he was cheating all along. It was not my fault that he left me. I’d come to try to work it out with him and he had next girl in my car. I did everything right by him. He messed up, not me. He should know better. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I felt so foolish.
When I got back in the city I called Shelly. I wanted to go shopping and hang out. At first I thought of Shelly as a hanger, but she wasn’t—she called me so much, she became my friend. She was in her second year of law school and wanted to be an entertainment lawyer. She had taken a few semesters off and was a genuinely nice person trying to break into the business.
“I thought you went to Philly,” she said as I invited her out.
“I did, but I decided to come back.” I was so messed up about what went down with me and Marcus. I needed an ear and hers was there. I told her everything that had just happened and she told me she would meet me at my place and we would go shopping. She was sitting in the lobby when I arrived. Although I had called her I was a little embarrassed that I had been crying.
“So what happened?”
“He broke up with me a few weeks ago. I
thought I was doing the right thing and letting him have some time to his-self. I went home to make everything right and he had a bitch in my car.
“That’s messed up. A man needs to feel needed. If you are doing too much he feels alone and he has to have someone who is less than him and makes him feel like a man. You too much woman for him.”
“You’re probably right.” We got something to eat and it made me feel better. After that we went boutique shopping in the Village. I didn’t really need anything, but I didn’t have my man and I needed something to make up for it.
Chapter 20
I had to head back to the studio. One of the last songs I was recording was called “Don’t Wait,” an uptempo song about a girl telling a guy not to wait to ask her for her phone number because she was about to leave. Beazie kept making me sing over and over again. He asked me what was wrong with me but I just told him nothing. I couldn’t tell him I was still upset from breaking up with my boyfriend. My voice was straining and I was tired.
“I don’t feel good. I’m going home,” I said.
“If you go home you still have to pay for this session.”
“I know. Whatever. I’m tired,” I said as I left.
I went home and began to cry. I was just breaking down. It was so hard on me, not having Marcus in my life. But I couldn’t take him back, because he had done me wrong. I needed someone to comfort me, so I called Corey.
“This is Core,” he answered.
“Where your girlfriend at?” I asked, somewhat disguising my voice.
“Who is this?” he asked.
“I’ll tell you who it is, after you tell me where your girlfriend is.”
“I don’t have a girlfriend.”
“Since when? What happened to Aisha?” I said, laughing revealing my natural voice.
“What’s up, Kendra? I broke up with her. I’m tired of her mess. She was stressing me. Her job was to be a professional shopper and it was killing my accounts.”
I didn’t tell him that Marcus had broken up with me. He was probably lying about Aisha; that gold digger wasn’t letting him go anywhere. I just wanted to talk to him. I actually wanted to finish what we had begun the other night.
“What’s up with you? This is the first time you called me. Something is up. What you need?” he asked.
“Nothing.”
“When I’m going to see you?”
“Whenever you want,” I said seductively.
“Really? You mean that? The last time you were near me you ran away.”
“I promise I won’t run this time.”
“All right. Meet me at Charlie’s in an hour.”
“Okay,” I said. I didn’t know what I was going to wear, but I was just happy that I was meeting up with Corey.
I met up with Corey at Charlie’s, a sports bar. There were big flat-screen televisions playing. I wore a denim miniskirt, red stiletto sandals and a red blouse. I had done my makeup and curled my hair a little.
“Mr. Washington,” I said as soon as I saw him.
He gave me a hug and we sat down. He was smelling so good. His hair was lying down perfectly, and his beard was trimmed just right. We were in a booth in the back of the restaurant. We ordered a few drinks and nibbled on hot wings and quesadillas.
“So you don’t have a girl anymore. Why not?” I asked.
“Because she just doesn’t understand me or this industry. I have to make money and be on my grind while I can. So that means I can’t be available all the time. I give her everything she asks for and she wants to complain. So I just finally said fuck it. I’m not going to ever be able to give her all the attention she requires.”
“That must be going around, because I broke up with my boyfriend too!”
“You broke up with ol’ UPS boy? Stop,” he said as I laughed.
“What for?” he asked.
“Basically the same reason. He just wanted me to be home and I couldn’t be right now.”
“So now we are free to date each other,” he said.
“Maybe.”
We had about three drinks each. The liquor made it okay to be all flirty. We were all cozy up in the booth when Corey turned to me and said, “You going home with me, right?”
“Maybe,” I said, knowing I was.
“What’s up with all these maybes? Say yes or no,” he said playfully. He wrapped his arm around me and brought me to him and said you are coming home with me.
After our meal and drinks we hailed a cab. He began sloppily kissing me in the cab. It was unexpected, but I was with it. Then I felt his hands slide my panties over and I tried not to make any noise as he let his fingers roughly glide in and out of me. I was feeling so good, so into it.
Out of nowhere I felt like something wasn’t right. I tried to get my thoughts together. My supersexiness was being ruined by a lightheaded feeling. I made eye contact with the cab driver through the rear view mirror, to make sure he didn’t know what was going on. And he didn’t—he was talking on his cell phone.
“Hold up, Corey,” I said as I nudged him off of my body. I was trying to sit up. He didn’t get the hint. So I pushed him off of me and said, “Yo tell him to pull over.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Just tell him to pull over.”
The minute the car stopped I opened the door and threw up everything in my stomach plus some. I was so embarrassed, and even the cab driver was disgusted. Corey was looking like, yuck, and my head was still spinning. He patted me on my back. I thought I was okay, but two lights later we had to stop again.
“Are you mad at me?” I asked, drunk.
“No. No I’m not. You’re fine.”
“You sure?”
“Yes, it’s cool. Don’t worry about it.”
“I am so sorry,” I said, embarrassed.
“Stop tripping Kendra.”
By the time we arrived to his place I was feeling really sick. He gave me a glass of cold water and two slices of wheat bread to soak up the liquor in my stomach.
I awoke with a crick in my neck and a stiff back. I looked over and there was Corey across from me, asleep on the other sofa. We had gone to his place. I did remember that, and all I did was run back and forth to the bathroom all night. Our first night together was spent with him patting my back and telling me I was going to be okay.
“Good morning,” I said as I saw him open his eyes.
“You feeling better?” he asked.
“Yes.”
“You want some breakfast?” he asked.
“Are you going to make it?”
“No, I’m going to have some delivered.” He dialed the restaurant while I sat on the sofa. He came over to me and asked again if I was feeling better. He pushed my hair out of my face and gave me a kiss on my cheek. He handed me a wash cloth, towel and tooth brush. While we waited for the food I showered. Once I came out he said, “You are so gorgeous,” he said as he let his tongue massage my arms, my legs, and down to my fingertips. I was ready for him. I wanted him and I wasn’t drunk anymore.
“Baby, your body looks amazing. You don’t have any tattoos. I love your breasts. They are perfect,” he said as he took one in his mouth and feverishly nibbled on it while looking up at me. Every slight twirl of his tongue on the tip of my ripe nipple stirred my internal juices. If he continued I would have easily reached my satisfaction point. His size was stout and solid. My walls had to expand to make room for all of him.
“Girl you got some claws in your pussy, out of sight,” he said whispering, as I clasped on to him. He was tossing my body all around.
“Uhm baby, I want you girl,” he moaned as he traveled up and down my inner walls.
“You can have me,” I moaned back.
“No, I want you I want you to be mine. I want you to be around, Kendra.”
“I am going to be around,” I yelled.
“You not going back to ole boy?” he asked.
“No, not at all.”
“You sure?”
/>
“I promise you,” I said as I had reached every climatic stage that I could. I was out of breath and my legs were exhausted. Corey kept going on going like he was having a competition with himself. The only thing that stopped him was the arrival of our food.
My phone rang and it was Tony. I let him go to voice mail. When I finally checked my messages Tony was all on my phone cussing me out because I’d left the studio session. And I couldn’t say, “Sorry, Tony. Yes, I know. I didn’t make it because I was in the bed snuggled up all cozy relaxing with Corey.”
“You just ate that,” he yelled.
Oh well. I really had forgot. And getting with Corey was well worth it.
I had only been dating Corey for two weeks and I liked him. There was nothing about him I didn’t like. Corey just made everybody feel special. I thought that was one of his good qualities. Because he was so sweet and nice it seemed like he was flirting all the time, but he wasn’t.
Every day since we got together he has called and told me I was special and that he thought he was falling in love with me. Right now he was over in London working on this new girl rapper signed to a J Records project, and I was missing him already. I called him on the number he’d given me—I had to dial like ten extra numbers to get him in London. He answered, sounding like I’d awakened him.
“Hey, you asleep?” I asked Corey.
“Yeah.”
“I’m sorry for waking you. What time is it there?”
“It is three in the morning. It’s five hours ahead.”
“You okay?”
“Yes.”
“I can’t believe you are all the way over there,” I said.
“London is not that far.”
“It’s far to me. I’ve never been out of the country.”
“You will go one day. You have to see the world. I’ve been all everywhere—Germany, Denmark and even Japan.”
All I Want is Everything Page 17
