Rhythmical currents rushed along every nerve ending as he came at her over and over, licking at her mounting fuse, pushing and prodding harder, then faster, sustaining the thrill, and suspending time in that sublime state. He kept on until he set off a deep implosion in her. A guttural sound escaped her mouth, she trembled over him, the sweeping sensations annihilating every thought as her body tumbled and rolled through bliss.
Relentless, he carried on, pulling every last shudder and quiver out of her. Then, reading her perfectly, knowing she was basking in the afterglow, he rolled her onto her back. Determined and lost inside her, on his knees he came at her from the top, hitching her legs over his shoulders, grasping her pelvis tightly over him, holding her in place, bearing down on her. Deeper and faster still he came at her; hard and unyielding, he reawakened her center, then drove her passion so she soon needed him again like breath itself. His undivided attention lifted her, making her soar with inward spiraling sensations, then quickly dropping her into freefall in the nick of time to join him in his earth-shaking climax.
They crumpled together in a heap on the sheets, panting, their skin glowing with moisture as if they’d just run a two-hundred-meter dash. They clung to each other, Andrea never more grateful for knowing a man in her life. He laid a wet and wild final kiss on her and they moaned in mutual satisfaction. Damn, he was good.
She curled into him and they cuddled for several ecstatic minutes in the dark, their sweet love scenting the room. His fingers lightly dancing over her arm and backside, he drew her nearer and placed a kiss on her neck.
As she slowly emerged from her sexual stupor, something niggled at the back of her mind. Sam had seemed preoccupied throughout dinner. Was he worried about her going away? More than once she’d wanted to ask if something was bothering him, but in all honesty was afraid to find out it might be her. Or them. Or the new relationship they were forging.
The only example of love she’d had growing up had been her domineering father and her deeply depressed mother. It had definitely affected her ability to trust in love. But Sam had proved he was completely different from her father, and she was no longer afraid to hold back, to let herself trust and love him with everything she had. She was on the verge of feeling she’d found the right man, that she finally belonged somewhere, with him, and didn’t want to upset her cart of dreams.
So she kept her concerns to herself about his earlier quiet demeanor. When he’d made it known that he wanted her after putting Dani to bed, she gave herself to him completely. It had quickly become second nature, almost like an addiction. Now, languishing in his embrace, she didn’t want to be anywhere else.
He cleared his throat. Her ears perked up.
“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking,” he said, his arm tightening around her as he spoke.
She hadn’t been wrong about something being on his mind. She barely breathed for fear of missing what he was about to say. “Yes?”
“I’ve been thinking about Fernando in Mexico.”
The weight of the universe seemed to come crashing down on her. Stunned, she couldn’t take a complete breath. As thoroughly relaxed as she’d been a single moment before, she was now a ball of tension. “You’re not saying you want to adopt him, too, are you?”
“I’m seriously thinking about it, and I want to know your opinion.”
She sat up, because in her confusion she couldn’t bring herself to lie beside him right now, and she needed to see his face. “You want my opinion?”
His lower lip rolled tightly inward; he bit it. “I’m saying I can’t get Fernando out of my mind. I swear the ghost of my mother is prodding me to get that boy, somehow, someway.”
How could she be honest about her feelings and not come off as selfish when at the core was a noble desire? Sam’s compassion seemed to be endless. Regardless, she owed it to him to tell him her thoughts. “You’re setting this up to make me look and feel like a horrible person if I don’t clap my hands and say ‘Gee, that’s great. Do it. Right now.’ But if we’re going to be a couple, you owe it to me to consult me on this kind of thing.” Wasn’t the decision to adopt a kid monumentally important?
He rubbed his hand along her shoulder and arm in an appeasing manner, and it irritated her. “Which is exactly what I’m doing.”
She shook her head, refusing to make eye contact, reverting right back to not trusting him, to thinking he was just like her father. Old habits died hard.
“Life doesn’t give us courtesy pauses, Andrea. You saw him. That kid needs a shot at a decent life.”
Did this go beyond compassion to a savior complex? “Do you plan to save the whole world? Because the supply of kids who deserve chances is endless.”
She may have hit hard and careless, but she stood by her comments. Stoic, he stared at the bedspread. Had he honestly thought she’d be overjoyed?
“You’re a doctor, you help children stay healthy, isn’t that enough?” He probably hated her right now, thinking she was callous and self-centered. Unworthy of his love.
She should have known the kind of person he was the instant she’d seen the Legend of the Starfish framed and hanging on his family room wall. In perfect calligraphy on parchment paper, the moral of the story came through loud and clear, that though one person can’t save every single starfish stranded on the beach...I can make a difference to that one, and that one, and...
“I just can’t get Fernando out of my head.”
He was a true believer in the philosophy, thanks to his mother, a good, almost mythical woman she would never be able to measure up to. Who’d quite possibly died young from working herself to the bone with so many kids.
She hated letting her emotions take over, but feeling defeated before they’d ever even gotten started her eyes prickled and watered. No sooner had she fallen in love, finally giving herself permission for the new and amazing feeling, she’d had it ripped away by a guy who couldn’t live with himself unless he adopted children in need.
“Aren’t there ways to help him without adopting him? You could arrange for one of those high-tech prosthetic legs for him. Donate money to the orphanage where he’ll live.”
“You’re right, but I’m just saying I can’t get him out of my mind. It hurts.”
There had to be more to the pain he mentioned than Sam’s need to rescue kids. “Where does it come from?” His eyes darted away from hers but she couldn’t let him drop the subject, especially with her going away in the morning. “This compulsion of yours, where does it come from?”
He looked back at her and his eyes, thanks to the dim moonlight, looked opaque and pleaded with her. “I haven’t been completely honest with you.”
A foreboding brick-like weight settled on her chest. Oh, God, he hadn’t already planned to adopt the kid and lied when he’d said he wanted her opinion, had he?
He reached for her hand and squeezed it. “There’s something I haven’t told you.”
In fear, but needing to know the truth above all else, she held his hand with both of hers and engaged his eyes. “Tell me, Sam. What?” He didn’t respond immediately, as if it was the hardest thing in the world to tell her, so her wild imagination took root. He really had already made plans to adopt this boy. The impact on their new relationship would be more than she could take. Hadn’t he learned anything with Katie? “Look, I’m not your mother. I’m sorry for not being a saint. I’m just getting used to Dani, and to be honest so are you. It’s too soon for me. I’m not even sure if I could be a decent parent to Dani. Don’t you see?”
One eyebrow crimped upward. His look of disappointment may as well have been a dagger to her chest. The fairy tale of love with a wonderful guy evaporated into thin air. Hadn’t she learned her lesson from her mother about how destructive love could be? Did he love her for herself, or did he just see her as someone he could mold into a version of hi
s bighearted mother? Maybe he was like her father after all, wanting to change her and dictate her life. Would she only be a way for Sam to have that big family he planned to get by any means necessary? Her brain whirled with questions. None of them good. The thought of him giving her an ultimatum made her feel queasy. The words the end came to mind.
“That’s not it. I promise I haven’t gone behind your back and already made plans for Fernando.” He squeezed her fingers, and she felt relieved. “I haven’t been honest about my family.”
Her mind went suddenly still, waiting, worrying, not having a clue what he was about to say. Sam had always come on like a steamroller, wanting that big family just like the one he’d grown up in, on his timeline and terms. Andrea had stood her ground, being honest no matter how unappealing that may have come across to Sam. One adopted son per single father was more than enough. But there was something about his family he needed to come clean about, and she suspected adoption had nothing to do with it.
“I’ve let you think I’d come from one big happy family, and in a way I did. But it wasn’t my family.”
She canted her head, holding her breath over what he might say next.
“That picture out there...” He gestured to his living room. “It’s my foster family. I was the kid who got taken in by them. The Murphys.” A blank stare overtook his face, as if a deeply sad memory fought to take control. “I was ten. I was taken away from my mother for being left alone at night. She was young and single and had to work two jobs to keep us from being homeless. It had been going on off and on since I was eight. She’d been warned on a couple of occasions, and finally one of the neighbors called the authorities. The Murphy family took me in and when my mother never tried to get me back, they kept me until I was eighteen. I’ve pretended to be something I’m not. I’m sorry. Truth is I’m an only child, just like you.”
Love, sadness, anger, compassion and a dozen other emotions swirled around Andrea. How must a young child feel, being left alone night after night? Talk about feeling abandoned. No wonder he wanted to rescue kids. The hair on her arms stood on end over his revelation. She wrapped her arms around him, holding him tight, loving him more than she could bear to feel. “I’m so sorry, and so grateful to that family.” She looked at him. He seemed to be in shock at reliving the toughest moments of his life.
“I wanted to be a part of a family more than anything, and they let me. When I was eighteen, my foster mom helped me look for my birth mother. She’d gotten married, started a new family, and when she could have tried to get me back, she hadn’t.” His face contorted on the last phrase, but only for an instant before he wrestled back control.
Andrea held him tighter, her heart aching for him.
“My own mother didn’t want me, but Mom Murphy did. They accepted me as part of the family, and Cat, too. She was one of the other foster kids. Foster kids came and went, but the Murphys kept Cat and me. We bonded like sister and brother, right along with the other Murphy kids. I was lucky. I guess you could say blessed.”
“Oh, Sam.” She didn’t know what to say. All she knew was that he was a special man. He’d received the grace of a strong woman after being left behind by his struggling mother. He’d had a second chance, like those starfish. No wonder that story meant so much to him. His foster mom had made a difference in his life, but Andrea suspected that even that wasn’t enough to erase the pain of having his mother let him go and never try to get him back, even when she could have.
Andrea kissed the man she loved, in that moment knowing he could never be anything like her father. He knew what it was like to feel completely alone, to be frightened, to be saved. Because of that, she suspected she had a lot of making up to do for the women in his life who’d walked away from him, starting with his mother and ending with Katie. At some deep level would Sam always mistrust her? Would she have to prove herself over and over to him?
They held each other for several long moments, soothing, reassuring, loving, then found themselves back in bed, showing exactly how much they cared.
* * *
Late Sunday afternoon Sam jumped to answer the phone when he saw Andrea’s number on the screen. He’d given her space by not calling her all weekend. Hell, after what he’d laid on her he was afraid to find out what she thought, because he loved her so much. He’d figured that out for sure over the past two days.
“Hi!” she said breathlessly. “I’m just walking into the house. You won’t believe what happened in San Diego.”
Wanting more than anything to see her, to hold her in his arms, he jumped in. “Why don’t you come over for dinner and tell me all about it.”
An hour later, she rushed through his door and into his arms, her excitement obvious.
He kissed her and she eagerly kissed him back. “I sold a painting yesterday! And another couple commissioned me to paint a modern art version of their cat!” She laughed. “It’s absurd, I know, but I’ve already got an idea for it.”
“That’s fantastic,” he said, meaning it. He was thrilled for her.
“For the first time since art school I see the possibility of making some decent money, painting and selling my art without selling out, you know?”
“Sounds like it’s a good start.” He measured his tone, not wanting to sound like the voice of caution, but part of him worried she’d take this bit of success and blow it out of proportion.
“I know! I’m ecstatic.” Her eyes glimmered and her cheeks were flushed, and seeing her so animated and having missed her so deeply after she’d left early on Saturday morning, the only thing he wanted to do was kiss her again.
Of course he wanted to help her in any way possible to achieve success, had probably already overstepped his bounds by talking to hospital administration about her paintings. Coming from her background, with a manipulative and overbearing father, she needed to prove to herself she was in control.
Man, she’s going to hit the roof if she finds out I put in a good word for her at St. Francis’s.
They kissed more. He let his concerns go and focused back on showing how happy he was to see her. If Dani hadn’t wandered out from his room and tugged on both of their jeans, they probably would have wound up having sex on the couch.
Oh, wait, right, since he’d become a father, those days were over...until later after he put Dani to bed, anyway.
* * *
Monday morning, after spending the night at Sam’s, having incredible I-missed-you-for-one-whole-day-and-a-half sex, Andrea still managed to get up extra early with her alarm. She headed home, took a quick shower and put in an hour painting her favorite project. The enormous canvas as seen through a modern art lens, complete with a kid on a swing and a long-legged faceless dad pushing him, was really shaping up. The fact that the boy held a starfish in his hand was a new, surprising addition and tickled her.
She arrived at work to see a construction crew tearing down part of the hospital lobby. Was it an omen? She remembered getting the memo about the remodeling project scheduled for this month, but had thought nothing about it until right now. Remodeling meant redecorating. Those tired old print excuses for art on the faded walls needed to come down and never be seen again. She had a damn good suggestion for their replacements, too.
As she headed toward the elevator she wondered who she needed to talk to about her own paintings. The display in the trendy café in San Diego had been a huge hit. Maybe the hospital might consider doing something similar here? Showcase local starving artists? Heck, she knew several artists in the area who’d give their eyeteeth to show their work in a busy place like the lobby of St. Francis of the Valley, including her!
She opened the O&A department with her mind spinning over the possibilities, then saw an envelope from Administration that had been slipped under the door. Once she read the contents, she rushed to call the one person she wanted to share every pa
rt of her life with—Sam.
* * *
“You won’t believe this!” She didn’t give Sam a chance to say hello, but he had a sneaky suspicion what she was referring to, since he’d started the ball rolling. “The hospital wants to discuss my art. They’ve gone to my website and seen my work, they’re especially interested in my eye and keyhole painting, and they’re interested in seeing more samples of my work in person! I’ve got an appointment with them on Wednesday. The note says, if they get approval, they’d put my pictures in the lobby entrance.”
Since Andrea had finally stopped to take a breath, Sam jumped in while he could. “That’s fantastic!” A twinge of guilt and a pang of anxiety gnawed at his conscience. Had he screwed up? What if she asked who had given them her name? Should he tell her first?
“I know! Nothing is definite but, wow, maybe with a few more sales and opportunities like this, I can actually support myself painting!”
What? Why should she immediately start talking about walking away from everything she’d worked toward over the past four years of her apprenticeship? That possibility had never occurred to him because of the great relationships she had with her patients. Shaken, he wasn’t sure what to say. It seemed his great idea might have backfired on multiple levels.
“I mean, I may be getting ahead of myself but, really, Sam, do you see what I’m talking about?”
“I do. The hospital lobby display would be a huge opportunity.”
“Oh, man, I never thought I’d see the day.”
Still shaken, he wanted to ask, Has it been that bad? Is it so terrible to use your gifts to help people replace missing ears and eyes? Would he come off as a wet rag over her flame if he brought that up now? Or, worse yet, would he seem totally selfish and overbearing, just like her father, expecting her to stay in a job that she, apparently, could walk away from at the drop of a hat?
A Mother for His Adopted Son Page 13
