Lost Bastard: A Dark Sparrow Novel

by India Kells

  “You are beautiful, Deva. A siren, calling me out at sea. I just want to lose myself in you, Deva. Please.”

  The low rumble of his voice, pleading, broke her.

  “I never want you to beg, Aleksei. Not when I want you as much as you want me.”

  Shifting, she reached beneath her and positioned his slick cock at her entrance. Placing both her hands on his chest, Deva unhurriedly lowered herself onto him, until he was fully seated inside her.

  For a long moment, Deva stayed still. Enjoying the sensation, admiring the man heaving beneath her, trying very hard not to lose his hard-earned control, his hands still squeezing her ass.

  But this wasn’t about denial. She lifted and let herself fall onto him.

  Straightening, she cupped one of her breasts with one hand and extended her other hand to him.

  “Don’t leave me out here alone, Aleksei. Come to me.”

  Deva didn’t know why she said those words, but they felt right. And her own desperation, both for his body and his connection overrode common sense or self-preservation.

  Her words must have reached something in Aleksei too because he sat up and pulled her into a kiss. Friction increased, rubbing sensitive skin. His hand grew more impatient, and so were her own movements, her body now searching for fulfillment.

  “Aleksei, please.”

  The man gripped her butt and increased his movement, slightly meeting her midway.

  “Tell me what you need, Deva. I’ll give it to you.”

  The fierce devotion in his eyes and the open sincerity clogged her throat with emotion. It may have been said in the spur of the moment, or with his mind filled with lust, but Deva realized that she had waited to hear those words all her life. Apart from her mother lost to her long ago and Johnny, she had never been the center of anyone’s universe. Not as she was in the gray mists swirling in the eyes in front of her.

  “You. I only need you, Aleksei.”

  His face softened, a hint of a smile on his delectable lips, and she knew there was no going back. Right here in the face of this dangerous man who had offered her a glimpse of vulnerability, of who he could have been without the Bratva interfering, she had surrendered part of her soul.

  “And you have me. All of me, solnyshka.”

  And this time, something shifted between them as he pulled her down to him to take her mouth. When Aleksei increase the strength of his upward thrusts, it bumped her clit in the most delicious way. Digging her nails into his shoulders, she now chased her orgasm.

  Mingling breaths, observing each other’s reactions. It was a thrill to catch all the clues that told her this predator was fighting a losing battle and was about to win at the same time.

  Deva leaned forward which increased her pleasure almost to the breaking point, and bit his ear.

  “Let go, Aleksei. Come for me, please.”

  Aleksei shuddered, and she could see he was clenching his jaw, battling his release with everything he had. Deva kissed his stubble. “Why are you fighting it?”

  And when she looked at him, covered in sweat, heaving as badly as she was, the words made her fall apart.

  “I can’t, Deva, not now.”

  “Why?”

  “Because it would be over. It can’t be over. I don’t want it to be over, Deva.”

  Damn man! Pleasure of the flesh and pain of the heart mingled. With trembling hands, she cupped his cheeks, looking into the troubling storm brewing inside him.

  “I know, Aleksei. But it’s inevitable. Come in my arms, as I fall apart for you. Together. Let’s die a little tonight and be born again at sunrise. And fight this all over again. Just don’t leave me now. Not when I need you the most. Don’t fight against me. Fight for me.”

  The man looking at her was caught in a state of turmoil, but when he thrust deep inside her, and they both moaned in delight, Deva was relieved. And her relief turned into a frenzy that fogged her mind and fried all its circuits. With all his strength, he pushed himself inside her, over and over again, at a blinding speed that rendered her mad.

  Barely realizing she was repeating Aleksei’s name like a prayer, her orgasm exploded inside her and spread until it all but consumed her. And more wildly, when Aleksei roared in pleasure and pushed with even more force inside her quivering sheath, it heightened her own release until she thought her body would shut down. The only thing she could do was hold on to the man who was as lost as she was, as broken as she was. His strong arms banded around her, his lips buried in her neck, and she offered him the same embrace. Wishing secretly for this moment never to end.

  Chapter 23

  Deep in a cocoon of a white comforter and pillows, Deva was way too hot now, surrounded by Aleksei’s body, but she didn’t care. It was more due to the fact that, limp as a noodle, she didn’t have the strength to push the covers away.

  “Stop squirming, Deva.”

  The deep rumble and slightly annoyed tone from Aleksei made her giggle.

  “You are a damn furnace! I’m melting here.”

  In a swift movement, he grumbled and pushed the cover away, so their naked bodies were now exposed. And she wasn’t even feeling the cool air!

  “Is it a Russian thing to generate so much heat? To fend off the cold Siberian nights?”

  Again, he rumbled, and despite her discomfort, she snuggled even closer to him. Aleksei shifted to his back and draped her over him. At least now she felt more comfortable.

  “I don’t have a clue. I’ve never slept with a Russian man before.”

  Deva blinked and burst out laughing. “Well, at least we have similar experiences in the matter. And I don’t care, this feels nice.”

  “Yeah, very nice. And new.”

  His voice was so low, she almost didn’t hear the last few words. “New? Please tell me you weren’t a virgin! My heart wouldn’t take it!” When his chest shook, she rubbed her cheek against it. This playful mood moved her somehow.

  “Nyet. And I wouldn’t recommend me as a virgin. Let’s just say that practice makes perfect.”

  “Whoa, now I don’t know if I want to learn more or just put my hands over my ears.”

  “I think option two would be your best choice.”

  “I agree. I’ll just pretend you’re a sex god and be done with it.”

  More rumbles. More giggles. “I like the nickname. Sex god. Please use it whenever you want, especially when there are a lot of people around.”

  “That nickname would beat Alek anytime.”

  Deva felt him hesitate a moment. “Please don’t use that nickname for me.”

  Well, the mood had frosted over in a matter of seconds. So much so, that worried, Deva pushed herself up so she could look at his face.

  “Did I say something wrong?”

  He shook his head. “No, you couldn’t have known. The name Alek bears bad memories, that’s all.”

  “What kind of memories?” Deva didn’t know why she pushed. She knew so little about that man, but she’d prefer that he tell her about his past, about who he was, by himself. He didn’t move, his gaze going to the ceiling and Deva internally slapped herself for breaking the mood. And what for? What they had was temporary anyway.

  “For a long time, there was only my mother and me. I was so young, but when you are born in poverty, surrounded by violence, you grow up fast and understand realities even faster. I always knew that my mother was a whore. Even before I knew the word or what it entailed. Men came into her room and left, one after the other. And the more they came, the sadder my mother appeared to me.”

  “What was her name?”

  Still not looking at her, she saw his face relax a bit. “Zoya. It was her real name, not the name she used for work. And she had the softest voice. Her touch was kind. And despite everything else, the hunger and the cold, I always knew she loved me, that she was ready to do the worst thing in the world to keep me safe.”

  He swallowed reflexively, and even though his voice hadn’t changed, she could feel
the pain that radiated from the memories. Before she could tell him that he could stop, he kept going.

  “She wasn’t always a prostitute, Deva. One day, I discovered a small box with photographs in it. People I didn’t know, but they looked a little like me. Her parents, her family. Bit by bit, I could piece the information enough to know that her family disowned her when she got pregnant with me. Threw her out.”

  Now it was hard for her to speak. “That’s awful. Why would they do that?”

  Aleksei shook his head, and he gently covered her hand resting on his chest, idly tracing her fingers and the back of her hand.

  “They were poor and very conservative. And in a town where tongues wagged, and reputations could mean a job or not, they condemned her weakness.”

  Deva swallowed hard. “And it was Jamieson Finch who got her pregnant?”

  He nodded. “I found out that information later. Much later. Finch came into town to buy one of the factories where my mother worked. She was young, incredibly beautiful, and naive. He abused her innocence, and when she went to him to tell him that she was pregnant and beg for his help, she couldn’t find him.”

  “I’m so sorry, Aleksei.”

  He took a deep breath before continuing. “That’s when she went to St. Petersburg to give birth to me. And when the little money she had left vanished, she started selling her body. As I grew up, people called me a bastard, and I couldn’t care less because my mother was more important than what those cowards could ever say about me. As I got older, I found ways to help her, by being a thief and a scavenger. When I returned with money or food, she always smiled at me, but I saw the sadness in her eyes. It was not the life she wanted for me. We survived until I was in my teens, and that’s when she fell sick. We didn’t have the money to see a doctor, but I did some research of my own. It was AIDS. Some fucked up client infected her.”

  And now his voice hitched. Deva swallowed hard to push back the emotions, to be there for him. Gently she took his scarred hand and kissed it.

  “And when not long after, she fell sick with pneumonia, I knew my time with her was coming to an end. I didn’t leave her side. I protected her, took care of her the best I could. I stashed food and weapons in our small apartment. I threatened the landlord to leave us alone. I think that the pain of leaving me to fend for myself was greater for her than her own sufferings. And I held her. It was the only thing I could do.”

  Deva was now crying in silence. For the poor woman who loved her son above anything else. And for the little boy Aleksei had been, alone and scared, putting his mother at the center of his universe. When she looked up at Aleksei, she could see the tears streaming from his eyes as his voice continued, steady, his eyes still blindly fixing the ceiling.

  “Until her last breath, she only thought about me. She said that she loved me, and how sorry she was that she couldn’t do more. She told me to survive, to make a life for myself. And her last word was her nickname for me. So soft, so low, I almost didn’t hear it. And she was gone.”

  He swallowed again and coughed.

  “I couldn’t even offer her a decent burial. It still haunts me to this day. I had to leave her body behind for the landlord to find. Soon after, I started to work for different small-time crooks. And they all called me Alek. I despised it. But I had to survive. I had promised her. So, I did. And when I finally found my place, I changed my last name for Voronov, as I couldn’t bear keeping the surname of a family who had abandoned a daughter in need. And I beat up whoever called me Alek. I was to be Aleksei from now on.”

  And he turned to look at her, the pale gray of his eyes was diluted by unshed tears, and the determination that forged this man seeped through them. A determination she could understand so well.

  “Why Voronov?”

  Finally, a smile curved up in a wicked grin. “It means wolf. And that’s what I became. A lone wolf, feral, dangerous. You’ve seen me in the cage, Deva. That’s who I am.”

  Deva angled her head. “I think there are many other layers to you, Mr. Voronov. I’m certain about it. Can I ask you something? It’s maybe too personal, and if you don’t want to answer, I will understand.”

  Now the sorrow had turned to amusement. “I knew you would want to know the number of women I had sex with. You’ll have to give me a minute so I can calculate the total.”

  Deva smiled and swatted his shoulder playfully. “Don’t, we probably don’t have enough time for that. I’m curious. What’s the nickname your mother gave you?”

  Softness returned to his face. “It’s not original. It’s the diminutive of Aleksei in Russian. But coming from her lips, it was always special. She called me Alyosha.”

  Deva smiled as she repeated the word. “Alyosha. I like it. It’s smoother on the lips.”

  “Your accent is awful, lyubimaya. But I like how you say it.”

  “There can’t be that many ways to say Alyosha.”

  His smile returned full force. “Oh yeah. And the way you say it, it’s nothing like my mother. My name on your lips makes me hard.”

  And the storm of lust was back in his eyes. A storm that made her skin tingle and her body restless.

  Deciding that the dark clouds were gone, Deva indulged in much more interesting activities. Pushing herself on all fours, she nipped at his thigh and saw that another part of his anatomy was up for the challenge.

  “Well, I think we can experiment with this new nickname, what do you think, Alyosha?” And she took him in her mouth.

  Chapter 24

  Only a growling stomach could finally extract her from the bed. The Russian fighter could go on for hours on little fuel, but Deva badly needed sustenance.

  Night still cloaked the city, but it wouldn’t be long before the first rays of dawn would force them to return to reality and face their enemies once more.

  When Aleksei couldn’t convince her to stay in bed, he had turned into a surly kid and growled that he was going to take a long, cold shower.

  To make sure she wouldn’t be tempted to crawl back into bed or join him in the shower, she rapidly dressed in a pair of jeans and deep pink wrap-around top, before running her fingers through her hair in a vain attempt to tame it. Curious, she went to the table to see if what he had ordered could be eaten cold. And in a small alcove, she found a fancy coffee machine; a life saver!

  On the table, there was filet mignon, grilled vegetables, and crispy bread. Even cold, it tasted delicious.

  Hunger receding, Deva went to retrieve her cell phone. The many missed calls and text messages made her wince. Gabrielle, Lazarus, Sasha, and a few numbers she couldn’t place. Instead of going through them all, she decided to call Gabrielle straight away.

  “What the hell is going on? Speak Landry, and speak fast!” The woman almost yelled through the receiver.

  “Calm down, Gabrielle.”

  “Calming down? Are you kidding me? Lazarus is out of his mind, and I’ve had Lance scouting the city for you. And I’m not even talking about the western-style duel you organized at Rusty’s gym! And that Russian man of yours better be alive because Oz will have your neck if he isn’t.”

  “Well, if you want to know what’s going on, shut up!”

  Gabrielle hissed on the other end of the line but kept quiet as Deva started to speak. Putting emphasis on the most important details, especially the words that kept bugging her since she had spoken to Finch and her father, Deva found it helpful to put all her thoughts and ideas into words. Gabrielle had obviously calmed down, her brain feeding avidly on the new information.

  “Finch can’t control the syndicates in any way unless he blackmails the heads in some way. But so far, with what you told me and the information I could gather, it seems as if Finch is circling, but not directly involved in anything. Or doesn’t appear to be. He’s waiting. But for what?”

  “I know. And because it involves my father, it’s even weirder.”

  Gabrielle waited a moment. “And I’m surprised you haven’t asked
me if I had any news about your father. Unless you’ve found something out already.”

  Deva sighed and turned to look out through the window. “I didn’t. And I’m not sure I want to know. It’s tearing me in two. Why should I care for a man who has done such awful things to me, and claims he wants to continue?”

  “I guess it’s because he’s your father. I wouldn’t try to analyze it more if I were you. And you have a kind heart. It will both play against you and be your greatest strength, Deva.”

  “We’ll see. I’m not convinced yet. And as I’ve enraged the man, it will complicate things for all of us.”

  “Maybe not. An enraged man doesn’t think as clearly. I believe it will give us an edge. And maybe help us uncover what Finch is up to, especially since Mex is implicated. I’ll dig a bit more, and harass some connections of mine. We never know, I might come up with useful information.”

  Gabrielle had a point. “I will cross-check all of Finch’s known connections the syndicates and their families. Even the MCs. Maybe some sort of link will appear. Or someone with a loose tongue may speak.”

  “Yeah, I have people already at work on that. And also, we need to dig more into the financials. Something might pop up. In the meantime, I want to be kept informed. Regularly, not after the fact. And if you have the idea of wandering away from Aleksei, I will send you protection. One that will stick to you like glue. Right now, is a very bad time to wander the city alone, Deva.”

  As if on cue, Aleksei opened the bedroom door, fully clothed in dark wash jeans, boots, and a dark blue sweater that set off his silver eyes. His black hair was still damp from his shower. He scanned the room before settling his attention on her and smiling a little.

  “I’ll be careful. Keep me posted too.”

  When she hung up, Aleksei lowered himself to her for a kiss. The first touch was light, but the underlying embers flared up quickly. It would be so easy to yield, but her call with Gabrielle confirmed that danger was lurking and Aleksei needed to know about it. Deva cupped his cheeks and leaned back a little. “Coffee?”