by Peter Nelson
The dank, mysterious odors were now more inviting, too. He shut his eyes and inhaled deeply through his nose, taking it all in. The nasty stench that suddenly invaded the other smells hit him like a stink pie in the face. He knew that smell. Bernard.
He sat up and took another big whiff. He couldn’t see the Skunk Ape, but he was out there, all right. And he was close.
Jordan’s mind raced. Maybe he was being tested. He could imagine Eldon, who was all about passing tests and earning badges, running a mock drill to see how Jordan might handle an AWOL Skunk Ape. If there was a mock sighting, Jordan might even be expected to pull off a mock hoaxing. He grabbed his grandfather’s suitcase containing the Skunk Ape hoaxing stuff. Best to be prepared, he thought as he crept out of the house in his pajamas.
Or maybe Bernard was sneaking out on his own. He was very stubborn, and not at all happy about having to be watched. It might be like him to do something dramatic, just to show that he wasn’t going to behave himself if he was left with an inexperienced non-Keeper.
Jordan tightened his grip on his grandfather’s old suitcase as he ran through the cool night air. Either way, he was going to prove himself, just like a real Creature Keeper.
He stopped where the hedge met the wall. One big whiff told him Bernard was on the other side. He pushed through the hedge and stepped into the swamp.
The swamp at night was a very different place. Every sound and smell seemed more intense, every shadow more dark and creepy. Jordan thought of his grandfather running through this same swamp in his pajamas, just like him. This made him stop in his tracks. He realized he’d lost Bernard’s scent. He’d also lost his bearings. He wasn’t sure which direction the wall was. He thought again of his grandfather, and how that turned out. Crrrooooaaak! Jordan’s head snapped in the direction of the sound. It could’ve been a bullfrog, or it could’ve been an alligator. It could be the alligator that ate Grampa Grimsley! Jordan really didn’t like alligators. He clung to the case as he began running, barely able to see in front of him. His stomach felt cold, yet his neck felt prickly and hot. Sweat was beading on his face and he could barely swallow as he ran around a large eucalyptus tree.
WHUMP! He slammed into something large and bounced off, falling backward and dropping the hoaxing kit. He sat up and focused on the black mound in front of him, and the nasty but happily familiar smell that filled his nostrils. He never thought he’d be so happy to sniff such a stanky stench. He smiled as Bernard helped him to his feet.
“What in the devil are you doing out here?” Bernard whispered.
“I could ask you the same thing!” Jordan shot back.
“Well, I was looking for you.”
“And I was looking for you!”
They stared at each other for a tense moment. Bernard smiled. They both burst into laughter. Bernard fell backward, his giant butt flopping in the marshy muck. This made the two of them laugh even harder. They were both in tears, and Jordan forgot all about alligators.
Moments later, Bernard was carrying the suitcase, escorting Jordan home through the swamp. “I must say, running out here in your pajamas just to find little ol’ me? Impressive.”
“I didn’t want to let Eldon down. I really do want to help out the best I can.”
“I’m glad to hear you say that. I know Eldon thinks the way for you to help is to take care of me. But it’s him who we need to protect right now.”
Jordan glanced up at Bernard’s face. He looked sincerely troubled.
“Eldon thinks I like to just go out wandering around,” he continued. “And I do. But that has nothing to do with why I wanted to accompany him to Scotland. Something’s going on over there. I’m worried it may be more than he can handle.”
“But you said Nessie probably just wandered off, to get spotted.”
“I thought that at first, but it’s been weeks, and there hasn’t been a hint of that chubby diva. She’s not subtle—we’d have seen something by now. I was just saying that, hoping he wouldn’t go. I’m worried. And I’d like you to go with him.”
“What?” Jordan stepped back. “I can’t! He’s counting on me to take care of you!”
“Trust me, he needs you far more than I do. I’ll be perfectly safe here on my own.”
“I saw you fall down an elevator shaft just today! And yesterday you were hit by a car!”
Bernard thought for a moment. “The elevator incident wasn’t my best moment. But as for the car, you guys didn’t hit me—I hit you.”
“You knew it was us?”
“I’m not proud of it, but I was desperate. I’d made a deal with Eldon that the only way I’d stay is if he got a real Grimsley to watch me. When he wrote that ridiculous Noodlepen letter, I figured I’d better keep a lookout for any Grimsleys. And sure enough, there you were. I thought if you got spooked, maybe you’d all turn tail and head home.”
“So you hit our car? How did you know it was us? How did you know we were Grimsleys?”
“It’s hard to explain, but a creature can sense its Keeper. It’s a bond that lasts a long, long time. I have it with Eldon, and I felt it, a tiny bit, as you and your family got closer. I just knew.”
In the dark, Jordan felt the ring on his finger. “Because of my Grampa Grimsley. He was your first Keeper.”
“That could explain it. That or the horribly ugly car you were driving. It’s just like what your grandfather might’ve driven. Probably did, at one point. He had no taste in the finer things.”
Bernard reached down and gently lifted Jordan onto his shoulder. He took a deep breath, and continued walking. “It was a long time ago. I’d been running and hiding from men for centuries. In the early days it was sticks and rocks. Then spears and arrows. As time advanced, so did their weapons and methods. They even trained their own creatures to track me. Between the shotguns and the bloodhounds, the swamp grew smaller, with less room to run and fewer places to hide.”
Jordan looked out at the dark swamp, imagining it swarming with hunters and hounds.
“Luckily, your grandfather found me first. He said if I wanted to survive, I should go hide in the great lemon tree. I climbed to the very top, and hid within its bursting lemon blossoms. Its thick, white petals kept me hidden from the men’s guns, and its sweet, heavy fragrance kept me hidden from their dogs. When he came back, he offered me a more permanent safety—a fortress beneath the tree I’d hidden in, deep underground, sheltered by its roots. Your grandfather invited me to stay forever. So I did.”
Jordan thought for a moment. “What was my grandfather like?”
“He was all alone. He’d been estranged from his family after spending his life traveling the world, finding incredible creatures that he didn’t dare tell anyone about. But he could tell me. He told me about every one. Every adventure, every amazing place he’d been, every amazing cryptid he’d discovered and met.”
“His life’s work,” Jordan said.
“Not quite. What he wanted was to offer them the safety he’d given me. So we worked on a way. But men were still sniffing around the swamp, and he feared they’d ruin everything. Something had to be done to lure them away, once and for all. So that summer, he did it.”
“Skunk Ape Summer.” Jordan looked up. As they reached the wall, Bernard set him down, along with his grandfather’s Skunk Ape kit. Jordan clicked open the suitcase. Bernard chuckled as he pulled out the rubber face and held it up to his own.
“He’d wear this suit and let himself get spotted, each time farther away from the swamp. Every sighting drew the attention closer to Leisureville, farther from the Okeeyuckachokee Swamp—and the future base of the Creature Keepers.”
Bernard took another deep breath. “Of course, for it to really work, for it to get people to give up on the notion entirely that I was real, one more thing had to happen. And your grandfather was the only person to do it. He let himself get caught. He allowed himself to look like the local fool. But he didn’t look nearly as foolish as the people who’d clai
med to have seen an actual Florida Skunk Ape. Suddenly no one believed I was real—it was just a crazy old man in a costume. I never saw him after that. I understand that he tried to make it back after getting caught, but—” He blew his nose—SKRONK! “After all the incredible creatures he’d tracked over his lifetime, it was a boring old alligator that did him in. I found his pajamas strewn all around the gator’s nest. Then I found the gator. It had died from a bad case of indigestion. I guess you could say your grandfather didn’t go down easy.”
Bernard smiled as he placed the mask back in the suitcase. “But what was done was done. I couldn’t get a dead alligator to uneat your grandfather, so I cremated them both. Your grandfather and a scaly old swamp creature, man and beast, all mixed up together in that urn. I like to think it’s the way he’d have wanted it.”
Bernard clicked the suitcase closed and stood up. “Your grandfather wasn’t just my first Keeper. He taught me everything I know, including how to sense humans who have hearts that are young and pure. That’s how I knew to trust Eldon when he dropped into my life, and probably how I knew your ugly car contained a Grimsley or two. But more than anything, your grandfather sacrificed his life to save mine. And that’s why I can’t let another one of my Keepers get hurt, ever again.”
Jordan picked up the case. “I’ll help you, Bernard. Tell me what to do.”
“Just be ready tomorrow morning.” He gently took the case from Jordan. “And if you don’t mind, I’d like to keep this. You won’t be needing it where you’re going.”
“It’s yours anyway,” Jordan said. “In a way, he made that hoax kit for you.”
Bernard smiled. “Oh, that reminds me.” He held something out to Jordan. “This belongs to you.” It was Jordan’s FrankenPhone.
13
Early the next morning, Jordan was startled out of a sound sleep by his father, calling to him from downstairs. “Jordan! Get down here! Someone to see you!”
He jumped out of bed and headed down the stairs. His heart was beating fast—then it nearly stopped. In the front hall at the bottom of the staircase, his parents were standing in their bathrobes talking to what had to be the weirdest-looking Badger Ranger he’d ever seen. Looming in the doorway, stuffed into a uniform, was Bernard, grinning nervously. The poor creature had done a horrible hack job on himself trying to shave his body, leaving his rashy-pink skin with random clumps of black fur in spots he must’ve had a hard time reaching. His arms hung a foot past the sleeves of his uniform, and his bulky legs seemed to be bursting out of the khaki shorts like two stubbly, overstuffed sausages. Jordan wasn’t sure if he should laugh or scream. But the grin on his father’s face quickly made him breathe easier.
“Jordan! You never told us you were interested in becoming a Badger Ranger!”
“It’s wonderful, sweetie,” his mother said. “We’re so proud of you.”
“Ranger Master Bernie here was just telling us how you wowed the local clan yesterday.” His father beamed. “And you said you were going out to make a ‘new friend.’” He smiled slyly, then suddenly gave Jordan the official Badger claw salute. “Mission accomplished, son!”
“Uh, yeah,” Jordan stammered. “Eldon Pecone. He’s a Badger Ranger, too. He made it seem so . . . cool.”
“Mr. and Mrs. Grimsley,” Bernard said, startling Jordan. It was unsettling to see a shaved Skunk Ape address his parents. “First-Class Badger Pecone is one of our top-notch Rangers. He brought your son to our, er, clubhouse. Thought he had potential. And he was right.”
“Ha!” A cynical laugh burst from the top of the stair. Abbie stood smirking down at Jordan. “Congratulations! You’re officially a first-class dork!”
Bernard studied Abigail a moment, then calmly turned back to face Jordan’s parents. “Mr. and Mrs. Grimsley, the only thing left in Runt Ranger Grimsley’s initiation is to partake in our Badgeroobilee. It’s a three-day campout, and I assure you there will be plenty of adult—”
“Yes!” Mr. Grimsley blurted out. “Take four days! Teach my son how to make a shelter out of leaves and an old shoe! Show him how to start a fire with a few twigs and a burp! Go! Go!”
“What!?” Abbie yelled down. “The runt gets to leave?”
“This is so great!” Mr. Grimsley continued, ignoring his daughter’s evil glare. He stepped up to Bernard and spoke in a low tone, his eyes suddenly glassy with emotion. “Y’know, my mother wouldn’t let me become a Badger Ranger. She was afraid I’d run off in search of adventure like my—” He stopped suddenly, gathering himself. Mrs. Grimsley took his hand. “Anyway, thank you, Ranger Bernie. Thank you for accepting my boy. I couldn’t be happier.”
“Believe me, we’re happy we found him.” Bernard shot Jordan a wink.
Mr. Grimsley said to Jordan, “You up for tackling a character-building adventure, son?”
“I’ll go get my stuff!” Jordan bounded up the stairs, past his fuming sister and down the hall toward his room.
“Start talking, you insect.” Abbie stood leering at Jordan from his doorway. “You might’ve fooled Mom and Dad with this Badgeroobilee bullcrud, but not me. What’re you up to?”
Jordan flung the backpack over his shoulder and grinned. “You heard Dad. I’m going on a character-building adventure.”
“Please. Camping? Without a DSL connection or Java-encrypted computer whatevers, you’ll lose it. You’re doing this just to get out of working.” She stepped dangerously close to him. “And if you don’t have to help them fix up this smelly old mold factory, then neither do I.”
Jordan smiled as an idea popped into his head. “You’re right. And you won’t. I can get you out of working inside this musty house all day. All you’ll need are those charming people skills of yours. And those lemons.” He pointed to the fruit Eldon had given him, piled in the corner of his room. “Grab ’em, follow me downstairs, and try not to say anything.”
Moments later, Mr. and Mrs. Grimsley were standing on the front doorstep of the old house, waving as Bernard and Jordan hiked off, up the street. “I knew coming here for spring break would be a positive experience,” Mr. Grimsley said. “But I didn’t think we’d see the effects so quickly!”
“For both of them!” Mrs. Grimsley said. “Who would’ve expected Abigail to be the community-service type? Running a lemonade stand? It’s wonderful!”
They waved to Abbie in the distance, standing somewhat cluelessly beside Eldon’s lemonade stand with her arms full of lemons.
“Bonus to all of this,” Mr. Grimsley muttered under his breath as they waved and smiled. “Now we can really fix this house up without having to quality-control those two.”
“Let’s get to it!” Mrs. Grimsley said. The two of them dived inside as Bernard and Jordan doubled back, sneaking toward the entrance to the Okeeyuckachokee Swamp.
14
The thousands of waterways, inlets, and small bays making up the western coast of southern Florida linked the swampy wetlands to the Gulf of Mexico. Within the Okeeyuckachokee Swamp, the Creature Keepers’ great lemon-tree hideout lay just inland from one such inlet, known as Ponce de Leon Bay.
A tangle of trees and vines hung over the edges of the bay, a natural curtain of greenery for the small boathouse and a dock hidden within. Eldon Pecone was busy at the end of that dock, loading supplies onto a rickety-looking old seaplane floating on pontoons in the brackish water. He smiled to himself as he heard the familiar thumping footsteps of Bernard’s oversized feet.
“I’m glad you came to see me off. I was worried you’d be pouting somewhere.” Looking up, Eldon nearly fell off the dock at the sight of the sheared Skunk Ape in a tightly fitting Badger Ranger uniform. “Good gravy!” Eldon shrieked. “Why are you disrespecting that uniform?”
Bernard cleared his throat and spoke in a very solemn tone. “I wear the trappings of this organization in protest, as a symbol of my being, um, trapped here, against my will.”
“Take it off. Not only do you look ridiculous, you’ll stretch it out.�
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“I most certainly will not,” Bernard huffed. He began doing deep squats, just to drive Eldon a little more crazy.
“Hey! Stop that this instant! And why are you all shaved? What does that symbolize?”
Bernard looked down at himself. “Oh, that. I had to do that to get into the shorts.”
Eldon stared at him for a moment. Then he started to giggle. Then he lost it. He laughed so hard he nearly fell off the dock again. As he rolled around in hysterics, Bernard rushed to him, taking the opportunity to signal a nearby bush. Jordan popped out with his backpack and tiptoed past them, toward the plane.
“I can’t believe how stupid you look!” Eldon squealed through fits of laughter. He wiped a tear out of his eye. Jordan was still making his way toward the plane behind him. Thinking quickly, Bernard scooped Eldon up. “Hey!” Eldon was suddenly swung around in a great Skunk Ape hug and carried away from the plane toward the boathouse.
Bernard glanced back to see Jordan toss his backpack into the seaplane and scramble inside. The Skunk Ape set Eldon down inside the boathouse. Parked there was a rickety-looking fan boat, as well as an old wreck of an open-air, glass-bottom tourist boat once used for swamp cruises. Eldon eyed Bernard. “What was that all about?”
“I’m just going to miss you, that’s all,” he said, picking up the last box of supplies. He and Eldon walked back out and down the dock to the seaplane. Bernard tossed the box in the rear of the plane. “Unh!” A faint grunt came from inside, as the box landed on Jordan’s head.
“Oh, don’t make a fuss,” Eldon said to his big friend. “I’ll check things out and be back in a few days.” He saluted Bernard and boarded the seaplane.
BANG! Smoke shot out from the engine as the propellers sputtered to life.
