Saint or Sinner

by Jolie Day

  Saint or Sinner

  A Contemporary Romance Novel

  Jolie Day

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means without written permission from the author.

  The characters, places, and events portrayed in this book are completely fiction and are in no way meant to represent real people or places.

  Warning: This story contains mature themes and language. It is intended to be enjoyed by an 18+ audience only.

  Copyright © Jolie Day

  ISBN-13: 978-1719570695

  ISBN-10: 1719570698

  About this Novel

  I can have any woman I want.

  Except Mira.

  The daughter of the man I allegedly killed.

  17 years ago, I made a mistake.

  A big one.

  I was involved in a murder case.

  But they had to let me go – due to lack of evidence.

  Mira doesn’t care about that.

  She was eight years old when her father was killed.

  She hates me.

  She doesn’t believe I’m innocent.

  Years have passed and she has become this mesmerizing woman.

  I can't stop thinking about her.

  Me inside her.

  Her moaning my name.

  She might deny me now.But it's been long enough.

  To have her, I will do whatever it takes.

  Saint or Sinner is a 81000 word romance novel. No cliffhanger. No cheating. Most definitely for 18+ readers only. Contains mature themes and language.

  Table of Contents

  Saint or Sinner

  Prologue

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Sneak Peek

  The Author

  Saint or Sinner

  Prologue

  Mira could not sleep. Her belly was aching. She would have liked to ask her mommy for a hot water bottle, but her mom was ill, and daddy was probably still up and working in the other room. That’s where he would always be, if they had argued over dinner. Usually, it was mom’s “inappropriate behavior” that would cause them both to yell at each other, but not this time. This time it was also Suzanne’s fault. It had been her sister’s “inappropriate behavior”, as dad had found out. His voice had become very quiet when the subject was brought up and Mira had deliberately focused very hard on her plate and those rather mushy carrots that Mrs. Dorkins had cooked. Whenever daddy’s voice got quiet and as low as that of a grumbling bear, one had to be careful.

  Compared to her, it made no difference to Suzanne if their dad was angry. She had stared at him defiantly and asked why he even cared whether she saw Rick or not. Her mouth had twisted in a way Mira knew only too well. Whenever Suzanne’s mouth looked this menacing, like a thin line with those hard-pressed lips, it meant that she was harboring a secret. And more often than not, it would be one of those secrets that would make her father even angrier than just a date with her boyfriend.

  Mom had intervened. “Just let her be, Jack”, she had said. Her mouth had also been somewhat small and tight, but it looked a little sadder. Her voice had sounded so tired, and just like Mira, she hadn’t looked at daddy, but had instead focused on her half empty wine glass. “We know Rick. We know his parents. He is a responsible young man. Just let her go to that party. It could be her last.”

  Dad had looked at mommy very angrily. “And what will happen next?” His knuckles had become white, as he held his knife ever so tightly after cutting his meat. Mira dared to look up from her carrots, just in time to see gravy drip from the knife onto the table cloth. She had quickly averted her glance back to the orange vegetables and pushed some more of them onto her fork. Maybe everything would be alright if she ate everything on her plate tonight. Even though she really hated cooked carrots. “When she starts taking drugs and acting like a whore, will you then still tell me: Just let her?” His voice had been louder now. He hadn’t looked at Suzanne, who had leaned back in her chair and didn’t even attempt to look like she was eating. He had stared at mom again.

  Mom had taken a sip of her wine. Her hand was shaking so much that the red fluid had spilled onto the tablecloth. Mira held her breath. Dad hated messiness. There were so many things her daddy hated. So many, that Mira often struggled not to do some of them by accident.

  “You are such a damn hypocrite”, Mom had answered.

  What did that mean?

  She had set the glass back onto the table. “Jack, she is seventeen years old. I trust her. Compared to the others, she will not abuse my trust.”

  Mira’s father had leaned back and now his eyes looked so furious that Mira seriously got scared. “Go to bed”, he had said. He hadn’t even cared that there was still food on the plates. Mira had jumped up immediately. For a split second she had stopped and contemplated whether she should give her parents a goodnight kiss or not, but the look on both of their faces had been enough to tell her that she should just leave. Her older sister had also taken this opportunity and left. They had closed the door to the dining room as quietly as possible and then run up the stairs to their rooms.

  “Will you read me a bedtime story?” Mira had asked as she pulled on Suzanne’s sleeve.

  “You can read it yourself”, Suzanne had said and tousled Mira’s short dark hair.

  “But it is much nicer when someone else reads it to me”, Mira had insisted. Of course, she could read at eight years old – and very well, as her mom always pointed out – but her favorite story about Pilla Pimpinella was still a little too difficult for Mira. Pilla was a brave witch, whose self-invented magic spells were so long that only a grown up or an almost grown up could say them right. And obviously, they had to be said in the correct way if they were to work at all.

  Suzanne, who had been standing at the door already, had sighed deeply. “Not tonight, sweetie”, she had said. “But tomorrow I will read you an extra-long story, okay? And you can choose which one. How does that sound?”

  “Fine”, Mira had answered. “Will you wish me goodnight when you come back?”

  Suzanne had closed her eyes so hard then. Just like she had done at the dinner table with her mouth. Before she could say anything, though, Mira had raised her small hand and pointed out her thumb, index, and middle fingers, as she had seen on TV. “I swear I won’t say anything.” She had been so happy that her sister wasn’t mad at her, and had instead come over and hugged her tightly.

  “You are so very sweet”, Suzanne had said before turning to leave again. “But how do you even know… ah, it doesn’t matter.” She had glanced at her watch. “I need to get changed. Sweet dreams, sweetie. See you later.”

  Suzanne had then left her room and Mira had to get ready for bed all by herself.

  Mommy and daddy’s voices had become extremely loud and then they had turned very quiet again. At some point, Mira had heard her mom’s footsteps and then the clicking of her door closing. Mira usually left her door ajar in case of something bad happening. Suddenly, everything had become very quiet. So quiet in fact, that Mira could hear the door being locked with the key. This usually meant that mo
mmy didn’t want to be disturbed anymore. Daddy’s office was downstairs, and he never cared whether he was noisy or not. His door had slammed shut very loudly and afterwards things finally seemed to calm down. Mira knew all the noises in this house and those her family made. Only then, once everyone had gone to their rooms and everything seemed normal, was Mira finally able to close her eyes. She had sat up once more to straighten out her blanket, but then turned to her right and buried her face into her Mister Knister’s soft fur. Ordinarily, she should be too old to sleep with a teddy bear, but Mira liked it when things were a certain way. The right way. Mister Knister was supposed to sleep with his back to the wall, her head would be exactly in the middle of her pillow, and her nose would touch the teddy bear’s neck, where he smelled the best. Somehow old, but still very sweet, and of mommy’s perfume.

  ****

  She had no idea what woke her – maybe her bellyache? It wasn’t as bad as it had been on her first day of school, but almost. Maybe Suzanne would be able to get her a hot water bottle? Mira got up and shuffled to the door, which was unlocked again. Maybe Suzanne had done that when she had come back home and kissed her goodnight. Mira turned the doorknob and looked into the hallway. Everything was dark. She felt her way along the wall to her sister’s room.

  Her bed was empty.

  Suzanne hadn’t come back home yet. Mira’s belly hurt again and rubbing it with one hand, like her mom had shown her, didn’t help. Mommy was already asleep, and Mira didn’t want to wake her. Maybe she could ask her dad. He was obviously still awake, because the light shone from underneath his door. She knelt on the floor and stared through the banisters. Asking daddy for anything was always difficult and she was almost certain that he would get angry about her disturbing him. She couldn’t even imagine that he would actually go into the kitchen with her to fill the kettle, and then bring her back up to her bed with a hot water bottle.

  Maybe it was better to just go back to bed. She sighed softly and was getting up, when she suddenly heard a voice coming from behind her Dad’s door and getting louder. She couldn’t really understand what the man said, but she knew that this was not her dad talking. It had happened before that he had had visitors at late hours, but usually these people would not argue with each other. Instead they would laugh and drink a lot. This here was something else.

  Then Mira heard her dad, just as loud, but somewhat subdued. She knew she wasn’t supposed to, but she leaned in to listen. It was her father’s voice. But somehow it wasn’t. Something was very different. What she heard was not the voice of a grumbling and maybe angry bear, but instead… Her curiosity grew bigger than her fear of getting into trouble, so she slowly wandered down the steps. Her hand held on to the banisters tightly and her little feet felt for each next step in the darkness. She didn’t really know why she hadn’t turned on the light. Finally, she arrived at the bottom of the stairs and slightly curled her naked feet as they hit the cold stone floor of the large hallway. She could hear her daddy and the other man talking simultaneously and although she could make out the words, she didn’t understand what it was they talked about. Or why the two were arguing and yelling at each other. She accidentally put her thumb into her mouth, but she immediately pulled it out again. After all, she wasn’t a little girl anymore!

  “I will never let that happen!” she heard her dad yell. His voice sounded very aggravated and unusually high, like mom’s voice would when they were arguing. Jarring and almost painful to the ears. At first, the other man was silent, then he answered so quietly that Mira couldn’t really hear what he said. “I will kill you, you ungrateful bastard”, screamed daddy. Mira cringed. “Bastard” was one of those forbidden words, for which she had once been grounded for an entire weekend. And now her dad had said it himself! Mira’s initial fear had somehow disappeared completely. Instead, she was now extremely angry at her dad because he couldn’t punish her for something that he would then go and do himself. That was simply unfair.

  Something popped. The noise wasn’t very loud and was more like the sound that those dusty bottles from the basement make when mommy and daddy opened them, when they were celebrating something. Mira walked closer to the door and she wondered why it was suddenly so quiet. Shouldn’t daddy and his friend be laughing and happy by now? She put her hand on the knob and was just about to open the door, when it suddenly swung open. In front of her stood a large man. She couldn’t really make out his face.

  The next thing she felt were two hands that grabbed her under her arms and lifted her up.

  “Hey”, he whispered. The man shifted her in his arms and then put his hand to the back of her head to press her face against his neck. “Where is your room, sweetie?” he asked, while he was already climbing the stairs. Mira struggled a little bit, but he held her close. This man did not smell so good - not as nice as Mister Knister or mommy. She did recognize the smell, but she couldn’t remember what it was. “Everything is fine, little one”, he whispered and then Mira remembered that she did know him. He was mommy’s friend and he had once allowed her to ride behind him on his motorbike. It had only been a few very slow circles, but she had liked it a lot. It had tingled in her belly like crazy, but she had held onto him really tight and had not fallen off.

  “Here”, she said softly and wiggled a little when they came to the door to her room. The man opened it carefully and then quickly walked over to her bed, where he put her down. He even tucked her in!

  “Sleep tight”, he said, and he almost sounded like mom when she told Mira that it was time to go to sleep now. Mira closed her eyes and felt that she really was very tired. The man put Mister Knister into her arms, and tucked the blanket tightly all around her, just like mommy did. And then he left.

  Chapter 1

  For most people, Los Angeles was synonymous with Hollywood.

  For Mira it was the place she had always called home, whenever she had returned over the last few years. This, as she would openly admit, had been as rarely as possible. At first “they” had decided to keep “everything” away from her and had put her into a boarding school – in Switzerland, no less. And then Mira had been way too busy during her studies to even attempt the long flight back for a short visit. By now it was kind of hard to say whether this elegant address in the Hollywood hills actually still felt like home.

  She had no desire to find that out. Just the thought of the house alone made her stomach turn and created pains deep inside of her that she had managed to suppress for so many years now. Her heart raced, despite the fact that she was still at Los Angeles International Airport and still had to travel around twenty miles to her parents’ house. Her fingers played nervously with the necklace she had bought on her backpacking travels through Europe a few years ago. The seller had claimed that the pendant would protect her from “evil looks” and even though the necklace had swallowed up a big chunk of her budget, Mira had bought it. Since then, she had never taken it off, not even in the shower or when she went swimming.

  She had handled her return to Los Angeles with an absurd amount of secrecy, which almost seemed manic. She hadn’t even told her sister her flight number or the time she would arrive and, to make this stint even more extreme, Mira had booked a hotel room from London. Once she had checked into the Hyborn, it would be easier for her to give into her sister’s pressure. She absolutely adored her sister, but Mira was adamant about not losing any control over her own life, which had cost her so dearly. Moving into her old room or even just one of the guest rooms in that big old house would literally mean that she would be giving all of the responsibility over to Suzanne.

  A woman bumped into Mira and didn’t even turn around to apologize. Instead she just kept running to wherever she was going. This was yet another thing that she would have to get used to again. The Brits were so incredibly polite that they would potentially apologize to someone for being in the way after that someone had run them over. She wondered if she could ever possibly get used to the urgency that literally e
veryone in L.A. seemed to cultivate so effortlessly, and which she felt was rude and pushy. Mira took her time as she casually strolled to the luggage claim in terminal 2, despite being well aware of the disapproving looks she was getting from everyone, including a man who walked past her swearing loudly about “ff-ing lazy tourists”. Mira didn’t care about that. She alone decided how fast she wanted to move, and she had decided that she didn’t want to return home too fast.

  Unfortunately, her sister seemed to have planned to foil that idea. Mira felt Suzanne’s gaze on her, before she saw her to her right. There she was, next to the luggage returning belt packed with suitcases and surrounded by people trying to grab their stuff. Yet she seemed completely unperturbed by the chaos surrounding her. She almost looked too cool, with her coffee in one hand and her super slim and presumably highly functional mobile phone in the other. Without having to interrupt her conversation on the phone, her eyes lit up with a warm welcoming look and Mira immediately forgave her for ruining her plans. She greeted her with a sly smile and then kept an eye out for her suitcase. Of course, it was the second last piece of luggage to roll out onto the moving belt, which allowed Suzanne plenty of time to finish her phone conversation. Meanwhile, Mira politely declined an offer of help from one sunburned muscleman and dragged her suitcase off the moving belt by herself, which earned her an overly surprised yet appreciative look from the muscleman. Two quick moves with one hand and Mira pulled her suitcase onto its wheels behind her, as the two women walked towards the exit. Suzanne seemingly had to yell something that sounded like “I said I will call you back later!” before she joined her sister with loudly clattering high heels, which even managed to surpass the already high noise level of the airport.

  “Are you planning on leaving me here?” Suzanne swung her oversized handbag over her other shoulder and hooked her arm into her sister’s. What on earth was she carrying around that she needed such a huge handbag? Suzanne stopped for a second, but Mira simply took her arm out of her sister’s hold and kept walking, vigorously. Where was that taxi stand again? She realized that she had been walking without any clear direction, so she stopped and looked around for some signs, as Suzanne’s small figure appeared in front of her. “Welcome home, sweetie,” she said and hugged Mira tightly. It took her a split second to react, but when she heard her sister say that word, she finally warmed up and hugged her back tightly. She really had missed Suzanne in all these years.