BAD BOY ROMANCE: DIESEL: Contemporary Bad Boy Biker MC Romance (Box Set) (New Adult Sports Romance Short Stories Boxset)
Page 8
"No," he said simply, making her feel slightly more relaxed. "But I can't say that it hasn't come close to that or that it won’t ever be an order or necessary to save my life or someone else's. I have tortured; broken limbs and that sort of thing. And I understand if you can't look at me in the eye anymore and if you don’t want to be with me. I guess I should have thought about all of this sooner." Kim nodded.
"I know how you feel about that part. I think that's actually my fault for jumping into this head first without any real information. I don’t blame you. This should have been something I was made aware of years ago before I even met you." Kim looked down the hall thoughtfully, unsure of what to do next. Her body felt suddenly heavy and strange. "You're going to have to be one of the ones to deal with what’s going on with The Skeletons, aren’t you?" she finally asked, looking up into his eyes. She felt he tears threaten to come again at the thought of losing him before she even had him; before she could even be sure of him.
"Yes, I probably will," he admitted. At least he was an open book. That gave Kim as much comfort as could be afforded in the situation.
"How long until this blows up?" she asked, biting at her nails like she sued to when she was a child.
"Probably a few weeks. We won’t have a whole lot going on that would affect them until then." Kim nodded, still processing her feelings and thoughts.
"Then, I think I need to take some time to process all of this and make the best decision. It's not about you, and I want you to know that. It's about the safety and weight of being involved even indirectly in all of this; even with my own grandfather. My feelings for you have not been affected. In fact, I'm afraid for you." She let the words spill out honestly. She didn’t see any point in hiding anything or holding it in.
"I understand, and I'll be here whatever you choose." Kim got on her tiptoes and gave him a lingering kiss on the cheek before walking back out to the car, not daring to look back at him.
Chapter 7
Kim sat on her bed and listened to the rain pelting against her window as she held her guitar in her hands for the first time in what felt like forever. It was hard to remember all the great things that music had brought her in her life and then think about how it had been tainted. But she was sure if she turned to the music that it would give her the answers she so desperately needed.
It had been almost a week already since she had told Diesel she needed to think about things, and she still had no idea what to do with herself. What she did know was that time was running out since things were getting dangerous between the two rival gangs. Eventually, Diesel would be sent out to deal with them or to protect the rest of the members during their next illegal activity, and her time would be up to decide. She couldn’t let him go off into danger without hearing something from her.
With a deep breath she began to play one of the songs she had been smart enough to keep for herself when she joined with her band. She had been playing and writing music for years before she had ever run into the people who'd betrayed her. There were some really raw songs she had written about her life and songs that she had never deemed good enough to share, and now she was glad for that because she could play them as her own if she ever did get back out there again.
Kim closed her eyes and began singing to herself, letting her fingers slip across the strings effortlessly. It was like flying to an angel, how naturally everything was flowing back out of her. It was like she had never stopped. Her thoughts were running through her as the music helped her regain clarity. It was what she was supposed to be doing. She didn’t know how or where, but she knew that her voice was meant to be out there, and she had to get back to that part of her if she was ever going to learn to love and trust somebody else.
A knock came at her door, and Kim was pulled out of that place, wondering who it could be. She doubted her grandfather would dare disturb her when she was trying to play music again, and Diesel wouldn't have been crazy enough to come over no matter how desperate he was for her answers. She debated whether or not to even answer, but the door swung open before she could even get up to do so herself. The person on the other side wasn’t anyone she expected to see anytime soon.
“Hey, sorry to interrupt, but I think this visit might be long overdue,” Spencer said, standing just barely inside of the doorway. Kim scooted over a little bit, dropping her guard a little as she patted the space next to her on the bed. She hadn’t heard a whole lot out of Spencer since she’d let him down easy.
Kim hadn't had much hope that they would ever reconcile their friendship much less be able to be in the same room again and look at each other without being reminded of everything that had passed between them. Yet, here he was looking at her like there was still some kind of friendship there. "I think I agree with you, though I never really expected to see you here again," Kim admitted, avoiding his eyes. She was surprised to find that feelings of guilt were still there, waiting under the surface.
"You should have known better than that, Kim. I'm a little bigger than all of that," he said with a strange smile on his face. "So, your grandfather told me that you've been a little strange lately and that he's worried. I hear that he filled you in on a few of the gory details about The Shadows."
Kim squinted at him, suddenly feeling a bit like he might have been sent to talk to her or check on her. "Yes, he did reveal some things that I suppose I didn't really know before," she replied carefully. "I guess I was being a little naive before about the whole thing." She shrugged it off, hoping not to reveal too much to him. the last thing she needed was him finding out her and Diesel could be on the outs at all. Kim wasn't sure she trusted Spencer not to use that to his advantage.
"No. I just think we all did a good job of keeping the truth from you, and I'm sorry for my part in it. I can't imagine the toll it's taking on you and Diesel." His eyes shifted to hers, and she sat up rigidly, placing her guitar to her side.
"Why would you bring that up? It's not any of your business." Kim felt suddenly hot headed and defensive, and she moved further away from him. Spencer threw his hands up in the air defensively.
"I am not trying to stick my nose where it doesn’t belong. I'm here as a friend, your best friend, to help you. I can't imagine you're dealing with this well, though I am glad to see that you've picked up on your music again. I was starting to fear you never would."
Kim breathed until he was calm and let her body sink back down into the bed. "I just don’t know what to do now that I realize how dangerous this really is for everyone involved. I don’t think I took the time for myself that I needed. My music is what I came to the earth with, and I know I need to be using that to see clearly, but that’s all I know. I don’t know how that fits in with anyone else. I mean, what about touring dive bars and seeing the continent, making a living off my songs? I still haven’t gotten to do that."
All of her thoughts were just spilling from her mouth at 90 miles an hour, and she couldn’t stop them. "Well, maybe that's what you should do. Take some time and play your music. Do what you love, and maybe the rest will fall into place." Kim looked at Spencer for any signs of deception or ulterior motives and saw none.
"I really did miss having you as a friend," she told him, touching his hand for a moment and then pulling away. "Thanks for the pep talk." Spencer nodded as she picked up her guitar again, feeling much more settled. Music was where it all began and ended. She could feel it. “So, are you going to help me pack?” she asked, feeling truly excited for the first time in months.
“Where do you think you’ll be heading to?” he asked her standing up and heading towards her closet to grab her luggage for her.
“I think I’ll start with New York,” she answered with a smile, beginning to throw random objects into the bag. She was going to be out of Montreal by nightfall before she could talk herself out of following her dream. She could worry about the relationship consequences later.
Chapter 8
Diesel didn’t know whether to be hear
tbroken or furious as he stared at the text message he’d gotten from Kim early in the morning. Apparently she had decided just to take off and become some kind of nomadic singer off the east coast in America. She had taken off to New York with even so much as a goodbye or explanation, and he was already halfway there to try and bring her back to reality. He knew what he had to offer wasn’t so great in the grand scheme of things, but it was better than what she would find all by herself out there like that.
He rode his bike way too fast to the border, ready to do or say whatever he had to in order to keep her. He wasn’t about to lose another woman, especially one that was worth sticking around with. Kim was incredible, and of course she deserved to follow her dreams, but living out of her car and traveling around New York clubs all by herself was not the way he saw or her. And there was no way he could fit into that equation.
He had pulled some strings, the kind his membership with the MC afforded him, and he found out the name of the club where she was playing the most. So, he had narrowed where to find her down to a few places in the area where no one would even pay attention to a car that was parked there for a while. Diesel knew there was no way she was making enough from those shows to pay for a place to stay much less for a decent amount of food. The idea had Spencer written all over it, and it drove him crazy that he still had so much power over Kim.
Once he got into New York, he got away from the busiest of streets as quickly as possible. He knew she would be in a part of town that wasn’t always the best. He headed down backstreets and squeezed his bike down alleyways full of the homeless and rats until he found her in that beat up old car her grandfather gave her. He could see her bare feet up on the dash, and her car was pulled into a parking spot at the back of a rundown park not unlike the one they went to on their first date.
He threw his bike to the ground as he hopped off of it. It was a sudden desperation to get her out of there the minute he saw her. He didn’t have time to ponder on it too much, but he couldn’t help but notice how quickly his feelings had become strong for Kim. And he wasn’t about to have all that build between them to have it fizzle out into nothing over a lot of talk.
Diesel banged on the window, startling her awake. He could see inside the car and the mess it had become in just a few short days and couldn’t believe she hadn’t abandoned the effort and come home yet. She rolled down the window looking incredibly tired and maybe a little angry to see him there at the same time. “What the hell are you doing here?” she asked him groggily, trying to re-situate herself in her driver’s seat. Her hair looked like rats had been living in it for a while, and she somehow was visibly paler and thinner already.
“I could say the same to you,” Diesel told her. He opened the door so that she couldn’t have any thoughts of driving off. “What were you thinking, Kim? And you didn’t even say goodbye or give me a chance to tell you this was an awful idea. Look, I know I’m shit and that you deserve better. But this….” Diesel paused and spun around showing her the crap hole she was in. “Living in your car in New York City making almost nothing and receiving no respect, that’s even worse shit.” Diesel’s voice had risen to dangerous levels. He was losing it over a woman again, but he just couldn’t let this one go. She was everything he had ever wanted in the first place; what his ex had pretended to be.
“I know,” she said quietly, making sure she didn’t meet his eyes. “But I wanted to do my music. I wanted it to clarify things. And I was afraid of us.” That’s when she looked up, and Diesel looked down at her, feeling confused. He didn’t quite understand what there was to be afraid of. “You’re not shit, and that’s why I’m afraid because I would have to accept that every time you put yourself in danger you might not come back to me. And then where would I be?”
Diesel bent down, pulling her out of the car and scooping her into his arms. He held her close and listened to her breathing as it became erratic with sobbing. “I’m so sorry. It was so stupid, but I’m glad you came for me. I thought I’d be stuck here forever alone with my pride.” The cry gave way to a chuckle as she pulled back a little. “Plus, the car finally gave out.”
Diesel joined in with her laughter and pulled her in for another embrace. “Of course I came for you. I haven’t felt this way about a woman in a while.” Kim looked up at him, and he let the meaning sink in between them before he pulled her over to his bike. “Now, I think it’s time to get you another car and get you home. Get us home.” Diesel turned around, but Kim grabbed him and spun him back, wrapping her arms around his neck and letting her fingers slip through his hair. Goosebumps formed up and down his body, and he closed his eyes, enjoying the sensation. Then, her lips were on his, spreading his to slide her tongue inside of his mouth. He let his own explore her perfect teeth and the tiny taste buds dotting her pink, slippery tongue. He held into her tightly, sliding his hand up and down her back. If he let it continue too much longer, not only would he break his promise to himself about doing right by her, but they would also be in a lot of trouble from any cops that came by.
Diesel disengaged himself and let out a sigh, running his fingers through her hair before climbing onto his bike. Kim followed suit without a word, wrapping her hands tightly around his waist. All was suddenly as it should be.
***
Diesel watched as Kim dipped her toes in the water, tiny waves crashing over her toes. He had gotten used to seeing her in a bathing suit over the last few days, and he enjoyed admiring her from afar while her body became slicked by the soothing blue waves.
After finding her a good used truck and pulling her things from the car they both realized they weren’t ready to go back to her grandfather and Spencer or the troubles at the MC. So, he'd driven her up the coast with the windows down, and they just told each other anything and everything that came to their mind. But they had both decided that today was the last day of fun and relaxation. They would enjoy the beach and head back to Montreal and reality. He was trying not to think about it for her sake, but the moment he got back it would be time for the next job. He had to make sure that those picking up and transporting the "goods" would be safe if The Skeletons showed up. But for now he let her enjoy the sunny weather that could be rare for their part of the world.
"You look so beautiful like this," Diesel told her, walking up to her and allowing himself to get knee deep in the water. "Were you a mermaid in another life," he teased cheesily, and Kim elbowed him playfully in the side.
"I love it here," she said honestly, looking out at the many rocky hills that jutted out into the water. It really was an amazing place to be. "Maybe one day we can come back and stay a little longer.... maybe on a more permanent basis." Kim looked over at him, and he was surprised to see a shine in her eyes that hadn’t been there before. he wondered what was behind them; what she was thinking.
"You mean you'd put up with me for that long?" Diesel said with a chuckle, but the question was an honest one. It sprang from his heart and the insecurity that Sophia had out there.
"Yes, of course I would," she told him. It was like she read his insecurity and knew he needed an answer. How had he not found her long ago?
Diesel smirked, watching as the tide rose. he knew they had to leave really soon, and he wanted to make the rest of their time alone together memorable. He suddenly picked her up, causing her to squeal. And he ran out farther into the water, which wasn't necessarily the warmest ever, and threw her right into the middle of a big wave as her screams were cut off. Kim came up soaked and splashing him while trying to keep herself standing in the midst of large waves slapping against her back. the two laughed the most joyous laugh he'd ever heard. He couldn’t remember ever having that kind of simple and easy fun in his life before. He couldn’t let himself lose her again.
"Kim," he hollered at her, calling a truce with his hands in the air. He slid his arm around her and helped lead her back out of the deeper water until it was back down to their knees. Then, he leaned over and nibbled at her ear befo
re whispering what he had wanted to say for some time. "I think I'm falling for you," he whispered, letting his finger trace down her spine to make her shiver. He saw the smile form on her face before she leaped into his arms, wrapping her legs around his body. She ran her fingers across his face and neck desperately as their lips met, and he wondered if it was a preview of what was to come later as her hips pressed tightly against him.
"I'm falling or you too," she told him, pulling away. Diesel was the happiest man on Earth just for one moment until he had to break the news to her that it was time to go back and face everything that was trying to derail them. Holding hands, they walked across the sand one last time to where the truck was parked, holding his bike in the back. They climbed in, letting the disappointment wash over them before joining hands and taking off to the place they both called home.
Chapter 9
"Please, please don't go! Isn’t there someone else who can do this? I know I told you I thought I could handle this, but I can’t. I don’t want to lose you." Kim sounded desperate, even now as he played the conversation back in his head.
"You know that I don’t have a choice. This is my job. Maybe I shouldn’t have brought you back. maybe you would have been better off in New York away from the pain I'm causing you." Diesel had known as soon as he said it that he didn’t mean it. it was the wrong thing entirely, especially at a time like that. he could see the pain building in her eyes.
"You can’t mean that," she squeaked out, making his stomach turn into terrible knots.
"Look, I'm sorry for that, but you know if there was a way out of this I’d take it. There isn’t. This is my life, and it’s your life if you want to be with me. I know it's an awful thing to ask of you, but you know that I will do everything in my power to get back to you. Now, I have to go." He had turned around and walked out on her before he did change his mind and do something rash. His path had been chosen already, and there was nothing he could do about it.