Love Is Relative

by Francis, Haven

  As we make our way past the house I see her disappearing into Winnie’s stable. “Maddie, wait,” I yell but her dark curls bounce out of sight.

  When Jason and I make our way into the stable Maddie has already got her little hands on Winnie’s belly, scratching her like a dog. Emily is crouched down next to her offering her a brush for the horse’s hair. My heart rate picks up as I look at Emily. She’s wearing her usual work clothes – her big work boots and her small cutoff jean shorts, it’s still cool out so she’s wearing a hoddie. Her hair is in a sloppy braid and mud is sporadically placed on her, otherwise perfect, skin. A lot like that first day she came to my cabin. My heart stops for a few second.

  “You’re Emily,” Maddie says as she looks into Emily’s smiling eyes. “I have a picture of you on my wall. You’re prettier in real life.” I’m shocked that Maddie makes this connection; the picture is one of dozens on a corkboard in her room.

  “Well that’s not fair, I don’t have a picture of you on my wall,” Emily says, smiling at her.

  “I can give you one. I have a whole packet of them from school. Danny took one of the big ones and put it in a frame and hung it up on the wall but I still have all the other ones. Do you want a big one or a little one?” she asks.

  “Well, I’d like the biggest one, of course, if that’s okay with you.”

  “Yep, it’s okay with me, I just have to ask my brother first.”

  Emily’s eyes turn to me. “What do you think, Danny, can I have a big one?”

  I smile back at her, how can I not. “Whatever Ms.Maddie's willing to give you.”

  “She wants a big picture of me!” Maddie says, proudly. I can tell she’s attached already. I have to remember to ask Emily if she’s planning on sticking around.

  Emily stands and walks over to us. “Hi, Jason. How are you?” she makes a move towards him like she’s going to embrace him and he flinches. She takes a step back, confusion seeping into her face. “You remember me, right?” she asks.

  “I remember you.”

  “Yea? Figured you would, you always did have a good memory. In fact, we used to play that game a lot, do you remember that?”

  “Yea.” He allows himself a small smile.

  “You beat me every time. You’d have thought I was throwing the games, I mean, you were eight and I was almost thirteen but, honest to God, I could not beat you at that game. I used to stay up late flipping those cards over, practicing half the night.”

  His smile grows as she speaks. “I don’t play that game anymore.”

  “Yea, me either.” She shakes her head. “But if you ever want a rematch, I happen to have a deck in my room.”

  He laughs but doesn’t take her up on her challenge. Maddie is easy but Jason’s a harder nut to crack. It’s gonna take her a while to earn back his affection.

  “We used to spend hours looking at the Encyclopedia Britannica too, remember that?”

  “Kind of.”

  “I think we left off at the E’s, since then I’ve made it all the way to King Cobra. You still have your copy?”

  “Yep.”

  “I bet you haven’t made it farther than me.” She raises her eyebrows at him.

  “I read about the Yukon Peninsula last night.”

  “You did not,” she says with awe in her voice.

  “Yep.” A genuine smile appears on his face now. “A crater landed there sixty-five-million years ago and you can still see it from space.” She’s found his soft spot – books.

  “Well don’t tell me how the encyclopedia ends; you’ll spoil it for me.”

  “It’s not a story,” he informs her.

  “Well I know that but I’m only up to K. I have to wait to find out what happens in the Y’s.”

  “Well at the rate you’re going, you’ll be fifty before you find out.” He laughs and I’m shocked. That’s the first time I’ve heard him joke around with anyone since my mom died. She’s gotten farther with him in five minutes than I have in six months.

  “Well you don’t have to be mean. Not all of us were blessed with natural smarts, some of us have to work at it- at least I’m trying,” she says, giving him a big smile.

  “Yea,” he agrees, smiling right back at her.

  “You know anything about feeding horses hay?”

  “You don’t have to be a genius to figure that out.”

  “Well, okay then Mister Smarty Pants, why don’t you go ahead and show me?” She props her hands on her hips.

  “No problem.” He struts off toward Winnie.

  She watches him until he’s got the hay up to Winnie’s mouth. She nods approvingly then turns her attention to me. “Wow,” she says, “he hasn’t changed a bit.”

  “Not really,” I agree.

  “And Maddie… she’s cuter than ever, if that’s even possible.”

  “And she still loves you.” I tell her. “Listen, I have to ask you something.”

  “Shoot.”

  “How long you planning on sticking around for?”

  She looks at me curiously. “You afraid of losing me?” she jokes.

  “Yes,” I say, dead-serious.

  “Well, I’ll be here until my dying day if I have any choice in it.”

  “What if your mom shows up here again?”

  “I won’t let her take me away.”

  “What if she makes you go?”

  “I won’t go, no matter what she does or what she says.”

  I stare at her eyes, looking for self-doubt. She seems sure but I ask, “You promise?”

  “Yes, I promise. What’s gotten into you?” she asks, creasing her brows at me.

  “I just don’t want to lose you again.” I tell her the truth.

  “Well I don’t want to lose you either and I won’t let her take me from you again,” she says, staring directly into my eyes.

  “Alright.”

  She gives me one last reassuring smile before turning and going back to the kids.

  I make my way just outside the stable doors to give the three of them some time together. It’s clear she missed them both. I watch Emily as she lifts Maddie up to Winnie’s back, holding tight to my sister’s small waist before demonstrating how to brush Winnie’s mane. Once Maddie’s occupied she turns her attention to Jason who’s sitting on a bail of hay, picking at a piece of straw. She starts up a conversation with him and he talks willingly with her, smiling the whole time.

  Emily’s hand moves to Maddie’s curls and she starts running her fingers through her hair, just like she does with her own. It’s a habit of Emily’s, she probably doesn’t even realize she’s doing it, but it causes a pain in my chest. My mom used to spend a good portion of every morning combing through those curls, not because they needed that much brushing but because Mom enjoyed it and Maddie did too. Maddie’s old enough to deal with things like that on her own now but I bet she misses it. These are the small things that I don’t think about, that I don’t have time for. I wish I could give them more. I wish I could give them Emily.

  Emily’s gaze meets mine and I know this is bad, I know I’m falling hard and nothing good can come from that. “What are you doing way over there? Trying to get out of working?”

  “It’s just one damn horse, Emily. She doesn’t need four people to take care of her.”

  “Fine,” she says lifting Maddie down to the ground. “There’s plenty of other chores to be done. As long as I have you here I might as well make use of you.”

  “Ahh, I want to stay with Winnie,” Maddie protests.

  “Okay,” Emily agrees. “Jason can you stay here with her for a minute while I go find something for your lazy brother to do?”

  “Yea.” He laughs at her hilarious joke.

  “Keep her away from Winnie’s rear end, she kicks sometimes.”

  “Got it,” he tells her.

  She gives him one last charming smile then makes her way over to me. She grabs a hold of my elbow and walks me out of the stable.

  �
��Still bossy as ever,” I tell her.

  “Seems like you need someone to boss you around- now that you’re such a bad boy and all. Someone clearly needs to set you straight.”

  “Trust me, you are not the one to set me straight. You’re grandma might be a better candidate… a nun maybe. There’s nothing good I want to do when I’m around you,” I say taking her hand from my arm and guiding her until I have her pressed up against the side of the stable. “The things I want to do to you are so bad.” I watch her cheeks turn pink and her chest rise and fall with unsteady breaths. Her eyes are wide as she stares up at me. She’s scared and that’s good – she should be scared of me. I need her to want to stay away from me because it’s clear I’m not going to be the one staying away from her.

  I drop her arm and back away, turning to the pigs. “I suppose you’re gonna ask me to shovel shit?” I turn back to her, expecting her to open her mouth and sass me but she’s still backed up against the stable breathing heavily. The look on her face, the loss of control in her eyes, her parted lips, her heaving chest… it’s all I can do not to go back to her and give her what it looks like she wants.

  She finally turns her eyes to me. “I know you’re just fucking with me but can you not do that?”

  Shit. I didn’t expect that reaction, not at all. I walk back to her, careful to keep a few feet away. “Sorry Em, I didn’t mean to get you all worked up. I didn’t realize you….” I’m not sure what to say.

  “Weren’t lying when I told you I still had feelings for you? That I still want you like I used to?” she says, finishing the sentence for me. “Clearly this is just a game to you but it’s not to me so I would appreciate if you kept your suggestions to just words.”

  “Emily, it’s not a damn game to me. I shouldn’t have done that. It’s just that yesterday you were all talk, you seemed unfazed by anything I said to you.”

  She pushes herself away from the wall and gets in my face. “Yea, well yesterday you didn’t have the balls to touch me. I can handle your words, Danny, but I can’t handle the way I feel when you touch me, so unless you’re prepared to do something about it, you should probably keep your damn hands off me.”

  Hell. Why I ever thought I could play games with this girl is beyond me. She doesn’t like games, I know that. “You’re right, Em. I was playing a game… trying to tempt you, trying to make you want to run from me… I don’t know. This is confusing. I’m sorry, I won’t touch you again.”

  “Good,” she says putting her hands on her hips. “And yes, I was gonna ask you to shovel the pig’s shit. Do you have a problem with that?”

  “Shit doesn’t’ bother me.”

  She hops over the fence and grabs a shovel and hands it to me before taking one for herself. I step over the low fence and go to the furthest corner from the pig’s pen and start digging a hole. Emily starts shoveling piles in and I do the same. This is the most ridiculous thing she does on the farm but she hates the idea of the pigs stepping and laying in their own shit- as if the pigs care. But she does it for them anyway and this isn’t the first time I’ve helped her do it.

  “Please don’t tell me you’ve missed this?” I ask, trying to lighten the serious mood that I created with my stupid stunt.

  “I missed everything about the farm… even this.”

  “You know the pigs don’t care about the shit?”

  “Have they told you that?” She pauses from her work to look me in the eye. This conversation always gets her riled up which I completely enjoy, unless she’s riled up because some stupid shit I’ve done to her.

  “Yes, Em. I asked them if the shit bothered them and they said they loved it and wished you’d quit shoveling it into a damn hole.”

  “Funny,” she says, pulling off her sweatshirt and tossing it over the fence. I stare at her perfect chest and am about to comment when I stop myself. This is not going to be easy. “You know they’re one of the cleanest animals in the world.”

  “Is that why they’re constantly rolling around in the mud?”

  “No, Danny. They do that to protect themselves from the sun. They’re also one of the smartest animals in the world. If the mud bothers you, feel free to go get them some sunscreen for their sensitive skin.”

  I turn my head back to the hole and smile hugely. God, I love this damn girl. I could listen to her talk about pigs all day.

  “I brushed all of Winnie’s hair,” Maddie says, running out of the stable with Jason following behind. “Can we go pick some apples from the tree?”

  “Sure.” Emily rests her shovel against the fence before hopping over it.

  “I suppose you expect me to stay here and finish your dirty work?” I ask as I continue to shovel piles of shit.

  “You can come too… if you want,” she says, giving me a cute little smile.

  I drop my shovel and am over the fence before she has a chance to change her mind. Maddie and Jason are already headed up the hill. As I walk next to Emily, it’s hard to stop myself from sling an arm around her or grabbing a hold of her hand. It’s hard to be her friend.

  Emily

  “So, are you going to tell us why we haven’t seen you for eight days?” Nat asks me as she takes a lick of her ice cream cone. “I know you were upset after the whole incident at Danny’s but now you’re suddenly happier than ever. And don’t give me the same b.s. you’ve been giving me all week, busy at the farm, and all that nonsense.”

  “I was upset about Danny for a few days but yea, I’m good now,” I say, still unsure of how to handle what’s going on between me and Danny.

  “So, if you were upset about Danny, than the logical answer to why you are suddenly back and better than ever would be that you worked things out with him?” Jessa suggests.

  I let out a semi-bitter laugh without meaning to. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to work things out with Danny but we’ve been talking… and hanging out some.”

  “Please, girl. You’re going to have to give us some details. Start from the beginning.”

  I look down at my banana split, not sure what to say to the girls. Normally I would share willingly but I honestly don’t know what to say about Danny. I’ve seen him every day for five days now. Some days are easy and it feels like we’re friends again. Some days he’s moody and I have no idea what he’s thinking about. But most days are just intense and neither of us can seem to avoid the fact that we want each other. We don’t act on it, but if he’s told me once how much he wants me, than he’s told me a hundred times. Talking about it isn’t enough though- for either of us. “We’ve just been hanging out; at the farm, at his place, with Maddie and Jason, at the river,…”

  “Shut up,” Nat interrupts.

  “What?” I ask, wondering what the big deal is.

  “That’s like… you’re place. That river is where the two of you always went to be alone.”

  “Oh, shut up. You make it sound like it used to be our make out spot. We’ve been going there together since we were kids.”

  “All I know is that it is where you made out with him.” Nat smiles excitedly, like the idea of me making out with my half-brother is a good thing. But whatever, I’m not fooling myself and I’m not fooling them. It was a very good thing… making out with him.

  “Besides, anytime we showed up there he would look at us like he wanted to kill us. You may not have made a pact about it but that was your spot. Everyone understood that and knew to stay away,” Jessa says.

  I realize then that it was always just the two of us there, that it probably was our spot. “Whatever. All I know is that things are okay with us now, it’s sort of like we’re friends again.”

  “So have any of these times you’ve hung out been like, a date?” Jessa asks and I automatically cringe.

  “You have to stop saying things like that. It’s creepy, he could be my relative.”

  “He is not your damn relative. God would have to be one serious sicko to play a cruel joke like that. There is no way two people c
ould be so intense about each other if they were related. There has to be a built-in sensor to warn you off from stuff like that. So either you’re not related, or your sensors are beyond broken,” Nat says without regret.

  “That’s so stupid. If I would have known, I would never have fallen in love with him.”

  “Fallen in love with who?” I hear a deep, familiar voice ask from behind me. Oh shit.

  I look across the table to Jessa and Nat for support but they just grin stupidly at the gorgeous face that I know is standing behind me. I wait until the heat in my skin starts to retreat, then I say, without looking at him, “Moon Beam.”

  He laughs at my little joke but Nat and Jessa look like they haven’t heard me at all. Their eyes trail him until he is sitting in the booth next to me.

  “You gonna eat that all by yourself?” he asks, gesturing to my banana split that I have barely touched.

  I dig in and take a large bite. “Oh man, this is so good. You should go get one of your own.”

  “You should learn how to share,” he says, focusing his beautiful eyes on my ice cream covered lips.

  I swallow hard than tell him, “I would like to share but there are some things I just can’t share with you.” Oh God, did I just say that in front of Jessa and Nat? When he looks at me like that I tend to forget where I am, much less who I’m with, besides Danny of course.

  “That’s too bad. It looks like it tastes pretty damn sweet,” he says, leaning into me and dropping his voice. The burning between my legs is so intense it seriously hurts.

  “Wouldn’t you like to find out?” I ask, desperately trying to turn this R rated conversation about ice cream around, but failing miserably.

  “I’ve had one before, I remember the taste,” he whispers so close to me that I can feel his breath on my neck. My stomach erupts with butterflies.

  I stare at him trying to decide if I should climb on top of him or push his ass out of the booth when Jessa suddenly speaks reminding both of us, hopefully, that we are not alone. “So, what are you doing here, Danny?”

  He gives me a sexy grin before turning his attention to the other side of the booth. It’s a relief to have those damn eyes off me. I have to remember to avoid looking into them, especially when we’re in public. “I came to find Em. I wanted to take her the caves.”