Cant Let Go GO PL

by Barbara Freethy

  But he liked being with her. She made him feel normal again. He realized that was what Megan had said to him, too. When he was with Annie, he felt like himself again.

  He couldn't tell her that. She wouldn't understand it, and he couldn't explain it.

  There were so many things he wanted to tell her, but so many things he couldn't share.

  He wasn't being fair to her. She thought he was resisting her because he didn't want commitment or entanglement, but his issues went far deeper than that.

  He would be doing her a favor if he could find the strength to push her away, but that strength seemed to be weakening. There was a voice inside his head suggesting that maybe he should give himself a break, let down the steel walls he had barricaded himself behind. Even if it was only for a short time, wouldn't that be better than nothing?

  Or would it be worse?

  At this point, he really had no idea.

  "Griffin," Annie said, her voice taking on a louder note.

  He blinked, realizing he'd gotten lost in his head. They'd finished dinner and were nursing glasses of wine while the band got ready to play. "Sorry, what did you say?"

  "I asked you how your meeting with the security company went, what you're planning to do."

  "Right. We'll add a fence and a gate at the entrance to the employee lot. We're also going to put in additional security cameras in front and in back and beef up our alarm system, all things we should have done a while ago, but other items took precedence. And we're considering hiring a security guard on Friday and Saturday nights when we have the most problems with drunks, but beyond that we can't turn this place into a prison or no one will want to come."

  "I'm sure you'll find the right balance." She paused as Shari came to take their plates.

  He hadn't had a chance to speak to Shari about her run-in the other day, and now wasn't the time, but seeing the dark shadows under her eyes, the exhaustion in her expression, he thought he better make time soon.

  "Do you want anything else?" Shari asked.

  He glanced at Annie, who shook her head. "We're good, thanks."

  "So, has this band played here before?" Annie asked, tipping her head to the four guys setting up on the stage.

  "A few times. They're very popular."

  "Have you ever wanted to be in a band, play on a stage?"

  He saw the guilty curiosity in her eyes. "You went snooping in my apartment, didn't you?"

  "I walked by the bedroom door, and I might have seen a guitar in there. Are you good?"

  "Average. I don't perform; I just play for myself."

  "Since you were a kid?"

  "No. I didn't get into it until a couple of years ago. I just fool around."

  "I don't know if I believe you. I'm beginning to realize you downplay your accomplishments and abilities. You're very modest, Griffin."

  "I'm not being humble. I am a mediocre guitar picker at best."

  "I also couldn't help noticing that you like books—mysteries, especially."

  "I do like to read," he admitted. "I spent a lot of time with books when I was younger, especially after my mom got sick. It was an escape from the not-so-fun real world. What about you?"

  "I always escaped into my art. If I had free time, I was drawing, and if I was reading anything, it was probably an art book." She paused, tilting her head to one side, as she gazed at him.

  "What are you thinking, Annie? That you have me figured out? You found some clues in a guitar and a bookcase?" he asked with a smile.

  "Hardly. But I'm getting a little closer. I know one thing—you like solitude—things you can do by yourself like surfing, reading, guitar playing. But you also like people, or you wouldn't have opened a bar. You're a study in contrasts. You want the noise, but you don't always want to be a part of it."

  A chill ran through him as he realized just how close she was getting to understanding him. "I definitely don't always want to be a part of it," he admitted. "And you've made me sound quite boring."

  "Not boring, but maybe a little…lonely?" she asked, a bit hesitant with the last word, as if she didn't want to offend him.

  He wasn't offended, but he was reminded of just how isolated he really was. He could be in a crowd of people, but he always felt alone. Except tonight. Tonight, he felt connected to someone, and that someone was Annie.

  "I've annoyed you again, haven't I?" she asked with a sigh. "I always take it one step too far."

  "You're not annoying me at all. I actually wish you were."

  A spark lit up her beautiful green eyes. "Because then it would be easier to get rid of me?"

  "A lot easier."

  "So…" She licked her lips and gave him a nervous look. "What's next? Do we listen to music? Do I call a cab and go home?"

  Both of those ideas sounded a lot safer than what he wanted to do. "Do you want to go home?" he countered.

  "Not really."

  "Do you want to listen to the music?"

  She put a hand to her necklace, pulling a pink stone pendant back and forth along its chain. "Do I have a third choice?" she asked.

  Her question sent all kinds of ideas into his head. "I could come up with a third choice," he said with a nod.

  "What is it?"

  He gazed back at her, seeing the mixed emotions in her eyes, the same emotions he was feeling. There was a push-pull between them that neither of them seemed able to ignore. He should be able to ignore it. He'd had years of practice in locking away parts of his life. Did he really want to unlock them now? To Annie? To the one person he really didn't want to send away but probably should?

  As his eyes moved from her expectant gaze to her soft, full lips, logic went out the window. He didn't want to think anymore. He didn't want to be on guard. He didn't want to hold on so tight to safety that his fingers went numb. He wanted to fly, and he wanted to do it with her.

  "Griffin?" she asked, an edge to her voice.

  He looked back into her eyes. "Do you want to jump off a cliff?"

  She drew in a quick breath at his words. "Are you going to jump with me?"

  At her question, the air sizzled between them. He knew he should end this crazy, seductive conversation right now, but his brain had lost out to the desire rushing through his body. "I would jump with you, but you could still get hurt. I can't promise you won't."

  "There's always that risk. I just don't want to take the risk alone. If we do this, we both have to want it."

  "Oh, I want it," he murmured. "I want you, Annie." He got to his feet and held out his hand, making a decision he hoped neither of them would regret.

  She jumped up, her fingers tightening around his as their gazes locked together. "I want you, too."

  That was really all that mattered.

  * * *

  They practically ran up the stairs to Griffin's apartment, and Annie did feel a bit like she was running headfirst toward the edge of a cliff, but she was excited and eager and too caught up in Griffin to think about turning around.

  Whatever happened later…would happen later. She wanted now. This moment was everything.

  Griffin fumbled a bit with the key as he unlocked his door, and she liked the sign of nerves. He always seemed so controlled, so disciplined, but he wasn't acting that way now, and she liked being the one to knock him off his game.

  When they got into the apartment, he kicked the door shut, whirled her around and pushed her back up against it, taking possession of her mouth in a long, deep, wet kiss that sent waves of heat through her body.

  The man could definitely kiss!

  He angled his head one way, then the other, the demands of his lips making her pulse pound and her heart beat faster.

  She ran her hands up under his shirt, feeling the hard plane of his abs, the sculpted muscles, the heat of his skin. She wanted to touch him all over. She wanted to go fast, but she also wanted to go slow. With Griffin, she always felt as if their time together could end at any second, and it was that sense of urgency that
fueled her desire.

  If things were going to end, they were going to end the way she wanted them to. She parted her lips, sucking his tongue into her mouth, loving the way he tasted, the scent of his aftershave clinging to his cheeks—sexy, musky, manly. His hard angles, her soft curves—they seemed made for each other, and she wanted to get closer, so much closer.

  Griffin dragged his mouth away from hers, giving her a second to breathe. He tilted her chin up with one hand, gazing into her eyes. "Last chance."

  "I'm not changing my mind. Are you?"

  He shook his head, but she could see a struggle in his eyes as well as a hunger. He was battling for a control she didn't think had anything to do with her.

  "Are you sure?" she asked, drawing his gaze to hers.

  "I don't want to hurt you, Annie. I know I could."

  "I'm not worried about that."

  "Maybe you should be. You don't know—"

  She cut him off by putting her fingers against his mouth. "Don't say whatever you're going to say. I'm exactly where I want to be. I'm not asking you for anything. Well, that's not completely true. I do want to ask you to do a few things."

  "Like what?" he asked huskily.

  "Kiss me all over. Touch me all over. Let yourself go and then take me with you. It's really pretty simple. It doesn't have to be complicated."

  A slow smile curved his lips and the tension in his face eased. "Simple—I can manage." He slid his mouth down the side of her neck, sending tingles to every nerve ending. "How's that?"

  "It's a good start." She had to bite back a small moan as his tongue swirled around her earlobe. "You're going to make me crazy, aren't you?"

  "I sure as hell hope so, because you're already doing that to me."

  His hands crept under her top, and she leaned back against the door, happy to have something solid behind her as his hands teased her breasts and his mouth set off little fires everywhere it landed. Then Griffin pulled her into his arms, stealing another hot kiss before taking her into the bedroom.

  He let go of her hand for one second, saying "hang on," which almost gave her too much time to think about what she was doing.

  But when Griffin came back out of the bathroom, gave her a wicked smile and tossed a couple of condoms on the bed, her mouth went dry. "Really?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. "That many? I thought you were a pessimist."

  He laughed. "Not now I'm not."

  She liked the smile that lit up his eyes. The moody, sometimes grumpy, scowling man of mystery had vanished. He looked happy, younger, carefree, and hot as hell…

  And then he bridged the gap between them, sliding his arms around her waist with a hungry, determined look in his eyes. "I need you, Annie."

  She took a deep breath. "I need you, too, Griffin. I have to admit I'm a little nervous. If I start rambling in the middle of something, just ignore me, okay? You know I talk too much."

  "I would never ignore you. I like the way you talk. I like the way you use this mouth." He ended his statement with a kiss. "We can go as fast or as slow as you want."

  "Let's go fast…the first time," she said, already feeling breathless and Griffin had barely touched her.

  Which reminded her…She pulled her top up and over her head. She felt momentarily self-conscious in her lacy black bra, but the passion that sparked in Griffin's eyes drove the shyness away. She unhooked her bra and slipped it off her shoulders, feeling brave, daring, reckless.

  "We're definitely going to go fast the first time," Griffin said, his voice thick, as his hands cupped her breasts and he sought another kiss.

  Desire raced through her as her nipples tightened and when he dropped his head to kiss her breasts, she ran her hands through his hair, holding his head in place as his tongue drew wet circles, setting off all kinds of impatient feelings.

  And then Griffin dropped to his knees, kissing her breasts, her abdomen, his fingers playing with the snaps on her jeans.

  He helped her off with her jeans, her panties coming off at the same time, his mouth and hands touching her where she most needed it.

  But it wasn't enough. And Griffin had far too many clothes on.

  "Your turn," she said, helping him off with his jeans and shirt.

  His body was everything she'd imagined and more: muscled, lean, tan, just the right smattering of dark hair on his chest. She would have taken more time to look, but he was reaching for her, and now wasn't the time to go slow and savor. That would come later.

  They tumbled down on the bed together, seeking each other with greedy hands, impatient mouths, reckless, passionate desire. She'd never felt so consumed by her need, so overwhelmed with sensation. She was breathing him in with every breath that she took. It was a little terrifying to feel so swept away—a bit like going into the ocean, feeling the current pulling her under.

  But when Griffin's arms were around her, she wasn't afraid. He would catch her if she fell…so she let go.

  And he was there, just as she'd known he would be.

  * * *

  Annie woke up Saturday morning, feeling deliciously exhausted and superbly happy. Unfortunately, when she rolled over in bed and did not see Griffin's gorgeous face or his hot body next to hers, a wave of doubt ran through her.

  She glanced at the clock on the bedside table. It was almost eight, and the sun was streaming through the windows. It was time to get up, but she really wished she wasn't getting up alone.

  The apartment sounded quiet. Griffin wasn't in the bathroom. Had he left? Gone surfing? Gone downstairs to work? Was it over already?

  He'd told her he couldn't make promises, but she'd thought she might at least get him to have breakfast with her.

  Sitting up in bed, she pulled the sheet around her naked body as she considered her options. She didn't have her car, but she could call a car service and go home.

  She pushed her hair out of her face. It didn't make sense that Griffin would just leave her without a word. Not in his bed. Not in his apartment. Maybe he'd just gone downstairs to get coffee or something.

  She looked around for her phone but didn't see it anywhere. She'd probably left it in her bag, which was on Griffin's kitchen table. The sound of a door closing made her heart jump. Griffin was back from wherever he'd gone. She waited for him to come into the bedroom, but he didn't. Maybe he thought she was still asleep.

  Climbing out of bed, she wrapped the sheet around her and went into the living room.

  Griffin was standing by the table where she'd left her tote bag. There was a plate of pastries and two mugs of coffee next to her phone.

  She let out a sigh of relief, but that feeling quickly passed as he met her gaze with a frown.

  "I can't believe you didn't tell me," he said, an accusing note in his voice.

  Her gaze moved to the bag. She could see the folder with her sketches of Griffin as a superhero tucked just inside. He must have seen the drawings. She really should have told him before now. "I—I was going to tell you."

  "Were you?"

  "Yes. I just didn't know how to bring it up."

  "After last night, you feel shy to bring things up?"

  She blushed at the memories. "That was different." Frowning, she couldn't quite gauge his mood. He seemed a little pissed off, but not in a really angry way. "Do you want to talk about it?"

  "No, I want to do something about it. But first you need to answer some of these texts."

  "What?"

  He picked up her phone and handed it to her. "I wasn't spying, Annie. I set the coffee down, and your phone was blowing up with Happy Birthday confetti and balloon texts."

  "Oh," she said, licking her lips, realizing he hadn't seen the sketches at all.

  She should probably just tell him, now that she'd almost been outed. But Griffin was putting his arms around her, kissing her good-morning, wishing her a happy birthday, and she felt happier than she had in a very long time. She just could not bring herself to mention the sketches, knowing they would definitely change
the mood.

  It was her birthday. She deserved a good day. The rest could wait.

  "What are you doing today?" he asked. "Are you going out with friends? Do you have a party planned?"

  "No, I'm just going to laze around, catch up on my laundry, whatever. It's not a big deal."

  "Catch up on your laundry on your birthday? No way. That's not going to work for me," he said with a firm shake of his head.

  "Oh, yeah?"

  "If you don't have any birthday plans, then we're making some."

  "Don't you have to work?"

  "I'm the boss. I can take a day off."

  "Really? You would do that for me?"

  "I'd do just about anything for you," he said lightly, but there was enough of a serious note in his voice that her heart squeezed with happiness. "What do you want to do for your birthday?"

  "I honestly have no idea. I didn't make plans."

  "You had nothing in mind?"

  "Well, I had thought about maybe going up to Laguna Beach. There's an art festival today, but that would probably be boring for you."

  "A drive up the coast sounds perfect, and I can look at some art, as long as I get to look at you at the same time," he said with a sexy smile.

  "Wow. I did not know you could be this charming."

  He laughed. "I'm glad I can still surprise you. Do you want to get dressed? I grabbed some pastries from downstairs, but we can get a big breakfast along the way."

  "Sounds like an excellent plan." She framed his face with her hands. "But I wouldn't mind a little company in the shower." She stepped back and dropped her sheet to the ground, giving him a good look.

  He licked his lips. "Now you're talking."

  She turned and let him catch a nice view of her ass as she headed into the bathroom, laughing when he caught up with her at the door, having stripped off his clothes in record time. "That was fast," she joked as he pulled her into the shower.

  "You haven't seen anything yet."