Wicked as a Christmas Fruitcake

by Lotta Smith

  John glared at the heap of clothes in front of the canvas for a while. Then, out of the blue, he kicked the garments. As the shirt, pants, and underwear scattered, something like pebbles of stone rolled over the floor.

  “What the…?” John picked up a piece. It looked like a tooth—small, white, and hard, with a metal bolt on the base.

  As an actor, he liked to play the role of a tough guy, but in reality, he wasn’t. Startled, he dropped the tooth on the floor. When it hit, he caught a glimpse of several other pieces. Each was about the size of a chick pea, yellowish white with dark brown stains.

  The moment he realized the stains might be blood, John passed out and dropped on the hard floor.

  CHAPTER 1

  Green and purple… Seriously? Who had the deciding vote in determining the color schemes of this hideous building? USCIS? Or FBI? I wondered as I stood in front of 26 Federal Plaza in Manhattan, my new workplace.

  It was my first day of work at the FBI’s New York Field Office, and I wasn’t sure if I was happy or unhappy about my new career as an FBI special assistant.

  If this were a book, movie, or TV show, I would be a budding FBI special agent or something really badass.

  In that case, I would be ready to protect and defend the United States as I fought menacing terrorists or a group of evil aliens trying to invade Earth. In addition, if it were fiction, I would look like Jennifer Lawrence and have a really flashy educational background under my belt, such as having graduated from an Ivy League school at the top of my class. Not to mention I would be driving a Ferrari or a Lamborghini, or a Mercedes at least.

  Unfortunately, none of the above characteristics applied. After all, I was talking about my life, and lately, it kind of sucked.

  My name is Amanda Meyer. I’m a twenty-five-year-old American with Italian, English, and a little bit of Romanian heritage.

  I’m an American woman in my mid-twenties, but that’s all I have in common with The Hunger Games star. I stand at 5’4”, and I’m a size or two—or maybe three—larger than her dress size.

  I don’t have an Ivy League education under my belt, mostly because Harvard, Yale, Columbia, and all other such schools rejected my application. As for the car, I don’t even own one. I used to drive a relatively new Toyota Camry, but I sold it. I was trying my best to convince myself I didn’t need to have a car anymore now that I moved back to my parents’ home in Queens, New York.

  About a month ago, I was a medical student in North Carolina. I was in my third year—busy studying for exams, memorizing all the medical and surgical knowledge, and doing clinical rotations—until I got kicked out of medical school.

  Don’t get me wrong. I wasn’t a bad student.

  So I didn’t hold high hopes of graduating at the top of my class, or someday becoming a Nobel laureate. Then again, my academic performance wasn’t that bad. I was usually at around the top 50-60 percent of the class. At a place where the majority of your classmates have an IQ of 180 and up, even being a mediocre student took lots and lots of hard work.

  Anyway, the odds of my finishing medical school and becoming a doctor or getting some cushy job with some pharma/biotech/insurance company were pretty high. Back then, I used to picture myself in the future driving a nice car and vacationing in beautiful resorts.

  Generally speaking, doctors are highly regarded in today’s society. Sometimes, people talked about the top-notch physicians in comparison with God. On the other hand, I was held in comparison with the Grim Reaper and the Angel of Death. And as a result, I got kicked out of medical school, saying good-bye to my life plan as a doctor.

  Oh, did I mention getting kicked out of medical school didn’t offset my larger-than-life student loan?

  So, there I stood, with no degree under my belt and a huge debt up to my eyeballs. To rub salt in the wound, Justin, my now ex-fiancé, had called off our engagement. We went to the same med school. He was two years my senior and was already in his first year of residency training. Obviously, he had assessed the pros and cons of staying with me and concluded that staying with a woman called the Grim Reaper wasn’t likely to boost his value as a surgeon.

  As I stood in front of the East German-style building, I felt so depressed, I almost started sobbing.

  Look at the bright side, Mandy… I tried to convince myself.

  At least I was going to have a job, and their offer wasn’t bad. I would be able to make monthly payments on my student loan and make a decent living. Maybe I could even move out of my parents’ townhouse in a year or so.

  Actually, I wasn’t eager to take this job when I received the offer, but Mom and Dad insisted I should. They were not very keen on spending the rest of their lives paying off my student loan.

  “Miss, you’ve been standing here for a long time.” Frowning, the guy in a guard’s uniform gave me an accusing glare.

  “Um… I’m sorry. I got a little bit distracted. I’m supposed to start working here today,” I said, but based on his deep frown, I was positive he didn’t believe me.

  “Oh, I’m running late. I’ve got to go….” I attempted to walk away, but he grabbed my arm.

  “What is the purpose of—?” the guard started interrogating me, but he didn’t get to finish his sentence.

  “Good morning, Stanley,” a male voice boomed from behind us. It was a deep, smooth baritone—clear, calm, and confident. Without turning back to see him, I found myself picturing a tall guy with a certain level of sexiness. He continued, “For your information, you don’t want to mess with her. Guess what? So far, she’s killed three men just by touching them. In addition, it’s her first day working as my assistant. If you convince her to leave without even starting the job, Hernandez will be so pissed.”

  I had a remote knowledge that the head of the FBI’s New York Office was named Hernandez.

  “Mr. Rowling!” The guard’s response sounded more like a surprise than an acknowledgement.

  When he straightened himself, he was no longer grabbing my arm, too busy saluting Mr. Rowling.

  “I am awfully sorry for my rude behavior. I didn’t know she was your new assistant.”

  Then, turning to me, he apologized profusely. “I’m awfully sorry, ma’am.”

  If eyes could speak, his were saying, ‘Why didn’t you mention you worked for him?’

  “Okay, so we’re all cool,” said Mr. Rowling.

  I turned back to thank and greet him, but words failed me.

  He was tall, athletic, and had broad shoulders. He had flawless fair skin and dark hair styled in a conservatively messy ‘do. His mesmerizing green eyes looked almost blue, and his cheekbones were prominent. His nose and jaw were sculpted to perfection.

  In a nutshell, he was drop-dead gorgeous.

  But that wasn’t the only reason I was at a loss for words.

  “You are the—” Clenching my teeth and fists, I searched for words.

  Though I didn’t remember his name, I did recognize him, in an ‘I am so going to kill him if I ever lay my eyes on him again’ way.

  “Yeah, I’m Rick Rowling.” He flashed his perfect set of pearly whites. Obviously, he didn’t read my mind. “Hi, Mandy. Nice meeting you again.” He extended his right hand toward me.

  I took a deep breath. I had no fucking idea why this guy was so familiar with me to call me by the nickname I’d used since kindergarten. Before today, we had met only once for just a couple of hours, and during that short period of time, he killed my future as a doctor.

  I took his hand, half wishing he’d drop dead on the spot.

  After all, he was the one who convinced the Chapel Hill Police Department and my medical school that I’m the Grim Reaper.

  Book 2: W is for Wicked: http://amzn.to/29s5SLj

  Murder investigation is tricky—especially when the deceased threatens to kill you...

  FREE on Kindle Unlimited!

  Former medical student turned FBI special assistant Amanda Meyer isn’t thrilled about her new gig as
a ghost whisperer, especially now that she has the spirit of a departed drag queen following her around.

  But having a pal on the other side may just come in handy when a billionaire’s widow meets her untimely demise and Amanda and her oh so sexy boss, Rick Rowling, head of the Paranormal Cases Division, are called in to find the killer.

  With nine scandalous suspects, nine questionable motives, one dead witness and one cryptic clue, the bureau’s dynamic duo should be able to solve this case by the numbers, but the victim’s restless soul wants revenge while the clock is ticking. What’s the girl nicknamed The Grim Reaper to do? M may be for Murder, but W is for Wicked.

  Book 3: Wicked Little Secret: http://amzn.to/2du4JWy

  Everyone has secrets--ghosts are no exception...

  FREE on Kindle Unlimited!

  Finding her body taken over by a ghost with unfinished business while entertaining a tempting (yet dangerous sounding) invitation from Rick Rowling--her boss--has Amanda Meyer, FBI special assistant and resident ghost whisperer for the Paranormal Cases Division, in a tailspin. Her drag-queen-guardian ghost is acting even stranger than usual, a murder victim holds a clue to finding a stolen sculpture, and a parade of well-meaning family members might just set another murder in motion.

  What's the girl nicknamed Grim Reaper to do when a departed witness won't fess up, and she finds herself living with her crazy, arrogant, yet irresistibly sexy boss? Everyone's got secrets, but only the ghosts know whose will be revealed in this hilariously wicked romp in the Paranormal in Manhattan Mystery Series.

  Excerpts:

  “By the way, are there any rooms off-limits to me?”

  “No. Why?” he said, frowning.

  “Well, this place reminds me of Christian Grey’s penthouse, so I assumed maybe you have something you’d like to hide from me—such as a torture room.”

  It was supposed to be a joke, but Rick sucked in air. “How did you know that? Actually, I’ve got seven of them in the upstairs. Each room has uniquely themed décor and equipment for you know what.”

  “What?” My eyes widened. It was my turn to gasp for air. “Not just one but seven torture rooms?”

  “Yup, so I can shift them every day of the week. I’m sure you’ll like them.” He winked and ran his finger across my lips. “Don’t tell anyone, it’s my dirty little secret that I have those rooms.”

  I opened my mouth to say something, but words failed to come, so I nodded like a bobble-head.

  “Good girl.” Glancing at his splinted and heavily bandaged right leg, he said casually, “The stairs are a bitch to climb up and down on crutches, so I’d appreciate it if you’d bring down the handcuffs and whips, along with a silk blindfold and hogtie. Oh, I’ve got a can of whipped cream in the fridge. We’ll have tons of fun.” He winked.

  Book 4: Wicked of the Christmas Past: http://amzn.to/2heVZIQ

  Deck the halls with wows of wicked!

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  A romantic getaway to a posh spa with her devastatingly sexy boss seems like a Christmas miracle to FBI special assistant Amanda Meyer, but when you work for the bureau’s Paranormal Cases Division, disaster never takes a holiday.

  Bestselling author Carina Christien is dead, her apparent suicide covered up for a year. There’s no shortage of suspects, but this is one case that won’t be wrapped up neatly. Confessions ring false, intrigue runs high, but even a bevy of disgruntled ghostwriters is no match for the girl they call the Ghost Whisperer. It’s mistletoe and murder for Christmas in this fast-paced, quirky, fourth installment of the Paranormal in Manhattan Mystery Series.

  Book 5: Sweet Wicked of Mine: http://amzn.to/2nxMtAG

  I could stay awake just to feel you creeping...

  FREE on Kindle Unlimited!

  Life is sweet for FBI Special Assistant Amanda Meyer. Her live-in boyfriend just happens to be her sexy boss, Rick Rowling, head of the Paranormal Cases Division, and cozy evenings at home are becoming a thing - but that just means a wicked new case is right around the corner.

  When a little girl is kidnapped, the evidence points to world renowned psychic Aurora Westwood but something just doesn’t add up. In exchange for her help finding the missing child, Aurora has a proposition for Mandy that could change everything.

  Juggling life-changing proposals, grim reminders of her haunted past and a parade of restless spirits is just another day at the office for the girl they once called the Reaper in this madcap fifth book in the Manhattan Mystery Series.

  Book 6: Wicked and Haunted: http://bit.ly/2pnWicked6

  A blissful engagement, a haunted ring, throw in the mother-in-law from Hell...

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  Wedding bells are about to ring for FBI Special Assistant Amanda Meyer and her sexy boss, Rick Rowling, but before they walk down the aisle, Mandy will have to solve a new case for the Paranormal Cases Division…and stop Rick’s estranged mother, Alice, from turning their ceremony into the wedding from hell.

  While Mandy has no trouble talking to dead people, her very alive future mother-in-law is another story. As she tries to graciously dodge Alice’s nutty plans for the ceremony—including a live llama and a tattoo exchange—she dives full-throttle into the investigation of a haunted ring with a reputation for killing its owners.

  Before Mandy can solve the case, however, Alice tries on the haunted ring and is possessed by its ghost. Can Mandy end the ring’s curse, save Rick’s mother, and keep her wedding from going to the llamas? Or will the cursed ring kill her before she can say, “I do”? Find out in this wickedly funny sixth adventure in the Paranormal in Manhattan Mystery Series!

  Book 7: Wicked, Manor, and Murder: http://amzn.to/2s7KQvH

  Wicked to the rescue!

  FREE on Kindle Unlimited!

  Soon-to-be-bride Amanda Meyer can’t wait to walk down the aisle with her fiancé Rick Rowling. Everything is falling into place for their long-awaited nuptials until Mandy’s BFF bridesmaid Fiona reveals that according to a cryptic message from her grandmother’s ghost, Fiona is soon-to-be-dead.

  So before the happy couple can say I do, they’re off to Fiona’s family estate to find the murderer-to-be amid a bevy of paranormal ghost tour guests. Hidden affairs, family secrets and meddling spirits will keep the future Mr. and Mrs. Rowling tied in knots before they tie the knot in this seventh hair raising adventure in the Manhattan Mystery Series.

  Book 8: Wickedly Ever After: Halloween Hijinks: http://amzn.to/2uoJsWi

  Ghosts just want to have fun…

  FREE on Kindle Unlimited!

  As the new Mrs. Rowling, life is supposed to be easy for former FBI Special Assistant Amanda Meyer. Marriage to her drop dead gorgeous boss Rick is everything she dreamed of, unfortunately she can’t sleep, and she can’t even blame the ghost of his late stepmom Clara for popping up in the middle of the night with a tricky request.

  Someone staged mechanic Fynn’s death to look like a suicide, and now his unhappy ghost is keeping Clara and her dead friends awake all night. Proving he was murdered will keep the newlyweds hopping, and the real trick will be staying alive in this hilarious eighth book in the Manhattan Mystery Series.

  Book 9: Speak of the Wicked: http://amzn.to/2xehDlM

  Speak of the Devil look who walked in…

  FREE on Kindle Unlimited!

  Now a chief agent for USCAB’s paranormal division, newlywed Mandy Rowling has arrived. Unfortunately, Manhattan’s social elite have little regard for her, except for the very wealthy Mrs. Karen Rosenberg who, it turns out, is in need of someone with paranormal skills.

  During a holiday gathering turned scammy séance at the Rosenberg mansion, a prickly ghost hints that Mr. Rosenberg—believed to have passed away due to an unfortunate accident—may have actually died of suspicious causes. Long hidden secrets are revealed, casting blame on the Upper East Side’s crème-de-le-crème, and proving everyone should be thankful for the girl who can speak to spirits in this wild ninth installment of the
madcap Manhattan Mystery series.

  PI Assistant Extraordinaire Mysteries:

  Book 1: Ghostly Murder: http://amzn.to/204aWJ4

  A murder in a locked room…

  A faceless ghost…

  Throw in a cross-dressing detective-savant plus his assistant extraordinaire in this new mystery series!

  A high profile murder calls for a high profile detective.

  When the famous Sushi Czar is found dead in a room that’s locked from the inside, the evidence just doesn’t add up. Of course a killer ghost (supernatural killer) is no match for the deductive skills of Michael Archangel. The fabulous cross-dressing former FBI agent can rock a set of sky high stilettos and assemble clues like puzzle pieces, but can he actually prove a ghost committed murder?

  Only his assistant knows for sure. Former housewife and London socialite Kelly Kinki (it’s Kinki ending with an I not a Y) may someday be the Watson to Archangel’s Holmes, but for now, she’s following orders, coveting his fashion sense and learning from the master PI that there’s something truly fishy about this case.

  Book 2: Immortal Eyes: http://amzn.to/1T4DKC3

  Serial murder with a sick ritual...

  The most unusual way to use Eggs Benedict...

  The mismatched duo's race against time...

  Former London socialite Kelly Kinki doesn’t always see eye to eye with her sexy-as-hell boss Michael Archangel, but she’ll follow the brilliant, cross-dressing detective anywhere to help solve their latest case.

  Kelly was happy to lay her rep as the Dragon Lady to rest when she moved across the pond, but to catch an eyeball snatching serial killer she’ll have to put her skills at fire breathing to the test once again.

  A gruesome autopsy, a visit with her ex, and a shocking encounter with a killer compete for craziest day on the job, but nothing can hold a candle to a glimpse of her boss in the buff.