But that wasn't exactly true. I had meant to hurt her. Every time I went out in public with sorority clones on my arm, smiling for the cameras, I knew that she would see it and I wanted her to hurt as much as I was hurting. The truth was, I had stopped answering her calls and reading her letters because I knew if she asked me to forgive her, I would have, as much as I didn't want to.
"What the hell are you talking about?" She pushed herself away from me, her chest heaving. "I think this is the part where you explain exactly what you were implying about Luke and me outside."
"I know about you and Luke." My gaze moved around the room, darting this way and that, anywhere but on her. I couldn't bear to look at her while she crushed me. "About two months after I left for school Madison Wylie called me and told me that she had been seeing you and Luke together all the time. At first I told her she was imaging things, that neither of you would run around behind my back. But then she texted me a picture of you sitting in his lap in the front seat of his truck. You had your face tucked into his neck and his arms were around you. I almost called you a thousand times to demand you explain yourself, but the guys on the team made me realize it was best if I just let you both go. And so I did. I couldn't bear to hear you tell me you loved me when I knew I wasn't the only one, or worse yet, tell me that you loved him. So I just stopped answering your calls."
I watched as a range of emotions played out over her face. Confusion, shock, disbelief, and finally, rage.
"So you're telling me that you broke my heart, and Luke's, and your Gran's for that matter, because you were too much of a coward to pick up the damned phone? I thought you knew me better than that, and you owe Luke an apology. It's too late for you to apologize to Annie now and you'll have to live with that regret for the rest of your life, but let me tell you something, Cody Jackson, you were lied to."
"How was I lied to?" I demanded. "Pictures don't lie, Monday!"
"Because you were stupid enough to believe Madison Wylie, the girl who always wanted you and never got you. That girl has been looking for a chance to sink her claws into you since the seventh grade, and you bought her bullshit by the pound. Pictures may not lie but it's only a moment in time, out of context, and if you would have called and asked me I would have told you what was going on."
"So tell me now," I demanded, moving close to her, my fingers curving under her chin and forcing her to meet my eyes. "Tell me what the picture didn't. Tell me how it wasn't what it looked like."
"The only time I ever curled up in Luke's lap was the day I found out my momma had cancer. I was crying, and he held me while my heart bled out. And when I tried to call you to tell you what was happening, to tell you that I needed you, you never picked up the damn phone."
If she had punched me, she couldn't have slammed into me as hard as her words did.
"I needed you and you were off hiding like a coward, and when we put my momma in the ground, you were off at college partying it up and giving interviews to ESPN. When the bank took my house and I had nowhere else to go, Annie took me in, and when she got sick I took care of her, too. You're not the wounded party here, Cody, you're just the narcissistic asshole who made everyone else's pain about him. And that's something you'll have to carry your whole life through because you've chased off anyone who would have shared your burden."
Her chest heaved as she dragged in a ragged breath, and she pushed herself away from me and left the room without another word. When her steps echoed off the stairs as she ran down them, I sank to my knees on the floor, all the righteous anger that had been carrying me deflated, and I was left alone on Gran's floor. The reality of everything I had lost to stupid pride burying itself in my chest like a dagger.
CHAPTER FOUR
The next morning I awoke to something I had never expected.
Snow.
Sure, it occasionally snowed in West Texas, but rarely did it ever stick around long enough to actually enjoy it, and it was rarely anything more than a light dusting. This was a hefty blanket of snow, and from the looks of the dark clouds and the chill in the air, it wasn't going anywhere. Who knew if it would be there in the morning, but I'd take a white Christmas Eve over nothing at all. I pulled on a pair of flannel pajama bottoms and rubbing a hand over my face, I stumbled down the stairs in search of the coffee pot. I had tossed and turned all night playing Monday's words over and over in my head and coming to the same conclusion every time.
I had fucked up, but that didn't mean I couldn't fix it.
I had to win her back, no matter what it took. She had loved me once, I could make her love me again. How hard could it be?
Monday was standing over the sink staring out the window at the glittering snow that had blanketed the property, a fresh cup of brew in her hand. I let my gaze trace the soft curves of her figure. Her tiny waist, her rounded hips and up to the slender line of her neck, exposed by the messy bun of her hair were so heart-breakingly perfect. Her oversized shirt and tiny sleep shorts showed off long slender legs, leaving me with images of those same legs locked around my hips dancing though my head. I never could figure out how someone so short in stature could have legs miles long, but somehow she pulled it off. She was so much better than the girls who followed me around at school. They seemed so shallow and fake with their salon tans and bleached hair. Monday was real from the tips of her unpainted toes to her sun-kissed hair.
My lips curled up into a smile as I padded up behind her, placing a hand on her hip and pressing myself against her back while I reached up into the cabinet beside her for a coffee mug. I felt her tense underneath my hand and chuckled darkly, closing my eyes and inhaling her heady scent. It sent a jolt through my body and when she stiffened, I knew she could feel my arousal pressing against her.
"Morning," I said huskily into her ear, and my smile spread when she shivered.
"Morning," she replied, her voice stilted as she turned away from the window. I put my hands on the counter on each side of her, caging her in and invading her personal space in all kinds of awesome ways. Two bright pink spots appeared on her cheeks, letting me know that my nearness was affecting her. "Um, would you mind putting a shirt on or something?"
I glanced down at my bare chest, my body well developed from years of football conditioning, then looked back at her. "I would, actually. The heat is up pretty high for me this morning."
"Well if you didn't notice, it's kind of cold outside, the heat was necessary. It's always warmest in Annie's room, but you know that." Her gaze darted about the kitchen, looking everywhere but at me. My own was fixated on her full lips, lips that I hadn't kissed in four years. Lips that I knew as well as my own and suddenly I felt the wild desire to claim them again. If it hadn't been for Madison's lies and my fears, I could have been kissing these lips for years. There was a swift stab of pain when I thought of the lost time, but I pushed it off.
I needed to make up for lost time, not mope over it.
I leaned in close to her and paused, letting my lips hover just above hers. I felt her breath pick up, tickling my lips, and her eyelids fluttered closed. I knew she wanted me to kiss her, as much as I wanted to kiss her. I inhaled deeply and plucked the cup of coffee from her hands. I leaned back and drank deeply. It was so sweet it made my teeth ache. I much preferred my coffee black, but she had always been a three sugars kind of girl. Her eyes opened wide and she glared at me, snatching her mug back. I smiled sweetly and moved to the coffee pot with my own mug, filling it up before leaning against the counter and watching her.
I had flustered her, and it made me feel like yelling with delight. If I could do that, it proved that I still affected her. It meant that there was always a chance, no matter how small, that I hadn't lost everything after all.
I had spent the previous night wallowing in regret and anger before I came to the conclusion that there was no reason we couldn't just pick up where we left off. I still loved her, and I had known that when I had flown here. I just needed her to realize that she still
loved me, too. Gran would have been pleased as punch to see us make up and I had every intention of making things right with Monday, of begging her to take me back if necessary. There was no way I was letting her slip through my fingers a second time.
I had loved Monday my whole life, or at least since the first day of kindergarten. Her long, golden pigtails had fascinated me. They were so different from my dark hair, and the citrusy scent of the shampoo she still used and so I had reached out and touched one. I had only meant to feel it, to see if it was as silky as it looked, but she had jerked away and my fingers had tightened down instinctively. She responded by slugging me so hard she gave me a black eye. We were both suspended, but once we had returned to school, I had followed her around like a lost puppy until we were both preteens and a lifelong crush had turned into full blown first love. What were four years of heartbreak and loneliness when we had fifteen good years before that and countless years stretching out before us? I would spend every waking moment apologizing to her for the wrongs I had done her. Second chances were rare, but I was going to take this one. Monday and I were meant for each other, I just needed to remind her of that.
"Cody?"
I blinked and realized she had been talking to me. I had picked a really bad time to space out. "Sorry, what's up?"
"I asked what time you wanted to drive out to Twin Peaks to scatter Annie's ashes? I don't know what time your flight is, but I figured we could get it done relatively early since I have to be at the church this evening to help set up for the Christmas pageant."
"They still do that? What am I saying, of course they still do that. I thought I could see some old friends while I'm in town, maybe mend some fences with Luke. Why don't we do it tomorrow before I fly out? And I can take you to the Church this evening to get ready for the pageant. I haven't seen a good Christmas pageant in years. Do Reverend Donnelly and Mike Campbell still fight over whether or not to use real livestock?"
"Yes." She snorted and dropped her gaze to her cup, a frown marring her perfect face. "The Reverend will never forgive him for letting that sheep do his business in the rectory. Look, Cody, I'm not trying to be an inhospitable host, and I know that technically this is your house and all, but I'm not sure, given our history, that it's such a good idea for you to stay through the holidays. I'm sure you've got someplace else to be."
"Nope." I grinned as I reached for her free hand and entwined our fingers. "There's no place I would rather be. It's been a long time since I've spent Christmas at home and it's been even longer since I've had a Monday when I didn't feel like I would rather fall off the face of the earth than climb out of bed and face the day. Look, I know I screwed things up between us, and while I hope like hell you can forgive me, I just want the chance to say I'm sorry. Give me the chance to prove to you that we can still be friends at least. Let me learn to love Mondays again."
She blinked, and her eyes slipped down to my lips. "I, uh, I don't know, Cody," she said breathlessly, wetting her lips instinctively, a subconscious invitation that I had every intention of accepting.
"I think it's a great idea." I stepped closer to her, lightly fingering a tendril of her hair that had fallen loose from her messy bun before pushing it behind her ear. She inhaled shakily as she reached out, tracing a finger along my jaw, and a shudder ran down my spine. All hesitation fled as I leaned forward and claimed her lips with my own, cupping the back of her head with my broad hand and holding her to me.
She stilled underneath me and I pulled away, concerned that I had moved too fast. I searched her eyes for a sign, for encouragement, for anything really that would tell me I hadn't just ruined everything. Before I could ask if she was okay, she shocked me by pressing herself against me. Her kiss sent the pit of my stomach into a wild swirl of heat and desire. The feel of her mouth on mine rocked me to my core, and I encircled her with my arms, crushing her to me. She responded by moving her arms around my neck and tangling her fingers in my hair, tugging gently.
I knew in this moment that whatever fire had existed between Monday and I had never died down completely. There was a spark there, a small flame, quietly banked through the years but never burned down to embers. If nurtured right, it would come roaring back to life with the force of a wildfire. I groaned against her and moved my mouth, tracing a path down her neck and her shoulders, tasting the sweetness of her flesh with my tongue and moved my hand from the back of her head to the small of her back, sliding up under the hem of her shirt and pressing against the warm flesh there. My body surged beneath hers as I moved back up her neck, reclaiming her mouth.
"Monday," I groaned as her teeth nipped at my lower lip. "Fuck, I've missed this. I missed you. I almost forgot how good it could be between us."
That, apparently, was the wrong thing to say.
She moved away from me forcefully, holding her hands out as if to ward me away. "No, you haven't," she said angrily, pressing her fingers to her swollen lips. "You abandoned me, and if you think I'm going to let you waltz back in here like everything is okay and pick up where we left off, you've got another thing coming. If you missed me you would have called, but you didn't. You left me here with my world falling apart. You threw me away, Cody. You threw us away. You can't just kiss me and tell me that you missed me and undo the last four years."
Her eyes filled with tears and the sight was a sucker punch to the gut.
"I know I can't," I lied. That's exactly what I had wanted, but, as always, she could see straight through my bullshit. "I wish I could take back every mistake I made. I wish I could have been here with you when you needed me at your side, and I wish I had been able to help you and Gran, and to not be such a selfish asshole. I know that I can't just say I'm sorry and fix everything, but Monday, I am sorry. Sorrier than I can ever explain. Just give me a chance to prove that to you before you give up on me completely. I don't deserve your forgiveness, but I'm asking for it anyway."
The tears slid down her face, sparkling like jewels and I leaned forward, brushing them away with my thumbs.
"Please, Monday, just give me this chance to make things okay between us. I don't want to lose you. Show me how to fight for you, tell me what I need to do and I'll do it, just don't give up on us as easily as I did. You're better than that. You're better than me."
"I can't show you how to fight for me, Cody," she said sadly, swinging her gaze to meet mine. "Especially when I'm not even sure it's something that I want you to do."
I was speechless as I watched her leave the room, fear smashing into my chest and rendering me incapable of breathing.
CHAPTER FIVE
Monday had avoided any contact with me after our kiss this morning like my bad judgment was catching, and so after agreeing to meet up in the afternoon to scatter Gran's ashes, I decided it was time I paid a visit to Luke. I needed to talk to him, to apologize for assuming the worst, and to mend those fences. Okay, I also wanted to pick his brain on how to win Monday back and see just how bleak things were looking in that department.
Unlike Monday, Luke didn't seem to have any reservations about welcoming me back into his life. Monday had called him to let him know I was on my way, and he met me at the front porch, a hot cup of coffee in his hands and a smile on his face. Like most people around these parts, Luke still lived on his family ranch, helping his father keep it running smoothly and training for the day that he would take over the property. There were nearly as many memories lurking here as there were at at Gran’s. He ushered me into the house and a familiar face greeted me.
"Tanya!" I grinned, pulling her in close for a bear hug. "Good lord, girl! It's been forever. What the hell have you been up to?"
Tanya swung her gleaming dark hair over her shoulder and beamed at Luke. "Oh you know, this and that. I'm studying Nursing up at the community college for now, and Luke's mom and I are busy planning the wedding, so that takes up large chunks of time. You know how my mom is about these things."
Luke groaned as he moved behind Tanya, pulling he
r back into his chest and pressing a kiss into her hair. "Don't remind me. I swear running off to Vegas looks better every day," he muttered, lifting his brows at me.
"Don't even joke." Tanya twisted to give him a stern look. "You'd break my momma's heart, and your momma's too. They want a big wedding, and they're getting a big wedding. Just give them their day and we'll save ourselves years of grumbling about how tacky it is to get married by Elvis around the dinner table."
My eyes darted from Tanya to Luke and back to Tanya.
"You guys are engaged?" I asked, not disguising the surprise in my voice. "When did this happen?"
Luke had always had a thing for Tanya but never had the sack to pursue it. I was happy for him, but I felt like an even bigger fool for believing there could be anything between Monday and Luke. How could I have forgotten how much Luke had loved the raven-haired beauty before me? But then I never could understand how anybody could fail to be in love with Monday.
"I popped the question about a year ago." Luke grinned.
"Which you would have known if you could be bothered to call home once in a while." Tanya's eyes narrowed at me. I hung my head and stared at the floor and flushed. "Monday called over here last night and filled me on what's been going on. I ought to smack you upside the head for thinking that my Luke would do you dirty like that. If I ever get my hands on that Madison, I'm gonna set her ears ringing for a week for spreading filthy lies. She was always green with envy whenever you and Monday were together."
"I still shouldn't have believed her," I muttered, my cheeks heating from embarrassment, lifting my gaze to meet Luke's. His expression was tight and I knew that I had wounded his pride. "I'm sorry, Luke. I should have known better. You're the best friend I ever had, and I sure turned out to be a piss poor one in the end."
Loving Mondays Page 2
