Never Let Go (Haven, Montana Book 2)

by Jill Sanders

  After almost three hours at the dealership, she drove her new white Jeep off the lot, following Trent’s truck as they headed toward the antique store.

  She had more than five hundred dollars left in her car fund, which, when she pulled into the antique store, she knew she was going to spend entirely on the perfect treat for Mr. Thompson. One vintage Coke-themed restaurant booth later, she and Trent were on their way to deliver the gift to Mr. Thompson.

  By the time she made it into her trailer after enjoying a few cold Cokes with the older man who had saved her, she was exhausted. The last thing she wanted to deal with was a phone call from her mother again. But there was the phone, ringing with her parents’ phone number.

  This time instead of letting it go to voice mail, she answered it.

  “What?” she said, allowing her frustration to come out in her voice.

  “Addy,” her father whispered.

  “Dad?” She hugged the phone closer to her ear so she could hear him.

  “I wanted . . . I just had to say . . . I’m sorry. I know I disappointed you. I never meant to . . . things got . . . it doesn’t matter. I’m sorry. I can’t talk too long, but I wanted to tell you that I’ve always been so very proud of you, and I love you more than I ever could show you. I’m so sorry I never stood up for you.”

  “Daddy.” Tears rolled down her face and she found it hard to breathe.

  “I should have been a better father. There are a lot of things I should have done better. Just remember that I love you, sweetie.”

  Something in her father’s voice had the hairs on the back of her neck standing up.

  “Dad?” She gripped the phone. “Let me come over.”

  “No, sweetie. Not tonight. I will always love you.” He hung up before she could say anything more.

  Without thinking, she grabbed her keys. Gravel and dirt flew out from under her tires as she peeled out of the parking lot.

  She punched in her parents’ home number and cursed when she got a busy signal. Her mother had never wanted cell phones around, so they still had only the landline. She tried it a few more times with the same results. Next, she dialed Trent.

  “Hey.” The cheer in his voice sounded almost alien in the situation she was in.

  “Trent, something’s wrong with my dad,” she cried out.

  “What?” His tone changed to instant concern.

  “He called. It was—it was off.” She jerked her wheel as she turned out of town. “I think he’s going to do something.”

  “I’m heading there.” She could hear him moving around. “I’ll call Mike and meet you there.”

  After she pulled the Jeep to a quick stop directly behind her mother’s sedan, she jumped out while the Jeep was still settling. All the lights were off inside the house.

  She found the front door locked, and when no one answered the doorbell she rushed back to the Jeep to get her set of house keys.

  By the time she made it back to the door, the front porch light had turned on and her mother stood inside the door, looking at her like she was crazy.

  “Mom! Where’s Dad?” She rushed into the house.

  “What? Adrianna, what on earth is going on?” Her mother tightened the robe around her waist.

  “Where’s Dad?” she repeated, rushing toward her parents’ room.

  “He’s not here,” her mother said, following her.

  “Where is he?”

  “He’s out in his shop.” Her mother nodded toward the back building her father had built when Addy was eleven. It had always been his domain. Even her mother never went out there or asked him what he did in the massive two-car garage at the edge of their property.

  Addy hit the back door at a sprint just as the shot rang out in the night. Its sound, that instant, shocking crack, would echo in her mind for the rest of her life.

  Trent held Addy as she looked off into the distance with owl eyes. The fact that her tears had dried up almost an hour earlier scared him. Her breathing was shallow, and he could tell that she had retreated into her own mind. Nothing could get through to her at this point.

  He’d arrived at her parents’ house less than five minutes after her. Victoria had been on the phone in the living room, looking a little frazzled. When he’d rushed in, she motioned to the back door and he’d followed the sound of screaming to find Addy holding her father’s lifeless body, weeping great, wrenching sobs as if her heart would never heal.

  Mike and Tony had arrived a few minutes later, and he had helped them remove Addy from the garage, her body limp in their arms.

  “Take her inside. Get her cleaned up,” Tony had said with kindness. “There’s nothing more she can do here.”

  Trent had taken her back into the house, where her mother had produced a change of clothes for Addy and suggested she go take a shower. Almost as if she’d fallen into a pile of mud instead of being covered in her father’s blood.

  Addy didn’t fight him as he walked with her into the bedroom Victoria had pointed out, saying only “There’s fresh towels under the sink.”

  He tried to find any hint of emotion in the woman whose husband had just taken his own life, but blankness looked back at him.

  He didn’t even stop to register the tidy bedroom that must have been Addy’s growing up. Instead, he ushered her directly to the attached bathroom and started peeling off her soiled clothes, dumping them directly into the sink. Then, after helping her into the shower, he took a washcloth and gently wiped her face and hands free of blood before helping her change into the clean clothes.

  “He’s gone,” she whispered. “I didn’t get to tell him . . .” She closed her eyes and tears slid down her face.

  He cupped her face in his hands. “Your father knew that you loved him.”

  She shook her head. “No, not that.”

  “What?” he asked, pulling her closer to him.

  “That I’m sorry.” She opened her eyes and raised them to his. “I said—I said terrible things to them. I didn’t get to say I’m sorry.”

  She rested her head against his chest.

  “I think he knew.” He caressed her back and wondered how he was going to be able to help her through this.

  When they returned to the main room of the house, Mike was standing over Victoria as he talked to her, asking questions in a low voice.

  “How is she?” Mike asked, pausing in his conversation.

  Trent coaxed Addy into a chair nearby, leaving Mike’s question unanswered for the moment.

  “I was just telling your mother,” Mike said to Addy directly, “that we found a note addressed to you.” He handed a crisp white piece of paper over to her.

  Trent crouched next to her. “Are you up for this?”

  She nodded, then closed her eyes and took several deep breaths.

  She read it several times in silence as everyone looked on. Then her gaze flitted to her mother as she folded the paper back up and hugged it to her chest.

  “I’d like to go home now,” Addy said, standing up. “Is there anything more you need from me?” She turned to Mike.

  “No.” Mike shook his head. “We’ll contact you when we release your father’s body.”

  “Thank you.” Addy looked at Trent. “Do you think you could drive me back home?”

  He nodded. “Mike, can you have Tony take my truck home?”

  “Sure,” Mike said, and Trent tossed him his keys.

  “Thanks.”

  “Adrianna.” Addy’s mother looked up at her, but Addy didn’t even acknowledge that she’d spoken and continued out the front door.

  Trent drove them back to her place in her Jeep. Any other time he would have enjoyed being behind the wheel of a new machine like this, but now, his mind was too occupied with Addy.

  When they got back to her trailer, his phone chimed. He glanced down and saw his mother’s number. He picked up the call as he parked.

  “Hi sweetie,” his mother said. “Tony’s here and filled us in. My god.�
�� He could tell that his mother took a deep breath. “Let us know . . .”

  “Yeah,” he said, glancing over at Addy, not wanting to upset her further.

  “Tell her . . .” His mother’s voice broke and he could tell that she felt like him. There were no words that could comfort Addy at this point. “Tell her we love her,” she said.

  “Will do.” When he hung up, he got out and walked around to help Addy out.

  “Slumming, McGowan?” Brian’s sarcastic voice sounded directly behind them just as they were about to go inside.

  “Piss off, Brian, not in the mood.” He drew Addy into the trailer without another word to the man.

  “I should . . .” Addy said.

  Instead of letting her finish, he pulled her into his arms and onto the bed. He held her gently, the small space quiet except for the sound of their breathing.

  He held her all through the night, not sure if she slept or not.

  When the sun broke in through the blinds, she shifted. “I need to . . .” She sat up, tousle-headed, and looked around blankly. “I don’t know what to do next.”

  “Take one day at a time.” He stroked the skin of her arm in long, soft moves.

  She glanced over at the piece of paper she’d set on her table.

  “Do you want to tell me what the note says?”

  She retrieved the note and handed it to him.

  “He called me just before. He told me he was sorry.” She closed her eyes for a moment and then walked into the small closet that he knew was her bathroom without a word.

  He opened the paper and read her father’s words twice.

  Addy,

  Nothing I can say would ever come close to telling you how much I’ve loved you your entire life. I know I didn’t always show you the affection you needed, and I won’t make excuses other than telling you I was too weak to stand up and fight for what I loved.

  My life didn’t turn out the way I had hoped. So here’s my advice for you. Follow your heart. Don’t let anything or anyone stop you from doing and getting what you want. Find someone who loves you for who you are, then never let them go.

  I know there’s a mess I’m leaving behind. For that I’m sorry.

  I’ve secretly kept my own will. I know your mother never mentioned it, but I’m the one who had the oil family inheritance. Your mother may have cut you off, but I never did. I hope you will look at this as your chance for a fresh start.

  My only regret in life was allowing someone to make me feel less than I was. It made me a weaker person and father. Don’t let anyone drag you down.

  I love you, Addy. I always have.

  I’m sorry,

  —Dad

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  The next few days flew by so quickly, it felt like Addy blinked and they were gone. The numbness had consumed her, making her feel less than whole.

  Everyone in town showed up for her father’s funeral. Even Beau and Joy drove back into town to be there for her.

  Trent wanted to stay with her every night, but she needed some time alone to think. So instead, he showed up every day and brought food or cooked for her. She knew she was pushing him away, but at this point, it was needed. She had too much on her mind to think about a relationship.

  A large dinner at her mother’s church followed the funeral services. During the entire process, she didn’t speak to her mother once.

  Addy stopped looking for wet eyes from the woman after the first ten minutes of the funeral service. After that, her own were too wet for her to care.

  She cried more for the lost opportunity of actually having a father. Her mother had robbed any chance of having a normal family life from the both of them.

  If only she had . . . she stopped herself from dwelling on the mile-long list of possibilities that threatened to flood her mind.

  Trent’s hand reached out and took hers, but she nudged it away and walked outside to get some fresh air. He kept his distance, and she wondered if he knew that she just needed the space.

  She could tell he was getting frustrated. Yet one thing was clear in her mind: she didn’t want to fall into the same trap her father had. Not that Trent was controlling or self-important like her mother, but she just couldn’t focus on him at the moment.

  No one at the services had questioned why she and her mother weren’t sitting next to each other or, for that matter, talking to one another.

  Toward the end of the service, she’d looked over and noticed Darla standing at the back of the funeral home. She watched as Gail walked over, took the woman’s hand, and led her outside. She knew Gail was trying to shelter the woman from her view, but just seeing Darla stirred anger in her gut.

  She hadn’t seen Darla since that day in the grocery store. She knew she was still working at the Wet Spot, and the rumor was she was still taking her smoke breaks.

  Which caused her to wonder if she was really pregnant. Maybe she’d finally learned how to lie well.

  She put that thought out of her mind until she could actually get her mind back into gear. Not that she planned on that happening for a while.

  For the next few days, Beau and Joy stuck around to help her out. They were down to a handful of people in the camp. Unfortunately Brian remained one of them.

  Addy had let Estelle take over for her and was thankful the woman was a natural. Several thoughts about her future had crossed her mind, but she hadn’t been able to verbalize them quite yet. One thing losing her father had done was to make her think even more about her own future. Still, she had doubts.

  Every night she read her father’s note over and over. The more she did, the more she questioned if she was truly happy.

  It was almost a week after her father’s passing when she received a call from the lawyer. There were only a small handful of lawyers in Haven, but she’d never met Matt Grengs before. She agreed to meet him at his office the following day.

  “Want me to go with you?” Trent asked as he flipped a pancake over in her skillet. He’d continued to show up at her place every morning and acted like nothing was wrong between them. But she knew that it was only a matter of time before he stopped coming by.

  The fact that he had his legs spread wide so he didn’t have to cock his neck at an odd angle under the trailer’s ceiling caused her to smile for the first time in days. He looked like a giraffe trying to drink water.

  “No.” She looked down at her hands. “I know you probably have tons of work to catch up on. You’ve taken almost an entire week off for me.” She didn’t know how to tell him that he could go back to his normal life without her.

  “I don’t mind.” He glanced over at her. “Course my brothers probably do.”

  “I’m sure you have plenty to—”

  “Addy, I remained quiet when you started pushing me away, but I’m where I want to be.” He set the pan down after flipping the pancake onto a plate.

  She felt her heart sink as she watched him set a large stack of pancakes in front of her. What was it going to be like once he lost interest in her? Could she go back to being alone?

  He sat down and took her hand in his.

  “It’s hard.” She shook her head and pulled her hand away. “I know you have your job and I have mine.” She took a deep breath. “With everything that’s happened . . . recently, I guess I just need . . .”

  “I know. After my dad died, I didn’t think I’d be able to get back to life,” Trent said.

  “How did you do it?” she asked. “Get your life back to normal?”

  “You don’t ever really get back to normal. But you go on every day, remembering the good times, and soon the bad times aren’t even a flicker in your memory. I have this drive to end up as close as I can to how great my dad was.” His eyes met hers. “I know that it’s different for you. Everyone needs to go through their own healing process.”

  “Your mother coached you, didn’t she?”

  “Actually it was Trisha. Did you know that she has a sister who is very
abusive toward her?”

  Addy shook her head and she felt a pang in her heart. Trisha was such a nice person. She couldn’t imagine anyone being mean to her.

  “You should talk to her about it sometime. She might have a few pointers on how to deal with your mother.”

  Just then there was a knock on her door. “Come in,” Addy called out after checking her watch. She knew that Joy and Beau were supposed to come over for breakfast; she invited them over every time she knew Trent was going to be around, kind of like a buffer.

  At first she thought that they would feel awkward around him, but instead, Beau and Trent seemed to get along great. Even Joy had mentioned how impressed she was with his entire family.

  “Sorry we’re late,” Beau said, sitting down.

  “You’re just in time,” Trent said. “I doubt I can eat all this myself.”

  “Don’t lie,” Beau joked back. “I bet you could easily put all those away on your own.”

  It was still weird seeing Trent and Beau get along so well. She’d imagined them as mortal enemies with her in the middle being tugged to either side. But since their arrival, Beau had been nothing but kind to Trent and vice versa.

  They chatted about a few lighthearted things as they ate. When the food was gone, Beau stood up and asked to talk to her outside about work.

  “So we have to head back to North Dakota tomorrow. Do you think you’ll be okay here?” he asked when they stepped outside. Addy could see the concern in her friend’s eyes.

  “Yes, Estelle has really been such a big help. Actually I was hoping to talk to you about her.”

  “Oh?” Beau said.

  “I think . . .” She took a deep breath. “I believe that it might be time for me to move on to something else in life.” She twisted her hands in front of her. “I believe Estelle is a perfect replacement. I’ll work with her over the next few weeks until the end of this month.” She watched Beau’s face and saw the surprise in his eyes. “That should be enough time to bring her up to speed.”