Perfect Contradiction

by Peggy Martinez

  “It might be too late to take it all back, but it’s never too late to try and set everything to rights,” he said.

  “I don’t know,” I answered.

  “What’s the worst thing that you think could happen if you told him?” Jackson asked.

  “That he won’t want anything to do with the baby,” I answered.

  “He won’t have anything to do with the baby if you never tell him anyway,” he said in a reasonable voice.

  “I know. But what if I tell him and he feels trapped into taking responsibility? Trapped into doing things he doesn’t want to do?” I asked.

  “If he sees that baby you’re carrying as just a trap, then you’re better off without him anyway.”

  I searched Jackson’s face. What was this? Tough love or something? “And if he decides to give us a chance and it doesn’t work out? Even if I don’t let it destroy me… how can I keep it from hurting our child?”

  Jackson sat back in his chair and took my ice cream from me. He took a few bites before handing the container back over. “It seems to me you’re suffering from the delusion that you can control the future if you just avoid anything that might end up hurting you or your baby,” Jackson said gently.

  My mouth flew open, but he didn’t give me the chance to defend myself.

  “Life is about taking chances, darlin’. Some of them are small and some of them are big ones. The question you gotta ask yourself is whether or not the risk is worth the end reward.”

  I sat back, my mind racing with Jackson’s words.

  “You can’t know for sure that this guy will never hurt you again. That he’ll never disappoint your little one. But, what you can know for sure is how you feel right now and how you’ll feel years down the road knowing you never even gave him the chance. Are you willing to feel this way for the rest of your life and possibly miss out on the love of your life to spare yourself and your child pain and suffering that might not have even happened?”

  I stuck my spoon in my ice cream and sat back, crossing my arms across my protruding tummy. “Damn you, Jackson Sharp, for being such an optimist and romantic,” I growled.

  Jackson grinned at me before stealing my ice cream once again. “If I’m going to be damned, it might as well come from the lips off a pretty woman calling me a romantic,” he said with a crooked grin.

  I snorted. Of course he was pleased with himself. He did just turn my entire way of thinking about the baby and the pregnancy around with a few well-spoken and true words, after all.

  “And if you ever just need me to open a can of old-fashioned whoop ass on your man for you to get him to see the light… well, I’m just a phone call away and happy to oblige,” he said with a wink.

  “I appreciate that,” I answered with a huge grin.

  “Anytime, darlin’,” he said. “Well, I better be heading to bed. Got to get all packed up and ready to head out tomorrow morning.”

  “Alright, Jackson. Thank you for a lovely evening.”

  “Goodnight, Jen,” he said softly as he left the kitchen.

  “Night, Jackson,” I whispered into the silence. I sat at the kitchen table for a long time before turning out the lights and heading to bed. The inn was going to be closed for the week of Christmas, but I still had baking to do for some catering jobs and for the holidays.

  And Hunter Wright was back in Salem for Christmas.

  “So, your lodger left this morning?” Beth asked with a sideway glance.

  I continued putting the sheet on the new bassinet mattress, ignoring her tone. “Jackson? Yeah, he left bright and early for Flat River,” I answered, shoving the mattress into place inside the bassinet.

  “And you heard who is back in town, right?” Beth asked. “I mean, you’re beatin’ up that poor mattress, so I figure you might’ve heard.”

  I stopped shoving the mattress in place and sat down on my bed, deflated. “I did more than hear he was in town,” I said after a moment.

  Beth’s eyes widened.

  “I kinda-sorta ran into him last night,” I confessed.

  “Oh my lord!” Beth whispered. “And he noticed all of….” She waved her hand around indicating my stomach.

  I rolled my eyes. “It was worse than that,” I admitted.

  “Worse how?” Beth asked, setting aside the baby’s quilt.

  “Well, Jackson and I had been out looking at Christmas lights,” I began.

  “Holy sh—” Beth barely stopped herself.

  “We stopped in at the Piggly Wiggly for some ice cream and when we came out, the baby started kickin’, so Jackson asked if he could feel it.” Beth groaned loudly. “He walked up while we were laughing and Jackson was cradling my stomach with both hands.”

  “What did he say?” Beth asked, her eyes wide.

  I shrugged as I played with the edge of my pillowcase. “Nothin’. He just walked away,” I said softly. “He looked angry and… hurt.”

  Beth whistled between her teeth and shook her head slowly. “Well this is a fine mess.”

  “I don’t see how it matters,” I said softly. “It’s not like he doesn’t have a girlfriend back in St. Louis or that we haven’t really been together for the past six months.”

  “I told you, Jen. Men like Hunter Wright don’t tell women they love them if they don’t mean it.”

  I started to reply when Beth held up a hand and cut me off.

  “I’m not sayin’ he ain’t an idiot for leavin’ you high and dry, for not standin’ by your side when you needed him there for you, but everyone gets scared sometimes and everyone deserves a second chance. Hunter deserves to know that baby is his.”

  “He bailed on me at the first sign of trouble,” I murmured.

  “He did,” Beth said.

  “He didn’t even call me or come see me until after your wedding,” I added.

  “No he didn’t,” Beth agreed.

  “He did tell me he was sorry and that he loved me, but that doesn’t excuse any of it,” I growled.

  “No it doesn’t.”

  “He deserves a swift kick in the pants,” I muttered.

  Beth chuckled. “Don’t they all?” she asked.

  “He may bail on me… on the baby later on down the road,” I voiced.

  Beth came over and sat on the bed next to me. Taking my hand in hers, she squeezed it. “He may,” she answered.

  “But he should be told he’s gonna be a daddy,” I huffed.

  “Yes he should.”

  I smiled wearily and squeezed Beth’s hand back. “I guess I know what Hunter will be getting for Christmas,” I said weakly.

  Beth smiled and patted my hand. “I’ll be here for you no matter what, but I think you’re making the right choice,” she said softly.

  Glancing up, I searched her face. I sighed deeply and sat back into my pillows. “I still love him,” I confessed softly.

  “Yes you do,” Beth agreed with a tiny smile.

  “Life is so complicated.”

  “It is,” Beth said. “But it is also unbearably beautiful despite the complications at times.” She reached over and laid a hand on my tummy. “This is one of those times.”

  “Thank you, Beth,” I said after a moment.

  “Pshaw! That’s what I’m here for. Now, get up. Let’s get some food and go shop for an outfit for the Christmas Eve party.”

  I groaned. The annual Wright Family Christmas Party.

  Well, this was gonna be fun.

  “I don’t know, Beth,” I said once again. Beth grabbed my arm and pulled me along the walkway that led up to the Wright’s front door. I clutched my bag tightly on my shoulder. I was second-guessing even more than Beth imagined. I’d re-wrapped the “Surprise, we’re pregnant!” gift I’d put together months before in Christmas wrap and planned to give it to him if we got a chance to talk alone.

  “You look beautiful. Everyone knows you’re pregnant and you were invited, Jen,” Beth said. “You can’t skip out on this. Plus, you provided most of
the desserts, so you should be able to enjoy a few of them,” Beth added in with a smirk. I rolled my eyes as we made it to the front door. It swung open just as we stepped onto the porch.

  “Beth, Jen, we’re glad you’re finally here. Everyone’s been asking for you two,” Mrs. Wright said.

  “Jen takes forever to do anything now,” Beth said with a wink.

  I gasped. “Beth!”

  “Now, now, I’d watch out what you say, Elizabeth,” Mrs. Wright said with a smile. “One day, you’ll be the one on the other end of all the pregnant lady jokes and then you’ll wish you’d been nicer.”

  Beth laughed. “Yes ma’am,” she said with a grin.

  “Now y’all come on in. Everyone else is here already and you know the guys… they’ll be actin’ like they’re starving if we don’t feed them soon.”

  I grinned and followed them into the large farmhouse. I did love the Wright family and when they were all together under one roof, I felt my heart fill up. I’d always wished I had a large family. I had no family now except for Beth, but by extension of her marrying Matt, I’d been adopted into all the Wright family shenanigans. And I loved it.

  “The girls are finally here,” Mrs. Wright announced as we entered the family room. Hugs and laughter surrounded me.

  “Merry Christmas, Jen,” Matt said as he kissed me on the cheek and then put an arm around his wife. “You both look beautiful tonight.”

  I grinned at Beth, who was beaming at her husband. They were so happy, and I was happy for them. And then Hunter was standing right in front of me, his eyes searching mine. He wore loose-fitting blue jeans and a black, long-sleeved shirt. He looked tired.

  “Merry Christmas, Jen,” he murmured as he kissed me on the cheek softly.

  “Merry Christmas,” I whispered. The words barely left my lips before Hunter had turned and walked away. I glanced over my shoulder and caught a glimpse of Beth’s look. I ignored her and let myself be pulled into the dining room by Mrs. Wright.

  “Let’s eat before the men begin to get grumpy,” she said cheerfully. “Afterwards, we’ll open gifts.”

  “Thank you for inviting me this evening, Mrs. Wright,” I said as we walked into the dining room arm in arm. Mrs. Wright made a sound of dismissal in the back of her throat.

  “You’re a part of this family, Jennifer Collins,” she said softly. She leaned closer and lowered her voice. “And if I’m not mistaken, so is that little one you’re carrying,” she added gently.

  My heart thumped so hard I was sure the entire house heard it. My head felt fuzzy, and I was sure my mouth was hanging open unattractively. “How did you…?”

  Mrs. Wright patted me on the arm and led me to my place at the table. I could hear everyone else as they began to enter the room. I met Hunter’s questioning gaze from across the room. He had to be wondering what his momma and I were discussing off by ourselves.

  “It didn’t take a brain surgeon,” she whispered. “Once I realized how far along you were, how you were acting when Hunter was at your house during the beginning of the renovations, and how you’re normally such a cautious young woman… well, it was an easy conclusion.”

  “Mrs. Wright, I…”

  She then shocked me by pulling me into a hug to whisper into my ear. “No apologizing, Jen. Just know I’ll love that grandbaby of mine no matter what and no matter how bullheaded that son of mine becomes.” She pulled away and patted me on the back softly as everyone joined us at the table.

  Hunter approached us cautiously, eyeing me and his momma curiously as she went about organizing everyone around the table the way she wanted them and laughing with Pastor Wright. I didn’t dare meet Hunter’s gaze until I’d gotten my own emotions under control.

  “What was that all about?” Hunter asked as he took a seat next to me. I was spared having to answer when Pastor Wright called for everyone to bow their heads as he blessed the food. What came next was one of the things I loved most about the Wright family. Noise. Chaos. Love. Usually, I wasn’t one for all the craziness, I like everything orderly and in its place, but there was something about loud laughter, joking, and passing food around the table haphazardly that all added up to the perfect family dinner. Joy… that was what it was. I could feel the joy in the room as I ate and soaked it all in. There was nothing else like it in the world.

  “Hunter… about last night,” I said softly halfway into the dinner, while everyone else was talking amongst themselves.

  “Yeah, about that.” Hunter sat his fork down and turned to me. “I’m sorry I overreacted and just took off like that.” I looked up from the little bit of food left on my plate. Hunter looked uncomfortable talking about it. I knew how he felt.

  “I was just shocked to see you…” He motioned to my stomach. “And with someone else,” he added, his jaw clenched. A muscle twitched in his cheek. Evidently, he was still a little angry about it.

  “I know. And I’m sorry you had to find out like that. I’d hoped to seen you sooner so it wouldn’t have come as quite as much of a shock as it did,” I said.

  “And he treats you well?” Hunter asked through gritted teeth.

  I searched his face, confused.

  “The guy you were with, the baby’s father. He’s good to you? Makes you happy?” he questioned.

  My eyes widened, and I took a deep breath. “He’s not the baby’s father,” I whispered. Hunter’s head swung around, his eyes widening as he let what I said sink in. “We weren’t together-together last night either,” I offered. “Jackson was just a friend who took me out to see Christmas lights.”

  Hunter shook his head. “I saw the way he looked at you,” he accused.

  I shrugged, not knowing what else I could say. “He wanted there to be more between us, but I didn’t,” I said. “He was staying at the inn, but he left this morning.”

  Hunter’s mouth popped open, but he quickly closed it. I could see all the emotions he was sorting through as they crossed his face. Anger, relief, hurt, and confusion.

  “If he isn’t the father…” Hunter began. I tensed up. This was the question I’d been dreading from the beginning. The one that could cause so much pain, so much damage, or so much… joy. “…then who is?”

  I sighed and turned to him to answer just as Pastor Wright stood and announced that we were all moving into the family room for eggnog and to open presents. The noise tripled as everyone stood from the table. Hunter’s oldest brother, Daniel, had his arm around me and was leading me out of the room before I could reply. We followed everyone else to sit around the Christmas tree.

  Besides making the desserts and individual goody tins for everyone to take home, I also wrapped a small, personal gift for everyone. I guess I just hadn’t thought I was going to receive one from everyone in return. Soon covered in lovely gifts from Beth, Mrs. Wright, and everyone else in the Wright household, I had let my mind drift away from my problems and what I was going to say to Hunter once we were finally alone and able to talk. Instead, I let myself enjoy the evening, laughing with everyone and soaking in the best Christmas Eve I could’ve wished for. If my momma had been there, everything would have been absolutely perfect, but with my hand on my tummy and a joy in my heart, I knew she had to be looking over me right about then. When a second gift from Beth and Matt landed on my lap, I glanced up into her grinning face, confused.

  “I already got a gift from you guys, Beth,” I warned.

  “I know,” she said quickly, moving to sit back down between Matt and Keith on the large sofa. “This one isn’t for you.” Beth was positively beaming.

  The entire room was watching me, including Hunter from his seat across the room, so I sucked it up and opened up the pretty wrapping. I sucked in a breath and blinked back tears. I ran a finger along the edge of the beautiful, large frame. Beth had taken copies of the baby’s ultrasound, the photos we’d taken the previous week of my pregnant belly, and a gorgeous poem about motherhood and had them placed in a keepsake frame.

&nbs
p; “Thank you, Beth, Matt, it’s beautiful,” I said softly.

  “Well, might as well open this one too then,” Daniel said with a wide smile, placing a large gift bag on my lap. “Keith and I couldn’t help ourselves,” he said with a wink over at his partner. The bag was filled with lotions, socks, onesies, and tons of other helpful baby stuff. It also included one of those baby books you could fill up with all the baby’s “firsts”.

  “And while you’re at it, here’s a gift for the baby from Pastor Wright and me,” Mrs. Wright said.

  I was shaking my head. “You guys, this is all too much… I don’t know what to say.” I fingered the wrapping paper on the stack of gifts Mrs. Wright had piled near my feet.

  Daniel snorted. “You don’t have to say anything, sweetie. Don’t let anyone fool you,” he said with a crooked grin. “We all just used your pregnancy as an excuse to buy all the tiny things we never get a chance to and we wish we could more often. Believe me, it’s more about us than you,” he explained. Everyone laughed and nodded in agreement. His eyes were twinkling and I knew he was playing it off… wanted to give me an out from becoming a blubbering, emotional mess.

  “Well, I don’t know,” Pastor Wright said after a moment. “It has a little to do with you. We all love you, Jen, and we wish you and that precious little bundle the best,” he said. Mrs. Wright nodded, wrapping her arm around her husband’s waist.

  “Now open the presents!” Beth commanded. Everyone laughed and added in their own commands. I was smiling like an idiot when I began to open the rest of the baby’s presents. Diapers, toys, clothes, and more. The Wrights had truly gone overboard. But when I opened the final gift, my eyes swam with tears. I lifted the beautifully hand-knit blanket, hat, and booties out of the gift bag and sat them on my lap. A pretty, gender neutral sea green, I knew they would match the baby’s quilt and bed just perfectly. They were absolutely breathtaking, and I knew Mrs. Wright must have taken a lot of time working on them for the baby. The details were exquisite.