Perhaps his biggest offense—now that he understood how important it was for Andrea to step out from under her father’s overreaching grasp—had been going behind the scenes and manipulating the outcome. Would she be furious with him for making that appointment for her in the first place if she found out?
Ah, so much for his big ideas.
CHAPTER NINE
SAM EXAMINED THE five-year-old Hispanic girl. His first observation made him think of Andrea. The child had been born with microtia, a condition where the pinna or auricle was underdeveloped. In this case, the right outer ear was extremely undersized compared to the normal left one. He hadn’t seen this condition for a few years, even though the statistical incidence was one in six to twelve thousand births.
According to the chart, not only was the patient new to him, it was the first visit on record at St. Francis of the Valley. A small notation at the bottom referred to the family being new immigrants and first-time medically insured in the United States.
“The good news,” he said, wanting to help the young mother’s concerned expression, “is that the ear canal seems perfectly normal. I’ll order a hearing test to make sure of that. Okay?”
The mother nodded eagerly.
“More good news,” he continued. “There is surgery for this if you are interested.”
Again, her eyes grew wide with interest.
“But Letitia needs to grow a little more first.” He emphasized the fact by tickling the child, making her giggle. “You need to eat your vegetables, kiddo.” The child laughed more. He turned to the mother. “You may want to think long and hard about the surgery. It involves using rib cartilage to make a graft and the surgery goes in stages, so there will be three different procedures over a period of time. We recommend the surgery the summer before Letitia begins school, and we have an excellent pediatric surgeon on staff who specializes in this.”
“Three surgeries?” Worry lining her forehead like a pyramid, she shook her head.
“Another option is to have an ear prosthetic made. We have one of the best departments in the country right here. They can match your daughter’s other ear with a silicone lookalike.”
“She doesn’t have to wait? No surgery?”
“There is need for one small procedure to create a way to attach the prosthetic ear, unless you want to use adhesive tape every day.”
“One procedure?”
He nodded. “But Letitia would have to take the ear off every night. If she got sunburned, her ear wouldn’t. That sort of thing. But I can guarantee that with our expert anaplastologists you’ll have to look extra close to tell the difference from her natural ear.”
“I have much to think about,” Letitia’s mother said.
“Yes. And I haven’t even begun the actual physical. Let’s get started, okay?”
Armed with options, the child’s mother appeared more confident as Sam began the otherwise well-child routine physical examination of Letitia.
He understood that sometimes little kids made fun of anyone who didn’t look like them. He’d thought long and hard about it regarding Dani. And as Letitia might start kindergarten soon, her mother would be worried about her, though the child’s long thick hair did a good job of covering much of the tiny, underdeveloped ear.
He also suspected, from the mother’s acne scars, that she may have been on a medication in early pregnancy that was known to cause the condition. The last thing he wanted to do was to make the mother feel responsible for a condition that really couldn’t be pinpointed to any one thing she may or may not have done during pregnancy. So he kept his thoughts to himself. His job was to give a physical and maybe help the child look and feel more like the other kids in school, and that he could definitely do.
Andrea had been on his mind nonstop since her trip to San Diego, and especially since she’d hinted about trying to make a go of her artistic career. Did it mean she’d want to give up the one here at the hospital? Wasn’t helping people, and especially children like little Letitia here, to feel good about themselves a noble job, too? Of course he’d support her in any decision she made because he loved her and wanted her to be happy, but he knew she had so much to offer St. Francis Hospital.
“Dr. Marcus.” Sam’s nurse tapped on the examination room door. “Dr. Begozian needs to talk to you.”
Sam had just finished the PE. “Can you give Mrs. Juarez the instructions to the lab and Audiology?”
The nurse nodded, so he said goodbye and slipped out of the room to take the call. “Let me know what you decide,” he said when he reached the door.
“I will, Doctor.”
Sam headed to his office and the phone with the blinking light.
“I need a huge favor, Sam,” said Greg Begozian, a young and bright resident whom Sam had taken under his wing.
“What’s up?”
“I’m supposed to work the ER tonight, but I just got word my father’s had a heart attack, and I need to catch a plane to Sacramento ASAP. But all the other residents are tied up.”
“I’m sorry to hear about your father. Is he stable?”
“For now. Looks like he needs a bypass graft. I don’t have the full story just yet.”
“Hey, don’t worry about tonight. I’ve got you covered.”
“Thanks, Sam. You never let me down.”
Sam hung up, thinking he’d be letting Dani down tonight, though, by having someone else read him his bedtime story and tucking him in. Ever since Andrea had brought up the touchy topic he’d thought a lot about it. But he was a doctor, and he felt responsible for his residents. At least he had an extra babysitter these days, one who would come to his house so Dani could go to sleep in his own bed. And Andrea didn’t necessarily need to even know about tonight, did she?
Unfortunately, as it turned out an hour later, Andrea would need to know about tonight, because Ally wasn’t available and Cat had other plans, so he needed to ask her to watch Dani. He hated making the call because he knew how seriously she was taking her painting now. Plus she had the appointment scheduled with hospital admin on Wednesday.
Fifteen minutes later...
“Uh, Andrea, I hate to interfere with any plans you have for tonight, but Ally has a volleyball playoff game and Cat has parent-teacher conferences, and one of my residents has a family emergency, so I’ll need to cover for him.”
“And?” Ever since seeing Sam in action in Mexico, she understood the demands of Sam’s job and the pressure he was under, but before then she’d really given him a hard time about not being around enough for Dani. She understood the hesitation in his voice right now, but the guy had a serious problem with admitting he needed her.
“And I need someone to watch Dani.”
“Was that so hard to ask?”
“I know you’ve got a lot of projects in the works now...”
“I’ll bring my sketch pad and work after I put Dani to bed.” Determination to make both her relationship with Sam and her personal achievements work was her new goal.
“You’ll do it?”
Did he need to sound so surprised? “Yes. Since I’m your last resort, I’ll do it.”
* * *
“It’s time to sleep, my love, my love...” Andrea whisper-read to Dani from an especially pretty book, as he settled comfortably into the crook of her arm. She’d personally chosen the children’s book because of the beautiful pictures painted by the author. Each page seemed worth framing. But only after reading the truck book with all the bright pictures and hands-on activities. Reading this one, the time-to-sleep book, was her favorite way to calm the boy down.
Dani yawned wide and long after she’d read only a few pages of dreamy places with unusual animals and sleeping children. He rubbed his eyes.
“Are you ready for bed, sweetie?”
She walked him to his bed and helped him in, then tucked the sheets around him. “How’s that?”
He nodded, smiling. “I like you to put me to bed.” His speech had grown by leaps and bounds, too.
“I like putting you to bed.” She kissed his forehead, savoring the preciousness of the little person and his fresh bath smell.
“I wish you lived with us.”
She’d started to reach to turn out the lamp but stopped midway. How was she supposed to respond to that? Even wondered if Sam might have put his kid up to it. That made her smile, knowing how absurd the thought was. She decided to take the change-the-subject route. “You’re a lucky boy to have your daddy.”
“He works.”
Too much. She didn’t need to finish the sentence for Dani; she knew exactly what he’d meant. “Because he loves you and wants to take good care of you.”
“I like you to put me to bed.”
“That makes me happy, Dani. Thank you.” And sad for Sam. Oh, man, things are getting more complicated and downright awkward.
“Will you hug me?” he asked in his usual shy manner.
How could she not hug this sweet, sweet boy? She wrapped her arms around Dani and held him until he gave a signal that he was ready to let go. “Sweet dreams, my little man.”
Just as she got to the door he whispered, “I love you.”
No doubt he’d heard it hundreds of times from his dad. What could she say? “I love you, too.” It was true. She loved Dani with everything she had. She’d fallen hard for him the first night she’d met him. Now both of the Marcus men had declared their love for her. She gazed at Dani snuggled into his pillow, looking so small in his twin bed.
The poor kid had lost his parents before he could remember them, but he instinctively knew he wanted a family. Sam had been a blessing to the boy, just as the Murphys had been a blessing to him, and Andrea felt honored to be a part of his life. But Dani obviously wanted them together, like a real family. Which put both Sam and Andrea in a tough position.
After Dani had gone to sleep Andrea sketched some preliminary drawings, using the photograph of the cat from the couple who’d commissioned her to paint it. It was hard to concentrate, knowing that she had to tell Sam what she’d discovered tonight, but soon enough she got lost in drawing. It was almost eleven when he got home.
His eyes looked weary and his posture imperceptibly stooped, but enough for her to notice. Whenever she saw him her heart felt full, and that had never happened with anyone else. She walked toward him, and they hugged. He felt so good to hold.
“How’d things go?” he asked after she kissed him hello.
“Good. Dani’s the sweetest kid I’ve ever met. But you already know that.” She didn’t mean to let emotion take over, but her voice had caught on ever and now there was stinging behind her eyelids.
It didn’t get past Sam. “You okay?”
“Yeah. Can I make you a sandwich or anything?” She tried to recover fast, but moisture gathered at the sides of her eyes.
“To hell with the sandwich.” His posture straightened, concern tinting his eyes. “Did something happen here tonight?” He came closer, looked into her face.
She swallowed against a sudden thickening in her throat. Dani told me he loved me. “Your son misses you so much, Sam.”
A snap of emotion changed the concern in his eyes to irritation. She’d obviously hit a sensitive spot. “Look, a resident’s father had a heart attack. He couldn’t find anyone to replace him, so I agreed to work tonight.”
“I get it. I know you have a demanding job. I’m just saying he misses you.” And now he’s foolishly decided to love me, and I’m not ready for that responsibility.
“And sometimes he’ll have to understand that working late comes with the territory.”
“But he’s so young.” She couldn’t allow herself to get sidetracked. Dani’s sad little-boy confession that his father worked a lot had set off bad memories. “Do you have any idea what it was like, never seeing my dad? Wondering if he cared?”
“You think you’re the only one who ever wondered that? It’s a fact of life. Being a foster kid with loads of brothers and sisters ensures you never get as much attention as a kid wants.” He went quiet, turning inward.
How quickly she’d forgotten how frightening the first ten years of his life must have been. She needed to hear and understand his side of the story. “What’s going on?”
“I was just thinking that, even though I didn’t get the attention I may have wanted from Mom Murphy, I at least had my foster siblings to fill in the gap.” He went still, and she filled in the blank... Who did you have?
No one.
Her lips tightened, fighting back the old hurt, confusion and anger, willing the first words to stay stuck in her throat. I was so lonely. So was my depressed mother. Having each other wasn’t enough. Was that all she could promise sweet little Dani?
“Look,” he said, obviously reading her expression of withdrawal, “I know you’re still upset about my bringing up Fernando.”
That was a fact also, but she had new concerns on her mind, which protected her from the ancient feelings threatening to make her break down right then. “Sam, I’m more upset with this Superman complex you seem to have. That you don’t understand you can’t do everything by yourself.”
Sam and Dani’s situation was too damn similar to the always-absent father setup when she’d been growing up. Because her father had been doing good things to help other people, she had never been allowed to express her true feelings of loneliness and longing for attention and his love. Nice little girls weren’t selfish. Look where it had gotten her mother.
Though Sam was a completely different person than her father, she kept getting tripped up projecting those old awful feelings onto him. And now Dani wanted her to put him to bed every night. He’d told her he loved her. The kid needed a mother, and that was the last thing she thought she could be.
“Dani misses you, that’s all I’ll say.”
He ground his molars and rubbed his temples. “Look, I’ve just had to tell a mom who brought her four-year-old into the ER last week, thinking he only had a bad flu, that he has leukemia. I had to admit him and get him started on chemotherapy. It’s not a Superman complex, it’s a job. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go give my son a hug.”
That did it. That poor mother. The dammed-up feelings burst free and Andrea cried. Oh, could she ever have the emotional stamina to be a parent? Sam had seen it all as a pediatrician, he’d spent most of his life in a huge family with rotating foster kids, and though she tried to insist he was being selfish by even thinking about another adoption, the truth was he was anything but. The hard part would be trying to explain all of that to Dani.
She was the emotionally deficient one. She was the one who was selfish. Broken.
They hugged and kissed and comforted each other as no one else could. He wiped away her tears, even as she tried to smile through them. She told him she loved him and he did the same, then she left him for her house, so he could peek in on his boy and give that hug he so desperately needed just then.
Being a parent had to be a killer job. She’d never be able to do it.
* * *
The next night Sam was getting ready to put Dani to bed. The boy had been moody at dinner and throughout his bath. Maybe he was coming down with something. He felt his forehead, looked into his eye, and everything seemed fine, but Dani squirmed and resisted his intrusion.
“Ready for your bedtime st
ory?”
Dani shook his head.
“What? No Goodnight California tonight? What about the truck book?”
Dani pouted and folded his arms. “I want Andrea.”
To read to him? “She’s at her house tonight.”
“I want her to put me to bed.” That was possibly the longest sentence Sam had ever heard come out of his son’s mouth and, boy, had it packed a wallop.
Was his kid mad at him for not being around enough, as Andrea worried about? Or had the boy done the same thing he’d done, fallen in love with Andrea and wanted her there 24/7? Oh, man, this couldn’t be good, two guys pining for the same girl. “She’ll be back in a couple of days.” Fingers crossed that wasn’t a lie about the upcoming weekend. “Come on,” he said, tickling Dani, hoping to tease him out of his sulking. “Want a bowl of your favorite cereal before I read to you?” No, he wasn’t above bribing his kid out of a sour mood.
The offer got immediate consideration. Thank God for children and short attention spans. And endless appetites. “And don’t forget you get to see the eye doctor for a recheck day after tomorrow. You need to be big and strong for that, and also get lots of sleep. You don’t want the doctor to give you a sleepy eye report, do you?”
The child didn’t have a clue what that meant, neither did he, but it definitely got Dani’s attention. “No,” he said, both his real and prosthetic eye wide.
After Dani had eaten his cereal and magnanimously allowed Sam to read him a bedtime story and kiss him good-night, he admitted that Dani thought of Andrea as a mother figure. How had he not thought that would happen? Probably unconsciously had wanted it. For a smart guy, sometimes he was a real bonehead. Had he inadvertently set her up to be his competition for his son’s affections? That needed to change, unless she was interested in marrying him. The thought sent a little shock down his spine.
He finally got around to eating that sandwich, since the bowl of cereal before with his son had hardly helped quench his appetite. As he chowed down tuna salad on toast, he reran in his mind the entire conversation from earlier with Andrea. She understood loneliness and worried about Dani. She loved his kid as much as he did. Didn’t have to say it, it was very apparent. And he himself loved her for a hundred different reasons.
A Mother for His Adopted Son Page 14
