Always Have: (Bad Boy Romance)

by Claire Kingsley

  I can’t help but laugh. “It really is.” I take a drink and put the flask on the bench next to me.

  “You probably think I’m a cynic,” he says. “I’m not. I can’t regret marrying Kylie’s mother—without her, I wouldn’t have Kylie—but she was a bad decision. A series of them, if I’m being honest.”

  “Did you ever think about getting remarried?” I ask.

  “I did,” he said. “But I was always too worried about Kylie. I didn’t want someone to interfere with our relationship. Plus I worked too much. I put everything I had into my practice and my daughter. I didn’t have much left for someone else.”

  “Do you regret it?” I ask.

  “A little,” he says. “These days, it would be nice to have someone to share my life with. I have Kylie, and you, and even your sister. But you three have your own lives, and I want you to focus on living them.”

  I hand him the flask again and he takes a drink.

  “Braxton, do you want me to tell you what you need to do?” he asks.

  I lower my sunglasses and raise my eyebrows. “Do I?”

  He hands me the flask. “You do. You’re the sort of man who makes things happen. That’s why you have such a successful business.”

  “I don’t know about that. Mostly I had plenty of seed money,” I say. “I could afford to take a loss for the first few years while I built up my clientele.”

  “True,” he says. “You had a financial advantage not many young men have. But you used it well. You took hold of that opportunity and you ran with it.”

  I take a pull from the flask. “True.”

  “My point is,” he says, “if there’s something you want, you need to go after it. If Aubrey isn’t what you want, you’re better off ending it now, so at least you’ll be open to what’s going to make you happy.”

  I had the flask back to him. “You know, I think you’re absolutely right.”

  ***

  I invite Aubrey over the next day so we can talk in person. It’s obvious she’s knows something is up as soon as she walks in. I’m usually pretty good at hiding behind my wall, but today I don’t have the energy for it. I step aside when I answer the door, avoiding kissing her, and walk into the living room.

  “What’s going on?” she says.

  I sit down on the couch. “Why don’t you come sit?”

  She eyes me with suspicion.

  I might as well get it over with. “Aubrey, I’ve been thinking—”

  “You’re breaking up with me, aren’t you?” she says. The hostility in her voice catches me off guard. Not that I expected her to be happy about it, but I wonder if she’s about to loose more venom than I’m prepared for.

  “Honestly? Yes.”

  Her eyes narrow. “You fucker.”

  Really? “I’m sorry, Aubrey. You’re a great girl. But this isn’t working for me.”

  “What isn’t working?” she asks. “We have fun together. We have great chemistry. What the fuck else do you need?”

  I need Kylie. “Look, I know you think I’m the asshole here, and usually you’d be right. But this is the least asshole thing I can possibly do for you.”

  “Is that supposed to make me feel better?” she asks. “Like you’re doing what’s best for me?”

  “It’s better than pretending,” I say.

  She gets up and wanders to the window, her arms crossed. “This is about Kylie, isn’t it?”

  Fuck. “What are you talking about?”

  “Don’t play stupid, Braxton.”

  I let out a breath. I don’t want the first time I say this aloud to be in the middle of a breakup, but there’s no point in lying to her now. “Yes. It’s about Kylie.”

  “You know, when you told me your best friend was a woman, every alarm I have went off. You were so adamant about it, but I figured what the hell. I’d make sure you wanted me, regardless of how you felt about her. But no matter how fucking hard I worked, no matter what I did, you never looked at me the way you look at her.”

  “I’m sorry, Aubrey,” I say. “I wanted to give us a real shot. That’s the truth. But I just can’t.”

  She grabs her purse and walks toward the door. “You’re going to wind up alone, you know that, right? Because whatever crush you’re nursing for her, it’s never going to happen. How long have you been letting her sabotage your life? If it hasn’t happened by now, it never will. Besides, who in their right mind would break up with a guy like Derek Marshall? Even you can’t compete with that.”

  She walks out the door and slams it shut behind her.

  Well, at least that was over quickly.

  My first thought is to text Kylie and tell her I broke up with Aubrey. I don’t think it will make a goddamn bit of difference, but I want her to know. But randomly texting her with my relationship status update might come across as odd. I don’t usually make a big deal out of any break up—I just tell her the next time I see her. Maybe I’ll text Selene, and make a vague Facebook post, and hope the news gets back to Kylie.

  I’m surprised at how light I feel. I didn’t realize how much Aubrey was weighing me down until now. Although what she said when she left still echoes through my mind. I did not like hearing that, mostly because I’m afraid it’s true.

  I did want to make it work with Aubrey. But living a lie isn’t any better than all the shallow sex I was chasing before. It’s not even that her love of my credit card was insulting—which it was. I don’t love her, and it’s not an issue of needing time. I won’t ever love Aubrey.

  There’s only one woman I’ll ever love.

  I have no intention of going back to the womanizing I was doing before. The next time I fuck someone, it’s going to be Kylie. That’s simply the way it’s going to be. I don’t care how long I have to wait. I won’t interfere with her relationship. I won’t sabotage what she has with Derek, and if that goes the distance, I’ll have to find a way to live with it.

  But as soon as she’s single, I’ll be there.

  Training camp and preseason start in August, and I don’t see much of Derek. He has practice, and travels for games. He texts me, and we see each other when we can. I think the distance does us some good. It’s good for me, anyway. I have more time to focus on the design clients I’ve picked up. It will still be a while before I’m earning enough to quit what I’ve now labeled my day job, but at least I’m on my way.

  I go a few weeks without seeing Selene, simply because we’re both busy, but she tells me over the phone that she’s not so sure about Matthew anymore. She says he gets moody and ignores her. I tell her to dump his dumb ass and find someone who isn’t shitty to her. I don’t know if she’ll listen to me.

  As far as Braxton, after Leavenworth he goes totally dark. I don’t see him or hear from him at all. I notice a few vague Facebook status updates that make me wonder what’s going on with him, but he doesn’t call.

  Of course, neither do I. I’m not sure what to say to him.

  Derek texts me on a Tuesday, asking if I want to get together tonight. Five minutes later, I get the same text from Selene. I waffle a bit, trying to decide what to do, and wind up telling Selene I just heard from Derek. I suggest we all meet up somewhere. Everyone seems happy with that plan.

  I head home after work to change. I’m feeling kind of saucy, so I put on a red halter top, black miniskirt, and a gorgeous new pair of black heels. They have just a hint of shimmer, plus they’re high so I won’t feel like such a shorty next to all the tall people I hang out with.

  Derek picks me up and leads me out to the curb. I don’t see his car. Instead, there’s a sexy black convertible Mercedes.

  “Is this yours?” I ask.

  “Yep,” he says, looking rather proud of himself. “I picked it up this morning.”

  “It’s gorgeous,” I say.

  Derek opens the door for me and I slide into the luxurious leather seat. He gets in, puts on a pair of sunglasses, and gives me a little smile. I have a good feeling about tonigh
t.

  We arrive at the bar and find Selene, sans Matthew.

  “Aw, why are you here by yourself?” I ask, as I slide into the booth across from her.

  “He’s sick,” she says. “But I wanted to see you, so I came anyway.”

  “I’ll go get us drinks,” Derek says and heads for the bar.

  I’m not sure if I want to know, but I figure I’ll take advantage of Derek’s absence to ask. “Is Braxton coming tonight?”

  “Yeah, I talked to him earlier,” she says. “I’m surprised he isn’t here yet, actually.”

  “He’s probably picking up Aubrey.”

  Selene’s eyebrows draw down. “Aubrey? They broke up over a month ago.”

  My mouth drops open, and I shut it as quickly as I can. “They did?”

  “Yeah,” she says.

  “Did she do it, or did he?” I ask.

  “Oh, he did,” she says. “He didn’t say much about it. Just said it wasn’t working out.”

  Holy shit. I feel like the floor just dropped out from under me. I start to stutter out a reply, but Derek comes back and hands me a beer.

  “Here you go, babe,” he says.

  “Thanks.”

  Braxton walks in and saunters over to our table. He looks fucking amazing in a white t-shirt and jeans. There’s nothing fancy about his clothes, but let’s be honest, you don’t need fancy when you have a body like that. He locks eyes with mine and his lips turn up in a smile.

  Oh god, Braxton. Don’t start looking at me like that tonight.

  Derek puts an arm around me. He’s not usually very touchy, so it feels possessive.

  “Derek,” Braxton says, with a nod. “Good game the other day, man. You’re looking good out there.” He looks from Selene to me. “How are my girls doing tonight?”

  Selene shrugs. “Fine. How are you?”

  “I’m good,” he says, still smiling. There’s a lot of enthusiasm in his voice.

  “Why are you in such a good mood?” Selene asks.

  “Am I?” He turns that panty-melting smile on me again. “I’m going to go get a beer.”

  I catch a subtle eye roll from Derek as Braxton walks away, and I let out a sigh.

  Someone across the bar catches Derek’s eye. “Holy shit,” he says. “I’ll be right back, babe. That’s an old friend of mine from college.” He gets up and walks over to a tall guy standing near the bar. They do the bro hug thing, complete with the over-under arms and a couple of slaps on the back.

  “Is it weird that I’ve never met any of Derek’s friends?” I ask Selene when he’s out of earshot.

  She glances over at him. “Kind of? Maybe he doesn’t have friends here. He hasn’t lived in Seattle long.”

  “Maybe,” I say. “Family either—although I haven’t introduced him to Dad, so I guess I can’t complain about that. But I don’t know anything about his family. He never talks about them.”

  “That is kind of odd,” Selene says. She takes a sip of her martini. “Maybe he has a shitty family and he doesn’t like to talk about it.”

  “Could be.”

  The weird thing is, I feel like I don’t know Derek very well at all. Even after dating him for several months, there are still a million things I don’t know. I have the basics—I know where he grew up, and I know a fair bit about his football career. But does he have a best friend? A favorite movie? Has he traveled other than for games? Does he want to? I keep trying to dig deeper, but he’s keeping me at a distance.

  Braxton returns, beer in hand, and scoots onto the bench seat next to me. His arm brushes against mine. “This is much better,” he says. “I like it when I have you two to myself.” He turns to me. “Hey, baby girl. It’s been too long. I’ve missed you.”

  He’s so close, it’s hard to think. “Yeah, me too.”

  Selene dips her fingers in her ice water and flicks them at Braxton. “Cool it off, buddy.”

  “What?” he asks.

  “You know what,” she says.

  There’s an edge to her voice that makes me want to scoot away from him—although I’m not sure I can.

  Braxton winks at her. “So, how’s the design stuff coming, Ky?”

  “Actually, I landed a new client today,” I say. “It’s a small app development company, but they need everything—logo, website, the works. They seem like they’ll be a lot of fun to work with.”

  He nudges me with his arm. “That’s great. I’m really proud of you.”

  Warmth spreads through me and I smile, basking in his approval. “Thanks, Brax.”

  “You know what this calls for?” he asks. “A celebration.”

  “Oh, come on, it’s not that big of a deal,” I say. “I’m still a long way from doing this full-time.”

  “That might be true, but we should still celebrate the little things,” he says.

  “Yeah, Kylie,” Selene says. “You should be proud of yourself. You weren’t even doing this a year ago, and now look at you.”

  “Exactly,” Braxton says. He nudges me again. “I’ll be right back.”

  I take a quick breath to get rid of the tingly feeling where Braxton’s arm touched mine. Selene watches him, her eyebrows drawn together, as he goes back to the bar. She hates it when he flirts with me like that—always has.

  I brush my hair back from my forehead. I don’t know if it’s because Braxton was sitting so close to me, but I’m feeling warm and flushed. I glance over at Derek, but he’s wrapped up in conversation with his old friend. I hate to admit it, but I’m glad he’s not here. It feels good to be with just Braxton and Selene again. It’s been too long.

  Braxton comes back, and a minute later the bartender brings three tequila shots on a tray, along with a little plate of sliced limes and a salt shaker.

  “Thank you, my good man,” Braxton says. He passes out the shot glasses, and we all take a slice of lime and put a little salt on our hand, next to our thumb.

  We hold up our shot glasses.

  “To Kylie,” he says.

  We lift our glasses, then lick the salt and take the shot, following it with lime. It burns going down. Normally I like doing a few shots of tequila, but tonight even the first one doesn’t sit well. I immediately feel a little sick.

  I grab one of the waters on the table and take a sip. I’m probably just dehydrated.

  “So…” I say, looking at Braxton. “Single again, I hear?”

  He smiles again and the tingles are back. Why does he keep smiling at me like that? It’s not fair. I can’t think straight. “You didn’t know?” he asks.

  I shake my head. I can’t quite talk yet.

  He shrugs, completely nonchalant. “Yeah, wasn’t working out.” He meets my eyes. “But at least now I’m open to the right thing when it does come along.”

  “That’s good,” I say. I take another sip of water. “I wasn’t going to say anything, but I’m relieved.”

  “Are you?” he asks. “Tell me.”

  “Oh, I don’t know, I figure this must be good for your budget. How much were you spending on jewelry? Like, in a given week?”

  He raises his eyebrows and smirks. “Thousands, at least. Imagine all the extra money I’ll have now. I wonder what I should do with it?”

  “Clearly spend it on me,” I say. “I could do with a new car, and my apartment needs new furniture, so…”

  “I can do something about that,” he says. “When should we go shopping?”

  “As soon as possible,” I say.

  “Sounds good,” he says. “You need some new panties too? Because I’d be happy to take care of that for you.”

  “Braxton!” Selene says.

  He grins and raises his eyebrows at her.

  “You’re the worst,” Selene says with a laugh.

  “You know what?” he says. “We need another shot. To celebrate my greatly enhanced budget.”

  I’m not so sure that’s a good idea, but he gets up and goes back to the bar before I can protest.

 
“Are you okay?” Selene asks. “You look a little red.”

  I pull on my shirt to fan some air onto my boobs. “Is it warm in here?”

  “I’m not warm, but Braxton forgot about personal space again. Maybe that’s it.”

  I take another sip of water. “Yeah, could be.”

  Braxton returns and we all do another shot of tequila. I sit back while he chats with Selene. I go from feeling too warm to almost shivering with cold. I move a little closer to Braxton, letting my arm lean on his. He shifts his leg so it’s touching mine. For half a second, I think maybe we shouldn’t be sitting like this, but his body heat seeps into me, so I don’t pull away.

  Either the tequila is strong as fuck, or there’s something wrong with me. My body feels like it’s turning to water, and my face is burning. I lean my forearms on the table and almost put my head down.

  This isn’t good.

  Selene’s eyes are wide with alarm. “Oh my god, Kylie, what’s wrong?”

  “Ky?” Braxton says. His brow is furrowed and he puts a hand on my forehead. “She’s hot as hell.”

  “Excuse me?” Derek says. He’s standing at the end of the table, glaring at Braxton.

  “Hey man, I think she needs to get home—”

  “Yeah, fuck off, I’ve got this,” Derek says.

  I feel Braxton tense up next to me, but he doesn’t say anything, just gets out of the booth.

  I can barely stand up. My legs don’t want to support my weight, and my head is swimming. It’s like coming to after a drunken blackout, only I haven’t lost time and I’m not drunk. I barely feel the two shots of tequila, and I had all of three sips of my beer. I put a hand on my forehead and lean against the table.

  “Shit,” I say.

  Braxton stands up and grabs my arm to steady me. “Are you okay, Ky? What’s wrong?”

  &ldqsuo;I’ll take her home,” Derek says. He puts an arm around me—roughly, like he’s angry—and pulls me toward the door. I stumble forward, my vision fuzzy. I have to clutch onto him when we get outside, so I don’t fall over.

  He gets me to his car and I can’t even fasten the seatbelt. My arms feel weak and my stomach is churning. Derek gets in without a word and starts the car. I lean my head back against the seat, and close my eyes. I can’t keep them open. I don’t know what’s happening, but I’m caught between burning up and freezing cold, and it feels like my limbs won’t work. All I want is to get home and crawl into bed.