“But you're not always going to be.” It just came out of my mouth. It was the truth; I knew it. Should I have minced words? Should I have pretended I didn’t know? The scared little girl in me would have left it for Tommy to deal with, but the woman in me knew that as much as this was going to physically and emotionally kill me in many ways, it was inevitable.
Tommy had been unhappy for an unquestionably long time. I saw pieces of him change. Then he would go off and work… and play, but he was right, it had no substance. He was only going through the motions.
I knew exactly how he felt.
When I was younger and even into adulthood, I did the same thing. I pretended that things would improve by themselves. When my mom died, they did for the most part, but there were times I was unhappy and yet I kept making excuses that things would eventually improve. I just needed to give it time.
That wasn’t the case for me then and it wasn’t the case for Tommy now. He needed to get away or find himself. Whatever he wanted to call it…he needed to follow his path or dream, and if he wasn’t sure what that was just yet, then he needed to take a chance and let that road lead him to something incredible.
For me, it would hurt to see him go, or not talk with him everyday, but I knew I was holding him back. I wouldn’t allow this to go on anymore. I wasn’t pushing him away. I was nudging him to do what he wanted to do in the first place.
He swallowed hard and turned to me. He swiftly took my hands and intertwined his fingers with mine.
“You know it doesn’t matter where I am or who I’m with or what I’m doing, if you need me, you call me, day or night…like always.” He chewed his lip. His breath was labored and his tears came hard.
I shut my eyes, as the water in them pooled quickly. I pulled on his fingers and curled mine tightly around his even more. I needed for him to know…to know how much I loved him.
My voice cracked. “I hate this. I’m not gonna lie. I want you to be happy, but I hate this.”
Tommy pulled me close and cradled the back of my head, as he kissed my forehead, then he rested his chin on the top of my head.
He blew out a deep breath to get his bearings before he addressed my statement.
“Baby, I hate this too. It’s not like I planned this, but Rain, life as it is now isn’t cutting it for me.”
“I said I get it and I do. I know at your end a great deal has happened with…”
Tommy stopped me, so he could explain. “Rain, after you met Kane and your life turned upside down, I have to admit that I was jealous of all of the attention you gave him and not for the standard reasons most people are jealous. I was envious of what you both had and before you say anything, not because he took your heart. I have always had a piece of that, so that wasn’t it. It was what you two shared. I realized that was what I wanted to share with someone, as well. Maybe that’s why I tried to save Raven after everything with Mike. I don’t know, but I do know I need to go and find what I’m looking for. Even if I don’t have a clue what that is yet.” He came face to face with me and tipped up my chin and grinned. Then he looked to me for approval.
I smiled; although there was a lump in my throat that hurt. Everything hurt, but I needed this man to know that I wanted the best for him and the best for him now…was to say goodbye.
“So where will you go?” My voice squeaked, as I tried to muffle my cries. I was almost inaudible.
“I think I’m going to start with Bali, being I never did make it there.” He smirked.
I giggled, because again, my antics had stopped him from going originally.
“Did you make peace with Mike?”
“Somewhat, but your sister and I have a great deal of apologizing to do where my brother is concerned.”
“So does he?” I tried to even out the playing field, because of Mike’s deceitfulness. Yet an eye for an eye never helped anyone in situations such as theirs.
“No, Rain, he doesn’t.”
Tommy’s embarrassment was apparent. Something must have been discussed that I was unaware of.
“He never cheated on Raven? Not in the way that we thought.” Tommy sounded crushed.
“What?” My mouth hung open.
“Yeah, I mean he never slept with anyone else, like Raven and I did. He was talking with Darian and seeing Maggie, if that’s what you want to call it, but they never slept with each other. We just assumed that by his out of the ordinary behavior.”
“Shit! We were so wrong. We should have known Mike was still the same person. We let the situation conjure things up in our heads and our imaginations ran wild.”
“Rain, you always thought that Mike hadn’t slept around. You always look for the best in people, never the worst.”
“Yet, I alienated him for the most part.”
“No one did that more than me.”
“I should have followed my gut and reached out to him more than just to ask questions or I should say get information and answers to my questions.”
“I shouldn't have followed my gut. If I hadn’t then maybe Raven and I would have never slept together.” He said with remorse, not resentment.
“The thing is, we can’t change what happened, but we can go forward with open eyes and a clearer vision.”
He smiled.
“What?” I asked in a dumbfounded sort of way.
“I’m going to miss that.” Tommy stopped short until I nudged him forward.
“Miss what?” My tone became lower. The realization that he was leaving punched me hard in the stomach. I couldn’t breathe. Tommy was really leaving.
“You, Baby, I’m going to miss you.” He paused for a minute.
I bursted into tears, as Tommy’s arms around came around me with such intensity. I grabbed him and held on tight. That was all it took…his words sent me into a downward spiral. I knew I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t say goodbye to him.
No, Tommy, you can’t leave. I’m scared. I love you. I’m selfish and I want you to stay.
That’s what I wanted to tell him. That’s how my heart screamed inside of me, but it was wrong to do that. I was married to the love of my life. I was given that chance. Tommy needed to take his. I couldn’t be the one to stand in his way.
“Hey, please don't cry, Rain. If I knew that would…”
I put my hand over his mouth. “Don’t even say you didn’t think you would get this reaction out of me. Don’t joke. You knew how it would be. You knew.”
He grinned, but his eyes filled with tears and a sorrowful smile played on his face.
“I did, but now I don’t know if I can do this.”
His apprehension wasn’t about him. It was about him worrying about me. Now, it was my job to stop him. Or maybe, I should say, it was my job to let him go.
I pushed off his embrace and grabbed the sides of his face. We were nose-to-nose, eye-to eye.
“Yes, you know you can do this. Listen to me, Tommy, you have to do this. I’ve seen how you have been. Since all of this shit that went down with my family and me, you've been riding the same wave, on the same board and you have gotten comfortable, but not happy. Then after the affair with Raven, that board came out from under you and now you're drowning in I don’t know what…regret, unhappiness or maybe you don’t even know for sure what it is, yourself. But you have to pull yourself up and tread water. Once you do that, I know, I just know you’ll figure it out and find what you're searching for or what you're missing.” I was shattered. My voice broke through my advice, but he knew I was serious. I knew he would hear me.
“Thanks, Baby.” He curled around me again and kissed my cheek. We stayed like this and sat together quietly with our eyes fixated on the fire. We didn’t know when we would see each other again. We knew we would keep in touch, but that wasn’t exactly the same as living together for the better part of thirty years.
It would definitely take some getting used to not having each other around much of the time any longer. Yet, Tommy felt that he would have a h
arder go of this than me. When I asked why, he said,”you have more distractions than I do.” I thought he was talking about the twins, but he was referring to Dominick Kane.
Best laugh of the evening.
Chapter Thirty-Five
The Vineyard House
Dominick
I went to find Rain. She and Conte had left the rest of us to talk. It had been some time and they hadn’t returned, which to me meant that what Conte told her hadn’t gone well.
Rain had been attached to him since they were small children. Not to minimize their relationship in any way, but in a sense, Rain was about to lose her favorite childhood stuffed animal. The single constant that made Rain’s life seem normal when it was anything but.
I understood much better now and I respected Conte for what he did for Rain. Tonight couldn’t have been easy for him, but from what Rain had told me, Tommy was unhappy for the last few years. I knew what that was like. I was unhappy for much of my adult life, until I met Rain.
I struggled with their relationship from the beginning. I hated to admit it, but I envied what I observed between them. He made it appear easy to be around Rain. I was not a man that did easy very well. It was Rain’s heart and love had penetrated that best part of my personality. Yet, I made it difficult for her. I knew throughout our turbulent year together, I was the one who tested Rain constantly at every turn.
I was a prick for doing it. My actions stemmed from the many people that I dealt with my entire life. It wasn’t an excuse; it was second nature. I knew it wasn’t the way to draw Rain into my arms, so I made a vow to myself that if I were to beat the charges that were against me, I would do my very best to be that better man that Rain seemed to see in me.
With that promise, when I found Rain in Tommy’s arms my first reaction would have been to pull them apart and cause an unnecessary confrontation. The new Dominick walked back to our guests and played the gracious host for the rest of the evening.
Once everyone left, I went to the nursery to check on the twins. They were exhausted from the plane ride back and were both in a deep, much needed slumber.
I then went into our room and showered. The day ended on a victorious note. I had my beautiful angel to thank for that. Even though my victories were sweet, the day was arduous and my body was drained. I knew a hot shower was the answer.
I allowed the hot vail of water to draw me into a complete trance, as I braced my hands against the cold, hard tile. I repressed everything around me and was unaware of her until I felt the gentle caress of Rain’s hands on my back.
I turned to see the face of my beautiful wife; instead it was the face of a lost little girl. Her expression crushed me. I quickly drew her close and coiled around her. This is what Rain had always meant about keeping her safe. It was never about her physical safety. It was about her emotional well-being.
She had always turned to Tommy for her comfort, for her safety. It bothered me then. No, it made me insane, but as I looked into her pained expression, I finally understood.
Why hadn’t I recognized what she desired, what she required of me, before? It wasn’t like she hadn’t spoken to me about it. It was because I was a selfish bastard. I loved her, but Rain was correct to say it came with stipulations.
I was a fool. I could have destroyed everything. Everything that was most important to me. I took advantage of her love and her compassion instead of honoring it. That was then and that was over.
I had an idea of what the future held. I needed to bring my plan to fruition, but I also needed to have Rain on board. Regardless of the outcome, if I had to bend over backwards to keep our family together, then so be it. Life without Rain, her love and our family, was no life at all for a man like me.
The irony of it was that life without my family would have been the real prison sentence.
I held her until the water began to chill, then I lifted her into my arms and carried her to our bed. As we left the bathroom, I swiped a robe that I dressed Rain in. She hadn’t spoken, but she looked into my eyes and a meek smile appeared on her face. She knew I was here for her. Her unspoken words, but outward expression told me just that.
She came to me for solace this time. She came to me.
Rain gently touched my cheek and kissed my mouth briefly before she crawled away and settled on her side of the bed. I toweled off and climbed in next to her. Rain was faced away from me. It wasn’t an unanticipated reaction, but nonetheless it wasn’t easy. Rain was visibly heartbroken; a small piece of her seemed to be gone.
Rain still said nothing. I didn’t have the words to soothe her. I never had a relationship with anyone the way Rain had with Conte. Hell, I never had a relationship with anyone like the one I had with Rain.
My words wouldn’t have made a difference, but my actions did. I came to lie close to her, as I reached around her body and weaved my fingers through hers. I felt Rain settle physically.
“Thank you. I love you, Dominick, always.”
I buried my head in her neck, as my tears of joy matched Rain’s tears of sorrow.
As we laid there in the stillness, neither of us said anything. Maybe we didn’t have to, but the old, demanding Dominick reared his ugly head, but not in an ugly way. It was my need to make sure the beautiful woman that was next me felt safe. I needed her to know that I was here for her.
I thought that she knew, but the old me had to hear it from her, in her words.
“Rain, I know today wasn’t easy for you in any way. First with what you did at the firm for me and then what you had to deal with at the end of the night.” I was concerned, but I needed to reinforce my support and love for this woman. The one woman who never gave up on me. The one woman who could have and should have walked away.
Rain stayed turned away, and my body remained touching hers, as before, but her shift in our bed gave me cause that she wanted to talk. She let out a breath that trembled, a shaky exhale, but one that seemed like it hinted at or resonated an end, perhaps even a small resolve.
Rain’s action was understated when she detached her hand from mine. Her fingers hadn't wandered far from our original bond. Instead, Rain meticulously used her fingertips to thoughtfully trace my skin as she decided on a response.
Her voice broke as she spoke. It was weak in tone, but full of Rain’s true heart and soul. “I can’t even describe how happy I am that you won…that we won. I couldn’t let anyone attack you, Dominick. You're my family.” Her voice was barely audible now.
Everything Rain had gone through in the last year, everything I put her through had finally hit home. Now more than ever I needed to be that better man. The man that Rain searched for inside of me. The one that she knew was always there and the one that she needed to break out of the darkness that continuously held me back.
Now was that time. Now was the time to walk into the light that Rain had always wanted to give me. It was the time to give Rain what she needed, so we both could finally be healed from all the past damage.
I carefully turned Rain towards me. I knew that if she resisted it would have hurt, but I would have respected her wishes. Her body complied and now we were face to face.
She didn’t speak, but a small glimpse of a smile appeared on her face and the light that had danced in Rain’s eyes for much of the time that I was with her, began to flicker once again.
I tilted my head to one side and regarded her with a deep and comforting smile in return. I gently and almost unconsciously twirled a lost strand of Rain’s hair through my fingers.
My tender, yet brief kiss that I placed on her lips told Rain that I needed to make sure she was okay. It wasn’t a demand; it was more of a plea to her.
Rain placed both her palms next to each other over my heart. She spoke and looked deep into my soul.
“Dominick, I promise you that I’m more than okay. I love you with everything that’s inside of me. If I didn’t, I would have never come back from Capri to fight for you.”
“Rain, you would ha
ve eventually come back. You went because you believed Mema was ill.”
Although the truth was that I didn’t just send her there so she wouldn’t be present at the hearing. I sent her there, so that she would be surrounded by loved ones who would care for her and our twins, should the decision not have gone down the way it had today.
She gave me a look of disapproval that was quite amusing. “You know, Mr. Kane, that is absolutely incorrect and you know it. You sent me there with everyone, because you felt that the Bar Association’s decision was not going to be a good one and you felt that if I was out there, then perhaps that’s where I would stay to be comforted by the familiarity of the past and old friends. Yet there was something you hadn’t counted on.”
The Ties That Bind (Miss Taken Identity #3) Page 34
