“Really.” Nat grabs my hand and pulls me down to the bed next to her. “You will have so much fun. I promise no one blames you for what happened to the Donovans, everyone will be so excited to see you. Jess and I won’t leave your side and if you feel like you need to go we’ll get you out of there. We just want you to try so you can see there’s nothing to worry about. Plus, babe, you look so beautiful. Shame to waste this new makeover on me and Jess and Grandma and Grandpa.”
I look into her pleading eyes and feel my resolve crack. Crap.
Danny
I don’t know what’s wrong with me. After I left Luke and Noah’s I still felt claustrophobic in my small cabin. It’s not big enough to hold this energy that’s bottled up inside of me. I decided to take the kids to Lake Mary to do some hiking and swimming. The water was frigid but the kids didn’t care. That’s the thing about being a kid, most things don’t bother you, I remember. It did the trick for them – zapped all their energy. They were both asleep by nine o’clock. It, of course, did not make even the smallest dent in my energy.
When Dad managed to put his own ass to bed at ten-thirty and it was time for me to go, for once, I didn’t want to go back to my cabin. I didn’t want to be alone. As soon as I saw the headlights of Luke’s Mustang pull up I knew I was going to cave. For some stupid reason I felt like this was something I needed to do; to go to this party. I don’t know why. I hate being with people. I hate the looks they give me. I hate pretending like I don’t give a shit.
As we approach the crowd I’m glad I had a few shots before I left. The fire’s huge already and I stare at it memorized by the flames. As we get closer I’m distracted by a halo of blonde hair that seems lit by the fire. I feel a weird sensation building in the pit of my stomach. I look at the girl from a distance and think maybe I shouldn’t have given up women this past week because, I swear to God, the girl looks like a damn angel with a body built in heaven. Her eyes are focused on the fire so I can’t see them but her face is glowing and the light reflects off her shimmering lips in a way that makes me want to suck them clean. The guys were right; tonight will be good for me. Maybe this girl was the reason I wanted to come. A girl like this might help me forget Emily.
As the three of us come out of the shadows of the trees people start to notice me, I hear my name being called, and the girl does too. Her head lifts and I feel like I’ve been punched in the gut. It’s like I’m seeing a ghost. I stop dead in my tracks. Her eyes find mine and I am frozen. Frozen by those beautiful, sad eyes that I can’t seem to shake from my thoughts.
“Who’s the hottie?” Noah asks, baking up once he notices I’m no longer by his side.
“Emily, fucking, Winters,” I whisper.
“Oh, shit.”
Emily
So far no one has given me a hard time about being here but I can tell that some people are uncomfortable, like they don’t know what to say to me, which I totally understand. I’ve had more than a few guys come over to get to know me, not realizing that they’ve known me since kindergarten. I don’t know if it’s the makeup or the fact that I’ve been gone for so long. The party doesn’t suck but I don’t feel like I fit in anymore. As people reminisce about the year of school they just finished I, obviously, can’t relate.
I find myself wishing Danny would come even though Jessa and Nat guaranteed me he wouldn’t. He’s the only person I really want to see. When I hear his name being shouted I think it must just be the thoughts in my head but I’ve never been prone to delusions so I raise my eyes and, holy shit, it’s him. He’s really here, and he’s staring right at me.
My God, he’s changed. He’s taller than he used to be and stronger… broader. His dark hair has grown and hangs haphazardly in a very sexy way. His eyes have changed too, still an alarmingly clear shade of blue, but darker somehow; angry or bitter. Or maybe it’s just the hatred he feels at the sight of me. He’s so beautiful it makes my chest hurt. Noah suddenly blocks my view and the next thing I know Danny has disappeared into the crowd.
My heart is racing and I can’t seem to breathe. I can feel Jessa next to me but she seems to be just as stunned as I am. “He’s here,” I whisper, just in case she missed it.
“I noticed. That was one intense staring contest, serious tension between you two.”
“He looks… good but angry, right?” I turn to her for confirmation. “He didn’t look happy to see me.”
“He looked real happy to see you until you looked at him. Then he looked… I think I would call it surprised or confused. I don’t think he was angry. And you’re right, he looks real good. I can’t believe you’re related to him. That seriously sucks.”
“Jessa.” I scold her but I’m not sure why. I guess because she said I’m related to him which is something I will never come to terms with. The single best moment of my life was when he kissed me. That’s something I’ll never be able to forget. And, my God, besides my heart beating out of my chest and my inability to breathe, there is also an aching between my legs that I haven’t felt since the last day I spent with him.
“Sorry,” she mutters, “but it’s true; that is one beautiful boy. I wouldn’t be surprised if the two of you are related; it would be unnatural for two separate gene pools to produce two such beautiful people.”
“Please, Jessa, stop reminding me that I could possibly be related to him. It’s creepy.”
“It is creepy. No brother should look at his sister the way that boy just looked at you.”
“Are you ignoring my wishes on purpose?” I ask her.
She snaps her mouth shut and shakes her head, no.
“I think I’ll take you up on that beer.” I need a moment alone.
She nods her head and scampers away from me.
I squat down on my heels and bury my head in my arms. What do I do with this situation? I want to talk to him, not about his mom or our past; I’m not ready for that. But I want to hear his voice, I want to see what his eyes do when they look at mine. I’m terrified though, that he’ll yell at me in front of all these people or just reject me completely.
I feel a large hand on my shoulder and, once again, I’m holding my breath. I peek down at the white sneakers that are beside me; something Danny would never wear. My heart sinks with disappointment. I raise my head to Noah’s smiling face.
“You all right down there?”
“I don’t know,” I say sincerely.
“Well are you coming up or do you want me to come down?”
“You might have to come down, my legs feel like jelly.”
He laughs and then drops down on his heels beside me. Noah is Danny’s best friend; he used to be a pretty good friend of mine too. It feels like he still could be as I look into his familiar, warm, brown eyes. “Where’ve you been?” he asks.
“Getting right to the point, huh?”
“Well, yea. You disappeared off the face of the earth and now your back. I wanna know where you’ve been.”
“Trust me, you don’t want to know.” I’m sure the fact that I’ve been living in a commune makes me even more of a freak than I already am.
“Trust me, Em, I do.”
“Well if you must know the ugly truth, I was in New Mexico.” I could probably leave it at that but Noah has a way of stripping me of my guard so I just go ahead and tell him. “In a commune, yes one of those freaky ones.” He starts laughing… not what I expected. “It’s funny, huh?”
“Yea,” he sputters, “I cannot picture you in a damn commune… peace and love, flowers in your hair, chanting….” He stops laughing suddenly. “Wait, was it one of those nudist colonies?”
“No,” I yell before realizing the truth is probably worse. “We wore saris,” I say under my breath.
“Sorry, what was that? Did you say you wore a sari, like a piece of fabric? I can totally picture you naked, but a damn wrap dress.” He shakes his head at the idea.
I whack him hard on the arm. “Pervert.”
“Sorry you, uh, look
different than I remember. You turned out real nice, and I don’t mean that in a sleazy sort of way.”
“I don’t know if you expect me to say thank you. If so, you need to learn how to give a girl a compliment. No girlfriend I take it?”
“More like lots of girlfriends, a new one every night.” He wags his eyebrows at me.
I have to laugh, Noah is so not a player; he’s way too nice for that. “Somehow, I don’t believe you.”
“Yea, well, we can’t all be Danny,” he says and then immediately turns his eyes to the ground.
Noah clearly didn’t mean to let that slip, so I know it’s true. I feel a pit in my stomach. The Danny I knew wasn’t a player either… he loved only me. I swallow the lump in my throat and pretend like Noah never said it. “How is Danny doing?”
“You want me to tell you the truth?”
“I don’t know.”
“He’s doing fine, Em. Seeing you tonight was a little bit of a surprise.”
“A good surprise or a bad one?” I ask even though I’m pretty sure I know the answer.
“A confusing one. He’s not the kid you left here. He’s been through a lot of shit. I don’t know what goes through his head anymore.” He throws his arm around my shoulder in an attempt to make me feel better. “You two need to talk, I shouldn’t be the one to tell you how he’s doing.”
I look up into his eyes feeling terrified at the idea. “Like… now?”
“Might as well give it a try, he doesn’t get out much, might be your only opportunity.”
I hold his eyes with mine, trying to trust him. “Does he hate me? Because if he does, I just don’t know….” I can’t finish, I feel the burn of tears behind my eyes and I don’t want to cry in front of Noah.
“He doesn’t talk about you, Em, It’s kind of a rule.” My mouth slacks open as I try to speak but nothing comes out. “It’s not like that, it’s not because he hates you.”
“Is that your theory, or did he tell you that?”
“He didn’t tell me that but, Emily, he can’t hate you. He loved you so much it was sickening. Talk to him, he’ll remember how much you mean to him. You can’t just ignore each other the rest of your lives.”
I don’t feel reassured by his words. Noah’s clearly saying he cared for me once but no longer does.”Your pep talks are about as good as your compliments.” I expect him to laugh but he hugs me closer to his side.
“He’s hurting, Em. He might not realize it but he needs you.” Then he leans down and kisses the top of my head.
“Alright,” I say reluctantly. “I’m going to talk to him.” Then I stand before I lose my nerve.
Danny
The fact that I’ve been hiding out since school ended is catching up with me- the guys from the football team have all descended. They’re not a huge distraction, I just nod my head every couple of seconds as I watch Emily. The girl who is pawing at me is pissing me off though; she blocks my view every time she pushes up against me. I’m leaned up against someone’s tail gate and I’m too focused on the fire to worry about pushing her away just now. I stare and try to convince myself that it’s really her. That she is really here, just feet from me. So close to me.
I watch Noah as he sneaks away from the crowd and I know exactly where he’s going so I keep my eyes on him. Sure as shit, he heads right to Emily, he always did have a hard time staying away from her.
When I saw her body fold into itself and her head drop into her arms I couldn’t help but want to go to her and wrap my arms around her small body. Maybe I should have but Noah’s there now. Her body relaxes as Noah speaks to her. She smiles and even laughs with him. I hope to hell he’s not talking about me, that she’s not talking about me. Since she’s laughing I’m guessing she’s not even thinking about me. Her big eyes brighten as she stares, too intently, at him. He wraps his arm around her and it’s like I can feel it; the way I always felt so strong with her in my arms, the way she would look up at me through her long lashes. What the hell is he doing and why does she seem to be enjoying it so damn much? I’m about to walk over there and rip his arm off her when he suddenly pulls her in closer then leans down and kisses her. What the fuck?
She stands and starts to head my way. I’m not ready for this. I’m not ready to be her big brother while she carries on with her love life without me. God, I’m a sick fuck, I think, before turning the body around that’s still pushing up against my junk, and taking her lips in mine. The girl wraps her arms around my waist and pushes her chest into me. She’s sloppy and making sounds that she thinks are sexy. What the hell am I doing? I push the girl off me and she stumbles backward. “What the hell,” I hear her say but I don’t look at her. My eyes search out Emily’s but she’s seen my stunt and is already running away from me.
I know it’s for the best. I’m nowhere near ready to accept her as my half-sister. I watch Noah sprint after her and I feel sick to my stomach. That’s the kind of guy she deserves. One that has a perfect family, a perfect past. Someone who’s going to college and doing something with his life. Someone who’s almost as good as she is. Someone who’s not her… God, I can’t even think the damn word, not now that I’ve seen her.
Tonight was a mistake.
I finish my beer as I wait for Noah to show his face. I know I refuse to talk about her with him, or anyone else for that matter, but the guys not stupid- he knows how I feel about her. I throw my beer against a tree and feel satisfaction at the sound of shattering glass. I blindly search for something else to break when I feel a hand grip my wrist. I yank my wrist free and am about to pummel Noah in the face when I come to my senses. He didn’t leave with her. He wouldn’t do that.
“What the hell are you doing?” he asks.
“I need to get out of here.”
“I’m not bringing you home, man. I’m tired of this shit. I don’t know what the hell you’re thinking, because you never tell me anymore. But all the shit you’ve been through, all the terrible things that have happened in your life – none of it is her fault. Do you hear me? It’s not her fault and it’s not your fault either. If it’s easier for you to pretend like she doesn’t exist then, whatever man, do what you gotta do. But can you fucking rein it in with the girls when you’re around her, at least for a little while.”
My face cinches and I shake my head. “You want me to keep my hands to myself so my half-sister doesn’t see?”
“Cut the crap man, she’s not your half-sister… I mean she could be…whatever, but don’t try to pretend like that’s how you see her. Not to me, Danny. How the hell would you feel if she started making out with some guy just because she knew you were watching? You don’t need to break her, this is hard enough already.”
Noah’s words cut me. He’s right but I can’t get myself to admit it. The thought of another guy touching her makes me want to rip my skin off. I was ready to kill Noah because he wrapped his arm around her and pecked her head. He’s looking at me, waiting for me to speak.
“You’re such a stubborn ass sometimes, you know that?” He stares at me for a few more beats then turns and walks away. “Find your own God dammed ride home. I’m sick of this shit.”
Emily
“You seem like you’re in a better mood today,” Noah says as he props himself against the fence and watches me dump leftovers in the pig’s trough.
“It’s the smell of rotting food and pig shit. It always makes me happy.” I take a deep breath through my nose to prove my point.
“You’re one sick girl, Emily Winters.”
“Just because you’re afraid of getting your hands dirty doesn’t mean us farm people can’t enjoy the smell.”
“Keep it up and I’ll toss you on your butt, right in the middle of a nice hot pile of shit,” he threatens from the safety of the grass on the other side of the fence.
“You wouldn’t step your shiny, white shoe in any mud, much less pig mud.”
“Oh, yea?” he challenges while hurdling his body over the fence
in one swift move.
I drop my bucket and make a run for it, screaming like a little girl the whole way. He catches me, just as I get my right foot on top of the fence, and holds tight to my waist. “I swear to God, Noah Jennings, if you put me in that mud I will never speak to you again.”
He hooks an arm under my knees and I’m completely at his mercy; cradled in his arms like a little baby. “Not so tough now, are you?” He swings my body out over the mud and just when I’m sure he’s going to release me he makes a turn and throws me over the fence and onto the grass. “You’re big mouth’s gonna get you in trouble one of these days,” he says, hopping over the fence to join me.
“I’m gonna get you back for that.” I shove both my hands into his hard chest. My pathetic effort doesn’t even budge him.
“I’ll look forward to it.” He takes a hold of my hand and leads me away from the pig stench. Once we’re to the hill he flops down and pulls me along with him. “So what’s got you feeling so feisty, besides the pigs?” he asks.
“Nothing really,” I tell him. “It just took a few days to adjust to the fact that Danny’s not the same person I remember. Sometimes I forget that I’ve been gone for so long.” I take my hand from his and lay back in the grass so I can look up at the clear sky. “For me, it’s as if time stood still. All I did at that damn commune was live the same pointless day over and over until I finally had enough and came on home like I never left. It’s just hard to imagine all that’s happened to him. I didn’t change at all really, but everything about him did. I’m not mad at him, obviously, it’s just a shock but I’m getting over it.”
“The last summer you were home you two got really close,” he says, reminding me of the real reason why Danny’s rejection has been so hard to accept. Despite the changes in him, I still love him. He made a point of letting me know he doesn’t love me anymore.
Love Is Relative Page 3
