by Avery Ford
How’s it going? Really?
Was that too nonchalant? Did he sound too awake now? Could he just hang up the phone and start over?
“Going pretty well,” Chase answered. From his tone, Ben could still clearly picture the smile on his face. He was definitely getting a kick out of Ben’s sluggish morning brain. “It’ll be going even better if you’ll let me take you out for breakfast.”
Ben’s heart leapt into his throat and then immediately sank again. “I really wish I could,” he said. “But I’ve got a lot to do around here today. I haven’t even made it out of bed yet, and I still have to go out and feed the animals…” He exhaled, almost feeling the wave of disappointment from the other end of the line. “Maybe a late lunch?”
“Oh, man.” Chase sighed. “I already promised my mom and my aunt that I’d meet them in Joplin for lunch. That’s why I’m calling so early. But I understand that you’ve got a lot going on. I should have given you more notice.”
“Dinner, maybe?” Ben tried to sound upbeat, but was afraid it came off a little too hopeful.
He was starting to feel like seeing Chase again before he left just might not be in the cards. Which was… well, it wasn’t fine. But he’d gone so many years without seeing Chase already that Ben was pretty good at making peace with that reality.
“Dinner is already spoken for, too,” Chase replied, sounding as deflated as Ben was starting to feel. “Are you… maybe doing anything after that? We could meet up for coffee. But it would probably be around eight or nine before I could get away from my family.”
“I think that’ll be perfect, actually,” Ben said, perking up after nearly deciding that the universe must be conspiring against him. “That’ll give me time to do everything I have to around here, and then shower and whatnot. Do you wanna just text me after dinner and we can meet down at the diner on Main Street?”
“You took the words right out of my mouth,” Chase said. “Now, go back to sleep and I’ll plan on seeing you later tonight.”
Ben was smiling when he hung up the phone, and was still smiling for a few minutes after as he tried to get comfortable enough to fall back asleep.
Yeah… no. That wasn’t gonna happen.
Not when he had to figure out what he was going to wear and what they might talk about and…
Oh my God, please don’t let it be awkward.
Even if it was, though, Ben would find a way to get over it. Just knowing he was going to have a chance to sit down and spend a little time with Chase made up for a lot.
It even made up for the fact that he was definitely going to miss out on an extra two hours of sleep on this Saturday morning.
That was okay, though, because he was still smiling.
Ben checked his watch.
The sun was setting fast—a little too fast, really. He was still out in the pasture with Eric, still working, and still probably a couple of hours away from being able to call it a day.
“What’s wrong with you?” Eric asked, giving him an annoyed look as he tossed a bale of hay from the back of his pickup. “This might go a little faster if you’d stop looking at the time every five seconds.”
“I’ve only looked at it a couple… a few times,” Ben shot back, fighting the urge to check it again right that second.
He just didn’t want to risk being late for coffee or whatever Chase had planned. And sure, it wasn’t like there was some sort of definite time they were supposed to meet later, Ben wanted to make sure they had as much time as possible to visit and catch up.
A lot had happened in eight years, and it might take a while to get through it all.
“Well, what’s the deal?” Eric continued. “You running late for something? Hot date?”
“No,” Ben huffed, instantly feeling his cheeks go red. “It’s definitely not that.”
Eric cocked his head to the side, then his eyes went wide. “Oh… oh… it’s Chase Carpenter, isn’t it?”
Ben didn’t answer. He walked past his brother to grab another bale of hay. After their last conversation about Chase, Eric had mercifully let go of the topic. Now, though, Ben could see the curiosity burning in his eyes.
He wasn’t letting go this time. Not until Ben gave him the information he was looking for, at least.
“It’s not really any of your business,” Ben muttered, knowing he was fighting a losing battle. That ship had sailed as soon as Ben let it slip that he used to have feelings for Chase.
There was no way Eric had forgotten about that in the past twenty-four hours.
“So that’s a yes, then?” Eric leaned against the side of the truck, finally cracking a smile. “Are you nervous?”
Ben shook his head. “Why would I be nervous? It’s just coffee.” He paused, then added, “Coffee with the guy who used to be—who I haven’t seen in a really long time. But there’s nothing to be nervous about. Just old friends catching up on lost time.”
“Mhm,” Eric said, still eyeing Ben with an expression that was a mixture of curious amusement. “Are you trying to convince me or yourself?”
Eric’s question was a little too close to the truth. Why was Ben even trying to deny it, anyway? The feelings were still going to be there, whether Ben said the words out loud or not. He might as well at least make his brother’s day by letting him think he’d done some sort of great detective work.
“Fine,” Ben sighed. “You win, okay? But just because I’d dumb enough to hold onto… whatever feelings I might be holding onto… after all these years doesn’t really mean anything. And, more importantly, it doesn’t change anything.”
Eric’s expression softened once Ben admitted his feelings. “I just wanna say, for the record, that you’re a shitty liar.”
“What am I lying about? Chase is still leaving in a couple of weeks, and I’m… not leaving. No matter what is or isn’t said over coffee tonight won’t change that. Things will go right back to the way they’ve been for the past eight years. That’s not lying, it’s just being honest with myself—the opposite of lying, thank you very much.”
Ben was doing his best to keep his tone level, but Eric was really starting to push his buttons. Wasn’t it enough that he had extracted the information he wanted? Wasn’t it enough that Ben was opening up and saying things he’d never said out loud before?
“I’m just glad you’re not trying to hide your feelings from me anymore. You know I can read you like a book.” Eric grinned as he finally stepped away from the truck and started working again. “Now, I’m not saying you need to tell Chase all of that—even though I think you might as well, since he’s leaving anyway. Good time to clear the air, right?”
“Yeah, well, that’s kind of a lot to bring up over coffee, don’t you think? Please pass the sugar and by the way I’ve had this stupid childhood crush since high school? Good luck in New York?” Ben rolled his eyes. “I just don’t know how he’d respond to that, bro.”
“Maybe better than you think,” Eric shrugged, apparently determined to ignore every ounce of sarcasm Ben could dish up. “Maybe he’d ask you to go with him. Did you ever think about that?”
Ben blinked. “No,” he said, truthfully. “I can honestly say I haven’t ever thought about that.”
“So?”
“So… what?” Ben’s eyebrows furrowed. “First of all, he wouldn’t ask. And second… I wouldn’t go. I couldn’t. The ranch is here. You’re here. Everything I’ve ever known is… here.”
“Yeah, but if you didn’t have to worry about any of those things—if you take me and the ranch and all of that other stuff out of the equation—what would you say then?”
Ben couldn’t even comprehend a world where those things weren’t the driving forces in his life. That world just didn’t exist. What good would it do to pretend otherwise, even for some dumb hypothetical question?
“That stuff is always going to be part of the equation, Eric.” Ben forced a tight smile. “Look, I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but this is my
life. I’m not looking to turn everything I know upside down. Not tonight. Not anytime soon.”
“Okay, okay,” Eric put his hands up. “I get it. I’ll leave you alone about it.”
“Great. Finally. Thank you.”
“I’ll just end it by saying I hope you have a nice time tonight…” Eric gave a big, mischievous smile.
“Thank you.” Ben said, wary of whatever had to be coming next.
“… With your boyfriend.”
“Oh my God,” Ben could feel his cheeks heat up as he shot his brother A Look. “You’re an idiot.”
Eric burst out laughing. “It must run in the family, little brother. But seriously, I’ll finish up here. You go do whatever you need to do so you can quit looking at your watch. And for real, have a good time.”
For a moment, Ben thought about arguing, but then he thought better of it. Eric was doing him a favor, and if he was being honest, he needed the extra time. Not only to get ready, but to get his mind right for the meeting with Chase.
“Thanks, bro,” Ben said, walking over to clap Eric on the back in a half-hug. “You might still be an idiot, but you’re also a pretty good brother.”
“I try.” Eric nodded toward the house across the pasture. “Now go. Have fun on your date.”
“Not a date…” Ben reminded, walking over to where his own truck was parked. “Thanks again.”
Eric waved, and Ben couldn’t help but smile as he got in the truck and pulled away. As annoying as his older brother could be, he was seldom wrong. Especially when it came to knowing what Ben was going through.
It seemed to be his superpower.
This time, though, it didn’t matter. Right or wrong, Ben wasn’t going to walk into that diner and spill his guts to Chase.
He’d have a nice time, reminisce over coffee, and then wish his friend the best of luck with his new, far away life.
That was all Ben could do.
There was no point in pretending otherwise. No matter how tempting it might be.
Chapter 5
Chase
Sitting across from Ben at the little Main Street diner filled Chase with so much nostalgia that he couldn’t stop smiling. They’d only been there for a few minutes, and his cheeks were already starting to hurt.
For whatever reason, Chase had been nervous as hell. The closer it got to the time he was supposed to meet Ben, the more his stomach insisted on tying itself in knots.
But now? Watching Ben look up from the old, familiar menu and give him a curious smile—a smile that Chase could still read perfectly after all those years—made him wonder why he’d been even a little bit nervous.
“It feels sort of weird to be back here, doesn’t it?” Ben asked, finally. “Like this, I mean. With you here and… everything.”
Chase nodded. “A good kind of weird, though. Feels like old times, honestly.” He looked around, taking his eyes off Ben for the first time since they had arrived. “Hey, does Peggy still work here?”
“Yeah,” Ben nodded toward the back. “I’m sure she’s around here somewhere. She’s gotta be like… I don’t even know. Ninety? But she looks exactly the same. And she’ll still cuss you out under her breath if you don’t order fast enough.”
Chase laughed. “That sounds like Peggy.”
And even if Ben’s assessment of her age might be a little exaggerated, Chase was pretty sure she had to at least be in her seventies. She’d been there since the place had opened, and Chase couldn’t imagine it without her.
She wouldn’t ever change, and that was a comforting thought.
As if she’d been summoned by their thoughts, Peggy appeared around the corner, shuffling over to their table with her characteristic scowl. “What’re you boys drinking?”
Chase barely stifled a grin as he looked up at her. Ben was right. She hadn’t changed a bit. “I, uh, think we’re both just gonna have coffee, ma’am.”
She squinted at him and the corners of her mouth twitched up into what might have been a smile. Then she looked over at Ben and grunted. “It’s been a long time since I’ve seen the two of you in here. I’m glad you’re back. Fresh coffee, coming right up.”
Peggy walked away, and the expression on Ben’s face perfectly mirrored the shock Chase was feeling.
“Did you hear that?” Ben whispered. “She remembers us. And… she smiled.”
“I’m still trying to figure out if that really happened,” Chase said, laughing. “That was crazy. I’m pretty sure she hated us when we were kids.”
“What a difference a few years can make.” Ben started to laugh, but fell silent again as Peggy came back with the coffee.
She was just as brisk taking their food order, but Chase could still see a little hint of a smile and a certain sparkle in her eyes. Peggy really was glad to see them.
It was a little bit strange, but really nice, and went along perfectly with the vibe of the evening.
The best kind of weird.
Once it was just the two of them again, Chase turned his attention back to Ben. “So… how have you been? Tell me everything I’ve missed since the last time we talked.”
Ben gave him a skeptical look. “I don’t know if you’ve got that much time.”
“I’ve got all night. I’m not going anywhere.”
Ben smiled, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes this time. Chase knew him well enough to know that there was plenty being left unsaid.
“It’s been sort of rough,” Ben said, finally. “I feel like I’m finally back to normal after losing my parents, but there are still plenty of times I’ll walk through the front door at home and have to remind myself that they aren’t there anymore.” He sighed. “And then… you know, it’s always just one thing after another with the ranch. I love the place, but… it’s a lot. It’s all a lot.”
They had both been reaching for the sugar at the same time, and when their hands brushed against each other, Chase took the opportunity to grab Ben’s hand. For a moment, he just held it there, looking into Ben’s eyes.
Chase could see the pain there, could hear it in every word Ben spoke. It hurt his heart that Ben was going through so much and there was basically nothing Chase could do about it—not to mention the fact that he hadn’t even known about it until now.
For someone who was supposed to have been his closest friend, Chase had done a shitty job of keeping in touch. And sure, each of them could have done better, but it sucked knowing he wasn’t around when Ben needed him.
“I’m so sorry, man,” Chase said, giving Ben’s hand a squeeze. “I wish I was able to have been here.”
Chase could tell that Ben was surprised by the sudden contact, but it felt good to be within reach of his friend after so long apart, and Chase was reluctant to let go.
“Thanks,” Ben said, his eyes darting between Chase’s gaze and his hand, reminding Chase that he still hadn’t let go. “There’s not really anything you—or anyone else, for that matter—could’ve done, though. I mean… that’s just the way life goes sometimes, right?”
“It’s not the way life is supposed to go,” Chase said, shaking his head. “Nobody should have to go through what you and your brother have already experienced. And then some of the things I’ve seen… We’re not even thirty years old, for God’s sake.”
Chase hadn’t meant for the conversation to take such a dark turn, and he wasn’t really sure how to get things back on track. This was supposed to be a happy reunion. He certainly didn’t want to talk about the past if it was going to make either of them feel bad.
“Are you glad to be done with the Marines?” Ben asked. “Excited? Nervous about your new job?”
“Yeah,” Chase nodded. “All of the above. My unit, my guys, my friends there… that’s all I’ve known my whole adult life. And even though we went through some scary shit overseas, starting over is even scarier in some ways. But overall, I think I’m looking forward to it. It was time for a change, you know?”
“I hear that,” Be
n said. “Sometimes a change of pace is good. Eric and I were just talking about that earlier, actually—what it might be like if things were different.”
Chase was surprised to hear that admission. For as long as he’d known Ben, the plan was that he would work on his family’s ranch until it was time to take it over from his parents. Unfortunately, that happened much sooner than anyone could have predicted.
But still, it was a pretty big shock to hear that Ben might even consider doing something else. The sky was blue, the grass was green, and Ben was a country boy. That’s just all there was to it.
That’s what Chase had always thought, anyway.
“And?” Chase asked, waiting for Ben to continue.
“And what?” Ben shrugged. “It’s not like it matters that much, right?”
“But you don’t think about what it might be like to just… get up and go? To just keep running until you’re out of gas or out of money or whatever?”
“I just don’t see what good it does to think about it… or even to get up and go.” Ben paused, as if he was trying to find the right words, but the look on his face just told Chase he was getting more and more frustrated. “And even if I did go—if I did get up and just started running—I’m pretty sure all of my problems would follow me. That’s just how it is.”
“Yeah,” Chase nodded. “I get that.”
He didn’t necessarily agree, but this wasn’t the time to say so. It was Ben’s life, after all, and Chase had been gone from it long enough that he wasn’t sure if he was even still entitled to voice an opinion.
Besides, he didn’t have a lot of time with Ben. He sure as hell didn’t want to spend the evening talking about things that were only going to upset both of them.
Across the table, Ben sat back in his seat and exhaled slowly. “Anyway, let’s talk about something more fun. Tell me some exciting stories from the Marines. Or about… whatever it is you’re going to be doing in New York.”
It was like he had read Chase’s mind. But then, it had always been like that with Ben. Back in high school, they finished each other’s sentences regularly, and could even go hours sometimes without saying much at all. They were just… comfortable. Happy. They understood each other, and Chase hadn’t found another friend like that.
