Earth Tactics Advance: Volume 1

by Scottie Futch

  He stood on the back of the wrecked pick-up truck that he currently used as an attacking point, and sighed. “Dammit, really?”

  “Are you the one bullying my cute little subordinates?” asked the new arrival. Her skin held a coppery-golden hue and sparkled in the light. She had small horns that rose from her skull, a tiny set of fangs, and a tail like a crocodile. Behind her ears, Scott could see a frill that was multicolor like a rainbow.

  “They set me on fire and tried to eat me,” said Scott in a dead pan manner.

  She cocked her hip to the side and placed a hand upon it. The other hand rose up to cradle her chin. “Really?”

  The red lizard man waved his hands back and forth and cried out. “No! He attacked us first!”

  “You attacked me yesterday,” pointed out Scott.

  The new arrival gasped loudly then placed both hands to her hips. She leaned forward in a manner that was entirely too distracting, before she pouted at him. “Racism! Racism right here on this bridge!”

  “Wha—?” asked Scott in confusion. Why was this overly busty handbag going on about racism?

  “We didn’t control this bridge yesterday! We found it empty last night and claimed it for our clan!”

  “Oh? So, you’re saying different lizard men had it before?” asked Scott.

  “Yeah, and we don’t all look alike you know,” she said with a feminine huff.

  “Well, you certainly look different,” said Scott. A blind man could see that much.

  “Oh? Do I?” she asked curiously. She took a moment to run her hands down her sides like she was smoothing out her non-existent clothing.

  “You’re sparkly,” said Scott with more levity than he felt. She was positioned outside his range, so he could not attack before the battle began again. Given the way her cute subordinates acted prior to her arrival, she had to be pretty tough. If she was only a little stronger than the red one, the fight could end up going an entirely different direction for him. He was not up for another boss battle, yet.

  She chuckled softly then lashed her tail lazily like a crocodile moving through a river on a warm sunny day. “True. I suppose you humans look alike mostly as well.”

  Scott nodded. There was an awkward pause after that.

  “So… What now, human?” asked the lizard woman.

  “I need to take people across this bridge. The river is a little dangerous for my people,” said Scott.

  She rubbed her chin. “You come to my home, bully my subordinates, and then tell me that you want to cross my bridge?”

  “Pretty much,” said Scott. She was the only real threat here. The rest of the lizard men were too low in level to do much, even the red guy.

  “So aggressive!” She narrowed her eyes and granted him a predatory smile. “Say, would you like to mate with me?”

  Scott blinked. He blinked hard. Had he just heard that? “What?”

  “Aren’t I pretty enough for you?” She turned around and bent over before reaching back to pull her tail upward. “I'm certain that we are physically compatible, and we would have strong babies. I bet they would all be at least red lizard men, if not blue!”

  The lizard men who had gathered round began to babble energetically. They seemed to be quite excited about the idea of their boss getting plowed by some random guy who'd killed several of their friends. What kind of people were they?

  “I really don’t know you like that…” said Scott. He could already tell. It was going to be one of those days, wasn't it?

  “What do you mean? Do you need to know something about me to mate with me?” she asked, confusion in her voice. She turned back toward him before he answered.

  “Sorry, the last girl who openly admitted that she wanted me inside of her tried to drown me to prove her love,” said Scott, more as a way to side-step the issue than to continue the conversation.

  The lizard queen, or whatever she was, laughed a little. “Seriously?”

  “Yeah. She keeps singing about it,” said Scott.

  “Singing… Wait! Is your name Scott?” she asked, mischief in her eyes.

  “Uh, yeah…” he said slowly. How had she known? This conversation was becoming stranger by the moment.

  She laughed so hard that she started to snort. “No way! I mean, I get it, but this is too good!”

  “Am I missing something?” asked Scott.

  “The mermaid queen in this area, all she does is sit around and crush on some guy. She’s hopeless,” said the lizard girl.

  Scott had a sinking feeling. “She’s some sort of queen, or something?”

  “Well, there’s only like five mermaids that I’ve ever seen in the river. She’s their leader, but all she’s done for the last two days is sing about the big one who got away,” admitted the leading lizard.

  “Man, now I feel bad. If she didn’t try to drown and eat me, I’d apologize,” said Scott. This was a strange conversation, but what had not been strange of late? Either way, it was better than wholesale slaughter. Unfortunately, he did not have time for lengthy conversations at the moment.

  “Well, that’s nice of you,” she said lightly. Her eyes narrowed slightly and she canted her hips to the side. “Would you apologize if you broke my heart?”

  “You seem nice enough. I’d hate to hurt your feelings, even if I might have to bully you a little.” It was true enough. He had to move this along. Either they were going to fight, or do whatever, but his people couldn’t stay on the road forever.

  She tilted her head to the side. “You want to bully me a little?”

  “I have to get my people across the bridge. They’re exposed on the road,” he said

  “True enough. The ghouls don’t like to chat. Tell you what. You pay a toll to use our bridge whenever you need to cross. Only you, or people with you can cross, though. Alright?” she offered.

  “Sounds like a reasonable request. What’s the toll?” he asked.

  She turned around and presented her backside to him once more, before she looked back over her shoulder. “Bully me a little?”

  A chorus of lusty cheers rose up from the gathered lizard men. Scott sighed loudly. Somehow, he knew it would turn out this way. It was like every reasonably attractive monster girl in town wanted to have his babies.

  “Fine, whatever. Can I take my people across first, so they can get home?” asked Scott.

  She eyed him critically for a moment. “Well, alright, but you better bully me properly, or I’ll be mad.”

  “I’ll come back,” said Scott. One way or another, he had to return. Either he would keep his promise, or there would be a lot of new boots going back to the house. Things could not be left to swing loose in the wind, however.

  “Good! I look forward to it,” she said with a smile. She then struck a sexy pose and snapped her fingers. “Minions! Withdraw.”

  The green lizard folk dove over the side of the bridge, but the red one could not move properly. Scott felt a little bad for the thing despite how it had tried to fry him. “Hey, do restorative potions work on your people?”

  “Restoratives?" asked the lizard queen.

  “You know, put a bloodstone gem in a little water and drink what you get from that?” he asked.

  “Oh! Yes. We don’t have any, though. We ran out yesterday,” she said.

  Scott took out his bottle of restorative and tossed it toward the weakly moving lizard man. “I don’t know if that’ll do much when you’re missing a leg, but you’re welcome to it.”

  The red lizard man said, “For me…?” and looked at him with eyes that seemed surprisingly innocent for a crocodile headed monster man.

  “Sure, sorry about the misunderstanding,” said Scott.

  Tears came to his crocodilian eyes. “Oh, I don’t know what to say.”

  “Just drink it, girl. It’s only a leg. It’ll grow back in a week,” said the lizard queen.

  He, rather she, stopped babbling and downed the whole bottle. Her horrible leg wound healed over and
the stump stopped bleeding.

  Scott blinked. “Damn, that was fast.”

  It took him a brief moment to realize the other thing that he should have noted from the conversation. He was a she! He tilted his head to the side as the retreating lizard girl hobbled away. She lowered her crocodilian eyelids briefly, and then tilted her head down and to the side.

  The scales beneath her eyes darkened slightly. “Thank you for your kindness,” she said before she threw herself over the rail. A splashing sound signaled her return to the water down below.

  “Lizard folk have great natural regeneration. Restoratives like that only accelerate natural healing, so it’s to be expected,” the lizard queen told him, just before she snorted then shook her head. “She’s a good kid, a little young to be on the surface, but what can we do. That poor flighty girl is the only salamander soldier that we have. She needs experience.”

  “Why not go hunt ghouls? That fire breath would roast a whole horde of them,” said Scott.

  “We do, but… they don’t usually come close enough to the water nowadays. Even their weaker members have a little sense of self-preservation. My young ones are a little shy about going too far away from it. The girls of my people usually are, and we're all girls here.”

  Scott nodded. “I understand. I have people back home who need to increase their level, but they’re a little afraid to be out.”

  “Yeah, but what can you do? They have to learn some time.” She shrugged impressively then sat down on the tailgate of a nearby truck. “This world is vast, and new to us. We need to expand unless we want to die out.”

  “So, your people aren’t originally from here?” asked Scott. He had certainly assumed that much, but what did he really know?

  She shook her head. “No. Our original home is an overcrowded swamp. We were tired of never being allowed to hunt for proper mates, and of always being under the foot of the bigger clans"

  “Sorry to hear that things were tough for your people. Things were pretty nice here, until well…”

  “Yeah, if saying I’m sorry would change that I would say it." She eyed him thoughtfully. "I didn't cause all of this to happen. It won’t change a thing to apologize for something I took advantage of when given an opportunity to help my people. So, screw it."

  "We’re here, now. We need to live somehow. So, we fight,” said the lizard queen.

  “I can’t fault you for that, but you’ll have to forgive me if my people feel the same,” said Scott.

  She smiled warmly. “I wish you well unless you attack my people again.”

  “Same to you,” said Scott.

  She nodded. “I don’t expect you to come back, you know. That was just for my clan to hear.”

  Scott looked toward where the group he was escorting waited. “I said I would.”

  She chuckled softly then made a great show of stretching her limbs. “You’re sweet. I can see why she won’t shut up about you.”

  “Who… Oh, the mermaid?” asked Scott.

  “Yes, of course,” she said.

  Scott looked at her for a moment. “Do you really want me to bully you?”

  She granted him a sweet, if somewhat predatory, smile. “Queenly duties. I need to mate with the strongest I can find, for the good of my tribe.”

  “I’m not sure that I’m ready to be a father,” said Scott.

  She blinked then threw her head back and laughed. She even slapped her thigh and shook her head while she did it.

  “What’s so funny?” he asked.

  “You can’t actually get me pregnant. We aren’t even the same species.” She laughed once more. It was the sort of laugh that many would consider genuine and warm.

  “What was all that red and blue lizard man talk then?” asked Scott.

  She laughed a little more. “Sorry. I’ll just absorb your spiritual energy, a bit of your mana. During the next full moon I’ll spontaneously give birth regardless of whether you're involved or not, you know like some lizards do? Your essence will make my babies stronger, but you won’t be a daddy.”

  “Oh,” he said softly.

  She blinked. “You almost sound sad to hear that.”

  “Dunno, maybe a little,” said Scott. He was more than a little confused by his own feelings on the matter. On the one hand, he was not ready to a lizard daddy. On the other hand, it would have been interesting.

  Her face darkened slightly and her nostrils flared a little. “That’s probably the sweetest thing that I’ve heard in a while. Thank you.”

  Scott shrugged. “Not trying to be sweet. You’re just the first non-human I’ve met who has actually chatted with me without trying to drag me off or drown me for love.”

  He thought better of it after a moment as the image of a certain undead music sensation reared her beautiful head. "Well, almost the only one..."

  “Well, you’re my first human,” she said before brushing her hair back behind her left ear and frill. “I’m a little surprised that you’re willing to bully me.”

  He blinked, and then looked at her with an incredulous expression. “Have you not seen yourself before? I’m sure a lot of guys would love to bully you.”

  She smiled brightly at the praise. “Really? You think so?”

  “Sure,” He nodded. "Any sensible guy would bully you daily."

  She placed a finger to her lip. “I'm a busy sort of person. A daily bullying might be too much, but I think I might like it if you were cross my bridge a few times a week.”

  “I might need to go on a road trip now and then,” said Scott.

  “Don’t tease me,” she said, her cheeks darkening slightly.

  “You might like it,” countered Scott.

  She laughed. “You’re dangerous! Go! Take your people across my bridge and come back to me if you truly mean it.”

  “It’s nice to do things together. Isn’t it?” he asked playfully.

  She laughed again then shook her head. “Yeah, I’m in trouble.” She rolled backward over the side of the bridge then splashed down in the water. Just like that, the lizard queen had returned to her watery demesne.

  Scott glanced down at the corpses of the lizard men that he had killed. He was conflicted by what he saw. On the one hand, he had been certain they were enemies. On the other, they had not really done anything to him until his attack.

  “Damn.” He turned and walked away from the carnage. He had to finish up his current task, but life had just become more complicated. If every monster that he met was not automatically an enemy, how the hell was he supposed to act?

  After he returned to the group, he led them across the bridge. Several sets of eyes stared at the dead lizard men as they walked past them.

  True to her word, the lizard queen and her girls did not attack them. Scott led the little family to Rosa’s house. Frank, Rosa, and a few other people were at the gate by the time that they arrived.

  “You made it back, man,” said Frank.

  Rosa granted him a brief smile then nodded at Harley. “Welcome back.”

  “Yeah, we made it. How did everything go here?” asked Scott with a tired smile.

  “It was a little active last night. Giant rats kept popping up because of the corpses, but they didn’t get inside,” said Rosa.

  “We should probably use one of those crystals tonight then to make sure random monsters don’t just roam around near here,” said Scott, “Sounds good."

  He looked to Frank and asked, "Any word from the other group in town?”

  “No, nothing.” Frank glanced over to Tammi then back to Scott. “You gonna go tell Daniel?”

  “Tomorrow if we don’t hear from them. I have to go pay a toll for crossing the bridge, and go hunting with Rosa later,” said Scott. "He's probably hanging around near the shopping arcade, and it would be a good idea to head back for some night hunting around there anyway."

  Rosa made a slight coughing noise then reached up and gripped a lock of her hair before looking away. Scott smiled at he
r briefly, due to the obvious embarrassment she showed when their scheduled hunting trip was mentioned.

  “Who are you paying?” asked Frank.

  “I made a deal with the leader of the lizard men who took over the bridge last night. We can cross freely, but only if it’s me or people are with me. I have to pay a toll each time, though,” said Scott.

  “Wait, wait, wait-a-minute! You actually talked to monsters?” asked Frank, his eyes wide.

  “Yeah. I've done that a few times. You do know some of them talk, right? Like the goblins,” said Scott.

  “I know that, but… can we trust— I mean, damn, man.” This was a bit of mind-blowing news as far as Frank was concerned.

  “It’s fine. I trust them about as far as I can trust anyone in this world whom I just met,” said Scott. “Besides that, they kept their part of the deal so far and let Daniel’s family across when it would have been easy to overwhelm us. Their leader is strong, probably stronger than the hobgoblin we fought given how her subordinates reacted.”

  They reached the door to the house and everyone went in except for Frank, Scott, and Harley before Frank asked what the toll was once more. Scott sighed. “Well…” He explained the situation to Frank and the man’s eyes widened in surprise.

  Frank barked out an incredulous laugh before he asked, “You kidding? You really gonna do it?”

  “They live right next to us, and we need access to that bridge. The lizard queen seemed like a fairly nice person, and I even received a word of thanks from one of the lizard folk that I fought when I offered them a healing drink," said Scott. He took a breath then released it slowly for emphasis, "I get the impression that we might not have needed to fight at all if I didn't rush in there."

  “Yeah, what about the other ones?” asked Frank.

  “Even after I killed off some of her friends, and chopped off her leg, the red lizard thanked me for my kindness. I get the feeling that they aren’t used to anyone outside of their clan treating them nicely, except maybe the mermaids,” said Scott.