When The Butterflies Come

by Rosemary Ness Bitner

  “We donated some old chairs to Goodwill, and I want to revise our occupational tax report and get us a refund. Big bucks, Debbie! I think we can save thirty dollars a year.” Barbara smiled her most Ms. Efficiency smile and ‘fuck you for asking’ look at the skeptical bookkeeper.

  “Good thinking, Barbara,” David chimed in, now smiling and believing the intruder. After all, what Barbara said was all true and it was part of her job. No harm in saving thirty dollars a year. That’s what the office efficiency expert was supposed to do. David turned to Debbie, his back to Barbara, and gave her a nearly indiscernible head shake and dismissive smirk, indicating Barbara was nothing to be concerned about.

  David and Debbie didn’t know it, but an expert tracker was hot on their trail. The sight of the key ring transfer told Barbara there was a secret between these two that no one else in the company was privy to. It was time to know her animals better. It was time to go sleuthing.

  On a hunch, on a Sunday, Barbara went to David’s temple. She went inside, told the custodian she was doing some research, and was directed to the temple’s vast library. She signed in under a fictitious name and was not required to show identification. She browsed about the shelves and stacks, picked up a book on Jewish humor, sat down in a chair where she could see the librarian, and waited. Sure enough, after about a half hour the old woman got up and headed for the restroom.

  Barbara quickly went to her desk and went through the open drawers. She found what she was looking for, the temple’s membership directory. Jews, unlike Christians, must belong to a temple and pay dues to be allowed to attend High Holy Days services. The membership directory showed who was a member. Barbara thumbed the pages until she came to Debbie Wasserman. Bingo! Her suspicions were confirmed. David and Debbie went to the same temple. Likely, they trusted each other to keep secrets.

  Her tracking became a cat and mouse game. Barbara needed to find out why there was a brass key, where David kept it, and why Debbie handed it to him. More sleuthing was required. She’d need to work nights and weekends. Fortunately, she and Mrs. Rodriguez were trusted employees, so she had keys to open the main doors to the offices. On a Friday evening before a long weekend, she left the office like all the others but then returned two hours later. No one was there.

  She went to Susan’s office and unlocked it. In a desk drawer were the keys to all other offices. Taking the keys, she went to the bookkeepers’ offices and unlocked them. Heading to Debbie’s desk, she opened her top drawer. There was the brass key! But didn’t she see David take the key with him? She looked around the office. There was a small fireproof steel file cabinet bolted to the concrete floor next to all the other file cabinets. It had two brass key holes fitted to securely lock it. It was just like a bank safe deposit box. She took Debbie’s key and tested it. It fit one of the locks, but not the other. David’s key had to fit the other lock. But he had that key.

  Weeks passed while Barbara observed David’s pockets. He kept his office keys in the right pocket and his car and house keys in the left. She saw him take office keys from his right pocket and hold them in his hand on two separate occasions; both times the brass key ring and its solo key were there, separate from all the others. Barbara carefully noted the times and movements of David and Muscle Boy. Office gossip was that Muscle Boy was sometimes summoned to David’s office in the afternoons and once there, David locked the door and the two of them made disgusting male mating sounds, especially David who groaned loudly shortly before Muscle Boy left. Before he summoned Muscle Boy, David always, without exception, spent considerable time in the men’s bathroom. Barbara waited to make her move.

  From the office internal phone system, Barbara and Mrs. Rodriguez could tell who was on their phones. Muscle Boy’s phone was almost never in use. When, on a Friday afternoon, David’s phone light was on and Muscle Boy’s also went on, Barbara’s radar went on as well. Sure enough, shortly after the romantic men hung up, David walked past the front office to the men’s room. Barbara excused herself and left her office, telling Mrs. Rodriguez she had to get something from Susan’s office. Instead she went to David’s, unlocked it, let herself in, relocked the door from the inside, and hid herself behind the window drapes.

  It didn’t take long for her tracking to bear fruit. She soon saw bare male asses. David was the first to enter, Muscle Boy arriving shortly after. Barbara peered from behind the curtain as the two men embraced and kissed each other passionately. Then, as if she’d scripted the scene herself, both men took their pants off and hung them behind the door. David went to the low bench and lied down while Muscle Boy began sucking his cock. David’s head was hung over the end of the low bench furthest from the door. His eyes, when not closed, were facing the opposite wall and ceiling. Muscle Boy was kneeling with his ass to the door, looking down on David’s cock. He was sucking in an up and down motion with his head. Just like a common whore giving a blow job, thought Barbara. It was time for her to make her move.

  With both men engrossed in David’s oral sex treatment, Barbara stealthily slipped from behind the curtain drape and tiptoed barefoot to David’s left pants pocket. She removed the brass key ring and key and pressed the key into a warm wax mold. Silently she slipped everything back into David’s pocket. She let herself out and locked the office door from the outside and put her shoes on. In the old days I might have been a good horse thief.

  Getting a wax imprint of Debbie’s companion key was simple fare. When all employees were gone, she let herself into bookkeeping, went to Debbie’s desk, and made an imprint of the key. With the two imprints, she went to a locksmith in another town and had duplicate keys made. Now she was ready to learn what the curious David animal kept so tightly guarded from the world.

  FINDING RUBLINA

  Some mothers cannot suckle their infants because they simply cannot produce milk. Other mothers cannot suckle their babies because the rigors of career and travel place such extraordinary demands upon them that the logistics of the effort overwhelm them and create an unfair burden on the newborn. When a baby cries to suckle, it can’t be told to wait a few hours until mommy’s jet lands and she arrives home on the shuttle. A few women will not suckle their babies because they cannot stand the fact that the baby exists. They wish the kid had not been born. They hate the little bastard. Even apart from all these misgiving women was Eloweiss.

  She was in a daze after birthing David. When the nurses asked if she was ready to hold her new baby, she said, “No.” When Marvin asked if she’d like to have his bassinette wheeled into her hospital room so she could be with him, she said, “No.” As far as she was concerned, she’d done her part and that was the end of it. She gave birth, which was demanded of her by her husband and her family. She’d consented to that. She’d copulated with Marvin, as miserable an experience as it was, until finally a doctor pronounced her pregnant. She promised no more.

  Eloweiss saw little David as her adversary while he was still in her womb. He caused her to outgrow her wardrobe, morning sickness, to miss out on social engagements, to reduce her alcohol consumption, and to go to bed early. She was missing parties. She wasn’t getting her fair share of caviar and foie gras. The only chances she had to pinch shrimp cocktails were when she was invited to a goy’s party and no rabbi would see her eating a shellfish. Now she was being forced to live under a microscope while friends and relatives came to see her offspring. After David was born, Eloweiss’s first priority was to find him a nanny, put him on artificial formula, and stay away from him as much as possible.

  So it was. David grew up with an artificial mother and artificial nourishment for food and love. Marvin loved him all right, but Marvin loved the business and Susan more. David received short attentions from his father and less than nothing from his mother. Eloweiss made no bones about it when the topic of David arose between her and Marvin. She hated the kid. With every year that passed Eloweiss hated David more than the year before. He was a lazy, shifty, lying, thieving, devious homosexu
al and a worthless misfit, she declared to Marvin. Neither parent could understand their prodigy, nor why he behaved as he did.

  After Marvin’s death, when David had more of a say in his own business, he decided to psychologically compensate himself for the lack of his mother’s love. He determined he should not be denied what other men had in any aspect of life, regardless of how late he would partake of its blessing. He placed a call to his good friend Eddie Wilkes, the firm’s accountant.

  “Eddie,” David began, “I need your help finding a suitable personal assistant. I’m thinking her role will be, for corporate appearances and compensation purposes if you understand what I mean, Corporate Secretary to the UGGA. I don’t want just any woman for this position. She doesn’t have to be particularly intelligent. She doesn’t have to be particularly beautiful either. Mainly, Eddie, she has to be very flexible, if you follow my meaning, and she has to have a certain appearance. The appearance aspect is extremely important for this particular role, if you follow what I’m saying.”

  “David, I’m always ready to help you, as I was your father. Tell me exactly what sort of appearance you’re looking for.” Eddie expected David to describe a hot-bodied type, ready to fuck for money. The answer from David took him aback.

  “Well, you remember my mother, Eloweiss, don’t you, Eddie?”

  “Yes, of course, David.”

  “I can provide you with pictures of her when she was in her twenties and thirties if you like.”

  “David, that won’t be necessary. Mrs. Wilkes and I were good friends with your father and mother. I have many pictures of the four of us together. Is the woman you’re looking for supposed to resemble your mother?’

  “Yes.”

  “May I be so bold as to ask why?”

  “No, Eddie. That’s none of your business. And about your pictures, Eddie. Do you have one of mother’s sitting profiles, one with her big tits busting out of her blouse?”

  “Well, no, nothing exactly like that.”

  “That’s okay, Eddie. I’ll have a copy of that picture made and I’ll get it over to you.”

  “So what will I be looking for, David, a pair of tits or a face like your mother’s?”

  “Both, Eddie, as best you can find a match.”

  “Got it. But David, if it comes down to one with a closer face and one with a closer set of tits, which would you prefer?”

  “I’ll likely hire the girl with the biggest tits.”

  “And how about her religion? Must she be Jewess, or can she be a goy?”

  “I don’t give a shit about her religion.”

  With those instructions and a photograph copy of Eloweiss’s profile which emphasized her mountainous tits, Eddie went to work. He placed advertisements in the local newspapers for an executive secretary with vague descriptions of needed skills, such as:

  “Must be comfortable in an executive setting, have flexible attitudes and work hours, and be willing to cooperate to accomplish demanding tasks. Relocation expenses will be paid.”

  He also contacted three personnel agencies and offered a thirty-percent commission based upon the successful woman’s first years’ salary if she was referred by their firm. There was no mention of typing or dictation skill requirements, no need for references, and no need for a work history. The employer was willing to pay 25% above the going rate for top-notch executive secretaries for the chosen applicant. Thus began a nationwide search for a perfectly matching set of tits.

  Thousands of applications poured into Eddie Wilkes’s office. He narrowed the field to three thousand by applying age discrimination methods. No woman over thirty-five and none under the age of twenty-nine passed the first hurdle. The second screen was marital status. Only single women and divorcees were allowed, and the field narrowed to twelve hundred applicants. Eddie set up a pre-screening whereby the final twelve hundred were personally interviewed by a junior man on his staff. Women traveled at their own expense from as far as a thousand miles away to get to the preliminary interview. Each was given some simple questions on a sheet of paper to fill out, questions like adding up a column of six numbers and answering who the president of the country was. It was a simple but necessary test to get a look at the applicants. Women the junior man assessed to have breasts smaller than size 38 EE were thanked for their interest and excused.

  Eddie’s junior man screened the prospects down to twenty women who had ‘the right looks.’ Eddie would choose the final three. Each of the twenty came to his office. He asked them to walk across the room and bring him a glass of water, then sit sideways in a chair. By their facial resemblance to Eloweiss in her prime, their body carriage, posture, and breast sizes, Eddie ranked the three most likely to meet David’s approval and referred them to him for their final interview.

  The first woman had an elderly mother afflicted with Parkinson’s at home. While she declared that her mother’s needs were amply cared for by caregivers, David suspected potential conflicts for his time requirements. He told her he’d get back to her.

  The second woman sat across from David in his office and deliberately adjusted her skirt in a manner which plainly presented him with a beaver shot. Obviously, this woman was a player and an astute opportunist. David asked her a test question, mixed in with some routine ones about getting along in a team environment. “What would you do if you saw a male employee physically abusing one of the female staff members?”

  “Like doing what?”

  “Like raping her.”

  The woman’s answer was reflexive. “Why, I’d tell you about it right away, sir.”

  “And if I weren’t here, what would you do?”

  “Well, I’d wait until you returned.” David liked what he was hearing.

  “But if I were away on hunting trips and not scheduled to be in touch with the office for another four weeks, then what would you do?”

  “Well, sir, I think I’d go to the next person in charge and report him.”

  “You’re the next person in charge. What will you do?”

  The woman became flustered. After a moment, she asked, “Do I have the power to dismiss this man?”

  “No.”

  After another moment, the woman said, “Well, I’d report this criminal act to the police.”

  Again, David thanked her for her time and thoughtful answers and told her he’d get back to her.

  The third woman showed up in a disheveled state. Her blouse wasn’t tucked in properly, her makeup was sloppily applied with lipstick smudged upon her cheek, she smacked bubble gum with her mouth open, and tendrils of her hair were adrift from their plastic retainers and dangling over her face. She had the annoying habit of brushing her hair away from her eyes. Even her brassier appeared to have been improperly arranged. It looked as if one breast were strangely positioned higher on her chest than the other. But the most egregious thing about this slovenly lassie was that she reeked of alcohol. Either she just came from an unusual happenstance where alcohol was flowing freely and she had no sense of self-restraint, or she was a drunkard. David’s interest was piqued. She was the spitting image of his mother.

  “And by what name are you called, miss?”

  “Well, my formal name is Rublina, but people who get to know me call me Ruby.”

  Her words were slurred, and she had a goofy sort of smile that pronounced she didn’t care about anything in the world. Her teeth were okay, not great. Dental work could make her mouth perfect. She was cogent somehow that this David fellow had some unfulfilled personal need and she was one of the finalists considered to fill it. She figured she needed the money, so she’d just play along with whatever this bizarre-looking duck of a man wanted. Her life was a moment-by-moment existence. David sized her up as a woman with no self-esteem, no morals, no sense of hygiene, and dead broke with no plans and no clue.

  “Do you know why you’re here?” David asked.

  “You tell me, Daddy O,” replied the interviewee, chewing her wad of bubble gum like a cow
chewing cud.

  This lush was bold enough to remind him he was old enough to be her father. She wasn’t easily intimidated. “Well, I’m looking for a personal assistant. Someone I can train to do some very personal work for me.”

  “Well, I can be as personal and as assisting as you want, Mr.…?”

  “David. Call me David, please.”

  “Well, David, as long as you’re paying the big bucks, I’ll be glad to do anything you want. You can fuck me every day if that’s what turns you on.”

  “I said I wanted to train you. I didn’t say I wanted to fuck you.”

  “Okay. Jesus Christ, don’t get so sensitive. I’m imminently trainable, David. You train me to do it, whatever it is, and I’ll do it. Okay?”

  “Do you have any children or other dependents?”

  “Yes, one. I have a son who lives in my apartment with me.”

  “How old is your son?”

  “He’s seventeen, David.”

  “Can you still manage him?”

  “Oh, sure. He’ll do whatever I tell him to do. He won’t get in the way of any training you have planned for me.”

  Maybe it was this inebriated woman’s intuition, or maybe she was just an easy squeeze for any man; regardless, she did the unexpected. She stood up, walked around behind David’s desk, and wrapped her arms around his neck. She pulled his head up to her size 40 EE breasts and rubbed them against his face before kissing him smack on the lips. She was not the typical job applicant. “Pops, I could fall in love with you, if you let me. I’m ready for training,” she declared.

  David was taken aback by the woman’s bold advance. He pulled his head away from her. “Kissing won’t be necessary, Rublina. That’s not part of the job description.” As David said these words to her, he trembled slightly before her powers. She very much reminded him of Eloweiss. He was awed by Rublina’s breasts.