All I Want is Everything

by Daaimah S. Poole

  John and Beazie were working together as a team. They were going to co-manage me and split the 20 percent commission. Authentic had just moved ten thousand copies of his CDs in a matter of months, just in the five boroughs. That helped a lot in getting him signed. So Beazie wanted me to do the same thing. He told me I had to get out there and get my grind on. I had no idea how to do that. I just wanted to be a star. Authentic was a rap dude. People expect the hustle from a man, but what I look like selling R&B CDs? But I trusted Beazie, and he knew what he was talking about. If he said it was going to work, then it is. I’m going to do whatever it takes. What I got to lose?

  John believe in me so much. He really quit his job. We had to win. He drove up from Philadelphia to help me sell the CDs, and I really needed the help. I was at Beazie’s apartment with about twenty cases of CDs in my car. Beazie was all hyped on selling CDs, but I felt so stupid going from being “about to be the next big thing” to selling my own CD out of my trunk. The more I thought about it the angrier I got. “Why do I have to do this? I mean, can’t we just go to the record label?”

  “No, you know why you are doing this? Because you want them to come to you. You want them to be like, “Where is Kendra Michelle? Who is this girl? I have to sign her.”

  Beazie sent us to 125th Street in Harlem to sell CDs. We had a portable CD player in case anyone wanted to listen to my music. I was trying to be hype, but I didn’t know about this. My fears were confirmed when the first couple of people I approached just ignored me like I was crazy. Then I got enough courage to approach this woman. She was walking with her toddler grandson. I went up to her somewhat stuttering and said, “How you doing, Miss? I’m a singer and I’m selling my CD.” I handed her one because she looked interested and then she said, “Is it in stores yet?”

  “No, not yet.”

  “Well, I’ll get it when it is in stores,” she said. I wanted to smack her. What was the difference? People thought we were trying to scam them for some reason so no one would stop. New York was a hard city to conquer. John stopped this older man, but he said if it wasn’t gospel he couldn’t buy it.

  Finally we had our first sale this woman stopped and said, “I’m going to support you because you’re trying. I don’t listen to that kind of music, but here is twenty dollars for you.” She took the twenty and placed it in my hand. I thanked her and began to believe that it was doable.

  “Thanks,” I said. She made me feel real insignificant, though she thought she was helping the cause.

  The next day we went to Brooklyn and went into a nail and hair salon. People were looking at me like, what the hell is she selling? John cleared his throat and said, “Ladies, this is my sister Kendra Michelle, and she is a great singer. We are selling her CD today for ten dollars.” The whole nail salon looked at us like were crazy. Nobody bought a CD, and I began to get discouraged. We had been out two days and only sold nine CDs. This was too hard. How was I ever going to get to the tens of thousands sold? We walked back to the car and I put my face in my hands. John got in the car and gave me another lecture about staying positive and not giving up.

  “I don’t want to do this. This is too hard,” I said.

  “Kendra you have to become immune to people. Fuck whoever diss you. It’s not about them. It is about us getting your name out there.” Then he began blasting Rick Ross’s “Everyday I’m Hustling” CD to get me hyped. The hustling anthem lifted my spirits a little. I had to sell CDs. I had to move units. After we left the nail salon on Fulton Avenue, we went to the parking lot of the King’s Plaza Mall. We parked the car and John started playing my CD. He opened the trunk and we began to wait for people to walk by. As people passed into the mall we gave them a postcard with all my info on it.

  This old man stopped, looked down at the card and said, “You her? Let me hear you sing. If this is you I’m going to buy ten CDs.”

  I looked over at John. I wanted to sell ten CDs but I wasn’t about to sing in a mall parking lot. But John gave me a look like I didn’t have any other choice. This was awful. All I needed was a cup. I started singing along to the song. The man said I sounded good and really did buy ten CDs, and then he encouraged other people to come over to me. The next thing I knew there was a crowd and we had sold fifty-nine CDs in an hour.

  I went back on tour with Tashay and it wasn’t so bad. I had John and Bubbles with me. They began following the tour from city to city. We all stayed in the room together, me and Bubbles sharing the bed and John on the floor. I went to every radio deejay in each city from San Francisco to Miami. All I had to say was I was down with Tashay. They would say, “Tashay? Really? Okay, I’ll spin it.” Everyone was helping to sell my CD. My mom and Bilal was even selling CDs on the street for me back home.

  Instantly the buzz started. A&Rs started showing up backstage at Tashay shows looking for me. Then I started getting calls on my cell phone. Tony even called Beazie to find out who was my new manager. I was trying to just stay focused, so I let John and Beazie handle everything. I was too scared of getting caught up in the hype again. I told them when they had a real offer on the table to let me know about it. I didn’t want to be all pumped up and get knocked down all over again.

  But John told me it was going to be different this time. He said I had bargaining power and had proven myself. He was back and forth with Beazie all day on the phone.

  “You are getting really into this managing thing. John, I don’t think I can do all of that again. I just went through too much. Plus I’m about to go overseas with Tashay, my bills are getting paid, and I want to play it safe. Maybe I’ll start trying to figure all this out when I come back,” I said. I didn’t know what to think. I couldn’t believe that labels were interested in me again, but it also scared me and I didn’t want to deal with it. Beazie called and John passed me his cell phone.

  “Kendra you are quitting the tour.”

  “Why?”

  “Why—because we have some major labels interested in you. You will never be singing back up for anyone ever again.”

  I stayed silent. I didn’t know what to think.

  “Say something Kendra.”

  “I don’t know what to say.”

  “Well, come on home. I already bought your ticket.”

  “Are you sure I should leave the tour Beaz?”

  “Yes, Kendra it is for real this time. There’s about to be a bidding war for your album.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “We are going to have like an auction and the highest bidder with the best deal wins.” I was happy but, I couldn’t get excited. I couldn’t get caught up in the hype again.

  “I’m leaving everything up to you and John. Work it out for me.”

  “You know I will. I see you when you get here. I think you should think this through. These offers more than likely are not going to be lightweight. Go on tour, think it over and I’ll call you to let know you what’s going on.”

  Chapter 41

  Today was the day I had been waiting for all my life. It had been three years in the making. It was Tuesday, June 12, 2007, the release date of my new CD, All I Want. I had signed in February with Interscope to a three-album deal. This time I was in control. I didn’t go all out of control—I paid some bills and went back to the studio. I wasn’t about to make the same mistake twice. I knew I wanted to get property and live comfortably and not blow one dollar of my money. I had an album ready when I signed, so all I had to do was go in the studio and re-record the tracks. That only took a few weeks. Beazie and me were the executive producers.

  I was so nervous. I barely slept and I would need extra makeup to hide the bags underneath my eyes. The video had been getting good play on 106 & Park and TRL. My Website and my Myspace page were getting hit up for the last two months. My first single “All I Want” was released six weeks ago and the album was coming out right on time.

  In fact, everything was moving the way it was supposed to be. I was in Vibe Vixen, the Source and Es
sence. Sister 2 Sister did a nice article on me, too. They gave me a publicist. Her name was Shannon. She went over what I was supposed to say on interviews. She told me to talk about my experience over the last ten years. She said it was my testimony, that I persevered through things. She told me people needed to know who I was. They know you want them to know you’re not a regular chick trying to sing. That this was my dream and how much I gave up for it. My new label was putting so much effort and money behind me to the point that it was scary. I knew I was talented, but I just hoped I lived up to everyone else’s expectations.

  I was under the covers. I got a knock on the door. I looked over, and it was four a.m.

  “You have to get up and get ready,” Shannon said. Already she had a phone glued to her head.

  It was time for me to get my hair and makeup done. My heart was beating so fast—I didn’t know why. I guess all this was still so unreal to me, being here in this beautiful suite and having people make a fuss about me. I was so used to not being a diva. In fact, I made a bad diva. I was carrying my own bags and parking my own car. My family had come up to support me. John and my mom were staying next door and Bubbles was in my room with me. John came in and sat next to me as I got my hair curled.

  “You look worried.”

  “I’ve just been thinking.”

  “About what?”

  “How about now that I got all these people behind me and I fought so hard, how about if I don’t make it?”

  “Girl, you’re going to make it. You deserve this. Look at everything you been through to get to this point.” He gave me a kiss on my cheek. Then Shannon came in, reading my itinerary for the day.

  “You have a local NYC morning show. I want you to talk about your album and your appearance today in Times Square Virgin record store. Remember also to be very diplomatic in all your answers. Don’t let her pull you into commenting on anything you don’t want to.” I okayed everything.

  By seven a.m. I walked into the studio of the radio station for the Missy Brown wakeup show on 102.7.

  “Good morning, Kendra Michelle,” Missy said as she looked down into her notes and spoke into the microphone.

  “Good morning, Tri-State.”

  “So your first single, “All I Want,” is blazing.”

  “Thank you.”

  I was still nervous. I was looking at her and waiting for her to ask the next question. She was known for getting smart, asking questions you weren’t prepared for or bringing up your back-in-the-day business. I was good so far. She didn’t ask anything out of the ordinary. Then she asked about the producers on my project. “I have a lot of hot producers and I think I bring something different to the table. I sing and I write my own songs.”

  “So you not one of these manufactured artists like Tashay? I hate her. I think she is untalented.”

  “Tashay is a great artist. Shout out to her. She is doing her thing,” I said diplomatically.

  “So who are you feeling right now?”

  “Um, I don’t really listen—to the radio.”

  Before I could get my response she poked me in the breast and asked, “Are those things real?” I was so embarrassed.

  “No, they real,” I said as I looked down at my shirt and her finger was still poking me. I was too shocked to react. She asked me to tell her about my experiences. I told her as briefly as possible about my life and all that I had overcome. She kept the questions coming.

  “So you never gave up even after you was broke and down and out?”

  “No, I stayed focused and here I am.”

  “Well, that’s nice. I mean that. You are really talented and that is uncommon these days. Well we have to go to commercial tri-state. So let’s play some cuts off your new album, All I Want. Dial us up to talk to Kendra Michelle. It’s the Missy Brown Show—we will be right back.”

  When we went to a commercial break, she took a sip of water and went to the bathroom. While she was gone, Shannon my publicist came up to me and said, “Don’t forget to tell them where you are going to be signing and your Web site when she come back from commercial break.”

  When we got back on the air I said, “My Web site is Kendra Michelle dot com and I want everybody to come out today at 5 p.m. to the Virgin Megastore to meet me and get an autograph.”

  After my interview was over, Missy Brown said, “Good luck, much success,” and that she would be pushing the CD for me. I was relieved she didn’t come for me.

  “That went well,” John said as he pushed the button to the elevator.

  “I didn’t want to have to give it to her, because she be all in people’s business.” We left the radio station and and turned on the car radio. She was still talking about me.

  “John, turn it up. I want to see if she is going to diss me.” We all listened as she said, “Yeah, I like her. I think she is hot. She is really nice. Her boobs aren’t real, but whatever, go support the album. It’s called All I Want.” I laughed.

  “You lucky she didn’t badmouth you.”

  “No, she’s lucky. I would have met her in the lobby.” I joked.

  After that we went to a meet and greet private luncheon with another radio station. Everyone was all excited and wanted to take pictures with me. There were people there of all ages who were asking me questions about my life and music. After the luncheon I had an hour, which I used to sit back and relax. They refreshed my makeup and hair. Back at the hotel, I had something light to eat and got ready for my instore.

  “It’s time,” Beazie said as he opened the door on the truck.

  I entered the black SUV. Beazie was with me, along with my assistant, Shannon, John and my mom.

  “Look at this traffic,” I said as I looked around, trying to see if we could go another way. I didn’t want to be late for my first autographing session.

  “The street is blocked off,” Bubbles said.

  I looked around and saw there were people holding my posters. There was a big crowd with posters and magazine covers.

  “Is this for me?” I asked.

  “Yes, we wanted to surprise you and tell you that your album shipped gold. The single is number five in the country and number two on the R&B charts.”

  “You doing it, girl,” Bubbles yelled as she hugged me sideways.

  “Don’t make me cry, y’all. Are you serious?” I looked at the crowd. There were fans with T-shirts, people holding signs and screaming, “Kendra Michelle.”

  I got out of the SUV and people were shouting my name.

  “I love you, Kendra!” this guy shouted from the side of the barrier.

  “I love you, too,” I shouted back.

  “Can I get a picture?”

  I turned around and smiled. I signed autographs going in and posed for a few pictures. There were rows and rows of photographers. The lights were blinding me—click click click. The gleam of the light was so bright. I just stood in one place and smiled. Shannon told them that was enough.

  “Can I get a hug?” this boy said. He had a hand-painted picture of my album cover on his shirt.

  The line was out the door with people waiting to meet me and to get their CDs signed. I was so shocked, but I had to act like Yeah, I know this is me. This is how I do and I’m used to it.

  “Do you see this?” John asked.

  “Yes, can you believe it?” I yelled.

  “Yes, I can. You deserve it.” Beezie said.

  They gave me a black Sharpie marker and I got ready to start signing.

  The first girl in line said, “I was in line since this afternoon. I love your voice and you are so beautiful.”

  “Thank you,” I said, smiling. “How you spell your name?”

  “Kamaya. K-A-M-A-Y-A.”

  I signed her autograph and took a picture with her. The line was still growing. I was still taking it all in. This young lady with a baby asked me if I could take a picture with her son.

  “Sure,” I said as I stood up and smiled.

  “I read your story
and heard you on the radio. You really inspired me to come down and meet you.”

  “Thank you so much.” I gave her a hug. I don’t know how many records I signed, but my arm was sore.

  “You don’t have to sign all those albums,” said Chrissy from the label as she coached me to stop.

  “Yes, I do.” I took a short break and kept signing until the store closed.

  Epilogue

  October 2007

  They say nothing comes easy or without a price. Attitude determines your altitude. And I believe it all. I’m so blessed to be at a place where I am right now. I am the headliner at the Power House at the Wachovia Center. It is the biggest yearly concert in Philly. I can remember seeing shows here back in the day. I used to watch people onstage, wishing it was me. Now I am here about to perform in front of my hometown. I was backstage trying to digest it all. There were people everywhere—reporters, photographers and local celebrities. I saw groupies trying to get pictures, athletes and everyone in between. Everyone was coming up to me wanting to take a picture and meet me. I still felt like I was dreaming. I’d been doing shows since the album came out last year. I’m at double platinum and counting. I had three hit singles and they are thinking about releasing one more. The funniest thing about all of this, people recognize me everywhere I go now. I can’t go in the market anymore without someone saying, “Hey, aren’t you the girl from the video?” And people have been sending me movie scripts, and I never thought about acting. All these other artists want me on their projects. It is all so overwhelming. It feels like last week, I just wanted someone to listen to me sing. Now everyone wants a piece of me me. My mother and John and Bubbles being around me all the time is helping me adjust to the fame. My brother and Beazie are still my managers. Bubbles is my assistant. She has two years left of school. She is getting her degree in finance with a minor in accounting. She wants to be able to handle my money for me. My mom is with me almost all the time for support. My make up artist was applying the finishing touches on to my face. I was trying not to ruin my painted lips. I sat in my dressing room sipping on honey and lemon when my mom walked in with her Kendra Michelle T-shirt on. She was always representing.