by Avery Ford
He was pretty sure he never would.
It seemed like they had only just sat down and started talking when Peggy shuffled by and pointed to the clock on the wall.
“Closing time is in ten minutes, boys,” she said. “You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here.”
Chase looked at Ben and they both grinned.
Nope. She never would change.
Thank God.
They slowly got up and walked to the front counter to pay their bill. Each step felt heavy, and Chase was dreading saying goodbye. He wasn’t ready to leave, and he damn sure didn’t want this to be the last time they had a chance to hang out before he had to move away.
“I’m glad we did this,” Ben said, after they finished up at the register.
“Me, too,” Chase replied, smiling as he followed Ben out the front door.
“I’m parked down by the corner,” Ben said. “So, I guess—”
“I’ll walk you over there,” Chase interrupted, not ready to say goodbye yet. Even delaying it for a couple of extra minutes was better than nothing. “I was wanting to get some fresh air anyway.”
Not that he expected Ben to buy the flimsy excuse, but again—better than nothing.
“Do you think you’ll have time to get together again before you leave?” Ben asked. “No pressure, of course…”
“Yeah, definitely.” Chase nodded. “I’m glad you asked. I don’t really have too much planned for the rest of the time I’m here, so let’s make that happen.”
Knowing that Ben wanted to hang out again kept Chase’s smile going strong. It felt good that they still had enough in common that a whole night could go by in the blink of an eye, and that they were never in danger of running out of things to talk about.
Ben stopped when they got to the door of his pickup. “This is my truck… so I guess I’ll call you? Or you can call me?”
Chase nodded. “Yeah. I’ll call… or you can…”
He belatedly realized he was just repeating what Ben had already said, but whatever. There was something in Ben’s voice, something about the way Ben was standing there just a couple of feet away, those deep brown eyes full of emotions that, for once, Chase couldn’t quite make out.
It made Chase want to stop time, to keep talking, to just… go back to the way things were That Night, so many years ago, before Chase had moved away.
Before they had kissed.
His gaze dropped to Ben’s mouth, and when Ben’s lips parted, Chase took an involuntary step forward, until only a few inches remained between them.
Chase’s heart was beating so fast and loud that he was barely aware of any other sounds—except for one. He heard Ben’s breath hitch in his throat, and Chase knew they were both thinking about the same thing.
The same night.
The same kiss.
Chase leaned in closer, and something flashed in Ben’s eyes. It was gone so quickly that Chase wouldn’t have even noticed if he hadn’t been staring shamelessly. But it had been there. A look of disbelief or confusion or panic—something that wasn’t right, something that made Chase put on the brakes.
“I—I should go,” Ben reached behind him, fumbling for the door handle without turning away from Chase. “Thank you for tonight, but, um…” He swallowed hard. “Yeah. I should go.”
Chase shoved a hand back through his buzzed hair and exhaled loudly. He didn’t know what to say. He wasn’t even sure what just happened.
“Okay,” Chase said, finally, taking a step back to give Ben some room. “I’ll, uh, talk to you later.”
Ben hesitated for a split-second, still not breaking eye contact. For a moment, Chase hoped Ben might change his mind, that he might close the door to his truck and decide to stay for a few more minutes. That they might pick up again where they’d just left off—the same place they had left off eight years ago.
But it didn’t happen, just like it hadn’t happened back then.
Without another word, Ben looked away, then turned away to get in his truck. Then, with a wave so small that Chase almost missed it, he was gone.
“Fuck,” Chase muttered, as he watched the taillights disappear down the road. “Fuck.”
Why did this keep happening? Why did he feel so confused every time he was around Ben?
And why the fuck did he keep letting Ben get away?
Chase had more questions, but no answers.
All he knew for sure was that he was standing there alone, just like he’d ended up alone in his room eight years ago. For as much as they had both grown and changed, that feeling was exactly the same.
Chase was stronger now than he had been back then, though. Stronger, smarter, and more determined. And while he might have let Ben get away the last time, he had a small but definite chance to do things differently now.
It might still turn out the same way—he might still end up alone and cursing his foolish heart. But this time he was going to say something.
This time he was going to do something.
Chapter 6
Ben
Ben knew it wasn’t actually possible that he’d driven from the diner to his house without breathing, but that was definitely what it felt like.
Once he was finally inside the dark, quiet house, he slouched against the closed door, finally taking a deep breath and then slowly exhaling as he closed his eyes.
He felt like he was in a daze. It felt… exactly like that night eight years ago.
The same awkward pause. The same look in Chase’s eyes.
But this time, there hadn’t been that sweet, amazing, confusing kiss.
Just… silence.
Then disappointment.
Should Ben have made the first move? But didn’t he make the first move the last time? And look how that turned out.
Or maybe last time just… happened. It was hard to remember, and even at the time he hadn’t been sure how the kiss came about. The moment had been so charged with hormones and anticipation and the angst of what was going on around them that it had all been sort of a blur.
Tonight wasn’t blurry, though. It was clear what Chase had wanted.
Ben wanted it, too—he had never stopped wanting it.
Was it dumb to still want that, though? And of all people… with Chase?
It was one thing to wish for the impossible as an idealistic teenager, but he and Chase were both well past those years. Ben didn’t have time in his life for games or fantasies. He didn’t want to make time for those things, either.
And that was really all there was to it.
Opening his eyes again and doing his best to push those last awkward minutes with Chase to the back of his mind, Ben walked down the hallway to his bedroom, unbuttoning his shirt as he went.
All he really wanted to do was get undressed, climb into bed, and call it a night.
He was glad that he met with Chase, and would happily do so again. But he was going to have to do a better job of guarding his heart next time. If there was a next time. It was just too easy for him to fall back into those same old feelings and that same old fantasy.
Ben’s phone vibrated just as he was taking it out of his pocket, and he nearly dropped it as he fumbled to read the text that had just come through.
It was from Chase.
Are you still awake?
Ben laughed. Chase knew him pretty well, even after so many years apart. Even when they were younger, Ben had never been a fan of staying out late, and on the rare occasion that he was out after ten o’clock—like tonight—he was usually asleep within minutes of getting home.
He was still smiling as he tapped out a quick response.
Yeah, just got home a few minutes ago.
What’s up? Miss me already?
Ben debated for a moment before he hit send. Was that too much?
No. Whatever. It was just a joke, and Chase would surely know that.
Nearly as soon as he’d sent the message, a new one came in.
Come to your
door :)
As soon as Ben read it, his heart started beating faster. He stepped out of his bedroom into the dark hallway, peering down toward the front of the house as if he’d be able to see something. He re-read the message, just in case.
Yep. It definitely still said what he thought it said.
Ben was hurrying back down the hallway, nearly to the front door before he remembered he’d been in the process of getting undressed when Chase sent the first text. He fumbled with the buttons on his shirt, getting half of them buttoned again before giving up.
Once he saw Chase’s silhouette through the narrow window next to the door, it became impossible to think of anything else.
Ben took a deep breath as he reached for the handle, pausing to slowly inhale and exhale. He turned the door knob and then he was standing face to face with Chase again, who was somehow looking even more handsome than ever under the soft yellow porch light.
“Hi,” Ben said, smiling tentatively. He had no idea why Chase was there, but… he sort of didn’t want to question it, either.
The ball was in Chase’s court, and Ben intended to keep it that way.
“Hey,” Chase said, shoving his hands in his pocket as he looked down at his feet for a moment before meeting Ben’s gaze again. “How’s it going?”
“Good, I guess?” Ben laughed, then quirked an eyebrow. “Same as it was about thirty minutes ago, when I saw you last…”
“Oh, right.” Chase swallowed hard and shoved a hand back through his hair. “Right… so, I was thinking… on my way home. I was thinking that there was something I needed to tell you.”
Ben’s mouth went dry. Everything about Chase’s body language was weird. The guy who was always confident and cocky looked more nervous than Ben had ever seen him. And just seeing his friend like that was making Ben nervous, too.
“You know you can tell me anything,” Ben said, trying to sound reassuring as he motioned Chase inside. “Do you want to come in and sit down?”
“No—I mean… yes? Fuck, I’m fucking this up, aren’t I?”
Ben was going to ask what the hell Chase was talking about, but he didn’t get a chance. The words stuck in his throat as soon as Chase took a step closer.
Then another step.
Closer.
And closer.
“Wha—” Ben started to say something, then completely forgot about it. Whatever it was didn’t matter.
Because Chase’s lips were on Ben’s, and his hands were on Ben’s hips, pulling him tight against that hard, hot body that Ben had been dreaming about every night since… well, forever.
Ben melted into the kiss. It felt like he was floating, like any moment he might drift off if Chase’s strong arms and steady hands weren’t there to anchor him in place.
Their tongues me and it felt even better than Ben remembered. It wasn’t tentative or slow. There was no hesitation. Chase knew exactly what he wanted, and Ben did, too.
A needy little sound escaped Ben’s throat as Chase pulled back and broke away from the kiss. God, Ben just wanted it to go on all night. He didn’t want it to end. Not now. Not ever.
Ben swayed on his feet, but Chase was there, his hands still in place holding Ben steady. Just like a rock. Just like every dream about this moment that Ben had ever had.
“I’ve been wanting to do that again for a long time,” Chase said, finally. He slowly let his hands fall back to his sides and smiled. “Thank you for that. I, uh, should probably go.”
Ben’s head was spinning. He was happy and confused and horny as hell. But Chase was leaving, and he had to say something.
What, though? Should he try to stop Chase? Keep him there?
Kiss him again?
He didn’t do any of those things. Ben simply said, “Okay,” and watched as Chase walked back out the door and disappeared into the night.
For the second time in less than an hour, Ben was alone in his house, leaning against the door, breathless and confused.
This really couldn’t keep happening. It wouldn’t turn out well for either of them.
But… why did it feel so right?
Chapter 7
Chase
The last thing Chase wanted to do was leave Ben’s house. So much for saying something. So much for doing something.
“Fucking idiot,” he cursed himself and adjusted his insistent erection as he drove down the dark road that led from Ben’s house back to town. “Why didn’t you fucking stay?”
He slammed a hand against his steering wheel and considered—for about the tenth time since he’d pulled out of Ben’s driveway—turning around and going back.
His dick was definitely on board with that idea.
But what good would that do? And what would he do when he got there?
Kiss Ben again?
Try to talk through the jumble of feelings and emotions he had every time he was near Ben—every time he even thought about Ben?
That didn’t seem like a great plan—and certainly didn’t seem like an easy plan.
But this—this running away and keeping everything bottled up—was clearly not working, either.
Chase glanced in his rearview mirror.
No, turning around and going back tonight wasn’t going to happen. He at least needed some time to collect his thoughts. He’d been trained for years to rely on his instincts, but this time he was afraid his instincts were failing him.
Or at least confusing the fuck out of him.
As Chase navigated the mostly deserted roads of Baxter Springs, he tried to figure out why this happened every time he was around Ben. What made Ben so different from anyone else Chase had ever met?
Ben was the first openly gay guy Chase had ever met, for starters. But even back in high school, when Ben was the only gay person Chase knew—the only one who was out at the time, anyway—there was something else about him that had set him apart, had drawn Chase to him and made him feel protective over the quiet, serious teen with the soulful stare that made him seem much older.
They would spend countless hours sitting in each other’s rooms, or out in the woods on the edge of Ben’s family’s property, just talking about their hopes and dreams and plans for the future. Or sometimes they didn’t even have to talk at all. Sometimes it was just enough to be there.
And even though Chase had only ever dated or messed around with girls all through high school, there was something about that night with Ben that had felt so right, so perfect, that Chase could barely even think objectively about it.
He pulled into the driveway of his parents’ house and shut off the headlights, then turned off the truck’s loud engine. Leaning back in his seat, surrounded by darkness and silence, he thought back to that night.
The feelings he’d felt back then were so similar to the ones he had felt earlier—the ones he was still feeling—that it was almost surreal. There had been a few times after Chase joined the Marines that he wondered what it would be like to kiss another man the way he had kissed Ben.
He didn’t have any other friends, straight or gay, that he felt the same kind of connection with, and he couldn’t imagine feeling that same full-body spark with a stranger the same way he felt it with Ben.
The maddening part was that Chase was pretty sure Ben felt the same way. There was no doubt that he had kissed Chase back, both times it had happened. That look in his eyes and that delicious little noise he made didn’t just happen by accident.
So why was it so hard to talk about? Was it always going to be the elephant in the room?
Even the thought of constantly avoiding the subject made Chase’s stomach hurt. But thinking about bringing it up with Ben made him more nervous than he cared to admit.
Still, it was clear that was what needed to happen. It had to happen, if they weren’t going to just keep randomly kissing and awkwardly running away every time they saw each other from now on.
Chase took a deep breath, then opened the door and stepped out of the truck. Yeah, he would d
efinitely need to have a conversation with Ben.
They had to clear this thing up, once and for all.
Sometime.
Tomorrow, maybe.
First, he needed to shower, to sleep, to collect his thoughts. And to figure out what the hell he was going to actually say when he saw Ben again.
Because even though this weird kiss-and-run-away thing they had going on was hard to handle, fucking up their friendship by reading too much into it would be even harder.
And Chase really, really didn’t want to mess this up.
The house was dark and silent when Chase walked in through the front door. At least he wouldn’t have to answer any questions from his parents. His mom, especially would have wanted to know all about Ben—how he was doing, what he was up to, how he was holding up, and on and on.
All of that would wait, though, thank God. At least maybe by morning he would have collected his thoughts and could fend off the round of twenty questions.
That would hopefully be the case, anyway. And if not?
He might just stay in bed.
All night. All day.
As long as it took to figure out what the hell he was going to do about Ben.
Chase took the stairs two by two and made a beeline for the upstairs bathroom, just across the hall from his bedroom. He needed a shower. Maybe a cold shower.
Something, anything to get himself together.
As soon as the door was closed and he started undressing, he knew that a cold shower wasn’t going to cut it. Even through all the confusion and conflicted feelings, his cock was still rock hard.
It was going to take hot water and steam to get the kind of relief he needed.
Chase finished undressing as he waited for the water to warm up. Only once the steam began to waft up from the shower and he knew the water was piping hot did he step inside.
