Always Have: (Bad Boy Romance)

by Claire Kingsley

  “Hey, baby girl,” he says, as he saunters over to me. “How are you? I haven’t seen you in a while.”

  I lift one shoulder. “I’m good. Same. How about you?”

  He nods. “Good. Same.”

  We both pause and I hate the fact that I feel awkward around him.

  “So, did you have a client this morning?” I ask.

  “Yeah, finished up a little bit ago,” he says. “So hey, I’ve been meaning to ask you—have you started the freelance thing yet?”

  “I actually put a website together,” I say, “and I’m looking into a few options for finding clients, but I haven’t decided on a direction yet.”

  His eyes light up, and I’d be lying if I say it doesn’t make me feel damn good to see him look proud of me. “That’s awesome,” he says. “I actually think I have your first client for you.”

  “Really? Who?”

  “Me.”

  “What?” I ask. “You?”

  “Yeah, the gym needs a new logo,” he says. “I don’t know why I didn’t have you do it originally. I have this generic thing I use now, but I want to get new signage made, maybe t-shirts and stuff. What do you say? Can I hire you?”

  I hesitate for a second. Is there anything wrong with this setup? Any reason I should say no? I’d love to design his logo. The thought of tapping into my creative side again is exciting. And it would give me something real to add to my portfolio—something other than mockups and old school projects.

  “I’d love to,” I say.

  He smiles—that ridiculous brain-melting smile of his—and I fight back the temptation to hug him.

  “Great,” he says. “We can talk more about it later. I need to go shower. Selene’s running late anyway, and she’ll bitch if I smell.”

  I think he smells heavenly, even from several feet away, but I shove that thought away as fast as I think it.

  His phone buzzes and he pulls it out of his pocket. A smile crosses his lips, and my back clenches. I’ll bet anything it’s Aubrey.

  He pockets the phone and smiles again. “Shower. I’ll be right back.”

  I close my eyes and shake my head while he walks away.

  The door opens behind me and I inadvertently gasp when a man as tall as Braxton walks in the door. I recognize him instantly—Derek Marshall.

  I’ve seen him on TV, so seeing him in person is a trip. He definitely looks like a football player. He’s wearing shorts and an Under Armour compression tank that shows off every line of muscle he has. And he has plenty—all of them, in fact.

  He smiles at me, and I feel my heart flutter a little.

  “Hi,” he says. “Sorry, I forgot my wallet in the locker room.”

  “Oh, sure,” I say. “I think Braxton is in there, but I’m sure he’ll be out soon.”

  “Right.” His eyes don’t leave my face and he holds out a hand. “Derek.”

  “Yeah,” I say. “Of course you are.”

  He takes my hand in his much larger one. “And you are?”

  “Oh, sorry,” I say, flustered. “Kylie. Kylie Winters.”

  “It’s nice to meet you, Kylie,” he says. “Are you … here to see Braxton?”

  There’s something in his voice. Oh my god, is he asking me if I’m with Braxton? “Yeah, he’s an old friend.”

  “But not boyfriend?” he asks.

  Wow, a little bold. I like that.

  I laugh. “Oh god, no. Braxton and I have known each other since we were kids. He has a girlfriend. Who isn’t me.”

  One corner of Derek’s mouth turns up. “Interesting. So, what about you? Braxton isn’t your boyfriend, but is someone else?”

  I brush my hair back from my face. I’m feeling a little warm. “No, no boyfriend.”

  “That is very surprising,” he says.

  “I don’t know about that,” I say.

  Derek steps a little closer. “Since I don’t seem to have any competition at the moment, I think I should take advantage. Would you like to go out sometime?”

  My mouth opens, but it takes me a second to gather my wits. They seem to have scattered. Did Derek Marshall just ask me out? “I’d love to.”

  His smile widens as he pulls out his phone. “How about Tuesday? Give me your number and I’ll text you.”

  “Tuesday is great,” I say. Holy shit! We exchange numbers and he puts his phone away.

  “Hey, Derek, what’s up?” Braxton’s voice makes me jump.

  “Hey, man, I think I left my wallet,” Derek says as he walks to the back. “I’ll just run in and see if it’s there.”

  Braxton looks at me funny. Did he see Derek and me exchange numbers? Does he care?

  He fucking shouldn’t.

  Derek is back before either of us says anything. He pauses at the door and looks back at me. “It was great to meet you, Kylie. I’ll text you about Tuesday.”

  “Looking forward to it,” I say.

  “What was that about?” Braxton asks after the door closes.

  “Nothing,” I say. “He asked me out.”

  Braxton raises his eyebrows. “He asked you out?”

  “Is that so shocking?” I ask. “What, does he usually date supermodels and you can’t fathom why he’d be interested in me?”

  He looks away. “No, that’s a dumbass thing to say, Ky. I’m just surprised you said yes.”

  “Why?” I ask.

  “I don’t know.”

  I draw my eyebrows in and put a hand on my hip. “Is there a problem?”

  Braxton opens his mouth to answer but Selene bursts in.

  “Hey, you guys, I’m so sorry I’m late. My team had a working retreat yesterday, and I’m still getting messages from my boss,” she says. “Apparently he doesn’t give a shit that it’s Sunday.”

  My phone vibrates and I check it as we walk to Braxton’s car.

  Hey, it’s Derek. Just making sure you gave me your real number.

  I smile. If you’re the good looking tall guy I just met at a gym, then yes, I gave you my real number.

  Perfect. Figured I’d check before I start sending sexually charged texts. That could get awkward.

  Okay, I like this guy. Now I’m even more excited for Tuesday.

  Me too, Kylie. Me too.

  I wish I knew why Selene is so obsessed with the triple date concept. It’s like this big must-do thing for her when we’re all dating people at the same time. She won’t let it go until Braxton and I agree. I guess she wants to make sure we can all still hang out together—that the people we date mesh well enough that we can be in a group and not have it completely crash and burn.

  About half the time, it’s fun, usually when our semi-awkward group of six drinks enough. Other times, awkward wins and it usually heralds the end for at least one of our relationships.

  This time? I’m not even sure what to think.

  I’m meeting everyone at Brody’s, which feels weird since the last time I was here I met Aubrey for the first time. But today I’m not coming alone.

  Derek is kind of awesome. I admit I’m a teensy bit star-struck, since he’s sort of famous, but when we’re together he’s pretty down to Earth. And there’s nothing quite like a guy who pursues you. I had to change our first date from a Tuesday to Thursday because of work, and he spent the days in between sending me a variety of sweet and sexy texts. It wasn’t annoying or invasive. It was fun and flirty, and I did not mind the attention.

  We hit it off right away and have spent quite a bit of time together. His schedule is pretty open, since it’s the off season, so we hang out a lot. He’s even been talking to me about how things will change when he goes back to work. That means he’s thinking about the future, even if that isn’t too far down the road.

  Different. A guy with potential. Fun. Sexy. He checks all the right boxes. This is definitely a good thing.

  I pointedly ignore the fact that I have to tell myself this is a good thing way too often.

  I was caught up at work late, mostly because
I’ve been sneaking off and working on design projects during work hours. Which is shitty of me as an employee, but I’m kind of over it. My admin assistant job is not where I want to be five years from now—hell, even a year from now. The thought of quitting to go full time as a freelancer is scary as shit, but I’ve decided it’s my goal. Since I started working on Braxton’s logo, I’ve put myself out there a little more and picked up a couple of new clients. It’s pretty exciting.

  My year of change is finally starting to come together.

  Everyone is already at the table when I get there, even Derek. Matthew’s looking at him kind of wide-eyed, like he can’t quite believe he’s sitting in the presence of a pro football player.

  I’m not going to lie, that makes me preen a little bit.

  “Hey, you guys,” I say as I take a seat next to Derek, “sorry I’m late.” A waitress comes and passes out drinks, including a tall glass of Red Hook for me. I turn to Derek. “Thanks.”

  “Yeah, Braxton ordered for you,” Derek says, and takes a drink of his beer.

  “Thanks, Brax,” I say.

  Braxton lifts his glass, and I clink mine against his.

  Food comes out, and we all have a few beers. The conversation is easy and relaxed. The guys talk sports. Us girls talk about random things—work, how Selene is addicted to some show and can’t wait for the next season. She and Aubrey seem to get along great, and for once Braxton is dating someone who doesn’t shoot daggers out of her eyes when she looks at me.

  The meal winds down; Selene looks ecstatic. It’s been pretty much the perfect triple date, and I know she’s utterly joyous over it. It feels a little weird that I’ve barely spoken to Derek through the whole meal, but I chalk it up to all the sex-segregated talk at the table tonight.

  “Hey, you guys,” Aubrey says, out of the blue, as we’re dusting off a plate of fresh cinnamon sugar donuts. “I have an idea. My family has a vacation rental over in Leavenworth. What if we all went? It’s a four bedroom, so we’d have plenty of space, and all we need to pay is the cleaning fee. What do you guys think?”

  “Oh my god,” Selene says. “I love this idea.”

  I glance at Derek, wondering how he feels about it. He can’t be interested, right?

  “Sounds great,” he says. “As long as it’s before training camp starts, I’m in.” He smiles at me and puts a hand on my thigh.

  I force a smile. Why am I so hesitant about this? I have to admit, we had a pretty fun dinner, all six of us. There are worse things than spending a weekend with friends. And a little time away with Derek would give us a chance to get to know each other better before he gets busy with football season.

  “Yeah, sure,” I say.

  “Awesome,” Aubrey says. “I’m pretty sure they had a cancellation a few weeks from now, but I’ll text everyone to confirm.”

  I look down at my plate and pick at my donut. I swear I feel Braxton’s eyes on me. I look up and, sure enough, he’s watching me. What is he thinking? I wish I could fucking read his face. I’ve known him just shy of forever, and he still has the ability to hide everything from me.

  I glance away. I don’t trust myself to meet his eyes when he’s looking at me like that.

  ***

  My phone rings, startling me awake. I suck in a quick breath and grab it, noting that it’s one in the morning.

  It’s Braxton.

  “Braxton, what’s wrong?” I say, trying to not sound like I just woke up.

  “Hey Kylie,” he says. “Sorry, did I wake you?”

  “Kinda.”

  “Sorry, it’s nothing. I’ll let you go back to sleep.”

  “No,” I say quickly, before he can hang up. “No, it’s okay. What’s up?”

  He’s silent for a moment, but I can tell he’s still on the other end. “Can I come over?”

  “Yeah, of course,” I say.

  “Thanks, Ky,” he says. “Be there in a few.”

  I drag myself out of bed, pull on some leggings, and throw a long cardigan over my tank top. I put on some hot water for tea, wondering what’s going on with him. Coming over at one in the morning doesn’t mean he wants to hang out. It means something is wrong.

  I settle in on the couch with my tea, and it isn’t long before he knocks. He lets himself in with his key. He looks a little rumpled, like he went to bed in his clothes.

  He’s still the most gorgeous man I’ve ever laid eyes on, but let’s not dwell on that.

  “Hey,” I say, sitting up as he comes in. “What’s going on?”

  He sinks down on the couch next to me. “It’s just been one of those days.”

  My chest feels tight. I know he doesn’t mean work was hard, or his car broke down, or even that something happened with his girlfriend. He’s missing his parents.

  He stares straight ahead for a while, and I just let him sit. He’ll talk when he’s ready, if he wants to. He’s just as likely to get up and leave without saying anything, and never mention it again. But somehow I can tell it helps him to sit here, whether he wants to talk or not. This isn’t the first time.

  “I didn’t want to have to explain it all to her,” he says after a while.

  “Who?”

  “Aubrey,” he says. “She knows we lost them, but … you know. You were there.”

  I swallow back the lump in my throat and bite my lip so my eyes don’t tear up. “Yeah.”

  “I don’t know why tonight was shit,” he says, his voice low and quiet. “It’s no one’s birthday, or some fucking holiday. It just hits me sometimes, out of nowhere.”

  I so rarely see this side of Braxton. I’m never sure how to handle it when I do. Right now, I want to put my arms around him, hold his head to my chest. But I don’t. I can’t.

  “Can I get you anything?” I ask.

  He shakes his head. “Can I just sit with you for a while?”

  “Yeah,” I say. “Of course you can.”

  He looks at me, his deep dark eyes so piercing and true. “Thank you, Kylie.”

  That lump is back in my throat, and it’s all I can do not to cry. I put my tea down on the coffee table to give myself an excuse to look away. “Anything for you, Braxton.”

  Anything.

  I wish Aubrey had run this weekend away idea by me before she blurted it out at the table. I’m not sure how I feel about the whole thing. As it is, a few weeks later I find myself walking into a vacation house in Leavenworth with her. Selene and Matthew drove in with us, and Derek and Kylie pull up about twenty minutes afterward.

  Derek and Kylie.

  I feel like my life is rapidly spinning out of control. I started dating Aubrey to take control back. This was my different. I was sick of the way things were—but instead of making things better, I’m pretty sure all I’ve done is make them worse.

  If I wasn’t with Aubrey, Kylie might not have met Derek.

  I’m not such an asshole that I don’t want Kylie to be happy. But he looks at her in a way that makes me want to punch him in the fucking face. Like she’s his. He barely knows her.

  Yeah, maybe someday another guy will earn the right to look at her that way, but they have to put in the work first. They don’t get to date her for a month and claim her forever.

  Fuck, I’m a mess.

  I have to admit, the house is nice. I can see why Aubrey was so excited. It’s right on the river, just a short walk from town. There’s a big kitchen, four bedrooms, a couple bathrooms, and a balcony overlooking the river.

  Leavenworth is pretty touristy—everything is made to look like an old Bavarian village—but the mountains are gorgeous and the weather is supposed to be perfect all weekend. We all show up late on Friday night and don’t do much other than pick rooms and sack out.

  I try not to wonder whether Derek and Kylie are having sex in the room on the other side of the house. Aubrey sucks me off before we go to sleep, which I admit takes my mind off everything for a little while.

  That probably makes me a bad person.


  The next day, the girls want to go into town and walk around. The guys get roped into it by default, although I don’t know why they want us along. Selene and Kylie seem content to go without us, but Aubrey insists we all go. She says it’s so we can have lunch together, but I can’t shake the feeling that it’s because she wants to go shopping with my credit card.

  She proves me right.

  We wander in and out of the shops, and it isn’t long before Aubrey spots a jewelry store. She drags me inside by the arm, gasping over the selection. It’s not diamonds and shit, so I don’t have to worry about her hinting at engagement rings (because fuck that right in the ass). But she does find a necklace she loves, and makes some not-so-subtle hints that she’d love to have it. There’s a bit of eyelash batting. I shrug and buy it for her.

  I buy a lot of things for her.

  In fact, the longer this relationship goes on, the more I’m beginning to wonder whether it’s me Aubrey is into, or my money—because she seems to like me, but when I buy her things she really likes me. I’ve already figured out how to ensure I get a blowjob, for example: buy her a present.

  I like blowjobs as much as the next guy, but this is getting old.

  The girls shop for a while longer, and I buy Aubrey a dress and a pair of sandals. Kylie shoots me a weird look, but I pretend I don’t notice. We have bratwurst and beer for lunch, which is pretty damn good (and I pay for Aubrey’s, of course), then head back to the house. Aubrey, Selene, and Matthew decide to take a trip to the grocery store to get supplies. Derek wants to go for a run, and I think about joining him, but my hamstring is a little twitchy this week and I don’t want to pull something.

  Plus I’m having a hard time dealing with Derek.

  He’s my client, and within the walls of my gym it’s all business. I can stay focused on my job. I’m getting him ready for training camp, and like hell if I’m going to let this fucked-up storm in my head interfere with work.

  Outside the gym, though, I vacillate between mild disdain and wanting to choke him out.

  I decide to go sit out on the deck with a beer, relieved as fuck that Aubrey left. I already need some space from her, and the weekend isn’t half over.