by Nikki Landis
Was it because she was unfaithful herself? Or tempted? Was it Mal?
Damn. He had been gone too long. He didn’t know where they stood now. He didn’t know what to say or what to do. Time had separated them and caused a shift in their relationship. A distance that he loathed and despised. They could not afford to become wary or suspicious of each other now. No, they needed to stay loyal, constant, and unwavering.
Alec watched her run from the room, his heart breaking with every step and at the thought of causing her pain. His beloved. His Lizzie. It felt as though someone had sucker punched him in the gut. Bending over the table of maps he tried to catch his breath.
Never in his life had he felt so hopeless. Even when the bombing took away his family he had held onto hope. Hope for revenge. Hope for finding Lizzie. Hope that someday he could set everything right again. When he finally found Lizzie after three long years, that hope had turned into the greatest joy imaginable. He didn’t think it could ever get any better and then his son had been born.
On the opposite end of extreme joy was pain and anguish such as he had never thought possible. If in the end he still lost Lizzie he was certain it would destroy him. Protecting them both was his top priority. The war was coming to a crossroads, as if it balanced precariously on the edge of a serrated knife.
The pain and anguish came with knowing that he had to leave them. It was beyond his control. Everything, the entire future, hinged upon his ability to end this war. It was the only way to secure a future for his son. The only way to make sure the militia suffered and a free world, for all people, was finally tangible.
How did he explain this to Lizzie? How did he help her understand that it was his responsibility to protect them, save them, and keep them from the horrors of war? He could not return to them until it was over. He could not put them at risk. He would not allow them to be placed in harm’s way. No matter what the cost. Or his cost.
In the background he could hear Lizzie’s cries. His heart wrenched. He must go to her. He couldn’t leave her like this. He couldn’t let her believe in or have any doubts about his feelings or devotion. She could never find out the extent to which he would go to protect her. He would give up everything, anything, even his life, to keep her and his son alive and safe.
Determined to put things right, he straightened and headed for the door. Mal appeared, arms crossed over his chest, staring at him with a thunderous expression on his face. Alec sighed. He did not wish to waste time in a confrontation with one of his men right now. He needed to talk to Lizzie.
Mal stepped in his path and blocked the way. He would not be put off.
“What is going on?” He asked. “Benjamin heard Lizzie crying and I had to calm him down.”
Frustrated, Alec tried to step past him without success.
“I must go to Lizzie,” he replied.
“I need answers Boss. I need to know your intentions,” Mal insisted.
Anger flashed in Alec’s eyes briefly. “I need to speak with my wife.”
Mal’s eyes narrowed. He took a deep breath.
“I get that Boss. I’m concerned, that’s all. Please.”
Alec relaxed, as much as he was able, and unclenched his fists.
“I have to leave soon. Surely Big Dog has filled you in. You know about the bombing and the militia’s plan for more air raids on Refugee Road?”
At Mal’s nod he continued.
“Then you know I cannot stay as long as the fighting and these threats continue. They will never be safe Mal until this is over. My son will never be free. I have to do everything in my power to help end this war. I can’t do that and worry about my wife and son at the same time. I need to know they will be all right.”
“I understand. What do you need me to do?” He asked sincerely.
“Watch over them. Keep them safe at any cost, even at the expense of your own life. I’m asking a lot here Mal. I could ask any man but I’m asking you. If you want out, now is the time to let me know.”
Mal shook his head and lowered his arms. His stance relaxed.
“No. I could never leave them, especially now. I care for them like they were my own. You have my word,” he promised.
Alec nodded, placing his hand on Mal’s shoulder.
“I have something else to ask. Before you give your word, I ask you to think it through. If anything…” He choked on his words slightly and cleared his throat. “If anything should happen to me…I ask that you would look after them both. Permanently, with my blessing. Do you understand?”
The words almost stuck in his throat. For a moment he couldn’t continue. It hurt like hell to think of a future without Lizzie and his son. It was almost unbearable.
Mal seemed to understand. He could see the struggle Alec was going through. He returned the gesture, placing his hand on his leader’s shoulder.
“I don’t need time. I already know. If it comes to that…I’ll do right by them both.”
Alec nodded, unable to verbalize his thanks or relief. He pushed past Mal and headed down the hall to Lizzie. He had known of Mal’s feelings for his wife for a long time. It was not a secret.
He would never condone another man with his wife, but in the event of his death he had to be sure she wasn’t alone. The best he could do for her was to leave her with someone who loved her as much as he did. Well, perhaps loved her enough. Alec was certain his love for Lizzie was the strongest in existence.
Having finished his preparations there was only one thing left to do. His palms were sweaty and he wiped them on his cargo pants. He took a couple of deep breaths. Heart pounding nearly out of his chest, he knocked on the door and prayed his strength would hold.
Chapter Seventeen: Lizzie
I heard the soft knock on the door through my tears. Brushing them aside, I stood up and answered it. The moment I saw Alec I couldn’t help the flow from falling again.
“Lizzie,” he breathed softly.
He enveloped me in a strong embrace. I remained rigid. Nothing had changed.
“Oh my darling, how could you ever doubt my love and devotion? As long as I live you will always be the only woman I desire. My heart, my soul, my very life belongs to you. Don’t you understand? Can’t you see, my love? You are everything to me.”
How did I resist melting on the spot?
Before I could respond, his lips met mine. Alec had kissed me often in our relationship, gentle and sweet, passionate and strong, but this kiss melted them all. There was something almost desperate in his lips, a tangible entity that seared, marked, and branded my soul.
My body reacted as one with my heart and I leaned into him. I gave every part of me, matching his ardor. He held nothing back and I embraced all he offered.
In that one kiss everything had been decided. Victory and defeat. Give and take. Advance and surrender. Our hearts merged completely, our breathing synchronized, as if only one person we could never be parted.
I felt a peace descend upon me as I knew with absolute certainty that we belonged to each other and no one else. We shared a connection so deep, so pure, and so strong that it could never be broken. Time. Space. Distance. It didn’t matter. We would always find each other. Even death could not separate us.
In that moment only the two of us existed. The outside world faded into the background. I never noticed how we reached the bed or how we undressed. I only knew the moment exquisite pleasure filled my senses. The second he filled me, the friction of our heated bodies, the way he clutched me tight against his chest, as if this moment was the most important we would ever have, and it would not be duplicated again.
I was being carried away on a tidal wave of pure bliss and nothing else mattered. Every touch, every sigh, and every moan etched itself inside my brain. Permanent. Resolute. Unyielding.
My heart was full. In that hour everything was perfect. Eventually we reached our peak, the wave crashing and cascading down over our bodies, sweat mingled with love, and we held each other tight. His
face buried in my hair, he cried out, “Lizzie, I am yours forever.”
And I was home.
In the aftermath we lay entangled in each other’s arms. I listened to Alec’s heart beating beneath my ear and I smiled. Contentment and happiness filled my soul and I no longer doubted the future. Surely God would see us safe and together again. I could let him go, however long he needed, until he was able to come home. Little Benjamin and I would be waiting with open arms.
“What are you smiling about?” He asked.
“Oh…that we have a love that is so strong nothing can break it. We will get through this Alec. I know, I feel it.”
He smiled, his eyes drinking me in. “Of course, my love. I will always love you, as long as there is breath in my body…and perhaps even longer than that.”
I lay my head back on his chest, enjoying the feel of his hands as they caressed my skin. We didn’t need words between us to know how we felt about each other. Our bodies knew the language we needed to speak, knew the beating of our hearts, knew the heady intoxication of our desire, and knew the flames that led us ever higher, closer, together, as one.
As we lay in silence, I reached for his hand and wove my fingers through his. He squeezed them, placing a kiss on the top of my hand. There was nothing left to say.
As night descended upon the bunker I helped Alec pack for his departure. I made sure he had plenty of provisions and fresh water stocked in his jeep. We had more than enough to spare here with only the three of us.
The mood was somber. Out of the last six months I had only spent forty eight hours with my husband. I didn’t want to let him leave again so quickly but I could not dwell on it. He would return to me, of that I was certain, no matter how long it took. I knew I would see him again like I knew the sun would rise tomorrow. It was undeniable. Destiny. Those thoughts held me together and sustained me. They gave me strength.
I had no choice but to be strong. My little son was going to need me. In this short time he had latched onto his father. His memory was astounding. He never forgot Alec. He was clinging to him now as if he knew it was going to be a long time before he saw his daddy again.
Alec was patiently bouncing him and playing peek-a-boo. Squeals of delight were coming from his little mouth.
“Dada. Dada. Mo Dada,” he shouted.
He wanted more. Alec grinned and scooped him up, swinging him around.
“Dada!” He laughed.
Alec held him close, nuzzled his nose, and placed kisses on both of his cheeks. “Daddy has to go bye-bye.”
Little Benjamin shook his head. “No Dada.”
Alec laughed softly. “Yes, my son. I love you, to the moon and back.”
He squeezed him close and then handed him over to Mal. They shared a look and Mal nodded. Taking my hand, he led us around the corner alone.
“It’s time Lizzie. I cannot delay any longer.”
I sighed, nodding. “I know.”
“Kiss me, my love. Give me something to remember.” He winked.
I playfully punched him on the arm. “You have plenty to remember from the last two days.”
He grinned at my blush and grew serious. “Yes, I do. I love you Lizzie. Always and forever.”
“I love you too Alec…now and forever.”
Placing his hands on my cheeks he kissed me, long, passionate, heartfelt, until I was almost dizzy.
“Until I see you again my love,” he whispered, squeezing me tight again before letting me go.
Watching him leave and waving goodbye sent a shiver of dread down my spine. A chill that I quickly dismissed. I would not entertain doubts or unhappy thoughts. No wedges would come between us again. I wanted nothing to hinder his return to me. I would send my love and prayers his way. I would send positive thoughts and vibes and nothing else. If I was lucky he would not be gone long.
The weeks passed. Soon it had been almost a month since Alec left. My life became routine. This morning started off like any other. I rose to the sound of “Mama, Mama” coming from my darling boy. It never failed to put a smile on my face. I jumped out of bed, ready to scoop him up.
I must have risen too quickly. Sudden dizziness forced me to sit back down on the bed with a flop. Sparks of light danced around my vision, darkening for a few moments before returning to normal. I rose slowly next time without an issue. Dismissing it as a fluke, I forgot all about it.
Later at breakfast, as I was cutting up a banana for little Benjamin, I was overcome with nausea. Hurrying to the sink I became violently ill. My shoulders shook with dry heaves as I emptied everything I had just eaten. I felt hands pulling my hair back and I was grateful.
“Are you all right?” Mal asked.
I nodded. It was passing as fast as it had come. “I’m fine.”
I sat down at the table slowly and began counting the weeks in my head. It was just long enough. Six weeks since I had a period. Four since Alec and I had made love. I had already been suspicious but this confirmed it.
Mal was staring at me, concern on his face.
“I’m with child,” I admitted.
“Are you sure? Do you need to take a test?”
I shook my head. “I’m certain. This confirmed it for me.”
His face registered between emotions-anger, surprise, uncertainty, and finally settling on anger again.
“He’s left you here. Again. Pregnant with his child. Again. No knowledge of when he will return, again. How the hell are we supposed to let him know?”
I placed my hand on his. “We don’t.”
He stared at me, surprised. “Don’t you want him to know?”
I shook my head. “No, not right now. Think Mal. How could this help him? Another worry? Someone else to keep safe?”
He opened his mouth to argue but I shook my head.
“This is for the best Mal. You’ll see.”
He sighed and conceded. “I understand I guess but…if it were my child I would want to know, no matter what the circumstances were.”
I looked into his eyes, pleading. “Promise me that you won’t tell him if given the chance.”
“I will try. That is all I can promise Lizzie.”
I gave him my best smile. “I have another favor to ask. The next few months will be difficult for me. I was very sick with little Benjamin. Can I count on you for help?”
Both of his hands clasped mine. “Why do you even need to ask? I’m there for you, in any way I can be.”
“Thank you Mal. I really appreciate all you do and how you have sacrificed to be here with us.”
He smiled thoughtfully. “May I ask you something?”
“Of course,” I replied, curious.
“I…would it be all right if I joined you…in your room again? I’ve missed you both,” he asked shyly.
I noticed his blush. After Alec left he had not returned to my room, perhaps mistakenly thinking I did not want him there. I did. I missed him.
“Oh Mal, of course. I’m not sure why you stayed away. Why didn’t you ask sooner?”
“I didn’t wish to be improper. But…I miss being near you both. I can’t get to sleep at night,” he admitted.
I leaned over and kissed his cheek. “I’ve missed you too. Please join us.”
“Thank you Lizzie.”
His eyes spoke volumes but he didn’t say another word.
We fell into a comfortable and easy routine in the next weeks. Mal took care of us as my nausea worsened. I relied on him more than he knew. He had become my rock. In all outward appearance I was handling everything with ease. But inside I was a horrible wreck.
The only place I let the emotion go was in the shower. I wanted privacy without questions and judgement. I also did not want to worry Mal. A few times I had cried in my sleep, waking to thoughts and dreams of Alec. I kept as silent as possible, hoping not to draw attention to myself. To my knowledge it worked, he never said a word to me about it.
During this time we developed a habit of listening to the ra
dio. News was sparse and slow in coming. Usually what we heard was broken up or interrupted altogether. It was difficult not to be frustrated. Enough time had passed that I should have known something about the intended bombings and Refugee Road by now. Every day we listened. Every day I grew more uneasy.
It wasn’t like the militia to back down. I fully expected to hear about casualties and air raids on the radio. The more we listened, the more we were disappointed. Again and again. Nothing.
Mal didn’t like listening to the radio so often. He was afraid the enemy would find the signal. It couldn’t be helped. I would listen until I had news. Nothing would keep me from listening for the truth, or seeking it.
Chapter Eighteen: Alec
Alec would lead the assault the following day. The weeks had been long and weary. He developed a fatigue deep in his bones that gave him no respite. Snatching what rest he was able, he often only slept a few hours at a time before he was awakened again.
Planning had left him little time to dwell on Lizzie. He had gathered his generals, marked his maps, and made decisions on where and how to strike at the militia. He sent his men out to assassinate high level targets. They had yet to check in but that was not unusual. For weeks it had been nothing but small skirmishes and ambushes, nothing to prove his intelligence on Refugee Road was correct.
He retired to his room much later than he had intended. After a quick shot of whiskey to warm his chilled body he slumped on the bed. He barely had the energy to pull off his boots. Laying against the headboard he envisioned Lizzie before him, long hair spilling across the pillow, her sweet fragrance filling his nostrils. God how he missed her. How was she doing? How was little Benjamin? Was he walking steady now?
Alec wondered if she was pregnant. He had the same nagging feeling, the same sense of certainty as last time. Would she have another boy? Or a daughter this time? He couldn’t wait to see her, to see her belly grow with his child.
It sent excitement through him to think of going home. Hope kindled inside him anew. Maybe Lizzie was right. Maybe it would all work out.
