1950s: The Decade of Perfect Housewives, Cadillacs & Zombies

by Eduard Joseph

It’s not funny.”

  Agnes stared at her tediously and said, “You used two contractions.”

  SEVEN

  The new High Tea Shop on Sparrow Street was buzzing with excitement and puritanical ladies out for a cup of tea with a side of biscuits and gossip. Samantha and Lucy sat in a window booth and waited for their tea. Lucy had her best church hat on in hopes that she wouldn’t be recognized by anyone as the blond zombie killer.

  When the waitress brought them their tea, Samantha noticed that Lucy seemed a bit jolty.

  “What’s the matter with you today?” Samantha asked.

  “Who? Me?” Lucy asked nervously, “Nothing. I’m just fine.”

  “You’re not.” Samantha said, “I know my sister.”

  “I just had a stressful morning thus far, that’s all.” Lucy said.

  Samantha scrutinized Lucy’s giant hat and tried to dismiss the fact that her sister was suddenly using contractions like they were on sale. She raised her cup and took a sip of her tea. They were cut from the same tree, but Lucy was far primmer than Samantha could ever hope or want to be.

  “Did something happen?” Samantha asked.

  “Nope.” Lucy said and took a sip of tea, “This is a wonderful shop, don’t you agree?”

  “Yes.” Samantha said sceptical of her sister’s demeanour, “It is a lovely place.”

  Lucy wondered whether she could trust her sister. She glanced at the other gossiping women in the shop and leaned in closer to Samantha.

  “Did you hear about Charles?” Lucy asked hushed.

  “The paperboy?” Samantha asked.

  “The man was in his forties; he hardly counts as a paperboy.” Lucy corrected her, “I refer to him as a paper-man.”

  “What about him?” Samantha asked, “I heard he died this morning. Turned into a zombie.”

  Lucy cringed at the word and hoped nobody in the shop heard Samantha.

  “Sorry.” Samantha said foolishly.

  “I saw him this morning when I went for my morning walk.” Lucy whispered, “He was still alive when I saw him.”

  “Life is fleeting.” Samantha said.

  “And then I saw him again later on.” Lucy whispered, “He was a zzzz…zzzz… he was one of the infected.”

  “You were the blond woman?” Samantha gasped.

  Lucy hushed her and whispered, “Yes.”

  “The police are looking for you.” Samantha whispered, “They want to make sure you’re not bitten.”

  “I stabbed him in the head.” Lucy whispered, “Everyone knows how to kill one of those things.”

  “Yes, but you’re supposed to call the police.” Samantha said, “And they’re supposed to handle the zombies.”

  “And I’m supposed to do what?” Lucy asked, “Get eaten while I wait for the police?”

  “Why do you think you can only kill them by destroying the brain?” Samantha asked fascinated.

  “I don’t know and I don’t care.” Lucy said, “I don’t ask questions.”

  “But don’t you sometimes wonder,” Samantha said, “Why it’s the brain that stays active after you die?”

  “You’re starting to sound like Agnes.” Lucy said annoyed, “She’s always asking a million questions.”

  “I encourage inquisitiveness.” Samantha said.

  “On some subjects, yes.” Lucy said, “But not on every aspect of life.”

  Samantha leaned in and whispered, “How did it feel?”

  “Excuse me?” Lucy asked confused.

  “How did it feel to kill a zombie?” Samantha whispered.

  Lucy cringed and said, “It was a rush of adrenaline… and I was scared as hell, but I knew what I had to do.”

  “I think you’re the first person I know to actually kill one of them.” Samantha whispered impressed.

  “Please don’t go blurting it out to everyone you know.” Lucy pleaded, “I’ll just die if people knew I killed a zzzz… killed one of the infected.”

  “People will treat you like a celebrity.” Samantha said, “You’re the first person not to wait for the police to take care of the zombies and it’s been years since one of them were on this side of the wall. The last time a zombie was on this side of the wall was…”

  “When mom killed one.” They both said in thought.

  It might have been years since the last zombie attack, but she was not ready to let the world know about her zombie kill.

  “Please.” Lucy pleaded.

  Samantha sighed and finally said, “Fine. I’ll keep it a secret.”

  The doorbell chimed as a police officer stepped into the shop. Immediately upon seeing the officer, Lucy stared out through the window, trying to hide her face from the police. The officer ordered a box of donuts and left the shop. Once he was gone, Lucy let out sigh of relief.

  Samantha couldn’t understand why her sister was being so uptight. Her victory had to be acknowledged and not hidden.

  EIGHT

  Agnes was home promptly after school as instructed, but wasn’t looking forward to lessons in social acceptance from her know-it-all mother. She wanted to go to the library and see Elliot again. He was the cutest boy ever and he liked her.

  Lucy waited Agnes in the kitchen with her arms folded across her chest. Agnes cautiously entered and lowered her book bag.

  “You are late.” Lucy insisted.

  Agnes glanced up at the clock mounted on the wall behind her mother. It was just after three.

  “I’m late but a few minutes.” Agnes said defensive.

  “Late is still late.” Lucy insisted, “Let’s get this lesson on the way.”

  Agnes groaned and sat down at the kitchen table. She rested her chin on her hand and stared up at her mother.

  “Lesson one: Language.” Lucy said, “The proper usage of the English Language is a must. Grammar is something most people take for granted when constructing a sentence—”

  Her mother’s words faded into background noise as she daydreamed about Elliot. He had the warmest smile and the deepest eyes. She wanted to see him again, but doing so would be a daunting task if she had to report to her mother every afternoon.

  “Are you even listening to a word I am saying?” Lucy snapped.

  “What?” Agnes said dazed, “Of course.”

  “It’s extremely important that you pay attention.” Lucy insisted, “It might save your life one day.”

  Agnes was confused and wondered, Save my life one day? What is she on about? How would being prudish save my life?

  “Now.” Lucy continued.

  Lucy raised a knife which startled Agnes.

  “You want to make sure that you are standing on the right spot.” Lucy said.

  Agnes was startled and baffled as to what her mother was doing.

  “You will want to bring the knife down—”

  “Mom?” Agnes asked concerned, “What are you doing?”

  “Teaching you how to kill the undead.” Lucy said, “You cannot wait for the police to come to your rescue. That might take forever.”

  Agnes stared perplexed at her mother as she continued. She glanced up at the clock; it was almost four PM. She had missed quite a bit of the lesson while she daydreamed about Elliot.

  “Now, for some reason I don’t understand,” Lucy continued, “Zombies can only be killed by destroying the brain.”

  “Mom…” Agnes said uncertain, “You just used a conjunction… and the word zombies.”

  “Did I?” Lucy asked daftly and continued, “Where was I? Oh, yes. The only way they can be killed for good is to destroy the brain. This is the only part of the body that remains active after death.”

  “Mom, you’re scaring me.” Agnes said.

  “You need to be prepared.” Lucy insisted, “A lady needs to know how to defend herself.”

  “Why?” Agnes asked confused, “Because there was one zombie incident today? It was the first time—”

  “Please don’t argue with me.” Lucy insisted, “I am
your mother. I’m doing what I feel is best for you. You need to protect yourself in case one of the dead somehow gets to you.”

  A scream echoed in the street outside the house. Agnes spun around in her seat and glanced at the front door in the distance. All was quiet again.

  “Did you hear that?” Agnes asked.

  “I heard it.” Lucy said cautiously, “Stay here.”

  Lucy made her way to the front door and went outside. She stood on the porch for a moment and searched for the origin of the scream, and then the front door of the house on the other side of the street opened. Mary came running out and screamed all the way.

  “Mary?” Lucy asked cautiously.

  “Matthew just proposed!” Mary screamed ecstatically.

  Lucy let out a sigh of relief. She didn’t know what she would’ve done if someone was attacked by a zombie. She couldn’t cope with killing two of their kind in one day.

  “Keep it down.” Lucy said firmly, yet graciously, “You are disturbing the peace.”

  Mary’s smile slowly faded as Lucy closed the door again. Lucy went back to the kitchen and could tell Agnes was burning with curiosity.

  “What was it?” Agnes asked, “Who was it?”

  “It’s that imprudent woman across the street.” Lucy said with little thought, “Her obnoxious husband proposed.”

  “That’s wonderful.” Agnes exclaimed.

  Agnes liked the Wilburs across the street probably because her mother detested their free-spirited lifestyle.

  “And within less than a year they will have equally obnoxious rugrats.” Lucy said.

  “I think they’re a cute couple.” Agnes said.

  “They deserve each other.” Lucy said, “I won’t argue with you there.”

  Her mother seemed preoccupied and imprudent when it came to her use of grammar and language. Something was definitely up with her mother.

  “May I be excused?” Mary asked.

  Lucy thought