CONTENTS
Copyright
Copyright
Dedication
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Acknowledgements
About the Author
Published by K.R. Wilburn Books in 2015
www.krwilburnbooks.com
This book is a work of fiction. References to real people, events, establishments, organizations, or locales are intended only to provide a sense of authenticity, and are used fictitiously. All other characters, and all incidents and dialogue, are drawn from the author’s imagination and are not to be construed as real.
LOVING MONDAYS. Copyright © 2014 by K.R. Wilburn. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.
DEDICATION
For Ben
With all of my heart for all of our tomorrows.
CHAPTER ONE
"Jesus, I hate flying coach," grumbled a voice next to me. "I swear the only way to get through flying in the cheap seats is Xanax and gallons of spiked eggnog."
My gaze slid to the young woman crammed next to me in the too-small seat and I took a sip from my plastic cup of ginger ale. Flying always made my stomach do flips no matter which section of the plane I was in, but the headache I had brewing had nothing to do with hurtling through the air in a tin can while choking on the clouds of cupcake scented perfume my seat mate had obviously bathed in. No, this headache had sprung up the moment I knew I would have to go back to Texas, back to the one place I had never wanted to see again and face the one girl I never could escape.
"You look really familiar to me, have we met some place?"
"I doubt it." Or rather I really hoped not. There were plenty of women roaming around Florida who knew me in a biblical sense, but none that I was interested in seeing ever again.
"Are you sure? Because I could swear I've seen your face somewhere before." She cocked her head to the side and pursed her lips while she stared at me. It made her look like a deranged cocker spaniel and it was everything I could do not to promise to scratch behind her ears if she'd just quit yapping at me. "Oh! I know! You're Cody Jackson aren't you? You play for Florida State! My brother drags me to all of your games, I just didn't realize it was you with your helmet off. Oh-em-gee! My sorority sisters are going to just die when they realize that I got to meet you!"
Her lips kept moving, but I was no longer listening to her, searching instead for the flight attendant. If I was going to be forced to listen to this woman the entire flight to Dallas, I was going to need something stronger than my ginger ale or I would stop pretending that I was calm and let loose with all the turmoil bubbling inside me. With the way things were going this week, the whole thing would get live-tweeted and wind up on ESPN before I even landed. I could just see the headlines now. “Heisman winner Cody Jackson verbally assaults woman on flight, ruins Christmas for everyone on board, invitation to carve the Whoville roast beast rescinded amongst allegations of general grinchiness.”
I sighed and instead of saying what I wanted to, I forced my face into what I hoped was a passable smile while she took a half a dozen selfies with me, all while hinting not so subtly how willing she would be to keep me company for the holidays instead of going home to see her parents. I could practically see her calculating the easiest way to land herself a future NFL pro for a boyfriend and just how many holes she could poke into a condom before getting caught. I just wanted to land and get as far away from this chick as I could.
I didn't even want to think about what was going to happen after that. Luke had offered to pick me up at the airport, but I had hung up before he could finish his offer. Going home to scatter the ashes of the last family member I had left was hard enough; there was no way in hell I was sitting in a truck with my former best friend for the two hour drive back to the ranch from Dallas on top of it. I had been planning on spending the holidays in Key West with some of the other guys from the team just so I could avoid going home to see Gran for the holidays like I had every Christmas for the last four years. My guilt would eat me alive if I didn't go home to honor her final wishes.
My chest ached. Gran was dead and I would never get to spend another holiday with her again. I was such an asshole. I knew she wouldn't leave the ranch, but I still hadn't been back to see her since I left for college. I should have made time, but I had been avoiding going home and having to see Luke living happily ever after with the love of my life. She understood that I didn't want to see them, even if I had always steadfastly refused to tell her why. Gran was good like that; she always took my side no matter what. And where Luke and Monday were concerned, I couldn’t even begin to talk about what had happened that would make me cut them out so thoroughly that any mention of their names was strictly avoided.
"So what do you think?"
"What do I think of what?" I growled at my seatmate, irritated to find that she was still talking.
"Of dinner? Or maybe we can just grab a few drinks if you like? I can hold off going to see the family for a few days. I've been an awfully good girl this year and if you play your cards right, maybe I can sit on your lap and tell you what I want for Christmas."
Helen Keller could figure out what this girl wanted for Christmas and I could feel my patience waning. Where the hell was that flight attendant?
"Somehow I doubt you've ever been a good girl in your life. I appreciate the offer but I'm going to pass. I'm not much for company right now."
"Well, if you change your mind," she simpered, batting her overly made-up eyes at me, and scribbling a number on the damp piece of napkin that sat on my tray, "you just give me a call. I'm sure I can put you in the holiday spirit."
"I'll keep that in mind." I tucked the napkin in my pocket, thinking it would be rude to just toss it out in front of her and waved at the flight attendant when I finally caught her eye.
"What can I help you with, sir?" The flight attendant smiled as she approached.
"I need one of those little bottles of whiskey," I told her, pulling my wallet from my pocket. If I was going down I might as well go down in flames. "And a couple more on standby."
CHAPTER TWO
Time stood still on the ranch, as it always had. While the rest of the world marched forward with progress, life in west Texas remained. Turning the rental car down the long dirt road that led to my childhood home, I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed with the memories of growing up here. Memories of Gran, of Luke and me running through the fields planning out the day's mischief, and memories of her. Memories that I had spent the past four years running as hard as I could to get away from suddenly were drowning me.”
I pulled up in front of the two-story yellow house that had been the only home I had ever known, lined with cheerily blinking lights and the same evergreen bough hanging from the from door that had been there every Christmas for longer than I had lived. It looked so cheerful and welcoming, disguising the sad reason I was really home. I turned the key in the ignition and clutched the steering wheel with both hands, knowing I needed to get out of the car and walk up those wide country steps, but unable to do so. Regret and remorse welled up in my chest and lodged in my throat as I let my gaze sweep over the places that were burned into my memory. Seeing Gran's wicker rocker empty cut to my core, and I inhaled deeply and closed my eyes to ward off the tears I could feel building.
"You just going to sit in that car all day or are you going to come inside?"
I started at the sound and time froze. Monday leaned down to t
he open window, her honey blond hair blowing lightly in the breeze, filling the air with the clean citrus scent that had haunted my dreams. I hated that my body turned towards her instinctively, like a flower turning towards the sunshine.
"Come on inside, Cody," she said gently, her warm golden eyes filled with concern. "You must be exhausted. I know how much you hate flying. Let's get you inside and get you something warm to drink."
I wanted to say something cutting, something so cruel that we would both remember that I hadn't forgiven her for running off with my best friend as soon as I left for college, but as soon as I turned to face her, the words died in my throat. I hadn't expected to feel my heart well up at the sight of her again, my arms twitching with the need to wrap around her slender form and pull her into my chest. Four years away from here, convincing myself I was over her, and the first sight of her told me that I still loved her, that I would probably always love her. My heart was broken and scarred, and each time it beat out the rhythm of her name it throbbed angrily, but still it couldn't heal. Not while she still held all the pieces in her delicate hands.
Unable to trust my voice, I nodded and opened the car door and climbed out. My fingers tingled with the need to touch her, to comfort her for the pain that I knew she felt as keenly as I did at Gran's loss. If anybody loved my Gran as much as I did, it was her.
"Monday," I whispered, the taste of her name in my mouth familiar and alien at the same time. "I—"
"I know," she interrupted me, stepping into me and draping her arms around my neck. Before I could stop myself, my arms encircled her waist and crushed her to me, hoping that she couldn't feel my body trembling beneath her touch. I buried my face in her hair and inhaled deeply, amazed at how much my body remembered the feel of this, of her softness against my chest. Even though I knew she was nothing but trouble, my body cried out for her. This was what home felt like, and no matter how I tried, I couldn't deny her. I hated her for that. Why couldn't I let her go?
"There you are." A familiar gravelly voice interrupted my thoughts and I stiffened, icy anger sliding down my spine. I released Monday and stepped back, putting distance between us. I clenched my hands into fists at my side to keep from pushing her behind me and shielding her from Luke. She wasn't mine anymore. I had to remember that, and standing before me with a broad grin like nothing had ever changed between us, like he hadn't buried a knife so deep in my back it was still lodged there, was the reason why. "I was wondering when you were going to get in. I wish you would have just let me pick you up at the airport."
"I needed the time to think." I focused my gaze over his shoulder, unable to meet Luke's steely gray eyes. Once he was my best friend, and the only person in the world besides Gran and Monday that I trusted. In a small town in Texas, being the high school quarterback meant everyone wanted to be your friend. You couldn't know who had your best interests at heart and who was out to ride your coattails. Being an all-state quarterback committed to a division I college with every major sports network calling you the one to watch meant that everyone wanted a piece of you, everyone but the three of them.
But as it turned out, Luke had wanted something from me after all—my girl. And now Gran was gone and the girl I loved was his, and I truly was all alone in the world. I felt a dark anger building in me at the sight of him and I flexed my hands to keep from plunging them into his face.
I needed to get the hell out of this town first chance I got, and never come back. I thought I had put all this behind me, but seeing her here, seeing them here together, just drug it all back up. I wasn't there to rekindle old flames, or make nice with long lost friends. I would spread my Gran's ashes over the ranch like she wanted me too, and lay to rest all the hurt and anger alongside her. I was here to free myself from this town and the people who still had an inexorable hold on me, and then get back to Florida as fast as humanly possible.
Unable to meet Monday's questioning gaze I busied myself pulling my suitcase from the trunk.
"I'll take this to the bunkhouse for you," Luke insisted, taking the handle from me and gazing meaningfully from Monday to me. "Give you two a chance to talk."
"There's nothing to talk about," I insisted gruffly, but he was already walking off along the edge of the property. Looking back at Monday, whose lips turned up sheepishly, I pointed at Luke's retreating back. "Why am I staying in the bunkhouse instead of the big house?"
"You can always stay in Annie's room if you want," Monday offered, her hands fidgeting with her hair, looking nervously around the yard o she didn't have to look at me. She hadn't changed at all. Her long fingers twisted through the gleaming blond strands, a nervous habit, though the worry and grief etched on her heart shaped face was new. "I thought it might be easier on you if you were in the bunkhouse without being surrounded by her things."
"Is there something wrong with my room?" I frowned at her.
"It's occupied."
"Occupied? By who?"
"Me," she said matter-of-factly, meeting my eyes, her jaw clenched challengingly.
My eyes widened in surprise.
"You?" I asked, my confused feelings and anger at being forced back to Texas finally bubbling to the surface. "Why are you staying in my room, Monday? I come back to town and you think you can climb back into my bed like you never left it? Fuck it, if that's what you want I'm down for the ride, just don't expect anything to change between us come morning. You'll still be a cold bitch and I'll still be on the first flight out of here."
Her eyes flashed and my head snapped back under the force of her palm connecting with my cheek. I deserved it.
"That's your one," she said angrily, her voice trembling, "And you're only getting that out of the kindness of my heart and respect for Annie's memory. If you ever speak to me like that again, Cody Jackson, it'll be a closed fist and don't you think for a minute that I won't knock the smart out of your mouth and take your front teeth along with it."
"Well aren't you an angry little elf," I chortled. "If my Gran hadn't raised me to be a gentleman, Monday, I would tell you exactly what I thought of you and your little boyfriend setting up house in my family ranch. Like the two of you haven't taken enough from me already. I'll sleep in Gran's room tonight because I'm too tired and too pissed off to deal with you and your bullshit. But tomorrow you and Luke can pack your shit and get the fuck off of my land and I'll be satisfied to never see either of your treacherous asses again."
Her nostrils flared and she stepped into my personal space.
"First of all, I told you when we were twelve not to call me an elf and I meant it." She jabbed her finger into my chest painfully, punctuating her words. "Secondly, I don't like what you're implying about Luke and me, and if I wasn't so damn happy to see you I would demand you explain yourself. So instead of beating some sense into you like you deserve, I'm going to go put some clean sheets on Annie's bed and try to be glad that you're finally home. I just wish it hadn't taken something like this to get you to do it, and sorrier still that the one person who should have been at Annie's side was too busy being a big city jerk to do right by her."
My shoulders slumped and I felt my anger dissipate. Gran would tan my hide if she heard me yelling at a woman the way I had been, no matter what they had done to me first.
"Look Monday—"
"I don't want to hear it," she said on a sigh, her eyes wounded. "I'll go put some linens on the bed, you go have Luke bring your things up to Annie's room. Whatever problem you have with him, you need to fix it before you take off again. You hurt him something terrible when you cut us off, Cody. You hurt all of us and you'll never get to tell Annie that you're sorry for it. Don't wait until it's too late to mend those fences with Luke too."
Damn.
She always did know how to go for the kill shot.
CHAPTER THREE
The house didn't look like much had changed since I had left. There was a new sofa in front of the fireplace, but the same photos hung on the walls and the Christmas tree
in the corner had all of the ornaments Gran had painstakingly collected over the years, and the stockings hung from hooks on the mantle. Gran's beat up red stocking, my blue and white stocking with my high school football number, seven, embroidered in the crushed velvet, and a delicate red stocking with Monday stitched in dark green swirls on the snowy white cuff next to it.
Dragging myself up the stairs, I took a deep breath and opened the door to Gran's room. Monday was bent over the bed, tucking in the white wedding ring patterned quilt that had been on Gran’s bed since it was given to her as a wedding gift some sixty years ago.
Monday's shoulders were shaking quietly and I froze, uncomfortable and torn between not wanting to bear witness to her private grief and wanting to hold her in my arms and comfort her. She sniffed delicately and turned towards the door. When she saw me, her spine stiffened and it was her turn to freeze.
"Cody," she said softly. It was so difficult to be close to her and not touch her. Her face crumpled and I stopped fighting the need and tugged her into my chest. She buried her face against me and her shoulders began to shake with the force of her sobs. I ran my fingers over her hair with one hand and whispered platitudes, feeling my resistance crumble with every tear that fell from her eyes.
"Why weren't you here, Cody?" She cried against my shoulder, her tiny fists pressing into my chest. "Why weren't you here when we needed you? Did she mean so little to you? Did I mean so little to you? I waited for you to come back, but you never came..."
I held her close and let her continue to cry as every word stabbed deeper and deeper until I knew she would draw blood.
"You meant everything to me, Monday," I said as I held her tight against me. "I just couldn't bear to see you and Luke together, so I stayed away. I knew it would hurt too much. I never meant to hurt you, I only meant to protect me."
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