Always on My Mind (The Dawson Brothers, #1)

by Jessica Mills

  “So you can snag a fine young buck?” I tried to impersonate her, but fell flat with laughter. “We do this for ourselves, remember? To make us feel good.”

  “So did it work for you?” She released my arm as we approached my car and opened the door when I hit the locks.

  “Yeah, I think so. I’ll be fine.” I took a deep breath and for the first time since everything happened, I believed it. I got in the car and started it as Jenn slid into the seat beside me.

  She turned on the radio and soft music filled the car. “Good, I need my best friend happy. It keeps my world in balance. We’ll do girls’ night soon. We can both use some fun.”

  I glanced behind me to enter the street and made my way toward Jenn’s. “You’re right about that; just fun, no trying to score relationships for me. Two consecutive fails and I’m calling a time out.”

  “That’s easy for you. These days if I want to spice up my sex life I have to add new batteries to my vibrator. You’ve just had hot sex with a stranger. Did I forget to tell you how much I envy that part?” She propped her elbow against the car door and rested her head against her hand.

  “Don’t remind me.” I released a long sigh as I pulled up to her apartment and tried to push out the image of David’s expression as he’d released. He was so gorgeous. Thank God we’d used protection and I hadn’t been that reckless.

  “Sorry,” she said, as she gathered her things and opened the door.

  “I’ll call you later.” As she closed the door, I glanced over to my purse and remembered the slip of paper with Kinsey’s number on it. It was Tuesday night and David might be at the bar when I called. My nerves tied in knots just thinking about hearing his voice in the background. There was no way I could stand it tonight, not when I was finally feeling like everything was going to be okay. I imagined if I kept telling myself that, it would be true. I headed home and put off the call for another day.

  Chapter 13

  David

  The crickets were still singing their night songs while waiting on the sun, when I went down for breakfast to find my father sitting at the table with Ted and Mason. His spoon chimed against the jar of Mama’s muscadine jelly and then he smeared the pale purple sweetness onto his toast. “Luke awake?” he asked, before shoving the bread into his mouth.

  “Yeah, he’ll be down in a minute. Mama was at his door.” I sat down next to Dad and across the table from my brothers and began filling my plate. Mama always had a big spread of breakfast and she’d made my favorite: egg gravy, cat-head biscuits, which were named for their shape, and all the bacon we could eat.

  Dad cleared his throat. “I’ll need your help today with the books.” His eyes met mine and I gave him an affirmative nod. I hated the way my dad kept his records and wished he’d let Mason and Luke, who were much more computer savvy, teach him how to use a computer. I wasn’t about to get into a fight with him about it. I shoved my mouth full of the delicious creamy country gravy which was laced with eggs in only a way that my mama could make them.

  “You find that agent?” asked Ted. His upper lip was curled enough to show me he hadn’t liked the idea of it.

  “I haven’t yet. She’s supposed to call.” I took in another bite.

  “Well, I guess you’re gonna run off and chase your ridiculous dreams after all, then?” he pressed on, keeping a close eye turned to my father for his reaction. Dad kept eating, but I knew him well enough to know that he was probably anxious for my response.

  “I’m going to tell her it was all a mix-up and hope she still wants to be friends. I think the chance for anything more is gone. She probably realized I’m never getting out of here.” I reached for my glass and choked down a swallow of juice.

  “Why do you always have to make it sound so bad? I’d say you’ve got a pretty good life here. Like all of those before you.” Dad wiped his mouth and I expected a big speech but it never came. He shoveled in another spoonful and glanced to the stairs where Luke came down, crossed to the room, and took a seat beside me.

  “You hear from Sarah?” Luke reached across his plate and started pulling things over to fill it.

  “Not yet. She’s probably found another singer and besides, I quit my gig at Kinsey’s. I’ll focus on having a life when I’m dead.” I sounded childish, but I didn’t care. I couldn’t help but be bitter over losing her and giving up my dreams. Admitting it to the people who’d busted my chops about it my entire life just compounded my misery along with the fact that three days had passed and she’d never called.

  “Sarah?” Dad narrowed his eyes.

  “Yeah,” Luke spoke up, talking with his mouth full to catch up for being late. “You know the gorgeous agent lady that was here from Tennessee. He’s crazy about her.” He nudged me with his elbow.

  “You like this woman?” asked Dad. I nodded giving a shrug. “Then you should go after her.”

  I dropped my fork to the plate with a clank. “So you want me to follow my dreams and be a singer?” Dad nodded which sent me into a whirl of frustration. “Yeah, right. I already told Kinsey I couldn’t sing anymore. Besides, I don’t think I’d make it without Sarah there to inspire me. No matter how much I want it. If I did sign with her, I’d have to travel all the time. It would be my life. I’d see the whole world.”

  “You can sing all you want right here while you’re running things.” Dad glared at me while Ted glared at him. “If you like this girl, there’s no reason you can’t bring her back home to help out. Your grandfather followed his dreams and still managed to help his family. Hell, even I had dreams. I still managed to snatch up your mother. You boys think she was growing in the cornfield when I found her? Heck no, she was working in a little diner across town. Cooking up the finest dishes I’d ever put in my mouth. She was the right girl for me, that’s for sure. You could find the same thing with this Sarah, if she’s the one.”

  “She doesn’t know anything about running a ranch.” I nibbled on my bacon. “I can’t just ask a woman like Sarah to forget all of her dreams and upheave her life to come here to shuck corn and make dumplings. She’s not that kind of woman.”

  Dad gestured to me with his fork. “If she’s the right woman— a fine woman, she’ll want to be with you here.” He looked toward the stairs again, his eyes narrowing with worry. “Mason, go upstairs and see what’s taking your mother so long.”

  Dad glared after him as he climbed the stairs and disappeared. His footsteps thudded across the hardwood overhead and my eyes narrowed as I noticed them quicken in pace. As he ran down the stairs and stopped halfway, we all stood. No one ever ran in the house, not unless there was something urgent happening.

  “What is it?” Dad clutched his chest. I dropped the bacon from my hand as the bit in my mouth turned to ash.

  Short of breath and pale as a ghost, Mason blurted, “Come quick. Mama’s out on the bathroom floor. There’s blood.” He turned around and continued back up.

  I hadn’t seen my dad move so quick in years as he hurried upstairs and I ran behind him as he barked out orders. “Luke, call 911. Ted, go pull the truck around.”

  We found Mama splayed out on the bathroom floor, face down and her hand covered in blood. The toilet, where she’d obviously been kneeling, was also covered in blood and the water inside looked as though she’d coughed up quite a bit. I flushed it down and then took a wash cloth and wetted it to wash Mama’s mouth and hand the best I could while my dad struggled to pick her up. “We’re gonna have to take her. An ambulance will take too long.”

  I reached down and scooped my Mama into my arms. She wasn’t a tiny woman, but I’d carried heavier on the ranch. Dad held her legs to keep them from dangling and bumping into the walls on our way downstairs.

  We had her loaded in the truck and before I could get in to go with them, my dad held a hand against my chest. “I need you to stay here. Go over the books and keep this place working. I’ll have Mason go with me.” He turned to Ted who had left the truck running to come aro
und and help with Mom. “Help your brother.”

  Ted patted Dad’s back as he hurried around the truck. “I got it, Dad.”

  The tires kicked up dust as Dad left the long driveway and turned out on the road. The next hospital was at least half an hour away and we hoped that they’d make it in time.

  Ted scrubbed his face with his palms. “Jesus, I can’t believe this is happening.”

  “Do you think she’ll be all right?” Luke asked, his eyes ringed red.

  “Yeah, she’s got to be.” Ted spat at the ground. “We better get to work.”

  I hated the way Ted was so quick to jump into work for a distraction, but I supposed it was best. Daddy would expect us to go on working no matter what. Luke headed off to the barn and I started for the office as Ted followed.

  Dad had the office built years ago when he was first taking over. His father had always worked at the kitchen table, but since Mama insisted on only using her table for the comfort of food, it was off limits. The twenty by thirty room was just off the barn and crowded with clutter. Mama never set foot in it, and I was sure if she ever did, she’d have it just as spotless as the rest of the house.

  “Look at this mess.” Ted plopped down in the nearest chair. “We’ve got to get this shit organized, somehow. I don’t even know where to begin. You see the books?”

  I dug around and he riffled through a stack. “I don’t see it. You know he needs a computer.”

  “Good luck with that. You know Mr. Langston doesn’t have this mess.” Ted glanced through folders and set them aside, starting a pile and I continued shifting through looking for Dad’s big black ledger.

  “You’ve been to the Langston place lately?” I knew he’d always had a thing for Lauralee Langston, but after the tower debacle we just assumed Dad had told him to let that go.

  “No, not too recently.” He shook his head and then tapped a drawer on the desk and started struggling to open it.

  “To see Lauralee?” I wasn’t trying to tease him like normal, but hoping to make talk to distract us both from the miserable task and what was happening with Mama.

  “Oh, hell, that’s been years. High school was a long time ago. Dammit this is locked. I think it’s in there too.” He motioned to the drawer.

  “Well, there has to be a key. Let’s find it.” We exchanged a look and Ted sighed. I remembered seeing Dad hang the key on a nail, but I didn’t remember where. “It’s on a nail somewhere.” Getting to my feet, I searched the windowsill for a nail and then next to the door where he kept the keys to all of our equipment.

  “Found it.” Ted snatched the key from a nail that was sticking out just next to the drawer. “How’d you miss this?”

  “Hell, I didn’t see it. So Lauralee and you weren’t just high school, were you? I mean, I remember that, but you’ve been out since?”

  Ted shrugged and unlocked the drawer. Sure enough the ledger was there and he pulled it out and returned the key where he’d found it. “We’ve been out a couple of times. She’s just not my type.”

  “From what I remember you two were perfect for one another.”

  He flipped through the book. “That’s because of Mama. She gets the idea that we’re supposed to be coupled with a certain girl, and well... you see how that goes.”

  I raked my hand through my hair. “Yeah, so what are we supposed to be doing with this thing?”

  Ted sighed. “You’re kidding, right? Don’t tell me your singing dream has clouded your memory.” I could tell by his tone that he was frustrated and it was more than the fact that Mama was on her way to the hospital, and with any miracle would be all right.

  “I remember, I was just making conversation. So who do we owe and what’s coming in today?”

  “See, you remember.” His jaw flinched as he stared down at the book. “According to this, we owe everybody and no one is expected until tomorrow. I hope we have money to cover all this.” He opened the drawer again and searched through it and found the checkbook. “This place is a mess and it’s all going to be dumped in our lap, brother. You ready for this shit? Or are you going to leave me hanging with it and run off to Tennessee.”

  “That’s your real rub, isn’t it? That since you’re next in line you’ll be stuck? You know more about this farm than anybody, Ted.”

  “You’re damned right, and no, that isn’t my rub. My rub is that you’re next in line and you’ll have all the say in how it’s ran and you’re not even interested. You think I’m afraid you’ll run off with some girl? Hell no, I’m hoping you do.”

  I threw out my hands. “Then why are you being such a shit about Sarah? You should want me to go.”

  “I want your help, but I don’t want you to be my boss.” He went down the line, writing checks and signing Dad’s name.

  “I’m not trying to be your boss. Your problem is that Dad still expects me to run it.” The look on his face gave him away and I knew I was on the right path. “You’re so anxious for his praise and approval, that you want the chance to show him what you know.”

  “It’s better than being the disappointment that once dated your enemy’s daughter and burned down the barn.”

  “You were six. Dad’s forgiven you. And what’s this got to do with Lauralee? Thought you weren’t interested?”

  “I’m not. I like variety.” He tapped his pen and then continued with the checks. He’d always been way luckier with the ladies than the rest of us and though Mama credited it to him having Daddy’s hazel eyes, I knew it was his charm and lack of being choosy. He’d been to the Dew Drop Inn so many times there wasn’t a room he hadn’t occupied at least once. All flings, like the one with Ella, and never a steady girlfriend since Lauralee.

  His back stiffened and his pen stopped. “You think Mama’s going to be okay?”

  “God, I hope so. I’m not sure how we’re going to get along if she isn’t.” The idea of Mama not being around was too painful to imagine. My chest tightened and a lump formed in my throat. “You got this under control?”

  “Yeah, man. I’m good.” He started writing again as I made my way past him to go check on Luke.

  I walked through the door into the barn but didn’t see my youngest brother anywhere. On my way out, I saw his sandy hair through the fences. He was keeping busy by working his horse. It wasn’t the usual day and that was understandable. Once we had word from Dad or Mason, we’d all be better to deal with a normal day. At least I hoped.

  I couldn’t help but think about what my dad had said about bringing Sarah back here. As ridiculous as it was to think she’d even want me, much less give up her dreams for me, a part of me wished there was a way to have it all. I started to head to the stable and get my horse and take off to the pond on the back twenty, but something pulled me into the house and I found myself at the phone.

  Sarah hadn’t called yet and I was anxious to see if the secretary had any information. Maybe she didn’t want to speak to me again. Who could blame her after what Mama did? But I had to know. I picked up the phone and dialed and thankfully the voice that answered was the same lady as before.

  “How may I direct your call?”

  “Yes, ma’am. I called the other day and left a message for Sarah Myers. I was just wondering if you had—”

  “I’m so sorry. I totally forgot to call her. I have your message here, and if it hasn’t changed, I’ll do that right now.” Her voice was apologetic but I was so disappointed I couldn’t hide it in mine.

  “Yes, please. It’s very important.” After having her reread my message to make sure she wasn’t lying about having it, I hung up. What a day. It was only getting longer.

  Chapter 14

  Sarah

  “Rowena was looking for you.” A voice called from the boss’s office as I was sneaking into my cubicle. “You’re lucky she’s stepped out.”

  I turned around and found Betty peeking around the door. “Does she know I’m late?” She shook her head and I released a breath. “Thank heavens.
My morning has sucked enough already.” I pointed to the large coffee stain on my blouse and skirt as she stared wide-eyed. “I got rear-ended on the way in. They hit me right when I went to take a drink and not only did I spill hot coffee down my front, but I bit my tongue somehow. The idiot didn’t have insurance, but he did give me his information.” I looked up to see her face screwed with sympathy.

  “She’ll be back in after lunch, and she was mumbling something about your ass in a sling.” My mouth went slack as she stepped back in her office and shut the door.

  Great just what I need. I put my purse in the bottom drawer and then found the sweater I kept there and slipped it over my head. It didn’t match, but would look much better than the damp, stained blouse. My phone rang and I held my breath a moment hoping it wasn’t Rowena. “This is Sarah.”

  “Sarah, this is Tracy down here at Thunderbolt.” I stiffened, hoping she wasn’t about to put Rick on the line.

  “How’s it going, Tracy?”

  “Going great. Now that Rick’s affair blew up in his face.” Tracy knew I’d been involved and probably gathered from my sudden departure that things had ended badly.

  “Really? The new wife found out about the girlfriend?” I belted a laugh so loud I had to glance around to make sure no one was staring over their desks.

  “No, it’s better. The girlfriend figured out he wasn’t leaving his new wife for her and told the wife. Really crazy stuff.”

  “Sounds like I left Texas just in time.”

  “Seems as though, but that’s not why I called. I got a message for you the other day, and I meant to tell you sooner, but with all the drama, I forgot. I hope it wasn’t terribly important, but a man named David Dawson called looking for you. I told him you didn’t work here. He seemed desperate and asked for your number, but I told him I couldn’t do that.”

  “Do you have his number?” I blurted the words so fast that she giggled.

  “You sound just as desperate as he did.”