by Annie Walls
Rubbing his chin, a soft lift of his lips forms. “We’re just worried about you.” A flash of something crosses his face as he grazes my throat with his rough fingertips.
“If I agree to this, and after a week we go off on some escapade, what about Julie?”
He grimaces, but recovers smoothly. “A deal’s, a deal.”
Sounds like he’s in a cross-that-bridge-when-I-get-to-it frame of mind, so of course I want to argue. I don’t because if push comes to shove, I’ll do it myself. My face must show a little haughtiness or something, because his jaw clenches. When he stands abruptly, I feel the empty space. Before he can step back, I wrap my arms around his waist, burying my face in an intimate place. Right below his stomach, I feel his pelvic bone through his sweatshirt, and the fact that we have both been through ringer is amplified.
“Don’t be mad, Rudolph. I’ll need you to bring me hot noodles this week.” My voice squeaks out a wheezy sound. Agreeing to this is easier than I thought. “Ever since I’ve been back from New Orleans, I’m more tired than usual. I need to. At least a few days.”
He returns my hug, squeezing me to him. “You’re agreeing?” I can hear the grin in his voice.
“As long as you eat and sleep, too.” I gaze up at him over the long expanse of his torso. Rudy’s rough fingers travel over a bruise on my eye. Sitting back, I pick the cup of noodles.
“Deal,” he says as I finish eating.
I smile to take the sting out of what I’ll say. “Maybe I’m trying to keep busy. Maybe healing takes a lot more than eating and sleeping.” I end up staring into space.
His long frame folds into a squat beside me. “I found you in the middle of a serious anxiety attack. I was coming to talk to you then, and that was when I saw how serious it is. You hide, not as good as you think you do, but you do. It will take a lot longer than a week for some things, but it’s a start.” He runs his hands through his hair. A very familiar gesture. I miss him. I don’t know how to tell him or explain how much.
“Yeah, it might,” I whisper.
Dex maneuvers around Rudy’s legs and jumps into his lap. Rudy scratches between his ears. “You mind if he stays in here? He’ll do his business outside. Keep you company.”
“I don’t think he likes me much.” I stick my hand out for him to sniff. Eventually I move to pet his head. He eyes me as if I’m not really worthy of petting him, but he’ll allow it for now. “I’ve always loved cats. My mom hated them and often referred to them as speed bumps.”
Rudy says nothing and I glance at him. With mischief written on his face, he leans down, still watching me, “You be nice to Kan, Dex.” His hand covers his mouth, whispering to the cat. Dex blinks in a bored manner. “She just won’t acknowledge it yet.” Rudy finishes louder and grins at me as the cat jumps off his lap.
The door springs open, and Rudy jumps up.
Glinda stares between the two of us. “Oh, sorry Suga. I can come back. Reece said yew be restin’ a week, and I think that’s a fine idea. I came up to see if yew need somethin’?” She’s backing up toward the door.
“No, Glinda, you stay. I need to go anyway,” Rudy says.
“Don’t be silly. Yew two gets cozy fo the night.”
I sigh. She’s becoming worse than Reece.
“Jules is seeing the midwife. I told her I’d be there.” Glinda purses her lips, unimpressed.
“Hey Rudy, will you bring Julie by here, after? I need to ask her something.” He stares at me for a long moment before nodding.
The air feels colder when he leaves. “That boy is stupid, Kan. Yew in here lookin’ all doe-eyed…” she trails off with a pinched face and gripping her own hips with both hands. I think steam is coming from her ears. She hardly ever calls me Kan.
“I do not look doe-eyed. The cat is cute,” I improvise and point to Dex, sitting a few feet away watching us. A leg hikes straight into the air, and he starts licking his balls. He even works around his jellyroll like a pro.
“Whateva you say, Suga.” Glinda bangs a jar on the table. It’s full of some kind of goo.
“What’s that?”
“Wax. I made it for you. Smells like jasmine.”
It might turn into The Blob at any moment. “Uh, thanks, but you’re not touching my panty line.”
Huffing, she wipes the corners of her mouth. “It’s hair wax! Thought I’d put the dreads back if you want ‘em. Make ‘em all pretty and feminine like. And anyways, I hate to burst your bubble and all, but if your hair is any sign, your kitty probably ain’t too pretty, and I don’t know how to operate a bush hog.”
My mouth drops open. “I shave!”
An awkward moment passes as she manages to stare at me in doubt and astonishment. “I-I don’t know what ta say. I can’t believe how relieved am I to hear that!”
We both burst out laughing. Dex scrambles to the other side of the loft.
*
A knock jars me awake, and the door swings open. Two figures emerge, visible from the leftover glow of the fire. Rudy and Julie. I drag myself upright and turn on a lamp. My arm drops to my side from heaviness. What is wrong with me? Movement from my other side shocks me. Dex stretches and blinks sleepy eyes at me before jumping off my mattress.
“I knew he’d like you,” Rudy says, and goes about feeding the fire.
“She can do that herself, Rudy,” Julie says with a sweet voice, as if she’s standing up for my independence. I know better. Apparently, Rudy does too because ignores her. She sighs and wobbles over to sit in a chair. She wears a pair of Rudy’s baggy sweatpants and she’s covered in a big blanket. Her pale hair is as wild as I’ve ever seen it. She can even make homeless look cute.
I rub my eyes. “Nice to see you, Julie.”
She snorts. “Sure. I’m curious to why you want to see me. It isn’t for my health.”
I feel a tight smile. Rudy throws another log on the fire. Hot ashes fly, drifting to the rug. Great. He’s uncomfortable. “Fine. No pleasantries then. I want to know about Mago’s daughter.”
Rudy speaks up, “Kan—”
“I just want to know. I’m not going back on the deal, just need some food for thought.”
Julie ignores his protest. “Why should I tell you? You’re having me sent to the Coalition. I don’t even have to wonder why.”
“I am not. I don’t care what you do.”
“I got a notice that the survivors from our compound are being sent there for an indefinite amount of time for psychological evaluation.”
“Wow, news to me. When did you get the notice?” This is my job. Who’s doing it? I have a feeling I already know.
“A few hours ago.”
“Jules, it’s not Kan’s fault,” Rudy says in a nasty tone, staring daggers at her. Whoa. I can honestly say he never looks at me like that. He saves those looks just for her. I perk a bit. “And I told you, you don’t have to go.”
“He’s right,” I tell her. “I made the deal because Guido doesn’t want everyone here at the community knowing Mago is a Voodoo priest. You were never even mentioned. He would make an exception for you. I never even counted you as a survivor.” Maybe not consciously, I add in my mind. Rudy must have heard it in my tone because he shoots me a half smile. I also keep to myself that I think she should go, but I only think this because she might have complications with her pregnancy.
Julie ignores Rudy. This is the first time I’ve seen them interact and wonder if it’s a regular thing. Why does he put up with it? I make a note to ask him.
She studies me when she says, “I need to talk to you. Privately.”
I shrug and study Rudy’s cautious reaction. Being alone with Julie isn’t one of my favorite things. What can she not say in front of him? Maybe I can talk her into going to the Coalition. The same question and confusion is written all over his face. He obviously doesn’t think it’s a good idea.
Moving to the door, he says, “Jules, you need to tell Kan about the emergency evacuation plans.” With t
hat, he’s gone.
“What does he mean?”
Julie waves a hand in the air. “The base had plans in case of emergencies. Special places to go. You know? Rudy asked me about it. Told me you’re worried about all the children that lived there.” I gasp as she takes in my face. “You really are, aren’t you?”
I nod. “That means Jonathan might be alive. We could go and see.”
She glances down, picking at a frayed spot on the blanket. “He wouldn’t have gone to our designated spot without me.” She sniffs and says, “I’m sorry. For being difficult.”
I widen my eyes, not knowing how to respond. The last thing I expect is an apology. I clear my throat. “What did you need to speak to me about?”
She leans forward as far as her belly will let her. “I want to go to Arizona. I can wait until after the baby is born.”
I blink at her. Dex jumps on my bed, curling up beside me. “Okay. This isn’t out of left field or anything,” I say, and can hear my own confusion.
Her eyes roll as if she can’t believe she needs to explain. “The large development in Arizona?”
“Still not following you.”
“Oh my God. You don’t know.” Her hand goes to her mouth in shock.
Unease crawls up my neck. “Know what?”
“That’s where Mac’s been. It’s where his mother has been living. Could you imagine? Thinking your family dead and then finding out they are alive!”
My eyes burn, which is quickly becoming a familiar sensation. I don’t know whether to be happy he found his mom or to be angry to have been kept in the dark. Again.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Turns out Julie didn’t know much about Mya. Only that she was kept under thumb and was transferred to another compound like the base. Julie flat out refuses to go to the Coalition to give birth. She wants me to talk Rudy into taking her to Arizona, because he’s not fond of the idea. I figured that’s what her apology was all about, and told her to get the fuck out of my loft.
*
Rolling over in my bed, I hit a warm body, which turns to ice as I try to blink my heavy eyelids open.
“Feeling lethargic, Miss Moore?”
When I’m finally able to see, I find Mago lies next to me. Fear gathers at the base of my neck and I try to speak, but nothing comes out.
“Don’t worry. It is the same for me. It’s working.” That’s when I notice he can hardly keep his eyes open. Again, I try to talk and realize I’m in a strange bed with someone moving around us speaking in tongue. Struggling to move my limbs, he continues, “Rest. I’ll see you soon.”
My eyes spring open and I’m in my own bed being smothered by a small body. I push Dex off my head and fall back asleep before he settles somewhere else.
*
The next morning, I’ve been awake for about ten minutes, long enough to let Dex outside and stare into space, when Mac comes in with his arms and hands full of food, but he looks around appreciatively. I guess he didn’t take it all in last night.
“Nice. Guido must like you, but who doesn’t?” Mac looks at me then. He’s freshly showered, and he cut his hair to where his curls crop his head. They gently fall on his forehead and ears.
“Ah, you’re going to be nice now?” I get up, still in my boots and fully clothed. His face becomes unreadable.
After I stir my fire, we both sit at the table with eggs, assorted fresh fruit, and milk. There’s weird cut bacon on his plate. It’s cut in large chunks. I crinkle my nose and he snorts. “Still a meat prude?”
I look up from my eggs. “You could have told me you found your mother,” I say nonchalantly.
He sits back, running his tongue along the inside of his lip. You don’t realize how much you miss something until it’s in front of you. The feeling doesn’t last long. Clenching his jaw, he picks up his fork without acknowledging my statement. I don’t eat. I’ve suddenly lost my appetite because all I want to do is snatch his fork and stab him with it, but it wouldn’t get me anywhere. I settle on glaring at him.
After an eternity, he pushes his plate away and takes a deep breath. “Yes, I found her. She’s alive and happy and well. More so now that she knows the same about me.” A smile touches his lips, but he keeps his focus on anything but me.
“Why’d you come back?” I really don’t mean to ask that, but it comes out. Really.
He scoffs. “Same reason Rudy puts up with that mental vampire. Right and wrong. I have a duty. It took me a day or two to realize it while I was there.” He places his hands on the table, leaning forward. “You wouldn’t believe it, Kansas. All the people. It’s completely normal. Communities with houses. Regular working electricity. Hot water. They even broadcast on TV. Just local entertainment like soccer games, improv comedy, news casts…with weather! They predict the fucking weather. It’s not as fancy as it used to be, but a day or two ahead. They go to work, get off, and eat dinner. The children go to school.”
I’m sure my mouth hangs open. He laughs at my expression and the sound relieves some tension.
“I want that here. I want it normal, here.”
I sigh, knowing I want it, too. “How did you know where to find her?”
His head turns down as he fiddles with his pants. “Do you know how happy I am that you were kidnapped? How fucked does that sound, right? I wasn’t at the time. I was completely pissed. No, I was hurt.” He says the last quietly and swallows. “I thought you left because of what I told you about Julie. Everyone told me you wouldn’t do that. Rudy argued that we should find you, when I didn’t think you wanted to be found.” A bitter snort escapes him “We kicked the shit out of each other because we didn’t agree on what to do next. It was bad. So I left, but if the kidnapping had never happened, then I still wouldn’t know she’s alive.” He shrugs, trying to cover up how ashamed he is for leaving the team to their mission. I don’t say anything but let him continue.
“I went to my mom’s house in Chattanooga, where I grew up. I was there for days before I saw her note written in Sharpie on her white refrigerator. She had come back to write the note a year after she left with a group to head west.” I nod for him to go on. “She said she was living in a growing, safe community in Sierra Vista, Arizona. It’s near the Mexico border. It’s chopped into small communities. I didn’t know that until I went. It was easy to find her though, because they keep track of everyone who goes in and out.” He leans back in his chair and looks at the ceiling. I’m in awe. She’s a genius for writing the note in case relatives showed up trying to find her.
“I decided to go, but first I went to the Coalition. They ordered me to my post,” he says in a mocking tone. “Now I know they didn’t want me to see what was going on there. I almost stayed out of spite. Anyway, I came here, dropped off goods to Guido, and hid out with Rudy and the leech while I prepared for my trip.”
“Rudy knew where you were going?” I ask out of curiosity. Okay, I want to know if he lied.
“No. I couldn’t tell anyone. I did tell him last night. Julie was there. She wants to go now.”
“Yeah, now she’s expecting me to help her.”
Mac rolls his eyes. “She expects everyone to help her, even though she contributes nothing to the cause, except dreary doom. I spent days cooped up with her and Rudy, I had to. Since all the rooms were occupied. Although, Rudy was working day in and day out to get a room of his own. I hardly saw him.”
He glances out the window before continuing, “What pisses me off the most about it all? You risked everything to get her out of that place. Rudy, too. She appreciates nada. Told her so.”
I laugh and tell him the story about when I first met her. Beginning with how I played dumb about who she was to get information out of her. All her kitten knickknacks. Her husband Jonathan. How she freaked when I told her Rudy was coming to get her. Ending with me locking her in a closet to keep her from running.
We laugh about it for the longest time. It feels good to tell him. I’ve told Reece the whole
story, but Mac appreciates it more since he’s spent some time with her. “Wow, no wonder she hates you. You turned her little world upside down.”
I shrug, “She doesn’t know any better.”
“I’m sure the angry things Rudy and I said to each other a few times didn’t help your cause.”
“What things?” I don’t know if I want the answer. I felt the tension they still have yesterday. It only makes my trepidation worse.
“Oh, well, you know how we feel about you. That has to peak at some points.”
Rudy’s words the morning after the base come back to me. I’ve known him since the outbreak. We became good friends through alcohol and archery. Even Reece’s words have an impact. They’ve been friends a long time.
A distinct mewl sounds from outside my door. I jump up, “What the hell is that?”
“Hmm?” Mac breaks out of whatever thoughts are running through his mind. “Oh, that’s Dex. He wants in.”
Dex. Mine and Rudy’s love child. Shit. There’s no way I’m coming between a friendship like Rudy and Mac’s. Dex saunters in like the king of my castle when I open the door. He sniffs the air and jumps up on the table. “Hey!” Ignoring my protest, he eats my cold eggs. It surprises me that Mac says nothing to him. I’d have thought he’d have a problem with a cat on the table. Mac only feeds Dex leftover bacon.
I decide on another course of conversation. “Why didn’t you tell me about the birth-control? And why were you so rude to me yesterday afternoon?” My voice is harder than I want it to be.
Silence. He can’t look at me, but he stacks the plates as Dex licks his paws. Mac’s Adam’s apple bobs, and he rubs his face as if wiping away an expression he doesn’t want me to see. I’d laugh at his nervousness, but I’m serious.
“I’m sorry if I hurt you,” he finally says.
“You didn’t hurt me.” He casts me a sharp glance. “And I realize it probably should have.”
