Blurring Lines

by Chloe Walsh

  “Shut up, Kenz,” Cade grumbled, as he twisted onto his side. “That sounds so ... girly.”

  “Newsflash, I am a girl,” I chuckled quietly.

  “Don’t remind me …” Cade shot back in a grumpy tone before saying, “what the hell is that?”

  “What?”

  Sitting up, Cade stretched forward and grabbed the stuffed toy from my arms. “That,” he deadpanned, holding the yellow rabbit like it was diseased.

  “That’s Robbie,” I explained, taking it back.

  “Robbie Rabbit,” Cade stated flatly.

  “That’s right.” I smiled to myself.

  “Oh, God.” Flopping onto his back, Cade threw an arm over his face and sighed. “You’re such a baby.”

  ****

  Summer 1998

  Age 11

  Mackenzie

  July 23rd, 1998

  I wasn’t sure if it was because Cade smelled so good or because he looked so pretty, or the fact that my palms got all sticky when he held my hand, but I had been crushing on my best friend all summer.

  None of the other boys at school looked as nice as Cade. They didn’t have dimples in their cheeks or long thick eyelashes that were black as coal. None of the other boys could kick a football over the telephone mast at the end of our road, or swim across the entire creek without stopping once. Cade always smelled so good, like fresh cut grass and clean soap. And he brushed his teeth everyday too. He was rough and playful and gentle and kind all rolled into one, and lying with Cade on my bedroom made my heart flutter like a caged bee.

  I felt so nervous and excited and afraid and curious …

  ****

  Cade

  “Tell me a secret,” Kenz whispered, and it was the most ridiculous thing she had said all night.

  We were camped out on the floor of Mackenzie’s bedroom; it was really late, and Kenzie wouldn’t close her eyes – or her mouth.

  “I don’t keep any secrets from you,” I replied honestly. I told Mackenzie everything, even the things I wasn’t supposed to tell her. I told her my secrets. I told her my friends’ secrets – everything.

  “I have a secret, Cade,” she said in a quiet tone of voice, and I twisted my head to face her.

  “You do?” That surprised me, because Kenzie usually told me everything too.

  She nodded her head. “Yeah.”

  “Well, tell me already¸” I grumbled, feeling curious as hell.

  “I have a crush on this boy,” Kenzie told me, and a sharp pain hit me directly in the chest. It was so painful that I couldn’t answer her. I couldn’t say a word. All I could do was close my eyes.

  “Cade,” Mackenzie said after a pause. “Did you hear me?”

  “Yeah,” I croaked out. “I heard you, Kenzie, but I really don’t want to hear anymore.”

  ****

  Summer 1999

  Age 12

  Mackenzie

  May 25th, 1999

  Cade was kissing Emily.

  Cade Mathews was inside Ian Keller’s closet kissing Emily McAllister, and I was about to choke on my anger. This was the worst night of my entire life, and it just so happened that my five best friends in the whole world were here to watch it unfold. Rita, and Cade’s male best friend, Ezra, looked as uncomfortable as I felt – Rita’s face had turned as red as her hair – but Ian was grinning like a Cheshire cat.

  Damn that stupid bottle for landing on Cade.

  Damn the stupid closet for ever existing and damn Ian Keller for thinking up this stupid game.

  ‘Seven Minutes in Heaven’.

  What a joke. It should have been called seven minutes in hell, because that’s how I was feeling right now.

  I loved Cade. I knew that sounded hollow coming from a twelve-year-old, but I didn’t care. I loved him so freaking much, and I’d had a crush on him for years. I wanted to be his first kiss. Me.

  Ugh. Life sucked.

  It totally sucked and I didn’t care if my friends called me a sore loser but I wasn’t playing this game anymore. I was going home.

  I was just about to climb to my feet when the closet door opened and out came Emily. The smug expression on her face assured me that she had taken Cade’s kiss-ginity. But then Cade came out of the closet, locked his pretty blue eyes on my face, and I couldn’t get enough air into my lungs.

  “Where are you going?” he asked, his attention on me.

  “Err … I’m tired,” I lied, “I’m going to go home.”

  “Not yet,” Cade commanded, as he stalked over to where Ezra, Rita, Ian, Emily and I were sitting in a circle. “It’s my turn to spin,” Cade announced in a deep tone. He then twisted the neck of the bottle, purposefully pointing it at me.

  “Whoooo-ooo,” our friends cheered and hooted; meanwhile, I started to hyperventilate.

  Reaching across the circle, Cade grabbed my hand and pulled me to my feet.

  Without a word he ushered me into the pitch-black closet.

  I swore I could hear my heart hammering in my chest. “Why did you do that?” My voice was barely more than a whisper. I couldn’t see Cade, it was too dark, but I could feel his hot breath on my cheek.

  “If I have to play this stupid game and kiss a girl, then I’m kissing you.”

  I didn’t have a chance to respond because Cade’s lips were pressing against mine and my mouth was moving against his.

  I wasn’t sure who opened their mouth first, but suddenly our tongues were touching. Oh, my God, we were French-kissing. Cade was kissing me and he was using his tongue.

  Cade’s hands were on my hips and my fingers were in his hair. He was pressing his body against mine and I was urging him to keep doing it …

  “Time’s up, lovebirds …”

  The closet door swung open, Cade pulled away from me, and we were back to reality.

  I changed my mind.

  This game really should be called seven minutes in heaven …

  ****

  Cade

  May 30th, 1999

  “Don’t you two look cute,” Mom gushed as she cooed and clapped her hands like a crazed seal. “Darren, don’t they look adorable? Cade, sweetheart, put your arm around Mackenzie.”

  Tonight was our end-of-year school concert. We were performing Troy and I happened to be the unlucky bastard cast as Paris. Wrapping my arm around Kenzie’s shoulder, I posed like a dumbass.

  A dumbass in sandals and a dress …

  My only consolation was the fact that Mackenzie had been cast as Helen. Standing next to her in her pretty white dress helped patch up my wounded pride. I’d seen the pictures in our textbook at school and I still thought Mackenzie looked nicer than Helen of Troy. She looked prettier than everyone. She looked like a yellow haired angel …

  “I think I’m going to die of embarrassment,” Kenzie told me, and I had to bite back a laugh.

  “You’re going to die,” I snorted. “How do you think I feel?” I gestured at my costume and groaned. “I’m wearing a freaking dress, Kenz. A dress!”

  “It’s a toga, Cade,” she shot back with a grin. “And I think you look great.” Kenzie’s face reddened and she turned away quickly, refocusing on our moms who were snapping pictures of us.

  “It’s a bed sheet, Kenzie,” I corrected before asking, “Do you want to sleep over tonight?”

  “Please,” Kenzie whispered, shuffling closer to me. “I don’t like sleeping on my own anymore – it’s your fault.”

  “I know,” I said, with a smirk. And it was one thing I would never apologize for.

  ****

  Summer 2000

  Age 13

  Cade

  June 25th, 2000

  “When are you going to kiss your girlfriend?” Ian taunted when I reached the bottom of my driveway. He was looking up at me with a smug expression and I wanted to kick his ass already.

  Ian and Ezra – along with Mackenzie’s friends, Rita and Emily – were tagging along to the creek with Kenz and me. We were going swimming and I
was seriously thinking about dunking Ian’s stupid head under the water if he didn’t stop teasing me. Mackenzie and Rita had left for the creek an hour ago. Apparently they needed to have ‘girl time’.

  Whatever the hell that means …

  The rest of us were waiting for Emily. “Shut your dumb mouth, Ian, you know Kenzie’s not my girlfriend,” I growled.

  “Whatever, dude,” Ian snickered, before cycling on ahead of me. “If you don’t kiss her, I will.”

  “Touch her and I’ll kick your ass, Keller,” I shouted after him. It wasn’t a threat. It was a promise that I was more than willing to keep. Ever since the beginning of summer Ian had been looking at Mackenzie the way that I knew I was not supposed to look at her and it was driving me crazy.

  It’s going to be one long day ...

  “Ignore him,” Ezra told me, and I sagged a little. “Ian gets off on making you tick. You know that, Cade.”

  Besides Kenzie, Ezra was my best friend. We got each other. I didn’t care that he had a major crush on Emily, with Rita as his second choice, and he didn’t care that I fantasized about being with my best friend – he was the one who kept pushing me to tell Kenz how I felt …

  Damn hormones …

  “Easier said than done, Z,” I grumbled, forcing myself to rein in my temper and not chase after Ian.

  “Maybe Kenzie will share her towel with me,” Ian called out before cycling around the corner.

  “I hope he falls off his bike and breaks his jaw,” I seethed. At least that would shut his stupid mouth up and stop him from talking so much ...

  “Forget about him.”

  Emily stopped her bike beside us, hopped off the saddle and planted her feet on the ground. “Ian is a total jerk,” she added, casting a dark glance at the street corner around which Ian had disappeared. “I have no idea why any of us put up with him.”

  “So you tell us, Ems. You’re the one dating the jerk,” Ezra mumbled under his breath, causing me to chuckle.

  Emily’s blue eyes flared with hurt. Her blue sundress was loose and blowing in the slight breeze which had picked up.

  “Only because I’m invisible to the one I really want.” Emily’s long, black hair splayed out as she kicked off the pedal and cycled on ahead of us.

  “What was that about?” I asked, confused as hell, as I scratched the back of my neck.

  “You should just get it over with and ask Mackenzie out,” Ezra grumbled with a sigh. “Maybe then Emily will stop getting her hopes up.”

  I swung around to glare at him. “What?”

  “Emily likes you,” Ezra said in a flat tone. He had a forlorn expression etched on his face, and I felt sorry for the guy. “It’s as clear as the nose on her face.”

  I stood with my jaw hanging open, contemplating what the hell I’d just heard. “But I don’t…”

  “See her like that?” Ezra added, nodding. “I know; which is why you should ask Mackenzie out. She’ll say yes to you,” he added with a wink. “She’ll say yes to anything with you, Cade – the girl loves you.”

  “Change the subject,” I muttered, before grabbing the handlebars with more force than I should and dragging my BMX off the grass. It wasn’t as simple as asking Kenzie out. She could say no. There was a fifty percent chance she would say no and I would lose my best friend. It was a hell of a lot to risk. Plus, I was a chicken shit.

  ****

  Mackenzie

  All of my friends were swimming in the creek. Meanwhile, I was sitting on the bank with my back pressed against a tree, a towel wrapped around my lower half, and feeling so embarrassed that I thought I would die. Seriously, I had never felt so mortified in all my thirteen years – or been in so much agony.

  If I had cycled down to the creek then I could have slipped home and none of my friends would be any the wiser. But I had taken a stupid saddler from Rita, and I had never felt so trapped.

  “Hey, Kenzie,” Ian called out from the water. “You coming in or not, girl?”

  Not. Definitely not. Never freaking again. “Maybe in a little while,” I called back.

  Ian grinned up at me before diving under the water, and I had no doubt that my face was crimson red.

  A shadow fell over me, blocking the sun and the creek.

  “What’s wrong?” a deep voice asked, and I didn’t need to look up to know it was Cade.

  “Nothing,” I told him, hoping he wouldn’t ask more questions. Cade knew I was a terrible liar, but this was one truth I didn’t want him to squeeze out of me …

  Cade tutted gently. “Kenzie …”

  He lowered himself to sit beside me. “Don’t lie to me,” he coaxed, patting my knee. Cade’s hand was warm and strong and a wonderful sensation tingled through me. “Tell me what’s wrong and I’ll help you.”

  “It’s too embarrassing, Cade,” I mumbled.

  “Am I going to have to tickle the truth out of you?” he asked with a smirk, and I knew he was serious.

  “No … no … no …” I squealed and started to scramble away, but Cade was already on me, covering my body with his.

  Cade’s skin was warm and wet and droplets of water were spilling from his hair onto my chest. Locking my hands above my head in one of his, he grinned down at me.

  “Surrender yet, baby girl – or do I need to tickle you some more?” Cade had taken to calling me ‘baby girl’ when he realized that I still slept with my childhood toy rabbit.

  “I got my period,” I whispered, and Cade’s body froze above me. “It’s my first one.”

  “Your period,” he croaked out, eyes locked on my face. His cheeks were pink and I could tell he was embarrassed. This was as awkward for Cade as it was for me. “Are you sore?”

  “Yeah, and I can’t go swimming.” I nodded, red-faced and mortified. “Because my bathing suit is ruined and I can’t go home because I didn’t bring my bike and I don’t want everyone to see me all … gross.”

  Cade continued to gaze down at me for another minute or so before shaking his head and climbing to his feet. “Come on,” he said, taking my hand and pulling me to my feet. “I’m taking you home.”

  We didn’t bother saying goodbye to our friends.

  Instead, Cade put his hands on my hips and walked us over to his BMX. I knew why he was walking directly behind me – shielding me from everyone’s view – and I think another piece of my heart fell in love with him because of it.

  ****

  Summer 2001

  Age 14

  Mackenzie

  July 1st, 2004

  “Your mother’s a whore, just like you,” Emily sneered, and I had to force myself not to cry in front of the only gang of friends I’d ever had.

  It wasn’t like I had spurred the girls on. They had just showed up at my house. I had done nothing wrong. This was all on Mom: my mom and Emily’s dad. They had been having an affair for months and yesterday they both skipped town, leaving me as the scapegoat.

  I got that Emily was hurt, but so was I. My family had just split up too. It wasn’t all about Emily and her family.

  What about my Dad?

  “Mackenzie Whore. Mackenzie Whore,” Emily chanted loudly over and over, and I wanted to fall into the ground.

  I sniffled, and that’s when the tears escaped my traitorous eyes.

  ****

  Cade

  “Mackenzie Whore, Mackenzie Whore …”

  That’s all I could hear from my front porch. When I looked into neighbor’s yard I realized why.

  Damn it!

  Stalking across the lawn, I jumped the low-sized hedge separating our gardens and walked straight up to my best friend.

  Wrapping my arm around her shoulder, I tucked Kenzie in close before swinging around and glaring at the gang of bitches tormenting her.

  “Get out of here,” I warned them.

  Mackenzie was sniffling and crying, and I swore to God the only reason I hadn’t pummeled someone’s face by now was the fact that I’d been raised better than
to lay a hand on a female. But it was times like this that made it hard for men …

  “Do you know what she did?” Emily shouted, red-faced, pointing her finger at Mackenzie. “Her whore of a mother broke up my family.”

  “And your bastard of a father destroyed hers,” I replied calmly. I knew all about Gabe McAllister and Dee Moore running off together. I had spent the best part of last night comforting the blonde girl who was shaking beside me. “I’d say that’s one for one, Emily.”

  “But … but …” Emily’s blue eyes widened and filled with tears. She brushed a tendril of her black curly hair away with a shaking hand. “But … Cade, you can’t just take her side on this. You’re my friend too …”

  “I’m hers before I’m anyone else’s. So just get out of here, Emily,” I said, with a sigh. “And don’t come back until you grow up.”

  I felt sorry for Emily.

  She was not a bad person. Hell, up until today I thought she was one of Mackenzie’s female best friends, but I wasn’t going to sit back and allow Emily McAllister, or anyone else, to call Mackenzie names.

  No goddamn way.

  ****

  Winter 2001

  Age 14

  Mackenzie

  December 25th, 2001

  “Well, what did you get?” Cade asked excitedly.

  He was standing on my front doorstep, grinning down at me, smelling better than all the cookies my Aunt Cora had baked in our kitchen this morning, and I still couldn’t work up a smile.