Luke just shook his head and walked to my side, clasping my shoulder in his hand the way his Dad used to do to us both when we had fucked up and he wanted to impress upon us the severity of our actions. "It's water under the bridge. But still, I wish you would have just called me, or at least picked up the phone when I called. It would have saved everyone a whole lot of heartache in the end."
I rubbed my face with both hands. "Yeah, well, hindsight and all that. I'm happy for you and Tanya. You have no idea how good it is to see you both. I missed ya'll a lot more than I thought I would. So when is the wedding?"
"May." Tanya smiled and settled herself on a chair across from me. "As sorry as I am for the reasons you finally came home, it sure saved us on airfare."
I looked at her questioningly.
"I was going to fly up there and put the invitation in your hand myself." Luke grinned. "You think I could get married without you at my side? Even if I had to drag your sorry behind all the way back here I was going to do it, so why don't you save us both the hassle and come of your own free will. Traditionally the shotgun should be held on the groom, but don't think I won't use it on the best man."
I snorted. "I'll be here, no kidnapping necessary. I just wish fixing things with Monday was this easy." My heart dropped when I realized there was a good chance I couldn't fix things with Monday. What if she never forgave me? Would I have to keep moving through life with this hole in my chest like I had been doing?
I thought of the women that had tried to take her place over the years. None had ever come close. Even when I thought she had betrayed me, I could never give another my heart, not when it wasn't mine to give.
Luke gave Tanya a meaningful look and she muttered something about needing to check on dinner and left the room. He sat down on one couch and I sat down across from him, bracing myself for whatever he had to say. My heart sped up as the worst case scenarios started rolling through my mind.
What if she loved someone else? Obviously not Luke, but that didn't mean that any of the other guys in town wouldn't have jumped at a chance with Monday once they knew I was out of the picture. It had only been the knowledge that I would have buried them somewhere on the back forty of my property that had kept them away when we were growing up.
"So am I right in assuming that you want Monday back?"
I nodded. I didn't just want Monday back, I needed her as much as I needed air.
"The good news is that she's still in love with you. She never stopped."
"Oh thank baby Jesus," I muttered, running a hand over my face, feeling my shoulders sag in relief. If she still loved me, there was a chance I hadn't fucked everything all to hell after all.
"You hurt her something fierce, Cody, and she's been nursing that pain for a long while. So I would be doing both of you a disservice if I didn't warn you. If you hurt her again, best friend or not, I will bury you so deep that archaeologists won't be able to find your bones for another thousand years."
Startled, I looked at Luke. His eyes were stone-cold serious and his jaw was tensed up like he was waiting for me to argue with him. I wasn't going to because the look he gave me let me know this wasn't an idle threat.
"I won't hurt her ever again, Luke, I swear it. I'd rather cut my own heart out and stomp on it."
"Good." He inhaled deeply and climbed to his feet. "Because I'll be right there next to you handing you the knife and critiquing your field dressing. Some hurts go soul-deep, and what you did, it left a wound that hasn't come close to healing yet. So you go fix it, and then you spend every day for the rest of your life making it up to her."
"I'm planning on it," I swore.
CHAPTER SIX
Monday was an angel. Or rather, she was dressed like one. I watched, transfixed, from the same pew that my ass had polished every Sunday morning and Wednesday night as a boy while Monday moved around the stage. Dressed as the Angel of the Lord in a glittering white gown with huge gossamer wings affixed to her back, she moved about the stage, telling the shepherd boy and the audience of the coming of their savior.
It was a part she had played every year since we were teenagers and the good Rev had thought her blond curls made her look heavenly. Really, it was just her. There was something about her that forced the eyes to follow her movements on the stage, a light that filled her and spilled over to everyone she touched.
Jesus, I had been a fool to let her go.
Her eyes met mine and she blinked, startled to see me there. I smiled at her and lifted my eyebrows when she missed her cue. Her face colored brightly, and she angled her body so that I was out of her line of sight. It was rare to see her off her mark, and knowing that I could still unsettle her lifted my heart a bit. I chuckled and let my own gaze move about the church, startled to see how people had changed in such a short time.
I had always held this view that the people here would stand as still as the town itself did, as if it were caught in a vortex that prevented anyone from moving forward. Seeing guys that ran the field with me in school with small babies in their arms made my heart stop beating momentarily. Is this where Monday and I would have been had I never left for college?
My heart warmed briefly before I remembered our conversation in the kitchen that morning. Whatever track we had been on, Monday had made it obvious that she wasn't ready to pick that back up. Luke had said I shouldn’t give up, but right now the whole situation seemed hopeless.
The sound of applause startled me from my thoughts, and I joined in as Monday smiled and moved off stage, her gaze clinging to mine. I stood up in the pew and slid to the aisle, meaning to head through the hall to the anteroom where all the players always changed into their costumes. I only made it as far as the hallway before I realized I hadn't made it out unseen after all.
"Fancy seeing you here, Cody Jackson." A sultry voice caught my attention. I turned to find a tall, beautiful girl leaning against the doorway. She tossed her glossy dark hair and crossed her arms under ample breasts that seemed far too exposed for a Christmas Eve church service.
"Madison," I replied coldly. I had never hit a woman in my life, but that didn’t mean that I hadn't visualized it a couple times since I found out that she had lied to me about Monday and Luke. I tucked my hands in my back pockets to keep from throttling her in the house of God.
She leaned forward and ran a finger down my chest, looking up at me from under heavily made-up lashes. "Football has done you good." She smirked, biting down on her lip and grinning at me. "I'm sorry to hear about your Grandmother. She was a sweet old lady. How hard it must be for you to lose her so close to the holidays."
A stab of pain bloomed in my chest again as I thought of Gran.
"Yeah," I muttered, closing my eyes against the tears that threatened to fall and ducking my head.
"Poor Cody," she purred, stepping closer. She rested her hands on my forearms and I stiffened uncomfortably as I felt her breasts brush my chest. "I'm sure things are mighty awkward for you staying up at the ranch, what with your ex girlfriend living there now and all. You're more than welcome to stay at my place while you're settling things. My couch is a mite small for you to be crashing on but you can always take the bed and I can bunk on the couch if you like."
"I appreciate the offer, Madison," I stuttered, scratching the back of my neck uncomfortably, "But I'm not about to kick you out of your bed."
"I suppose it is big enough to share." She grinned licentiously as she leaned in towards me.
"That's not what he meant Madison." Monday glared at the girl. "He was trying to say no without hurting your feelings, but as usual, you're oblivious. Cody never cared much for the scent of desperation and bad choices, and Lord knows your sad little apartment is probably reeking with it. Now, if you don't take your trashy hands off of him you're going to pull back a bloody stump."
Madison whirled around and shot a withering glance at Monday, still wearing her white gossamer gown, now missing the wings and halo that she had worn on stage. "Plea
se, I'm surprised he can smell anything with your skanky scent all over his house. Cody is a grown man and he ain't yours anymore, honey, so if he wants to spend the night in my 'sad little apartment', he's welcome to. It can't be easy sleeping under the same roof as your cheating ex. That's so pitiful they wouldn't even put it in a country song."
Monday flashed a brilliant smile and Madison blinked at her, confused until Monday's fist barreled straight at her face, slamming her head back before she crumpled in a heap on the floor.
"Didn't your momma ever teach you not to tell lies, Madison? I think that was the lesson that came between not letting your mouth write checks your ass can't cash and not spreading your legs for every man that looks at you crossways. Although I see she completely skipped over how not to dress like the town slut at a church function."
Madison climbed to her feet and stamped one stiletto heel before turning tail and stomping off. My shoulders shook as I struggled not to laugh at the look of satisfaction on Monday's face. I wiped away tears of mirth until Monday fixed her glare on me. I held both of my hands up in surrender.
"I swear I was only back here looking for you."
"I know. I was wondering what was taking you so long. I wish I could say I was surprised to find Madison trying to trap you with her vagina, but I'm not."
"I can't believe you hit her in Church."
"Well, she had it coming," she muttered. "I didn't like her before, but knowing that it was her lies that started this mess pushed that from a soft dislike to a hard hate."
"And me? Am I at a hard hate, too?"
She shook her head. "No. I keep trying to hate you, Cody, but I never can seem to pull it off. But I am disappointed and I'm not sure which one is worse."
To be honest, I wasn't sure either.
CHAPTER SEVEN
"This is beautiful." Monday sighed, looking out over the expanse below us from where we stood on Twin Peak, high above the town nestled in the valley below. Twin Peak was a misnomer. There's only one peak, and it doesn't have a twin anywhere in sight. There was some legend somewhere that involved twin sisters who were separated and used this peak to search for one another or something. But local legends aside, Monday was right, the view spreading out in front of us was nothing shy of amazing.
"That's part of the reason Gran chose it, I think. She used to come up here when she said she needed to see the big picture." It was hard not to see the big picture from up here. Below the peak, the valley began and stretched out as far as the eye could see in a blanket of glittering snow and twinkling Christmas lights. Everything looked so tiny from up here that surely nothing could be insurmountable in comparison, not even the distance that lay between us. Down in that snow covered valley, families were exchanging gifts, and sitting down to break bread together, thankful for another year they were blessed to share.
That's where we should have been, Monday, Gran, Luke and I. Instead, Monday and I were up here, dressed in thick layers against the cold, preparing to say goodbye to someone we loved.
My eyes swung back to Monday. Her eyes were focused on the box that holds Gran's ashes in her hands. She was shaking, but I didn't think it was from the biting cold of the wind as it whipped around us, stirring up the flakes of snow that were falling again. Resting one hand on the back of her neck, I tugged her forward gently, pressing her into my chest and wrapping myself around her, letting her know silently that I would shelter her from this pain if I could.
"I don't know how to say goodbye," she whispered, and my heart cracked a little more.
"Gran used to tell me that the hardest part of loving is letting go, but sometimes it's the best thing you can do. Sometimes it's the only thing you can do so you're not walking wounded through life, bleeding out little bits of yourself as you go."
The irony of that thought was not lost on me. I knew that Gran would tell me that the best thing for Monday would be to let her go and give her a chance to heal, but I didn't know if I could do it. I'd lost her once because of my own pride and my fears, and coming home had reminded me of everything that I had lost. I wasn't sure I could lose her again.
We stood there in the silence for what seemed like forever, the snow falling gently to the ground around us until she stopped shaking. Together we opened the box and watched as a strong wind scattered Gran's ashes out over the countryside, mingling with the snow and flying into the distance.
"Now there will be a piece of her in every place that she loves." Monday smiled though her tears and I had to agree with her.
I lifted my hand and moved a loose blond curl from her face, tucking it behind her ear, but leaving my hand against her cheek, feeling the warmth against the cold of my skin. "Thank you."
She looked up at me, startled. "For what?"
"For taking care of Gran when I didn't. For taking care of Luke when I didn't. For being everything I couldn't be. For being everything I'll never be."
Tears formed in her eyes and she ducked her head, trying to avoid my gaze. My fingers slipped under her chin and tilted her face back, capturing her eyes with my own. "And I'm sorry, Monday. I'm sorry that I didn't turn out to be the man that you needed me to be. I'm sorry that I let my own insecurities destroy something so beautiful, something so pure. And I'm sorrier than I can say that I wasn't here for you when you needed me most. I'm sorry for every single tear you cried over me. I always swore I would protect you and love you and I let you down instead."
Tears slipped down her face and I brushed them away with my thumb, leaning forward and resting my forehead against hers. I took a shaky breath and closed my eyes, reaching for the strength I needed.
"But I won't ask for your forgiveness, because I don't deserve it. If you hate me forever, I'll understand, but it won't stop me from loving you. And even though I know I don't deserve you, I can't walk away from you. Being without you has been slowly killing me. And all the drinking, and the partying, and the bad decisions numbed the pain, but it never made it go away. We only get one life Monday Munroe, and mine belongs to you, whether you want it or not."
I opened my eyes and gazed down at her, fear blooming in my chest when I saw that her face had crumpled and she was sobbing quietly. This was not the reaction I had wanted from my declaration.
"Why can't I let you go?" she cried. "I shouldn't still want you. You didn't just break my heart Cody, you broke me. You abandoned me. How can I know that you'll be there when I need you? How can I trust that I won't wake up one morning to find you gone again?"
If she had stabbed me in the heart she couldn't have cut me deeper because I had put those fears there. I had taught her not to trust.
"Because I know what it is now to live without you, because I know—"
She gripped my shirt in her hands and tugged me closer, fastening her mouth on mine, and every thought I had fled. I slid a hand through her hair, cupping the back of her head and pressed her even closer. It wasn't a tender kiss; it was raw and full of emotion. I could feel her anger, her desperation, and her hope in the glide of her tongue against mine and the feel of her fingers fisting in my hair.
My heart soared and when she finally broke away I was speechless.
"Just shut up, Cody," she whispered, the corners of her mouth turning up. "I've always been a forgone conclusion where you're concerned. The hardest part of loving isn't letting go. It's forgiving and moving on. Just consider yourself damn lucky that I'm strong enough for the both of us."
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
First and foremost to my husband Ben. Your willingness to take on more responsibility around the house to make sure that I get the chance to live my dreams is something that I can never begin to thank you enough for. Without you I am nothing, but with you I have everything. I couldn’t write a romantic hero better than you. You are my own happily ever after.
I have to thank the Writing Wenches for embracing me and welcoming me into the fold. You encouraged me to stretch my skills beyond the YA realm and experience life in Contemporary Romance. It is s
o much harder than I thought it would be but you kept me moving ahead when I struggled. I cannot thank you enough for allowing me to take part in the Unwrapping Love anthology. Patricia, I especially could not have done this without your help. Working with you has been an absolute pleasure.
Jenn, Carol, Lindsey and Julieanne. A good beta readers worth cannot be measured and you ladies are not good. You’re the very best. Writing is not a solitary effort and your feedback helped shape this book into something worth reading.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
KR Wilburn has traveled the world with her family but currently calls North Texas home. When she isn’t writing about the creatures that intrigued her Irish ancestors, she is busy studying nutrition science and reading everything she can get her hands on. She’s a fan of Supernatural and Gone with the Wind, Jennifer Armentrout, Amy A. Bartol and Tara Brown and makes a mean omelette.
She is the mother of six crazy, creative and hilarious children and married to her childhood best friend and hero Ben. When she isn’t playing with her dogs Trouble and Denali, you’re likely to find her in a corner with her nose buried in the latest Deadpool and Red Sonja comic books and counting down the moments until she can find inspiration capturing the perfect moment through the lens of her camera
K.R. Wilburn is the author of the bestselling YA Series, The Siofra Chronicles, and her short story Don’t Let Go was included in Tales of the Fairy, a CHBB Anthology. She enjoys interacting with her readers on Facebook and Twitter and can be found blogging on her website, http://www.krwilburnbooks.com
Loving Mondays Page 3
