by Nikki Landis
I called his name softly, pulling him closer. We threw our clothes on the floor, making love with wild abandon, clutching each other close, reveling in the feel and touch of our lover’s caress, contented just to be near again, to unite and become one. It had been too long. We needed that connection. It was part of our makeup, a part of our foundation.
Alec was smiling afterward, brushing the hair out of my eyes. I lay on his chest and looked down at him, watching those silvery grey eyes drink me in like I was the life giving spring of water in the parched and dry desert. I loved that look. The intensity and love in his eyes.
He was the most handsome man I ever met. I stared at him, completely in love, brushing his brown curls from his forehead. His eyes softened.
“I love you so much Lizzie. You are incredibly beautiful. I can’t believe my luck. I thank God for you every day and our son. I’m so happy.”
He held me tighter, kissing me, and hugging me close.
The days turned into weeks, and my happiness blossomed along with my son. It was a simple time but filled with moments of pure bliss. I never knew what I was missing before little Benjamin was born. Unconditional love like I had never known filled my soul. Motherhood completed me. I thrived on it.
A small knock interrupted the end of feeding time. Cradling my son in my arms, I opened the door, surprised and happy to see my best friend. I ushered her inside and shut the door.
“Give me a sec. Have a seat. There’s drinks in the fridge,” I offered.
Diva sat down in my room, silent as I changed little Benjamin and put him in his cradle for his nap.
“Are you sure I am not bothering you?” She asked.
“No, not at all. I’m glad you came by,” I reassured her, joining her at the table.
She sighed. “I need some advice.”
I arched an eyebrow. Diva never asked for advice. I had a feeling this was about Donnovan. I was right.
“How can I help?”
She seemed hesitant. “How did you know that Alec was the one?”
Surprise made my eyes widen. “Are things that serious?”
She nodded. “Yes, it has only been two months but I…feel very strong about him.”
It did not take long when you fell in love. I knew that from experience.
I smiled. “When I looked at Alec my knees went weak and I had butterflies in my stomach. I thought of him constantly. He was the most handsome man in the world to me,” I told her truthfully.
“That’s the way I feel about Don. He makes me feel special and beautiful…and wanted,” she admitted.
“It sounds like you care about him very much,” I observed.
“Yes, I love him Lizzie. I don’t know how it happened but I do.”
I squeezed her hand. “I’m happy for you Diva.”
She smiled but it quickly faded. “I’m terrified.”
I think I knew what she was referring to. “Is it because of before?”
Diva had been attacked after the bombing. She was raped, which resulted in a pregnancy. Her captors beat her and the child was lost. The trauma still haunted her.
“Yes,” she whispered. “What if he finds me disgusting? After he finds out?”
I squeezed her hand. “Do you think he loves you?”
She took a deep breath. “Yes, he told me yesterday.”
“If he loves you he will not blame you. You will be just as beautiful to him as before. It was not your fault Diva,” I reassured her.
“I don’t know if I can tell him.” She looked at the floor then back at me.
I nodded in understanding. “If you can’t then you can’t. But I think you should Diva.”
“Why?” She asked, genuinely curious.
“Because if you hide it from him, he will know. He will suspect something and it may harm your relationship. Besides, if you can’t trust him with that, how will you ever be able to move forward?”
She sighed again, clenching and unclenching her hands in her lap.
“You are right Lizzie. Trust is important,” she agreed.
“Yes, and I think you will feel free once you tell him. You’ve lost nothing by telling him the truth,” I told her.
“Thank you Lizzie. I’m glad I talked to you.”
“I’m always here for you Diva,” I promised her.
“I know. You’re like the sister I never had.” She joked.
I looked at her seriously. “You’re as close to me as the one I lost.”
Tears filled her eyes and she wiped them away. “Love ya girl.”
I gave her a hug and sent her on her way.
Diva and Don both had unresolved trauma. They had been used and abused. Although it happened in different ways, they shared a common link. Perhaps that is why they were drawn to each other.
Suffering does that sometimes. It recognizes the pain mirrored in another soul and finds a common resting place. Through love and healing Diva and Don could bring each other peace. I hoped that would happen. They deserved their chance at happiness.
It was with great joy and not an ounce of surprise that we celebrated their wedding only weeks later. In our war torn and uncertain world we latched on to happiness whenever and wherever we could. The resulting party lasted the entire evening and into the next day.
I was happy for my friend. Diva and Donnovan were practically gushing their joy. During the celebration I danced with Mal.
“Isn’t it funny? We’ve known each other for years and this is the first time we have danced,” he told me smiling.
“I know,” I smiled in return, “I guess there was never a reason to celebrate in Darren’s camp. That’s terribly sad, isn’t it?”
“Yes, life is too short Lizzie. We have to make the most of what time we have,” his voice had softened. I felt his arms tighten around me.
“That’s one thing we have learned Mal, both of us.” I leaned my head on his shoulder, content to let him spin me around the room as long as he wanted.
Three songs later Alec cut in. Mal released me reluctantly, raising my hand to his lips, and kissing it before he walked away, a small grin twitching the corners of his mouth.
As Alec held me I remembered my conversation with Darren. The one when he admitted to having me followed, and the stranger he sent after us. I needed to warn Alec.
“I forgot to tell you something. Do you remember the intruder in our townhouse?” I asked.
He nodded. “Yes, why?”
“Well, it turns out that it wasn’t a coincidence. Darren sent him. I was supposed to be kidnapped or worse that day. I woke up and found him before he could do anything but he is still out there somewhere. I wanted you to know,” I explained.
“Lizzie, why didn’t you tell me this before, sweetheart? It may be nothing but what if this assassin tries to return for you?” He frowned. “I know to watch out for him now. Don’t worry about it. I’m glad you told me.”
“I forgot about it until now. Sorry, my love,” I apologized.
He kissed me. “No worries. You don’t need to apologize.”
In the back of my mind I knew this wasn’t over. There was concern in Alec’s eyes. Someone had been loyal to Darren. Someone had helped him, with every intention of kidnapping me. I had a terrible feeling that Darren’s death wouldn’t stop this person. They may not be working alone. They might have a plan. And they could return.
I hugged Alec tightly, swaying gently to the music, my cheek over his heart.
Even in the safety and security of his arms I was afraid of what the future would bring. Closing my eyes tightly against the thoughts that swam in my head, I refused to dwell on it any longer.
The problem was, it stayed lodged in my mind, and I could only hope I was strong enough when the moment arrived…
Chapter Eleven: Lizzie
Little Benjamin was six months old now. He was the delight of the entire camp. Everyone loved and doted on him. He was incredibly spoiled. He wanted for nothing, affection and caring adults sur
rounding him constantly. He cooed and smiled his way into every heart.
Uncle Mal and Aunt Diva were his biggest fans. Even Big Dog was gentle with him. I had a ready babysitter whenever I wanted. It was sweet and endearing how my friends latched on to him. My little son was loved, surrounded by adults who protect him at any cost. I was blessed.
The reprieve was not to last long. We had been fortunate. The last few months had passed without much incident. We had time to plan, to prepare, and to anticipate the enemy. The militia was coming. There was no doubt of their intentions or their retaliation. Every moment, every day, we awaited attack.
The bombing started only a week later. Alec pulled me close, hugging my body and placing a kiss on top of my head. I knew he was saying good bye before the words left his mouth.
“The militia doesn’t know you are alive, Lizzie. They don’t know my son has been born. I plan on keeping it that way. You cannot be captured. Neither of you can be discovered. You have to leave,” he said in a rush.
I shook my head at him. Hell no. I wasn’t leaving him.
“Lizzie! Stop being so damn stubborn.”
“I’m not leaving you Alec.” I stuck out my chin in defiance.
He sighed. Opening his mouth to speak, he was cut off by a loud boom from outside the compound. My eyes widened in fear. They were here. I snatched little Benjamin up and out of the crib as Alec grabbed my hand. We left the room quickly and smacked into total chaos.
“Lizzie! You have to go. You have to leave. Benjamin can’t lose both of his parents. He needs you. There’s no choice,” he pleaded.
“I won’t leave you! I can’t!” I screamed, refusing to listen.
“Dammit. I’m not giving you a choice Lizzie. Take our son and go now!” He ordered.
He squeezed Little Benjamin and I close and kissed me before he let go. “I love you both with all of my heart. I’ll find you. I swear it!”
“I love you! I’ll wait for you, forever if I have to,” I promised him.
There was no choice.
I would have to flee with Benjamin.
Mal pulled me away, nodding at Alec. He would keep us safe. We would be fine. But Alec? How was he going to escape and find us? I tried not to panic as I ran away to safety, cradling our child against me.
The last I saw of him he was shooting the enemy, a stubborn and determined set to his jaw. He would survive. He had everything to live for. I didn’t doubt it for a moment. He glanced at me before I disappeared around the corner and I blew him a kiss, mouthing “I love you” so he was reassured.
I tried not to panic or let thoughts of fear invade my mind. It was dangerous. Our lives were at stake but they had always been at risk. This was nothing new. The only difference now was our son. He made us risk everything, push through every barrier, never relent. Every choice we made, every action we took, every breath that left our bodies, was for him. His future.
Mal led me down the escape corridor and into the mountain passages, deep inside. I wrapped little Benjamin securely against me. He was hidden and warm in the thick material of the sling, lulled to sleep by the rhythmic movement of my body. He knew nothing of the dangers, content to be snuggled close.
There wasn’t any time to stop in our room. We had planned for a fast getaway just in case. In the jeep that awaited my departure were plenty of supplies. Alec had packed it weeks ago. I had food and water, weapons and ammo, clothing and accessories for little Benjamin, a cradle, and a car seat. Even a stockpile of diapers and wipes. There were maps and locations for hideouts. Our next location wasn’t on the map but Mal knew where to go.
Alec and Mal had made several trips to prepare the next place. Last month they had left for several days taking food, water, guns, ammunition, and other supplies to several different safe locations. Only Mal, Alec, and Big Dog knew exactly where they were hidden. In the event of capture or torture, no refugee would be able to give that information away.
We reached the exit where the jeep was located an hour later. I was getting tired of running and worried sick about Alec. Mal disappeared outside first and checked the surrounding area. He didn’t return for several long minutes. Safety was his top priority. It was dark when he took my hand and led us to the jeep. It was camouflaged to look like the surrounding countryside. Mal removed the branches and netting, quickly ushering me inside.
I hurriedly buckled little Benjamin, who stayed asleep, into his little car seat. I didn’t know how he could sleep through all of the noise. It wasn’t as loud down here but there was no mistaking the sounds of gunfire and explosions from above. Even in the mountain it wasn’t quiet, the noises seemed to bounce around the walls and interior.
Mal didn’t turn any headlights on in the car. We would be a bright flashing neon sign from above. Instead he surprised me by donning night vision goggles and speeding away, accurately avoiding any bumps in the road. Anxiously I watched as the mountain grew smaller and smaller in the distance. A sense of dread filled my stomach, replaced with fear. How would our people escape? Would Alec make it out of there alive and unharmed?
We drove for hours. I lost track of time and eventually fell asleep. I awakened to Mal lightly shaking my shoulder. I could hear little Benjamin whimpering in the back and I knew he was hungry. I blinked a few times and sat up. Mal pulled the baby from the car seat and handed him to me.
“He’s hungry. I’ve heard him for a while but I wanted to get to safety before I pulled over. You have a few minutes if you want to feed him Lizzie.”
“Thanks, I will.” I didn’t worry about flashing Mal.
I lifted my shirt and unsnapped my bra. Little Benjamin latched on easily and I relaxed back against the seat. I tried to clear my thoughts and my mind. After a few minutes I looked over at Mal and realized he was watching me. His face was thoughtful. I smiled at him softly.
“I’m glad you are with us. I can’t think of anyone I trust more to keep us safe in Alec’s absence,” I told him.
He grinned at me sheepishly. “I’ve watched over you since the day I met you Lizzie.”
“I know. It means more to me than I could possibly say to you. We’re in so much danger. I’m scared to death Mal.”
Benjamin finished eating and I burped him. I changed his diaper with Mal’s help and put him back in the car seat. He slid next to me when I sat back and tilted my chin up to look into his eyes.
“I know you are scared. I know things are uncertain right now but there’s nothing I wouldn’t do to keep the two of you safe. Please try not to worry Lizzie. I don’t like to see you upset.”
His voice broke a little. I knew he meant it.
“I know Mal. Thank you,” I whispered.
He slid back over and resumed the ride until we reached our destination. Mal exited the jeep cautiously and left to check the perimeter. When he was satisfied that it was safe, he led me inside. It was a much smaller bunker than the one we were in before but it served our purpose.
He entered the necessary codes that Alec supplied him with and the whole building came alive with lights and power. I saw him turn on a computer and he started clicking away until the lights dimmed. I realized he was turning on only the reserve power. It wasn’t like we needed much. Just enough to cook, shower, and stay warm.
He took my hand again when he was finished and led me down a passageway until we turned into a large bedroom suite. I sat on the edge of the bed and lay little Benjamin down next to me.
“I’m going to bring in our supplies and hide the jeep. I may be busy for a little while. Why don’t you get some rest?” He offered.
“I will,” I answered, already dozing next to the baby.
Sometime later I heard him come back into the room. He tucked little Benjamin into his cradle with warm blankets and then he joined me on the bed. He took off his shirt and boots and slid close to me. I looked into his eyes, full of worry for me. I sighed and moved away, putting a few inches between us. I didn’t want to give Mal the wrong impression.
I let him pull me close and lay enveloped in his arms. There wasn’t any argument. He was right. I did need the love and protection right now, for myself and my little son. I turned my head and placed it on his shoulder and he sighed softly. Content and safe, all of us drifted to sleep.
For a moment, when I first awakened, I thought it may have all been just a terrible nightmare. I kept my eyes shut, listening to the heart beating beneath my ear. I wished it was Alec’s but I knew it was Mal’s. I felt his fingers intertwine with mine and I didn’t resist. Neither of us said anything.
When the baby awakened later I got up and fed him next to Mal, as I would have done with Alec. He watched us, fascinated by our routine. I changed and dressed little Benjamin in clean clothes and put him in his bouncer. He played happily with the toys, completely content with his surroundings.
Mal was watching me again. I felt a little self-conscious. He realized and apologized.
“I’m sorry Lizzie. I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable. It’s just that you and little Benjamin are so interesting to me.”
“It’s all right. Alec always watches us. He does too. He says we are both beautiful and amazing to him.”
“He’s right, you are,” Mal agreed.
I looked at him in surprise. He blushed slightly.
“It doesn’t bother me Mal. It’s ok,” I reassured him.
He smiled and walked over to me. So strong. So confident. So capable. He opened his arms and I snuggled against him for a few minutes. He kissed the top of my head and left to take a shower.
When he was gone, I let my thoughts wander. Tears filled my eyes and spilled over. Where was Alec? When would I see him again?
My chest ached with emptiness. I missed him terribly. I tried not to think of him being hurt or dying but it wasn’t easy. Worrying wasn’t going to change things but it was hard to stop. I wiped the tears from my eyes and stood up, just as Mal entered the room. He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw my face.
