Blurring Lines

by Chloe Walsh

  Mackenzie Whore.

  Hatred burned inside of me.

  I was trying my hardest not to let the darkness inside of me win. I was fighting my whorish instincts. If I let Cade back in, I would lose myself to my old ways. If I opened the door and let him back in, Cade would promise me the world and snatch it all away again.

  No. I wasn’t opening myself up to that kind of pain.

  ****

  Cade

  April 15th, 2006

  “Mackenzie.”

  I rapped my knuckles softly against the timber frame of her bedroom door.

  “Kenz,” I whispered, careful to keep my voice down. It was the middle of the night, the only damn time it was safe to cross the hallway to Kenzie’s room.

  “I need to talk to you.”

  I pressed my ear to the door and listened for the sound of movement.

  Nothing. Not that I could blame her. Mackenzie had obviously heard the racket earlier tonight when Emily turned up at our house, ranting about a fight she’d gotten into with her father. And who could forget the moment Mom encouraged her to stay here for the night…

  I let out a heavy sigh and tried Kenzie’s locked door once more before bracing myself for plan B.

  Stalking down the staircase, I slipped my feet into a pair of tennis shoes before darting outside.

  When I reached the old oak tree that used to separate our bedrooms, I made a running jump for the branch closest to my head and hoisted myself up. Fuck, I hate climbing, I thought to myself as I slowly made my way towards Mackenzie’s bedroom window. I knew her window would be open. She hadn’t closed it since she came home – not once.

  Wrapping my legs around a thick limb, I mentally cursed myself for doing this in a pair of shorts before lurching for the windowsill. Clinging to the wooden ledge for dear life, I dragged myself through the window, landing in a heap on her bedroom floor.

  “If I wanted company, I would’ve opened the door,” I heard Kenzie say in her raspy voice and my body stilled.

  “I need to talk to you,” I replied lamely, climbing to my feet in the darkness. From where I was standing by the window, I could just about make out Mackenzie’s silhouette on her bed in the far corner of the room.

  “I’m busy.”

  “Doing what?” I asked, as I blindly made my way towards her. My legs hit the bed frame and I lowered myself to sit on her bed.

  “Being invisible,” Mackenzie replied. Her breath blew into my face, hitting me like a fucking wrecking ball.

  I felt around on the mattress until I found her hand. Wrapping my hand around hers, I let out a quivering breath. The feel of her skin was almost too much – too fucking perfect.

  “Kenzie, I meant what I said that night.” Reaching out in the darkness, I found her waist. “I love you.” Dropping both hands to grip her tiny waistline, I pulled her onto my lap. “I want you.”

  Kenzie arms came around my neck. Her legs wrapped around my waist and her scent flooded me. “Then why is she in your bed, Cade?” Her lips touched my neck. “And why am I here?”

  Jesus … “She had a fight with her dad, Kenz,” I choked out, tightening my hold on her. “Mom offered her a place to stay for night – I had nothing to do with it.”

  “A fight with her father and my mother,” Kenzie added in a flat tone.

  “I’ve been on the couch all night,” I found myself saying, desperately needing her know that I hadn’t been with Emily.

  “She behaves like a spoilt child,” Kenzie said in a tone of disgust. “It makes me sick. She is so pathetic.”

  “Kenzie, baby … Emily has just lost her mom and her brother. Her entire world has been turned upside down …”

  “My entire world was turned upside down,” Kenzie told me in a soft, melancholic tone of voice. “I lost my mother. I lost my father too. I lost my basic human rights. I lost the right to my own flesh and my own body. I lost everything and I lost you, Cade. Am I supposed to feel sorry for Emily because her mother and brother are dead? Is that you want?”

  “No, Kenz, that’s not what I want or meant …”

  Pushing off my lap, Kenzie flicked on her bedside lamp and started pacing the floor.

  “I’m not sorry for her or her family,” she hissed, “that may sound harsh and cruel and fucking evil, but there it is.” Her chest heaving, Kenzie stood in front of me, hands on her hips. “Do you want to know why I don’t feel sorry for any of them, Cade?”

  No. I didn’t want to know. I didn’t want to hear this version of Kenzie. This wasn’t her …

  I opened my mouth to respond, but Kenzie had already begun to speak.

  “I don’t feel sorry for them because death came easy for them,” she spat, red-eyed and shaking. “They were shown mercy. Death came quickly for them. They were the lucky ones – not like …” Kenzie stopped talking abruptly and covered her mouth with her hand. Her whole face caved in as pain ripped through her features and stabbed me in the chest.

  “Not like?” Standing slowly, I made my way over to her. Gently, I placed my hands on her shoulders. “Not like who, baby?”

  “The others,” Kenzie, croaked out, eyes full of fear and locked on mine. “Not like Mary.”

  Mary? I shook my head in confusion. “Who’s Mary?”

  Stepping out of my arms, Kenzie wandered around her room as if in a daze. “Mary was the strong one.” She trailed her fingers over some books on her desk. “She fought back – no matter what they did to her, or how many of them took her at once, Mary always fought back.”

  Jesus Christ. She was remembering a girl from the nest. I had no idea of what to say, so I remained quiet and let Kenzie continue with her story.

  “They kept her in the cells,” she rambled, hands shaking, as she moved silently. “Always in the cells. Degrading her, making her sleep in her own feces and urine. Trying to break her will.”

  Twisting around to face me, Mackenzie let out a ragged sigh, “I found her in the basement. I’m not sure how many weeks she had been down there on her own. Dying. Rotting.” Clenching her eyes shut, Kenzie wrapped her arms around her stomach and groaned. “The baby hanging between her legs was so blue its skin had almost turned black from the rot. There was blood smeared on almost every surface and the smell … oh, God, the smell still haunts me …”

  “Jesus Christ,” I gasped before rushing towards her. “I’m sorry,” I told Kenzie as I held her in my arms. “I am so fucking sorry that you were exposed to … that.”

  “So there you see,” Mackenzie sniffled, looking straight into my eyes. “There are worse ways to die, Cade. Worse ways to suffer.” Blinking her tears away, she whispered, “I’m suffering.”

  “What can I do?” I croaked out, feeling fucking helpless. “Kenzie, baby, what can I do to help you? Tell me what you want from me, and I’ll give it to you.”

  “Make it go away,” she breathed. “Erase his touch with yours. Make me forget it all, Cade.”

  Cradling Mackenzie’s head with one hand, I used my other hand to tilt her chin upwards. “I’ll make it go away, baby.” I vowed. Pressing my lips to Kenzie’s, I kissed her the way I wanted to – the way she wanted me to – hungrily, desperately, frantically.

  I kissed Mackenzie with all the feelings that had been building up inside of me since I was ten years old. I couldn’t stop myself. There was an overwhelming feeling inside of my heart commanding me to take my woman – own her, protect and keep her for all of time.

  Nothing could keep her from me.

  Not one fucking soul on this planet.

  Mackenzie moaned, parted her lips for me and let me in. Emotions I wasn’t entirely sure how to deal with slit through me, cutting me bare open. I told her I loved her with my tongue. I promised to worship her with my fingertips as I cupped her damp cheeks.

  Mackenzie made me come apart at the seams – at the fucking core and I was positive that I would fucking die without her.

  I’d been dying for three years.

  “You denied
me,” she breathed against my lips, and fuck if it didn’t shred me apart.

  “No,” I rasped, breathless, as I pulled back to look her in the eyes. I shook my head and stared into her jewel green eyes. “Kenz, I wouldn’t do that …”

  “You did,” she pushed as tears trickled down her cheeks. “That morning, when your Mom asked you what you were doing in my room, you lied. You had the opportunity to tell them all the truth, but you didn’t. Because you’re ashamed of me. Because deep down in your heart and soul, you know that all I’m good for is fucking.”

  “Damn it, Mackenzie, would you stop talking about yourself that way,” I snarled as my chest heaved and my heart ripped open. “It kills me.”

  “Well, it kills me knowing you’re with her,” Kenzie spat, pushing me away. “She has my mother, she has my friends, and she has you. Emily McAllister has taken everything from me.”

  Obediently, I stepped back and gave Mackenzie space, but I wasn’t leaving until we were on the same page. No goddamn way.

  “She has not taken me away from you,” I told Kenzie. I placed my hand against my chest in a desperate attempt to get through to her. “I swear to God she hasn’t. No one could take me from you … I’m doing all I can just to be close to you, Mackenzie – to fucking breathe the same air as you and be with you. I fucking love you.”

  “Then go and wake Emily up right now,” Kenzie sobbed. Pushing her hair off her face, Kenzie trembled as she looked into my eyes. “If you love me, go and tell Emily you love me. Tell her that you want to be with me.”

  ****

  Mackenzie

  April 15th, 2006

  I stood with my heart in my mouth, waiting on Cade to make his decision.

  “Do it, Cade,” I choked out, forcing myself to breathe slower and calm the heck down. I took a step backwards from him, and said, “Make your choice.”

  Choose me …

  Choose me …

  My heart was racing so fast, I feared I would faint.

  Fear, pain and the dull ache of hope coursed through me.

  This was it – the moment of truth.

  Would he choose me?

  “Don’t do this,” Cade rasped, eyes locked on my face.

  Rejection coursed through me as I watched Cade shake his head slowly.

  “I’m begging you to understand my side here, Kenz …” With tear-filled eyes, Cade stood staring at me. “If I break up with her now it will kill her – I can’t be responsible for that, Kenz …”

  My worst fears were confirmed in that moment, and all of the cruel words and taunting remarks I had spent three years hearing – and furiously trying to block out – flooded my memory.

  “... All you’ve got going for you is a pussy – a tight hole I can fuck, whore …”

  “… You are no longer a person, my pretty sunshine. You are a vessel – an object. My object. Remember that and you will survive this …”

  “Stop calling out that name, you little cunt. Remember it is your Master filling you, not this Cade. Was he your bastard before me? Ha, I will make forget his name… I will fuck him out of your memory. I will fuck you until you learn all you are good for are the openings in your body …”

  And that’s when it happened.

  That’s the exact moment the darkness and hatred inside my heart took over.

  “Okay,” I whispered numbly, accepting my life for what it was. “I get it.”

  “You do?” Cade asked in a hopeful tone. Lurching towards me, Cade pulled me into his arms and held me close. “I will get out of this,” he told me as he pressed his lips to my hair. “We will be together, Kenzie.”

  I remained still as a statue as Cade whispered words of promise in my ear. I didn’t listen to what he was saying. I couldn’t hear him because I’d finally remembered my place on this earth.

  I would bury my feelings, douse out the fires of hope that had made a fool of me.

  Cade could never love me – of course, he couldn’t.

  I wasn’t a person to love.

  I was an object to covet.

  Cade wanted my body and he would have it

  After all, my body was all I was good for.

  I was a whore.

  The best one.

  ****

  Cade

  April 15th, 2006

  “I want you to know that you are my only exception, Cade,” Mackenzie admitted, in a torn voice with her eyes clenched shut. “The only one. You always will be.”

  “What the hell does that mean?” I asked, shaking my head in confusion.

  And just like that Kenzie switched in front of my very eyes – morphed into some kind of creature.

  Lifting the hem of her nightdress, she raised it over her head and tossed it on the floor between us.

  Stark naked, Kenzie kept her vacant green eyes locked on my face as she walked over to her bed and dropped onto all fours.

  “Kenzie?” I asked nervously, fucking disgusted with myself for the erection growing in my shorts. “What are you doing?”

  She knelt on the middle of her bed with her hands planted on the mattress with her legs spread open. “I’m waiting for you to take control of me, Cade,” Kenzie replied softly, biting down on that swollen bottom lip. Her green eyes burned into my skull and my pulse skyrocketed. “For you to own me, fuck me, and take me in all the ways you want.”

  Instantly I was hard as fucking die-cast metal, and my traitorous feet were moving towards her before she finished her damn sentence. Her plush pink nipples were strained and erect and my hands itched to touch her.

  Damn it …

  Forcing myself to stop just as I reached her, I shook my head and tried to clear my lust-filled thoughts.

  “Why are you doing this?”

  “Doing what?” Mackenzie’s hollow voice cut through the air.

  I gestured in her direction and forced myself not to touch her.

  “Behaving like this.”

  “Because I’m a whore,” she replied softly. “This is all I know.” Rocking her hips back and forth, Kenzie moaned, “All I’m good for …”

  “Stop it,” I groaned, rubbing my face with my hand. “I’m warning you …”

  “Or what, Cade?” Chuckling she added, “You’ll get mad and beat me? You’ll hit me, spank me – fuck me?” She laughed humorlessly, as tears filled her eyes and my heart broke into pieces. “Do it,” she said. “I dare you. I can take it all …”

  “We’re not doing this,” I told her quietly. “We’re worth more than this – you are worth more than this. Mackenzie, baby, I will be with you. Give me a couple of days. A week tops. I fucking love you!”

  “You love fucking me,” she corrected, ignoring my pleas. “So get on with it already and fuck me.”

  “Fucking and loving are very different things, Mackenzie,” I choked out. Shaking my head, I walked over to her door and unlocked it. “I’m not those men,” I whispered, before stepping into the hallway. “I want your heart and soul, baby, not just your body.”

  “My body is all I’m offering now,” she sobbed, continuing to rock her hips. “Take it or leave it.”

  Closing her door behind me, I pressed my forehead to the frame and let out a ragged breath.

  “I love you.”

  ****

  Mackenzie

  April 21st, 2006

  School was horrible on Wednesday.

  As was the norm since I returned to school, I sat on my own at lunch in the shade underneath a small gathering of trees, and watched from a distance as Cade, Emily, and our old circle of friends all piled onto one picnic bench. I felt like I was living in the shadows, cast out from all civilization, from all humanity. Cade never once looked my direction during lunch. No, he was too busy acting as Emily’s personal fucking pillow to sit on.

  Watching Cade with Emily was crippling. I felt shredded. God, I wanted her out of my life. Or else I wanted out of my life. I wasn’t sure which and right now either would do ...

  “Do you mind if
I join you, Mackenzie?”

  I craned my neck up and saw that Ian was standing in front of me, holding an apple in his hand and grinning like an idiot. I briefly looked over his shoulder and saw Cade. He was watching me. He looked pissed.

  Good.

  “It’s a free country,” I replied, patting the grass beside me, keeping my eyes locked on Cade’s.

  With a sigh of relief, Ian sank to the ground beside me and laughed nervously. “I’ve been wanting to catch up with you since you got back,” he told me, red-faced. “I’ve missed you, girl.”

  “That’s nice,” I replied, not really knowing what else to say to that.

  “So, Cade and Emily, huh?” Winking, Ian let out a chuckle and stretched his legs out on the grass in front of him. “That must have been a real shocker for you?”

  “I wasn’t expecting it,” I replied flatly, as I watched Ian edge closer to me.

  “Well, screw them,” Ian drawled, leaning his face towards me. “I would love to take you out on a date, gorgeous.”

  And then it dawned on me. Ian thought he was going to get his dick sucked. Ian had heard stories about me – the stories that had been going around the school courtesy of Emily. I didn’t care. It didn’t bother me anymore, but my body still shivered involuntarily.

  “Like I was saying,” Ian drawled. Shifting closer, he wrapped his arm around my shoulder. “I would love to take you out sometime, baby girl.”

  The way Ian called me ‘baby girl’ physically repulsed me, and I shuddered in disgust.