SHIFT (Mackenzie Grey #1)

by Karina Espinosa

  I dialed her number and smiled when she answered on the first ring.

  “Kenz! I miss you! Where are you? I was just about to text you,” she said in a loud whisper.

  “I don’t know if I can say where, but I miss you too. Are you okay? Are they treating you good?”

  “Everything is fine, we’re back in Alphabet City in the apartment. I’m just bored. I didn’t think werewolves could be so lame,” she said in her typical sarcastic voice.

  I chuckled. “Yeah, tell me about it, but hopefully this will all resolve itself pretty soon.”

  “Kenz?”

  “Yeah?”

  “When are we leaving?”

  I expelled a heavy breath. I hadn’t thought much about it, but it’s as if I already knew. “After the third full moon,” I whispered into the phone. Bash wasn’t around but I didn’t want to take any chances. I couldn’t afford to have them discover my plans.

  “Okay. That gives us like a week, right?”

  I nodded as if she could see me. “Yeah, almost a week.”

  “Before the first night, I’ll drain my trust,” Amy said and my eyes widened.

  “No! Amy no, are you crazy? That’s your money.”

  “Kenz, don’t worry. I can always ask my folks for more, but we need something to get out of here and start a new life. We need it,” she said and I felt like shit. I didn’t want to have to owe her more than I already did. I never owed Amy money, but I owed her for sticking by me when I found out about the Change, and that’s something I didn’t think I could ever repay. Now she wanted to throw all her money away because of me again? I couldn’t.

  “Amy—”

  “It’s a done deal, Kenzie. Drop the subject.” I sighed. “Listen, the guys are coming back, I have to go before they start asking questions. See you tomorrow?”

  “See you tomorrow,” I said and we said our goodnights.

  I shut my eyes and covered them with my forearms to hide from the lights above. My recent conversation with Amy still resonated in my head. Where would we go? I couldn’t imagine going too far but I felt like that would be my only choice. The farther away I went, the safer I would be.

  My body relaxed and sleep crept to take me under when Sebastian walked back into the room.

  “Wake up,” he barked. I knew his kindness wouldn’t last long. He’s such an ass hat.

  “What?” I said, not bothering to sit up.

  “I said I’d teach you some self-defense.”

  “Can we do it tomorrow? I’m really tired.” I knew I was whining but I was tired. It had been a long day—it was still freakin’ Christmas. So much happened in such a short period of time, I was surprised I was still sane.

  “You can rest when you’re dead. Come on, get up. I don’t like repeating myself.”

  I grumbled as I sat up and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes. With my eyes half mast, I dragged my feet over to an empty space by the fireplace.

  “Fine. Let’s get this over with,” I mumbled and saw the irritation in his face. No matter how he made me feel, I didn’t care. I was sick of all this bullshit werewolf stuff. I wanted my life back when they weren’t part of it. It was easier. But I guess things can never be as easy as we want them to be.

  “Mackenzie, you may think this is a chore, but this can one day save your life. You’re too young to understand now but you will one day,” he said it like he was my father.

  “Oh please. You make it sound as if you’re so damn old. What are you, like twenty five?”

  He snorted. “Add another ten to that.”

  My jaw dropped. “What? You can’t be thirty five?!” Shit. I’d been crushing on an old guy. I know, I was exaggerating again, but compared to my twenty two years, he was thirteen years my senior. That was a pretty big gap.

  “We age differently than humans. Our process is a lot slower,” he said in a serious tone.

  I plopped myself down on the ground, elbows on my knees, and rested my chin on my hands.

  “Does this mean I’m going to live until I’m like a hundred?”

  He sighed, grabbed a nearby chair and sat down. “Probably not.”

  My face fell. “Why not?”

  “Because we also tend to die young. There are many dangers out there, Mackenzie, and we live off animal instinct, which means we’re rash and ill-tempered. Unless we’re able to communicate well with our wolf, we get killed off,” he said, his face grave.

  A knot in the pit of my stomach formed and I wondered how long I would last on my own. Jonah said vampires hunted lone wolves. I wouldn’t be running just from the Pack, but from vampires as well.

  “Do you think I can survive?” I spoke my thoughts out loud, shocked at how honest the question was, and how important his answer would be.

  He watched me for a moment, and I shifted under his scrutiny.

  “I don’t know,” he said in a gruff voice and I could feel my insides tighten. “You’re still a pup, Mackenzie. It’s too early to tell, but you seem like a fighter. I’d bet on you.”

  I looked up at him and couldn’t hold back a small smile. I know, it’s cheesy but it actually meant a lot that he had some confidence in me, a confidence I wasn’t sure I had in myself.

  He slapped his open palms on his thighs and the sound echoed in the sparse room. It made me jump. “Alright, let’s start so we can at least have a couple hours of shut eye,” he said and stood up.

  I slowly got up and he came to a stop in front of me. He was close enough that I could feel the heat radiate off his skin. It gave me goosebumps.

  His scent was different from Jonah’s but I caught the familiar woodsy smell. While Jonah had a fresh air sort of feel, Sebastian had a rugged musk to him.

  I tried to control my breathing at our close proximity. I made the mistake of letting Jonah catch my heart rate, but I wasn’t going to give Sebastian that victory—it seemed more dangerous. And in typical fashion, I babbled to distract both him and my nerves.

  “How did Jonah become your Beta? Are you guys really close friends? What about Jackson? Do you think we’ll find him? What if we don’t? Can—”

  “Mackenzie,” he cut me off. His lips in a tight line. “Breathe.”

  I expelled a breath. Great, so much for being discreet.

  “Jonah and I are best friends, like you and Amy. We grew up together, the three of us. But Jackson liked to do his own thing, so it was usually just me and Jonah. That’s why I made him my Beta, my second in command. I wouldn’t trust anyone else.”

  My voice hitched. “You guys are best friends? Like besties?” I wanted to face palm myself, but this was not something I expected. Sebastian seemed like a loner, a workaholic—I didn’t think he was capable of having friends.

  He nodded and I wanted to crawl into a hole. I was going to destroy a bromance.

  Chapter Sixteen

  “Take a step back, rotate your right hand clockwise outward and pull your assailant. His grip will loosen and then do the combo I showed you. Right hook, left hook, and a knee to the nose. Got it?”

  “Got it.”

  We’d been working on some moves for at least two hours and I was beyond exhausted. My legs and arms were jelly.

  “Come on, Mackenzie. Your attacker isn’t going to wait for you to catch your breath.”

  “Yeah well, thankfully my assailant isn’t here yet and I can,” I said as I rolled my eyes.

  “Don’t do that,” he barked.

  I flinched.

  “Don’t do what?”

  “Roll your eyes,” he growled and it made me do it again. Who the hell did he think he was? Not even my parents acted that way.

  “Mackenzie,” he sneered.

  With renewed strength, I walked over to him, looked him dead in the eyes and started rolling them like an idiot, over and over again.

  His growl got louder and I was making myself dizzy. His hand came up to my upper arm and he pulled me toward him like a defiant child. It startled me and a gasp escaped my lips. />
  “Hey!” I tried to pull away but his hold on me was strong.

  “I told you to stop,” he gritted through his teeth.

  I took a step back, rotated my left arm counterclockwise and pulled—just as he’d taught me. With a little extra power from the wolf, he tipped slightly forward and lost most of his grip on me. Instead of doing the combo, I pushed him off and took a couple steps back—away from him.

  “And I think you’re getting a little abusive, so I suggest you tone that shit down,” I said with enough anger laced in my voice. I didn’t know how submissive Lunas were supposed to be, but I was not down with that shit. If I wanted to roll my goddamn eyes, I would. I might be obnoxious but it didn’t give him the right to put me in place. I was not part of the Pack.

  His face softened just a smidge, but not enough for me to feel sorry for him. “I didn’t mean to,” he said as he looked down at his hands.

  “Yeah, well I think we’ve done enough for tonight.”

  “No. We’re going to continue,” he said and started towards me.

  “Sebastian I said enough!” I yelled and he stopped in his tracks just two feet away from me. “I don’t care if you’re the goddamn president of the United States, I said I’m done.” I turned around to go to the sofa I had laid on earlier, when he grabbed my upper arm again and twirled me around.

  “What the fu—”

  “I’m sorry,” he said and I swallowed my curse. “I didn’t mean to get rough. I have to remember that even though you’re a wolf, you’re more human than anything. And I’m not used to being disobeyed.”

  “And I’m not part of your Pack either. You need to chill out, Bash.”

  “I know,” he said gruffly. “Just bear with me…please?”

  I narrowed my eyes at him so he knew I wasn’t easily persuaded, but deep down, I already knew I forgave him. Not that I’d forget how rough he was, definitely not, but I would be careful next time I wanted to rough up some feathers. I wouldn’t put up with it and it was best if he realized it early on.

  I nodded and he released my arm. He reached around and slid his hand down my back; directing me toward the sofa. I sat down and he followed me, but he seemed odd sitting there. Sebastian’s frame swallowed the lounger we were on, like a parent sitting in one of their children’s play chairs for tea time. With his back a tight rod, he sat upright, his palms flat on his thighs.

  “I need to know, Mackenzie,” he said without looking at me, “is there anything between you and Jonah?”

  I sat stock still, holding my ragged breaths. I didn’t want to say yes or no. The only thing running through my mind was, how the hell did I get in a situation like this? I’d never been really pretty, but I wasn’t ugly either, at least I didn’t think so. My eyes were usually what attracted men, they were a rare and clear grey. And while I did get hit on from time to time, I usually had a permanent resting bitch face on that dissuaded anyone who was interested. But I’d never been put in the middle between two guys. Especially two guys who I was both equally attracted to. Jonah was soft, warm and safe. Whereas Sebastian was hard, callous and dangerous. You’d think this would be an easy decision, but it wasn’t.

  It wasn’t fair of me to contemplate anything with Sebastian after leading Jonah on, because if I was honest, that’s what I did back in Cold Springs—unintentionally—but I did.

  “Why?” I croaked, my throat going dry. I didn’t want to assume he was interested in me.

  “Isn’t obvious, Mackenzie?” His voice was loud in the quietness of the library.

  “You act like you hate me the majority of the time I’m around. So no, it’s not obvious.”

  He scoffed and dragged his blue eyes my way. “I don’t hate you. You’re sometimes immature, but you are young.”

  I rolled my eyes. “If I’m so immature, what’s your deal?” The same question I asked Jonah.

  He took a deep breath while I held mine. My stomach knotted as I waited for his response.

  “I want you.”

  My stomach lurched. This couldn’t be happening to me. The girl who never cared to have a boyfriend, and after James, I swore men off—but this, being between the two of them, made me forget who I was and always had been.

  “That’s not possible, you’re with V,” I muttered in confusion.

  “I’m not with her. She takes care of my needs and that’s the extent of our relationship,” he said with a straight face like this was normal.

  “So she’s a booty call?”

  “A what?”

  “Never mind,” I rolled my eyes and slumped back on the sofa. “Bash, things are messed up right now. Jackson’s missing and I’m not part of the Pack. Let’s prioritize.”

  “No.”

  “What?”

  “I am prioritizing. We cannot do anything about those problems at this precise moment, so it leads me to this. I want you and I need you to say yes.”

  Why couldn’t I just say no? I searched the room as if the answer would be etched on the walnut walls. “You don’t know me, Bash.” It was true, he didn’t. He couldn’t want someone he knew nothing about, especially someone like me, an unknown variable within the Pack. They didn’t even know where I came from.

  “I want to get to know you, but I won’t share you. I need you to be completely mine,” he growled and the hairs on my arm stood up.

  As much of a feminist I thought I was, I should’ve been offended by his possessiveness—but I was not. Something inside me stirred and I felt it all the way down to my core. I didn’t understand.

  “Sebastian,” I hummed and he reached over and pulled me on top of him. I straddled him and felt my eyes go unfocused—a glint of silver surrounded my vision.

  His mouth slid from the crevice of my shoulder and neck and brushed up until his breath tickled behind my ear. My fingers dug into his pitch black locks and it was like running my hands through silk. His tongue rolled down my neck lightly and I closed my eyes.

  I could feel a faraway voice screaming in my head, what are you doing?! But I ignored it.

  With my chest flush against his, he bit my earlobe and growled, pushing my hips down on him. My eyes flicked wide open and I gasped.

  “Say it. Say you’re mine,” he rasped in my ear.

  “Sebastian, please,” I tried to speak but I couldn’t catch my breath.

  “Say it, now,” he growled and a shiver went down my spine.

  “N-no,” I said pushing away. With my hand firmly placed on his chest, he sat back and we were at arm’s length—with me still on top of him. I shook my head to clear it from the fog of sexual frustration that I was obviously going through. “Sebastian, this isn’t right. I can’t control her when I’m like this.”

  “Don’t try to control her. Set her free,” he said as he tried to pull me to him again. He was strong, but my resolve was stronger. Jonah somewhat explained it to me, and this was my wolf’s doing. She wanted this—not that I necessarily didn’t want to—but I was more reserved.

  “No,” I said firmly and he stopped moving. “I’m not like this.” I got off him and put a couple feet between us. My chest rose up and down fast and I held back tears from streaming down my face. I didn’t want to cry, and I wasn’t sad, but I was frustrated in more ways than one and I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to give in, I wanted to give the wolf what she craved, but I couldn’t. My human self wouldn’t let her. God, I need to be locked up in an asylum.

  “Your eyes tell me otherwise, Mackenzie. So what are you like?” He stood up from the sofa and he was like a panther stalking its prey as he strolled towards me. His blue eyes never left mine and I was very aware of every part of my flushed body. I could still feel where he had touched me and where he hadn’t—where I wanted him to. I shook my head.

  “You’re not playing fair, Bash,” I stuttered and he smirked.

  “I know.”

  “Then stop.” He came to a halt a few inches away from me. His hand trailed through my hair as the curls fell o
n top of my breast. A shudder racked through me and I didn’t know how long I would be able to keep the wolf at bay.

  “I won’t stop until I get what I want.”

  So fast I didn’t even register it in time, he grabbed me and I unconsciously wrapped my legs around his waist—holding on to his shoulders. He held me as if I barely weighed a pound.

  “I don’t know what it is about you, Mackenzie Grey, but I want you more than I care to be Alpha. You’re different—you’re a fighter—and that does something to me,” his deep voice whispered. With one hand, he reached for the buttons of my jeans. “I need to mark you as mine.”

  The sound of my zipper echoed loudly in the room and my teeth chattered. I wanted it, but there was resistance. My humanity was fighting with my animalistic side and I felt like I was going crazy, too many emotions and sensations all at once were putting me into overdrive and I was going to combust. Just his touch would be my undoing.

  My back touched the wall and once he started to slide my jeans over my ass—my body froze in fear.

  “Stop,” I croaked. “Sebastian no, enough.”

  He stopped.

  “I can’t. It’s not right. Jonah and me…I don’t know but this isn’t right.”

  My legs unwrapped and I slid down the wall, his body still pressed against mine.

  “I asked you about Jonah,” he growled, but I didn’t care if he was pissed. I was having a hard time sorting through my emotions. “It’s a privilege to have an Alpha.”

  “Dude, back off! I don’t give a shit what you are. I’m going through something and I think I need Jonah’s help…he helped me last time,” I said out of breath. With my hands on my knees, I tried to steady myself but I felt like the wolf would claw herself out of me.

  Just breathe.

  How could I want two guys at the same time? It shouldn’t be possible…

  Just breathe.

  “What’s wrong?” Sebastian barked and it made me jump. His tone had gone back to being serious but I knew it was because he was angry.