“No?” She pecked his lips again. “Because I just might.”
“I’m not scared.” Pulling her onto his lap, a bold move, he rested his hands on her hips and locked gazes with her. “Are you scared?”
Lydia’s smile faded and her gaze became intense. Her chest rose and fell with a shallow breath as she nodded. “I’m terrified.”
“Me, too.” He admitted, moving his hand to the back of her head. Pulling her in for another kiss, he took it slow and tried to be as gentle as possible.
They’d never gone further than kissing and he wouldn’t take it any further than she wanted. Lydia was a precious and rare jewel, one he intended to cherish for as long as she would allow.
Never in his life had he been so consumed by anyone.
“Callum.” She gasped when his mouth moved to the side of her neck. “Oh...”
The room reached record temperatures as she squirmed on his lap, making the most delightful little noises he’d ever heard. He couldn’t help it. He needed to taste her skin on his tongue and feed the ever-growing addiction known as Lydia McIntosh. She had him hooked.
“That feels nice.” She murmured, letting her head fall to the side to give him better access. “Don’t stop.”
Never. He thought, nipping her earlobe gently.
It wasn’t long before they ended up on the fuzzy rug in the center of the living room with the credits of the movie playing in the background. Lydia writhed beneath him as he explored her neck and shoulders with his mouth, memorizing every inch of her soft skin with his tongue and kisses.
He listened closely, remaining vigilant for any signs of discomfort. The last thing he wanted to do was chase her away because of the desire he felt for her.
Everything he felt for her was overwhelming, frightening, new, and oddly familiar. She was driving him crazy and she probably didn’t even realize it, but she would when she felt his hardness against her thigh.
“Callum.” She whimpered, scratching his scalp with her nails. The sensation of her fingers in his hair drove him wild, encouraged him to pleasure her in ways only he could, but was it what she wanted?
He dusted a light kiss against the top of one breast and then forced himself to pull away. This wasn’t something that could be rushed.
Staring at her, admiring the way her hair framed her face like an angelic halo, he licked his lips and smiled.
“You okay?” He questioned. “Am I going too fast?”
“Probably.” She replied breathlessly. “But I think I like it.”
“Yeah?” He kept his weight off of her, palms flat against the rug as he carefully positioned himself between her legs. Very slowly, he allowed his hips to press forward. “Do you feel what you do to me?”
She nodded quickly. “Uh huh.”
“You drive me crazy, Lydia. I want you like I’ve never wanted anyone else.”
“Uh huh,” she squeaked like a mouse. “I can relate.”
“Can you?” He dipped his head down and kissed her neck again, nibbling on the spot he’d recently discovered to be extremely sensitive. She purred like a little kitten as he gradually rubbed himself against her.
It was like junior high all over again. Dry humping was something he hadn’t done since he was a teenager, but somehow it felt right with Lydia. She was a virgin—maybe not in a sense others could understand, but it was definitely something he had taken into consideration. Maybe it was the one thing they could do together that wouldn’t send her running.
“I can stop.” He whispered, nuzzling his nose against her cheek, hips moving steadily against hers. “Just tell me, Lydia.”
“Don’t.” She groaned, rolling her hips to meet his.
Each thrust earned him another sweet moan and it was another addiction forming. Pleasing Lydia brought him unspeakable pleasure. Everything became hot. His skin, her skin, their breath, the room...it was all too much to handle.
His stomach muscles began to clench and burn as he dropped one hand to her breast, cupping it roughly. It didn’t register in his mind that he was being too rough with her as she cried out and arched against him, trembling from what had to be an orgasm.
Was it her first?
Her delicious moans encouraged the beast inside him and he began to thrust harder, faster, desperate for relief as he tugged the top of her dress downwards, exposing the push-up bra beneath.
“God, you’re so beautiful.” He panted, capturing her lips once more. “I could eat you up, sweetheart.”
“Callum, I...Oh.” She moaned louder, squirming beneath him as her nails bit into his neck. “Oh, Callum. No, no. Don’t do that...Callum—!”
The sound of alarm in her voice froze him in place and he quickly pulled away to stare at her. Her eyes were wide, her cheeks flushed.
And his hand on her naked breast made him feel like a monster.
Jerking away as if he’d been burned, he fell back on his haunches and felt remorse for his actions. He’d gotten carried away.
Lydia sat up quickly and pulled her dress into place, shaking her head. Why was she shaking her head?
I screwed up. He thought, panicked. Oh, God. I went too far.
“Lydia, I am—”
“Don’t.” She interrupted, tugging the skirt of her dress down over her thighs. “Please, Callum. It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not. I frightened you. I touched you where you didn’t want to be touched.” The declaration of his words made him feel sick to his stomach. In that moment, he truly hated himself. “I can’t apologize enough. I got lost in the moment. I’m so sorry. Can you forgive me?”
“There’s nothing to be forgiven,” she insisted, but her eyes said otherwise. He could see the fear behind them, and while he hoped he was wrong, he was certain he saw regret, too. “We got caught up in the moment, like you said. It’s no big deal.”
“It’s a big deal to me.” He crawled over to her, reaching out to grasp her hand. “I didn’t mean to take it that far.”
“I did.”
Her confession surprised him and eased his mind at the same time.
“You did?”
“Yes.” She sniffed softly and finally met his gaze. “It was wonderful, Callum. I’ve waited my whole life to experience something like that and I wanted more, it’s just...”
“Just what?” He pleaded with his eyes, needing to know where he went wrong and what he could do to make it up to her. It was so stupid to repeatedly promise himself, he wouldn’t let his dick do the thinking, but that’s exactly what had happened, and now she was telling him she wanted it?
“You may not like what you see.” Her voice was suddenly lower as if she was afraid someone would hear them.
“What?” His eyebrows furrowed. “What’s not to like? You’re beautiful.”
“Thank you. I understand what you’re saying, but”—she sighed—“it’s complicated. I’m complicated. I love my body and I’m so comfortable with it, I just...I’m afraid that you may not feel the same way about it if you ever see it.”
It was hard to understand what she was trying to say. She liked her body, but she was afraid he wouldn’t? Was she insane?
“Lydia, I think you’re gorgeous. And if this”—he gestured to the bulge in his jeans—“is any indication of how I feel about your body, then I’d say you’re just being paranoid.”
She laughed nervously and blinked back tears.
Oh no. Oh, shit. Not tears.
Framing her face in his hands, as he often did when he desperately needed her to focus on what he was saying, he kissed her forehead and sighed.
“You don’t have to show me anything until you’re ready and I’m sorry I was an inconsiderate asshole.”
A hot tear rolled over his thumb and he closed his eyes, wishing he had the ability to turn the clock back just a few minutes. Damn his hormones.
“I don’t think you’re an inconsiderate asshole.” She whispered. “I wanted you to touch me. I still do, I just need more time.”
> “Lydia, I’ll give you all the time you need.” He promised, hugging her to his chest. “All the time, baby.”
But somewhere in the back of his mind, Callum feared time wouldn’t be on his side and the girl he was falling in love with would disappear when he wasn’t looking.
Chapter Eleven
Lydia
Her first month in Prairie Town had come and gone and so much had changed since her arrival. Working for Tula was a blast and there was never a dull moment with the woman. Bizarre and hilarious things tended to happen when she disappeared into her writing cave and Lydia enjoyed every second of it.
“Lydia!” Tula shrieked, her voice echoing down the hallway.
Strategically balancing a cup of coffee, some cottage cheese, sliced peaches, and a glass of wine on a tray, she took careful steps towards the room where all of Carmen LaRoque’s magic happened.
“Yeah?” She called back, frowning at the sound of distress in Tula’s voice.
“I can’t find my thumb drive.” Tula appeared in the doorway, her eyes wide and her face pale. “Have you seen it?”
“No.” Lydia came to a stop just a few feet away from her, trying to shift the tray from one hand to the other to prevent muscle cramps. “Where did you last have it?”
“In my laptop.” Tula replied in annoyance, pinching at the bridge of her nose. “I had over eighty thousand words saved on that damn thing. Oh, I’ve lost it. Idiot. Idiot! I knew I should have invested in a new hard drive.”
“Well, maybe I can help you find it.” She offered, taking a step towards the room.
“No!” Tula yelped, barricading the doorway with her arms and legs. “You can’t. I mean...this is my personal writing space. I don’t even let my husband in here.”
“Oh.” She blinked. “Then how am I supposed to help you find it?”
“You’re not.” Tula sulked. “I just thought perhaps I’d left it in the kitchen by the coffee pot or something.”
“I don’t remember seeing it in there, but I’ll go check again if you like.”
“Please do.” There were honest to God tears in the woman’s eyes as she reached for her glass of wine with trembling hands. “I can’t just rewrite all of that. I mean, I could, but I don’t really have time to. My deadline is in less than three weeks. Oh, God!”
“Deep breaths, Tula.” She said softly, offering a gentle smile. “Just take your tray back into the writing cave and I’ll look around for the flash drive. Um, what does it look like?”
“It’s hot pink with little jewels on it. You really can’t miss it.”
“Okay. I’ll go look.” Handing the tray over, Lydia turned and hurried down the hallway.
The last thing she needed was for Tula to have a meltdown. How did one handle an author’s meltdown anyway?
“Not right now, Max.” She mumbled, passing by the hyper French bulldog as she re-entered the kitchen and approached the coffee pot.
While she was certain she hadn’t seen it there before, there was a possibility she’d overlooked it given she was focused on preparing fresh coffee for one of the bestselling authors in the world.
“Dear Saint Anthony, please come ‘round. Something’s lost and must be found.”
Praying to the saint of lost items had to help—it always did. Sometimes it was freaky how well the saint answered her prayers, but if ever she needed him, now was it.
Courage came bounding into the kitchen, barking excitedly as his big tail hit her thigh. The mastiff was nearly as big as her, but he was just a big puppy wanting attention. Stroking the top of his head, she maneuvered around the kitchen much like a honeybee collecting pollen.
“Come on, you sparkly pink bastard.” She groaned, picking up various items from the counter and looking beneath them. “I do not need her to go crazy on me now.”
Her phone began vibrating in her back pocket and she nearly jumped out of her skin.
Tugging it free, she glanced at the screen to see who was calling.
“What is it, Laney?” She asked in annoyance.
“So I know you’re at work for another four hours, but I thought you’d like to know you’ve got company.”
“I have company?” Switching ears quickly, the quest for the missing thumb drive was forgotten. “It’s not Mama again, is it?”
“Um, no. Hold on just a second.”
There was an awful ruckus on the other end of the line and she arched an eyebrow as she heard a familiar laugh in the background.
“Lydia! My love! My darling! Where are you?”
Her mouth dropped open. She couldn’t believe her ears. Agatha’s very sweet, feminine voice was like music on her sister’s phone. She was in Prairie Town!
“Oh my god, Aggie,” she squealed excitedly. “What are you doing? You’re at my place right now?”
“Oh, honey. I have been here for over an hour and I have to say your sister is an absolute doll. I think I love her more than you.”
Lydia rolled her eyes.
“Hold on. Somebody wants to talk to you.”
Smiling like an idiot, Lydia listened to the obvious scuffle of the phone switching hands.
“Hey, sweet thing. What’s up?”
“No way!” Lydia all but shouted as she began hopping up and down happily. “Benji? You’re there, too?”
“What, you think I’m just going to let Aggie venture into unknown territory by herself? That’s a danger to society. You know I have to watch over her like a hawk.”
“You guys are in town! Why didn’t you call and let me know? I could have taken the day off and—”
Benji scoffed loudly. “No need for that, angel face. We wanted to surprise you and it wouldn’t be much of a surprise if we told you we were coming, right?”
“Right, but I could have at least met you at the interstate or something.”
“No need. That’s what GPS is for. You’ve got a sweet apartment, by the way. Your sister is cool.”
“She’s being nice to you, right?” Lydia’s eyes wandered around the kitchen and the sunlight reflected off something, nearly blinding her.
Ah ha. So there it was, right next to a stack of bills on the table.
“She’s being super nice.” Benji’s smirk was evident. “I might be nice back.”
“No,” Lydia stated firmly. “Do not hit on my sister, Ben. Please.”
“Why not? She might like it.”
She tried to imagine how her sister would react to Benji’s advances and the conclusion was disastrous. Laney had a boyfriend already. Besides, she wasn’t into people like Lydia. The trans community wasn’t her cup of tea.
“Just behave. I mean it. I’ll see if I can get off early.”
“Take your time.” Benji insisted. “Laney says she wants to take us to meet your mother.”
“WHAT?”
“I’m fucking with you, babe.” He laughed. “We’re going to order some za and we’ll see you when you get here, okay?”
“Pizza sounds great. I’ll see you a little after five.”
“We’ll be waiting, beautiful. Adios.”
Hanging up the phone, Lydia stared at it in disbelief.
Having her best friends in town was both joyous and worrisome. Her transition happened easier than most, but her friends couldn’t slide beneath the radar as easily. Agatha, or more commonly referred to as Ags to be on the safe side, as an extraordinary human being who didn’t identify as female or male one hundred percent of the time. She was genderfluid; born a female, but frequently dressing and living as a man if the moment called for it.
She could be a beautiful woman and a handsome man—it just depended on her mood.
Lydia worried people in Prairie Town would ask questions if they ever met both of her personalities on separate occasions. It made Lydia fear for her safety.
Benji’s, too. He began transitioning when he was seventeen and was still awaiting bottom surgery—something he didn’t feel was entirely needed to make him the man he most cert
ainly already was, but it was still something he’d go through with when he could afford it. What if people questioned him, too? What if they hurt him?
The last thing she wanted was for her friends to get hurt. It would kill her if something happened to them.
“Did you find it?” Tula asked as she entered the kitchen, fidgeting nervously. “Please tell me you found it.”
“I did.” Lydia nodded towards the kitchen table. “It’s right over there.”
“Oh, thank God!” Tula reached the table in record time and clutched the tiny device to her chest like a newborn. “Oh, you wonderful girl, you. Is this today’s mail?” She grabbed the small pile and began browsing.
“Uh huh. I was going to bring it to you after you had your lunch, but then you sent me on an impossible quest.” She teased.
“Oh!” Tula gasped, dropping the mail in her grasp except for one envelope. “Oh, my gosh!”
“What is it?” Lydia stepped closer, curiosity getting the best of her. “It is from your publisher or something?”
“No, silly girl. I get everything electronically from them.” Tula replied, tearing the envelope open. “It’s from the adoption agency.”
“Oh.” Lydia felt her pulse accelerate. Her stomach twisted into anxious knots as she waited patiently for Tula to read the letter. She hoped it was good news.
But it was hard to ignore the pain in the woman’s eyes as she dropped the piece of paper onto the table and turned around, bursting into tears as she ran from the room.
She called after her, but it was too late. The door slammed shut only seconds later.
I shouldn’t. Lydia thought as her eyes fell to the open letter on the floor. It’s not my business.
Yet her mind and fingers were not communicating well as she bent down to retrieve the letter.
Children’s Bureau of North Carolina
Dear Mrs. Tula Eubank,
While we appreciate your enthusiasm to adopt a child in our state, it is with deepest regret that I must inform you we cannot, in good conscience, place a child in your care given your situation.
CBNC strives to place children with capable, modern families at every opportunity, but we do not believe a person of your background would be a good fit for one of our children.
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