by Iris Bolling
Tracy looked at JD with such hurt. “You fell for it, Jeffrey, not me.” Tracy slowly removed her arm from Jeffrey’s grip, walked out and closed the door behind her.
JD ran up the stairs past Vanessa. He put on a tee shirt, sweatpants and sneakers. He turned to Vanessa as they passed each other on the stairs: “Lock the door and don’t ever think about coming back.”
Chapter 19
Tracy truly believed her heart was coming out of her chest and she couldn’t stop it. She was trying to drive but could not get the picture out of her mind. She couldn’t compete with someone like Vanessa. Hell, she wasn’t sure how Vanessa got all of Jeffrey in her mouth, but she did. How could she compete with that? Tracy’s mind was racing from being pissed at Jeffrey for falling for this, to being pissed at herself for not knowing how to do what Vanessa was doing.
When she reached for the key and it wasn’t there, she knew something was not right. She should’ve walked away. But the door was cracked open and Jeffrey never left his door open. She laughed and cried at the same time. Vanessa got him good. Tracy laughed to herself; Vanessa wanted her to walk in on them. Tracy parked her car and went inside her condo.
Entering her home, Tracy was still numb from what she had witnessed. Jeffrey said he could explain. That should be interesting to hear. She stopped and sat on the step, trying to rationalize what she saw.
“Tracy,” Ashley called, “is that you?”
Tracy exhaled, then got up. “Yes.”
Ashley appeared at the top of the steps. “What’s wrong?” Ashley asked as Tracy walked by.
Tracy noticed Cynthia sitting at the breakfast bar. “Hi, Cynthia,” Tracy said without stopping. As she walked to her bedroom she remembered Cynthia telling her this would happen; she would end up hurt dealing with Jeffrey.
“Hey ho,” Cynthia said to Tracy’s back. When Tracy did not reply, Cynthia looked at Ashley. “What’s up with her?”
“I don’t know.” Ashley started walking toward Tracy’s room as the doorbell rang. “Cynthia, get that, please,” Ashley said.
Cynthia pushed the button. “Who is it?”
“JD.”
Cynthia pushed the button to unlock the door, then sat back and crossed her legs. “Hmm; this ought to be good.”
JD came up the steps as Ashley was coming out of Tracy’s room. “What happened?” she asked.
JD hung his head. “Is she in there?”
“Yeah,” Ashley replied.
“I’ll talk to you later,” JD replied, then walked into the room and closed the door.
Ashley walked into the kitchen, pulled out the cherry vanilla ice cream, grabbed two spoons and sat on the opposite side of the bar. As she gave the spoon to Cynthia she said, “Dig in; it’s going to be a long night.”
Tracy came out of her bathroom to find JD sitting in the chair by the door. “Tracy,” JD said exhaling, “you know this was a set up. I know what you saw, but Tracy, nothing happened. You walked in at the very time Vanessa wanted you to. I know what it looked like, but nothing happened,” he emphasized as he walked over to her.
Tracy stepped back. He hung his head and closed his eyes as Tracy spoke. “She called earlier today and told me you two had a sexual relationship that’s been going on for a while. She wanted to make sure I was ready to play in the ‘big league.’” She made the quotation gesture with her hands. “Hmm,” she said, shaking her head, “I thought as long as I had some of you I could play along.” Tears began to form in her eyes. “But, umm…,” she continued, shaking her head as she tried to hold back the scream in her throat, “I, I think not. The thought of it and the reality of it are two totally different things,” she said. “I can’t do it.”
“Tracy, I’m not asking you to,” Jeffrey said. “That’s not something I would ever ask of you.” He touched her on the shoulder, but she shrugged him off. “Tracy,” Jeffrey said, trying to reign in his temper. This whole situation was now beginning to piss him off. Driving over, he thought he would explain what happened and Tracy would be okay. But things were not going that way and he was on the verge of losing his temper. Tracy walked around him to the other side of her bed. “Tracy, don’t let them do this to us,” he said. “This was nothing but a set up, Tracy, don’t you see that?”
“Did you want to have sex with her tonight, Jeffrey?” Tracy asked.
If there was ever a time in his life that JD needed to lie, it was now. “Tracy.” Jeffrey put his hand on his chest. “I’m a man,” he said, “and a naked woman was lying on my bed; yes, I wanted to, but I didn’t.”
Tracy lowered her head to hide how much that answer hurt her. She needed to get away from him for a minute, just to clear her head. She walked out of the room into the living room and grabbed her keys to leave. Jeffrey came up behind her and put his arms around her; he put his head on her neck and kissed it. “Please don’t do this, Tracy; don’t leave, please don’t leave.”
She tried to pull away but he would not let go. “Jeffrey, let me go,” she said just a little too calmly for him.
“Tracy, I can’t, I can’t let you go.” Jeffrey was afraid if he let her go she may not come back. “I know what you saw hurt, but baby, please, please believe me—nothing happened.” He was squeezing her, trying to get through.
“Let me go, Jeffrey, I just got to go.” Tracy was losing control as she felt the tears beginning to drop. When she looked up and saw Ashley and Cynthia watching them she closed her eyes. She did not want to cry, not in front of Cynthia.
JD took the keys out of her hand. “Tracy, I’m asking, no, begging you to believe me. I didn’t do what you are thinking. I love you, Tracy. Just let me explain what happened.” He kissed the side of her face. “I love you.”
Tracy needed to get away, so she turned to face him. “You want to explain, okay, explain.”
He hesitated, searching for the words. “It wasn’t what you think you saw,” he said.
“No,” Tracy said, “I think I saw your dick in her mouth; what did you see?”
Her words shocked him. Tracy wasn’t just hurt, she was angry and he caused it. It never dawned on him that Tracy was capable of being angry; he never saw this side of her. He did not like being the object of her anger. “It was a set up, Tracy.”
“Jeffrey, you are a prosecuting attorney. How many times have you heard that? Now, how many times did you believe it?” When he did not respond, she turned quickly as the tears started to fall and she lost her balance. JD caught her and they both fell at the top of the steps.
“Let her go, JD,” Ashley said, now crying along with Tracy.
JD wrapped his arms around Tracy and would not let her go; he couldn’t. His heart was breaking. He couldn’t believe this was happening. “Tracy,” he pleaded, “this is what they want: to come between us. Don’t let them win.”
“Jeffrey, from the day I met you I never thought about being with anyone else, in any way, only you,” she cried. “Can you say the same?”
He could not answer that question honestly; it would cause too much damage. Jeffrey rocked Tracy back and forth like a baby; he could feel the tears dropping on his arm. Each drop burned his skin, representing the hurt he caused her.
When he did not respond, Tracy whispered, “Please Jeffrey, please let me go.”
He hesitated; not wanting to cause her more pain, he kissed the back of her head and released her.
Tracy got up, went down the steps and out the door without looking back. Ashley ran past Jeffrey and followed Tracy. Jeffrey sat there at the top of the steps with his face in his hands, wondering what in the hell had just happened.
“Hmm…, you were always concerned about me hurting her feelings,” Cynthia said in a matter of fact tone. “Who do you think hurt her more, you or me?”
JD ran his hands down his face wiping away the tears, got up and walked away not answering the question. He knew what Cynthia said was true; he cut Tracy deeply.
Ashley was watching Tracy pull away as JD approach
ed. She saw the devastation in his eyes and decided now was not the time for the words she had for him. “Let her go. When she comes back, you will appreciate the love she has for you more. Give her some time, she’ll get past it,” Ashley said. “Love is new to her and you, too. You both have things to learn; give it time.”
JD hugged Ashley, got in his car and pulled off.
When Ashley went upstairs, Cynthia saw the worried look on her face. “They will be okay, he loves her. Which is freaking amazing to me, but whatever, they will work it out.”
JD felt empty and alone for the first time in his life. He was blessed with family and friends who loved him, and a full life, but at this moment none of it mattered. The only thing that would take the emptiness away was Tracy’s love. He allowed the past to take it away, but he only had himself to blame. JD called Brian from his cell phone and asked him to put a search out for Tracy. He needed to know where she was and that she was okay.
♥
Tracy was hurt and had no one to turn to. Ashley was her best friend, but also JD’s sister, and she could not put her in the middle. Tracy called James, but hung up before he could answer. She really did not want to be around anyone. She was hurting, and like any wounded animal she needed a place to hide to lick her wounds. She needed to clear her mind and think. She pulled into the Omni Hotel downtown and got a room. When she entered the room she threw her purse on the table and fell across the bed. She was exhausted, hurt and empty. She just needed to close her eyes and think.
♥
As JD entered his home, he put his keys on the counter and saw the key and a note: “What goes around, comes around, V.” He had tried not to let his past hurt Tracy, but here it was. JD sighed. It really wasn’t the past, he hesitated; he had let Vanessa get to him. How was he going to fix this? JD knew what Tracy saw; he knew it hurt her. And he knew better than anyone why this cut her so deep. How could he let this happen? He picked up the key and threw it with all his force against the front door. The doorbell rang; JD jerked it open, hoping it was Tracy.
“Sounded like a bullet was coming through the door,” Brian said stepping inside. JD bent down and picked up the key. “What’s up, JD, what’s going on?” Brian asked.
JD threw the key on the countertop, walked over to the cabinet in the kitchen, and pulled out a bottle of Jack Daniels and two glasses. Brian sat at the breakfast bar and took one of the glasses; JD poured. JD swallowed one shot straight down and poured another. Brian took the bottle out of his hand. “You have court tomorrow, man.”
JD pulled up a bar stool, sat and told Brian what went down. “JD, you knew Carolyn and Vanessa were out to do this; you should have warned Tracy.”
Brian’s cell rang. “Talk to me,” Brian answered. “Where? Thanks, man. I’ll take it from here.” He hung up the phone. “We got her, she’s at the Omni downtown.”
JD didn’t move.
“You’re not going to talk to her?” Brian asked.
JD shook his head. “No, she’s not hearing me right now.” JD swallowed hard, holding in his emotions.
Brian could see the hurt in JD’s face. He finished his drink. “I’ll go,” he offered.
“Make sure she’s okay. I don’t want her to be alone,” JD said dejectedly.
“All right, man, I’ll be in touch,” Brian said and left.
JD called Tracy’s cell; her voicemail picked up. “Trac, I know you don’t want to talk to me right now, but baby, please know I love you. I would never do anything to betray your love or your trust in me. Please just call me. Let me know you are, okay? Please, Tracy.” He hung up the phone
♥
Tears flowed as Tracy played the message from Jeffrey. The idea of her causing him pain was difficult for her to handle, but at the moment her pain was deeper and she had to deal with that before she could deal with Jeffrey. A knock at the door interrupted Tracy’s thoughts, but she ignored it, thinking someone had the wrong room. When the knock occurred again, Tracy opened the door. When she saw it was Brian, she closed her eyes and walked back into the room.
“What are you doing here?” Tracy asked.
“Hello to you, too,” Brian replied as he closed the door. “I’m here checking on you, of course.”
Tracy put her hands on her hips. “Jeffrey called you?” she asked angrily.
“What do you think?”
She looked away and exhaled. “Did he tell you what happened?”
He walked towards her. “Yeah, he told me.”
Tears streamed down her face.
Shit, Brian thought, not the crying.
Tracy put her thumbs in the back pocket of her jeans then bit her bottom lip. The tears began to flow.
“Oh shit, don’t do that,” Brian said almost begging. But she couldn’t stop. He walked over and put his arms around her. “Okay, okay, it’s going to be okay,” he said thinking, Shit, shit, shit.
Tracy wrapped her arms around his waist and broke loose against his chest.
Oh, shit, Brian said to himself. “All right now, now, it’s going to be okay. Shh, shh.” He guided her to the sofa, consoling her until she began to settle down. He grabbed the box of tissues that was on the table and handed one to her.
“You can stop patting my head. I’m not a dog, you know,” she said through the tears.
He smiled. “Look,” he said, “I’m not good at this sensitive kind of stuff. You have to get Calvin for that.” Still holding her, he added, “I’m just here as a substitute. JD didn’t want you to be alone,” Brian said as he looked down at her. He didn’t understand her being this upset; this kind of thing happens all the time, women get over it. Brian began talking, hoping she was ready to listen to reason. “You realize this was a set up, right?”
Tracy nodded. “Vanessa advised me of her intentions. I honestly did not think Jeffrey would get caught up in it.”
“He didn’t,” Brian said, sitting back. “He’s a better man than me. I would have been all up in that,” he said, shaking his head in disbelief. Tracy pulled her legs up to her chest and put her arms around them. She sucked in her teeth at Brian and he laughed.
“I’m glad you are getting some amusement out of this,” she said. He pulled her legs out from under her arms and pulled her onto his lap. He tucked her head under his chin and put his arms around her attempting to comfort her.
“Tracy, JD loves you. His relationship with you is not about sex, you know that. There is something more there. I know it seems to you something happened. But JD said nothing happened and I believe him.”
“I think I believe him; I want to,” Tracy said looking up at him. Brian was caught off guard for a minute; those innocent eyes of hers were getting to him. He tucked her head back under his chin so he could not see them. “If you believe that, why are you so upset?”
“He wanted to, Brian. If I had not walked in at that time, would he still be able to say nothing happened?”
“I don’t know, Tracy,” he said. “But you are dealing with a what-if, and no one can answer those.”
“Brian, I can’t compete with women like Vanessa and Carolyn. They know how to do things I don’t when it comes to sex. What happens when Jeffrey wants those things and I can’t give them to him? Will he turn to Carolyn or Vanessa?”
“What things are you talking about?” Brian asked, not sure what she was referring to. “You are a woman, he’s a man. What else is there to know?”
“I’m not very experienced,” Tracy said in a whisper.
Wondering why she was whispering, Brian whispered back, “Experienced in what?”
She exhaled. “Sex, Brian,” she said, exasperated.
He laughed and laughed and laughed until she hit him in the chest.
“Okay, okay, I’m sorry,” he said. He looked down at her. “How old are you?”
“I’ll be 25 next month.”
“And you never did the do before JD?” he asked in a surprised tone.
“No,” she replied, “and I don’t kno
w how to go about learning. I mean….” She sat up. “I can take a book and learn anything and everything. But I don’t know the mechanics to put what I read about into action. You know what I mean.”
“Well, that’s because sex is about emotions; you can’t control them all the time and you definitely cannot learn about it from a book. It comes with experience.” He smiled. As he looked at her, he realized she was serious. “Have you discussed this with JD?”
“No, I can’t talk about this with him.”
“Hell yes, you can. That’s who you are supposed to talk to about shit like this.”
Tracy put her head back on his chest and he wrapped his arms around her. “Brian, I think Cynthia was right. Jeffrey is not going to wait around for me to learn how to please him. You’re Jeffrey’s friend, Brian, can you teach me? Can you teach me how to do the things to keep him away from Vanessa and Carolyn?”
Brian prided himself on being a man that was up for just about anything, but he never expected this. He stared at Tracy and the longer he stared the more he realized she was serious. She was genuinely asking for his help. His mind began to filter between the angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other. This is your boy’s girl—you have to ignore your libido and do the right thing, came from one side of his brain. Man, she asking you to teach her. Look at it as helping JD, came from the other side of his brain.
Brian decided to help her in the best way he could. He set her at the other end of the sofa then stepped away. “Don’t you ever ask a man to teach you anything like that again unless it’s JD, do you understand me,” Brian yelled while standing over her. He put his hands on his hips and was shaking his finger at her as if he was reprimanding a child. “Never,” he yelled, “ask a man to do that, especially a man like me.” Not trusting what he would say next, he simply said, “Shit,” and turned and walked out of the room. He stopped in the hallway, turned to go back to the door. Then he said, “Hell no, hell no,” stopped, looked down at his groin. “Stop it; damn it, stop it,” he said, talking to himself. He walked the hallway for a few more minutes trying to compose himself. After a few minutes he pulled out his cell phone. “Hey, I got her,” Brian said agitated.
