A Pound of Flesh

by Susan Wright

  "Don’t concern yourself with that." The doj peered through the gloom of the cabin. "You are much younger than I had imagined. I thought that you two were . . ."

  "Lovers?" I glanced at Bene.

  "She would not," Bene declared, with very real vexation.

  I put my hand on his hair. "Bene’s like a brother to me."

  He grabbed my hand and kissed it. "You are my savior, Marja!"

  The doj nodded agreement. "That she is . . ."

  I pulled the doj away, claiming Bene needed to rest. Out in the fading daylight, the crew and shipmaster were once again rapt with attention to see their ruler walking about their ship like an ordinary man.

  Silvo turned to me. "Why must you go, Marja? The shipmaster says your destination is in the isles."

  "I am called there," I said softly. "But we mustn’t speak of that. I cannot reveal a sacred trust, just as I will never betray yours."

  "You left too fast, Marja. I had to see you one last time."

  "So you tracked me down and came to scare the mischief out of the shipmaster and his crew," I teased.

  "Yes, but you let me this time," he pointed out.

  ’Twas true, I hadn’t obscured myself with the olfs or tried to hide away. "Perhaps I wanted to tell you something."

  He nodded. "Your words are always precious to me."

  "Then listen carefully. I know more about your mother than you may think, for I am very much like her. You did not fail her, Domen. Your mother was not forced to accept Loranzo or their bond would not have lasted her lifetime. That kind of love is very rare, I have discovered. I believe she chose her lover, just as I chose you."

  For a moment he looked like a boy, filled with pain and uncertainty. But understanding grew, and he nodded slowly.

  He raised my hand and kissed it. He had never done so before. Without another word, he descended the ramp to the dock. The sentries proceeded before him, clearing the way for their doj.

  After we set sail and Veneto disappeared behind us, Lexander still kept his distance from me. We were a dismal group for days on end as Bene recovered. Eshter often whimpered in her sleep, and she told me about some of the tortures that the patrons and masters had inflicted on them. Eshter’s family had sold her against her wishes when Renata offered them too much to refuse.

  But when Bene was finally on the mend, there was no stopping his irrepressible ways. He was worse than the olfs onboard, always dabbling where least expected. While he was still in a weakened state, he seduced his nurse, Eshter. After that, I often heard them rutting in the night or at first light.

  One afternoon I came into the cabin to find Eshter down on her knees sucking his tarse. Her buttocks were exposed, with her skirt hiked up around her waist, and her bodice was lying on the floor. Bene was lolling back, enjoying it, his long curls falling into his eyes.

  I quickly shut the door. "Don’t let those sailors see you or you’ll have your hands full."

  Then I wished I hadn’t entered, because they both smiled at me invitingly.

  "Come join us," Eshter said, reaching out to me. She had a lovely hand and a dusky arm and rounded shoulder. I wanted to touch her, to see her black eyes close in pleasure and a slow flush infuse her rich skin.

  Bene grinned, an edge of his old frustration tingeing his voice. "Yes, it’s about time, Marja."

  "Many thanks, but no," I demurred, opening the door a crack to slip back outside.

  Bene let out a sigh. "She never will," he said to Eshter, whose disappointed expression made me feel bad in spite of myself.

  I leaned against the rail, watching the waves and the undulating muddy line of the shore pass by in the distance. I longed for the simple release that pleasure could give. Bene was very tempting. Sometimes when he sprawled out on the bowcastle, his skin shining under the fierce sun, I wanted to sink my mouth onto his and abandon myself to desire. He was so good and true! But I didn’t want to hurt him.

  Eshter began to pursue me after that. She wasn’t overt. She simply did things for me, ever attentive as Bene required less of her care. He began to make inroads on the sailors, and Lexander scolded him for rutting with at least one of the rough men in our cabin.

  Eshter stayed by my side so I was never without a companion. She lovingly tended to my hair, helped me wash, and cleaned our clothes. I couldn’t stop her. So I acquiesced when I normally wouldn’t have cared about the filth involved in a sea voyage. The cabin was swept and the bedding thoroughly aired and beaten by our second day onboard.

  I couldn’t touch the water, but the ceaseless motion of the ship enabled me to commune with the sea spirits. I confessed how I had used the Cilean attack to betray Castropiero and free the slaves.

  In return, they showed me the doj alone in the boat launch with his hand thrust into the water. He was calling to me, in the only way he knew how. I sent him my good wishes, though I didn’t know if he could hear.

  As we sailed southward, the spirits rewarded my confession with smooth seas and good wind. I saw plenty of raiders through their scattered images, but no ships ventured close to us.

  As we passed into the Sea of Isles, the air grew warm and sultry, heavy with moisture. We joined a convoy of merchant ships in threading our way through the sage-green hills. The abundance of sheltering islands provided cover for raiders, so there was safety in numbers for the merchant shipping.

  The shallow water was a brilliant blue-green and very calm. The people had darkened skin and curling black hair. Their robes flowed down to their feet, while the children ran about in brief tunics.

  Our convoy stopped at an island to refill our water barrels. The hills were so steep around the bay that the houses marched up the sides. On top of a cliff stood rows of fluted columns. It had once been a structure, but the roof was gone, and the stones were bleached white like the rib cage of a great dead beast.

  I was lured by the call of the land, intoxicated by the depth of time. Beyond the babble of spirits was an indelible impression of people living in this ordinary fishing village seemingly forever.

  As we prepared to disembark, Lexander cautioned us, "You don’t know the ways of these people or their tongue. Stay near me and all will be well."

  "The olfs will help me," I reminded him.

  My connection to the spirits seemed to make Eshter nervous. "Do we have to go?"

  "You can remain here, if you’d like," Lexander agreed. "We won’t be gone long. The convoy will be leaving at sunset."

  "I want to get out and run!" Bene exclaimed. He gave Eshter a kiss on the forehead. "But you can guard the home fires, sweeting, such as they are."

  "That purse is our greatest concern," Lexander said, referring to the coins the doj had given me. He had tucked the small bag into a crevice in the joint of a beam.

  Eshter still looked confused, so I told her, "Do whatever you want."

  "Latch the door behind us," Lexander advised. "And don’t let anyone else in. Even the shipmaster himself."

  I didn’t have to hear the sound of the latch dropping behind us to know Eshter would obey Lexander. It was the duty of a pleasure slave to always please others. But she would learn, as Bene was learning.

  We climbed down the rope ladder, the sun beating down on our heads. The heat raised a heavy stench on the waterfront.

  Lexander bargained with shopkeepers for a basket of dried fruit and bottles of wine, getting a handful of odd coins in return for a gold one. He kept calling to Bene and me as we wandered around looking at things that were for sale—shaggy furs, pots glazed in red and black, and a herd of huge goats. Lexander bought a jug of goat’s milk. I dribbled a bit for the olfs to taste. Bene quaffed his cup and asked for another. Lexander refilled the jug to take back to Eshter.

  As part of his banter with the merchants, Lexander asked about the isle of Tremiti. They said it was a fair-sized island close to the eastern shores, ruled by a king who was loyal to Ditalia. That meant he paid homage to Kristna.

  Then one of the olfs cal
led me into a temple that was dedicated to the sun. It was warm and full of light. The floor was embedded with chips of stone, a mosaic of the rising sun between the islands and vivid blue waves. A fire burned on the altar, fed constantly by women who had dedicated themselves to the service of the sun god.

  Bene and Lexander were not in sight by the time I emerged from the peaceful place. I descended through the sleepy town, lulled under the full warmth of the sun.

  At the turn in the lane, I saw them sauntering ahead. Lexander had his arm around Bene, helping to support the basket on his shoulder. Bene laughed; then Lexander leaned over and gave him a rough kiss.

  The casual intimacy of it struck me. Lexander never touched me anymore. He had agreed to help me, but nothing more. The first time he had desired me was when he realized I was a true submissive. But now I would no longer submit to him in every way.

  There was nothing that could be done about our estrangement. My conflicted feelings over his betrayals didn’t matter. As I had changed, so had his love for me.

  As we sailed from the fishing village, the setting sun at our backs, I had only one thing on my mind. Lexander lingered on deck, leaning over the railing and sadly staring at the waves split by our passage.

  Finally I approached Lexander and broke my silence. "Do you love Bene?"

  "Love him? No. But he is endearing. He reminds me of so many young men who become pleasure slaves. Canille trained him well, nurturing his talents. I’m very glad that you rescued him so his spirit was not crushed by my people."

  He was so admiring that he might well have said Yes. "Then why are you rutting with him? Unless you’re seeking a new slave."

  He shot me a pained look. "How can you ask me that?"

  "I’ve refused Bene’s advances since we left Montplaire. I won’t let him serve me because if I do, he’ll only continue to be a slave."

  "Bene has grown a great deal since Castropiero. I wouldn’t worry about him being too subservient. And I’m only one among several he ruts with. But you, now, you’re another matter. You’ve withheld for too long— you’re unattainable."

  "What do you mean?"

  "Remember the summer of your training, when I ordered you not to speak?" His voice lowered, as if sharing a secret only masters were taught. "I didn’t touch you for moons. And then the first moment I did . . ."

  I remembered how he had trailed his hand along my waist down to my thigh. His light touch had sent lines of fire ripping through my body. I had climaxed almost instantly. "Is that what I’m doing with Bene?"

  "People always yearn for what they can’t have."

  "You think it was a trick that made me fall in love with you?"

  "Certainly that was part of it." He nodded toward the stern. "I think you’ll do Bene no harm if you have a roll with him. Maybe even together with Eshter. That should rub off a bit of your glamour."

  I blinked. "I’ll consider it."

  I forced myself to walk away from him. Climbing down from the bowcastle, I went directly to our cabin. Eshter had lit a candle in the holder on the wall. She was snuggled in bed with Bene already. We had feasted early on the fresh provisions from the marketplace.

  They looked so content. I wanted to feel that way, too. I missed holding my beloved, feeling adored and comforted.

  "Is something wrong, Marja?" Bene asked. Eshter was ready to do my bidding.

  I sat down on the edge of their bunk. They usually slept together, though there was another bunk above it. The other lower bunk was mine.

  "I . . ." I couldn’t quite say it. I touched Bene’s leg through the blanket. "I want you."

  Suddenly tears came. I was crying because I couldn’t say that to Lexander. Not anymore.

  Bene put his arms around me with Eshter hugging us both. "What’s wrong, Marja?" Bene cried.

  I had to laugh through my tears. This was no way to start! I wiped my eyes, pulling away slightly. "I’m being daft. Because I’ve wanted this for so long."

  I leaned over and kissed him long and deep, the way I had imagined. He tasted good, and smelled of manly sweat and musk from rutting with Eshter.

  Bene’s face lit up. "Truly, Marja?"

  I kissed Eshter. She was soft where Bene was hard, sweet and fragrant where he was tangy and sharp. They soon had my dress off and laid me back in the bed. They wouldn’t let me do a thing. They caressed every part of me, rubbing out the tension, stroking heat into my flesh, and licking me into ecstasy. I drifted on waves of lust, and knew this was how delicious I made others feel.

  I wondered if Lexander would come in and join us. But he didn’t. He returned to climb into his bunk after all three of us were curled around each other, nearly asleep.

  23

  The island of Tremiti was a low, stony mound rising out of the turquoise sea. The exposed rock was white, like the buildings, with sparse vegetation along the coast.

  "Allonis may have been warned about you," I reminded Lexander.

  He adjusted the cloth over his head, cinched by a band. It was a common headdress among eastern folk, and concealed his distinctive smooth head. "I shall be very careful when I make my inquiries about the house."

  He stared at the island intently. I could almost see him planning the attack in his head. He seemed impatient to get this over with so he could continue on to Stanbulin.

  "You won’t do anything without telling us?" I had to ask.

  His mouth pursed slightly. "You still don’t trust me, Marja? I suppose I deserve it."

  With that, he walked away.

  The shipmaster took us to the largest town on Tremiti. Knidos was on a tranquil, open bay. It was much like the fishing village our convoy had stopped at, only larger. The houses filled the steep hillsides and along the very top were clusters of ancient stone buildings with rows of white columns. Some were in ruins.

  Once we stepped on shore, Lexander took charge. He kept a comforting hand on Eshter’s arm, soothing her from time to time. She had been confined in the gloomy slave barracks of Castropiero for too many seasons, and the sleepy little town overwhelmed her.

  Bene barely noticed. He was too excited, running ahead up the narrow, winding lanes. Cats sunned themselves on the whitewashed walls and on stoops; hunched old women wearing black scarves and skirts gathered like crows in the nooks and crannies, gesturing broadly as they spoke.

  We took a room in a modest inn for traveling merchants. I lingered near the main door, where I could overhear the conversations, soaking up the language through the olfs. Eshter stayed in our room, relieved to retreat from the bustle.

  Lexander refused to allow Bene to accompany him, so he ran in and out, exploring the neighborhood and returning with bits of food, describing the things he had seen. There were several small Kristna sanctuaries scattered among the more numerous shrines to myriad gods: rulers of sea, sky, and land. Even the bakers had their own patron god. As usual, the language barrier didn’t seem to bother Bene.

  Together we went to see the largest of the Kristna sanctuaries, not far upriver from Knidos. It was perched on top of a rock spire. Nearly a hundred clerics lived there, herding their goats and climbing the dangerous path up the cliff face while carrying supplies on their backs. It seemed that Kristna must be powerful indeed to command such an unassailable promontory. But I saw an olf tweak a cleric’s nose on a whim, and another olf caused a cleric to lose his footing on the stones. Surely Kristna would not allow that if he ruled supreme on this isle.

  The king, it seemed, had fallen on hard times. His old rambling palace was perched prominently on a hilltop. Columns had fallen down and the roof was riddled with huge holes. Clearly something was amiss here.

  On Lexander’s return, we all came together in our room. But Eshter was in tears and her swollen face showed that she had been crying for some time. Bene tried to comfort her, but she exclaimed, "I can’t help you! You should have left me behind in Veneto. I can’t even go outside."

  "Come with us," Bene offered. "We’ll stay together.
"

  "I’m too scared," Eshter cried out, almost angry. "I keep expecting those people to touch me, and then I’ll freeze, like I always did, and let them do whatever they want to me."

  "I’ll make sure nothing happens to you," Lexander assured her.

  "She doesn’t need to be taken care of," I protested. "Eshter needs to find her own strength."

  "If you act like a freewoman, then they will treat you as such," Lexander patiently explained.

  "Free!" Eshter put her hands to her face. "What is that? If you all abandon me, I am lost."

  We didn’t have time for Eshter to come to terms with her ordeal in Castropiero. She had to be able to take care of herself. "If you can’t be a freewoman, then be a freeman," I told her.

  Eshter looked up in confusion. Bene snapped his fingers and pointed at me. "Like you did, Marja, traveling in disguise as a peasant."

  "Nobody will pay any attention to you," I agreed. "You can go anywhere and see everything differently when you’ve become a different person."

  Lexander glanced at me. "Indeed . . ."

  "You mean act like a man?" she asked, almost appalled at the idea.

  "Well, you’re quite delicate, so you should try being a boy first." I smiled at her.

  "What if someone realizes I’m a woman? What will they do to me?"

  "People see what they expect to see," I assured her. "Try it."

  "You should," Bene chimed in. "Marja was never challenged, and we went everywhere."

  Lexander looked doubtful. I wasn’t sure if it was my suggestion or the thought of me traipsing across the Auldland disguised as a man.

  Eshter considered it for a few moments, then began to nod. "Yes, I’ll do it. You’ll have to cut off my hair and get me some proper clothes."

  "Surely there’s no need for that," Lexander protested.

  "Marja tied her hair back," Bene agreed. "Lots of boys do."

  "Mine is too long." Eshter tugged on the dark strands that fell below her waist. "I want to feel different. I want to really be a boy."

  "She’s right." It would be a sacrifice to cut off her long shining hair, but it would be a fitting start to a new life. "I’ll cut it for you, Eshter."