Lost Bastard: A Dark Sparrow Novel

by India Kells

  “Two million dollars were found in various offshore accounts. Not very well hidden if you want my opinion.”

  “I don’t want your opinion. I want you to tell me where I have to sign so this whole thing ends, and I can go home.”

  “I fear it’s not that simple. If two million were found, there is potentially more out there. And it is feared that you may use this money to fund illegal activities.”

  “Oh, come on! You know I have nothing to do with the Dark Blood Rows anymore. They have elected a new president, and so far, I haven’t been contacted by any of them.”

  “Is that right? But the potentially illegal activities I’m referring to are related to the Storm Wayfarers and Damon Evans.”

  “Related?”

  Letting go of the paper, Aleksei half sat on his desk, arms crossed. “So much money in the hands of an MC is something that can worry the authorities. That’s my duty to make sure it doesn’t happen.”

  Deva was about to respond when something caught her attention, a glint. Calming down, she frowned, and crossed her arms, mirroring his posture. Wheels were spinning wildly in her head, processing that new piece of information.

  “Why am I here? To confirm that I’m hiding money my father potentially left me? I’ll sign anything to relinquish any rights to any money you may or may not find, and feel free to dig around my financials at your leisure. You’ll see that I didn’t go into physical therapy for the money, unlike your trade, it seems. And as for my personal relationships with the people around me, unless I do something unlawful, you and your slithery friends can go fuck yourselves.”

  Deva turned to grab her coat, having had enough of it all, and unable to look at Aleksei, so cold and calculating, accusing her of whatever things he had conjured up in his head. Maybe the only advantage of this meeting was that it gave her the confirmation that although she had fallen in love with a man who was no better than her father, that love wasn’t returned. Again. A man who would never trust her as she needed him to. And knowing that, there would never be anything between them.

  A hand on the door knob, Deva turned it, only to have it slammed closed again with violence. Before she could react, her body was plastered against the door.

  “I’m to go fuck myself, am I? While you fuck Evans?”

  His breathy snarl in her ear lit out a fire in her belly, making her remember other times when his body wasn’t encased in an amazing suit when he wasn’t Aleksei, but Alyosha. She had to get out if she wanted to survive. To save what was left of her pride and her sanity.

  Pushing against the almost unmovable wall of muscles, she loosened his grasp enough to turn and face him.

  “You think I betrayed you, so why would you care who’s in my bed?”

  His gaze seared her, his features so ferocious, she wondered for a moment if he was about to squash her like a bug. So tall, untamed, barely contained in this civilized facade. His stormy eyes were a dead giveaway. Just as fear was about to seize her, Aleksei, with arms straining on either side of her, bent and leaned toward her until his head was buried in the crook of her neck, inhaling deep. Deva bit back a curse.

  Once more, she put both her hands on his chest to push him off, but this time again, he didn’t yield an inch. The image of a taser popped into her mind.

  “Aleksei, let me go.”

  When he retreated slightly, his lips skimmed her ear lobe. His voice was raspy, filled with dark promises and laced heavily with his Russian accent. A sign that he wasn’t as cold as he appeared.

  “I can’t, Deva. I can’t let you go. Thinking I would never feel your warmth again, be filled with your scent, it’s killing me. Tell me that you used me, that you lied to me, that you are a thief and fucked Evans. Tell me so what I feel for you can die.”

  His lips whispered against her cheek. The tender touch filled her eyes with tears as he continued talking.

  “Tell me I imagined you saying you loved me, and that what followed was only a nightmare. That the gift you gave me, offering me the chance to bury my mother, was only another trick of yours.”

  Deva didn’t know what to do. She felt raw, exposed, and vulnerable. If she uncovered what was left of her one more time, and was turned away, she would disintegrate.

  Was she strong enough to take another leap of faith? Was she stronger than him?

  With trembling hands, she framed his face, looking deep into those swirling pools of gray, gaining courage she didn’t know she had.

  “The reason I helped Lazarus to uncover Finch’s plan and came back to Chicago, meant that I got close to you. The alliance with Damon Evans was a necessary evil. He saved my life, and I was in debt to him. I had to help him in return.”

  Aleksei’s face darkened, but he didn’t pull away.

  “Nothing happened with Damon. It was all fake. But what I felt for you, how it developed, how important you became to me, it’s all my heart. I should have knocked some sense into you when you reacted so badly to my deal with Damon. How many times do you think I’ve ever said those words to a single living soul? Never! You assumed things, awful things, without even giving me a chance to explain. Especially when I had confessed my feelings for you. I loved you. What else was there to doubt or understand?”

  Exhaling, Aleksei dropped his head, defeated. “You used the past tense. Have I smothered the love you had for me?”

  Deva let her arms drop to her side. “I will love you forever. I just wish you could have loved me in return.”

  His entire body shivered violently before he gradually lifted his head.

  “Did you ever find out what solnyshka means?”

  Deva felt disoriented for a moment at his question, but she wrapped her mind around the words. “I don’t have a clue how to write it. And as sometimes you made it sound like an insult, I wasn’t sure I wanted to know what it meant.”

  It was his turn to cup her cheeks, with his rough fingers tracing weird patterns over her skin.

  “It means, ‘little sun’; my little sun. Because it’s how I saw you when you first came to the gym. Light was pouring behind you, like a halo. And in that instant, you fascinated me. My hands itched to touch your hair. I’d never felt like that before, and it terrified me.”

  And he did exactly that, twirling a curl or two with his fingers, entranced. Deva couldn’t move.

  “My entire life, I fought shadows and lies. And when I saw you, I found myself hoping... I wanted your light, Deva. I craved it to the point where I couldn’t breathe. I wanted you, I needed you. And that night, when you told me you loved me... I knew I felt as deeply too. Irrevocably. I love you. If you’ll have me.”

  Deva stared at Aleksei, flooded by so many strong emotions, she couldn’t respond. While he waited, Aleksei appeared so tense, it made her shake her head in amazement. Would he always be that intense? Most probably, but only with her, and in the cage. And who was she to judge when her feelings were just as intense as his.

  Aleksei must have misinterpreted her gesture for rejection, his emotions swiftly hiding behind his usual fierce mask, but not before Deva saw devastating pain. Ever so slowly, he started pushing away from her, as if the movement itself was the most strenuous effort he had done in his life. His fingers trailed in her hair, and as he was about to let his hand drop to his side, Deva took it in hers.

  “If I tell you, what I truly feel for you, will you believe me this time? And most importantly, I want you to respect and honor my decision, Aleksei. No more letters or threats. Can you do this one thing for me?”

  He nodded, and Deva felt almost guilty for doing it, but he had to see her for who she really was.

  “It’s too late.”

  Even if the man before her didn’t move an inch, she knew him enough to feel the misery pulsing through his entire body.

  “It’s too late, Aleksei because when I fell in love with you, there was no going back for me. And it never will.”

  It took a moment for him to digest the words, and Deva knew the precise m
oment when he did. His hand squeezed hers to the point of pain before he pushed her against the door and kissed her.

  Elation flowed through her veins, and Deva fisted his black hair as hard as he was gripping her waist, holding her so tight against him until there was no telling where his body began and where hers ended.

  When Aleksei finally resurfaced for air, he cupped the back of her head, breathing hard as if he had been running a mile a minute. Eye to eye, their shared breath mingling, he finally spoke again, his tone between relief and threat.

  “I think I aged a century, Deva. Never do that to me again.”

  Deva smiled and poked his muscled chest. “Well, mister, you’ll have to get used to it. So far, you’ve seen me all serious and solemn, but I’m quite quirky in real life.”

  Aleksei arched an eyebrow in disbelief. “Quirky?”

  Deva nodded. “Yes. And stubborn, and difficult. I love to laugh and be silly sometimes. I’m bad at housework, and I often forget to pay my bills. Or put gas in my car.”

  Aleksei kept touching her but this time grinned. “Why are you telling me that?”

  Deva cupped his face. “To tell you that I’m no prize. That I have faults and quirks that may or may not annoy you. I’m not complicated, but I have non-negotiables in my life. All that comes with me.”

  “And what are they? Your non-negotiables?” He bit his fascinating lips, but Deva wasn’t finished yet and unwilling to be distracted.

  “I can’t and never will agree to be tied to any organization, syndicate, mob, or MC. I agreed to help Damon, but only so balance could be restored. I know I cannot completely step out of that world, but I’m against any form of permanent alliance. If your aim is the Bratva, we end here.”

  Aleksei nodded. “What else?”

  “I may continue to help Beatrice find Jamieson Finch.”

  As Aleksei growled, Deva gently put her fingertips on his lips. He nipped teasingly, but she shook her head.

  “I won’t put myself in danger, but don’t ask me to stay on the sidelines when someone may threaten the man I love again. Try to tell me you wouldn’t do the same.”

  He didn’t nod this time, lifting his chin, assessing what she was saying. “And what else?”

  Deva sighed, as if in pain. “I need a new couch.”

  Aleksei blinked several times, as if not quite understanding the words before he laughed. If Deva hadn’t already been head over heels for him, she would have been done right there.

  “I have a couch. A big one.”

  Deva pouted. “But it’s at your place.”

  The Russian seemed to think about that. “Are they all your non-negotiables, Deva?”

  “Pretty much, but I’ll fill you in along the way if others pop up.”

  “Well, if we are negotiating, I would like to revisit the rejection of ‘permanent alliances’ clause.”

  Deva’s eyes darkened, determination resurfacing. “I told you, I won’t bind myself to the Bratva, that’s out of the…”

  “And what about me, solnyshka? What about binding yourself to me?”

  If it was possible, Deva’s heart expanded in her chest. This man was everything, and more.

  “I don’t know. I’ve never been with an accountant before. I’m told they are very boring, and bad in bed.”

  His eyebrow shot up, but the predatory gleam was quickly back. “Well, it seems that I’ll have to redeem the reputation of all accountants. And I think it would be a full-time job. That’s why you must move in with me.”

  The man could be as subtle as he was stubborn. “Let’s start with a weekend. If you survive my lack of cleaning skills, chips on your couch, and my weekend TV marathons. Then maybe we’ll talk.”

  “And what if you can’t survive me?”

  He might be teasing, but she knew there was a tiny bit of truth behind the words. Survivor and fighter, a wounded soul. So similar to herself. They would have to learn to navigate together, and it wouldn’t be an easy ride.

  “I think I’ve survived your worst, Voronov. And I’m tough. I have serious doubts about you though.”

  Aleksei kissed her lips before offering her a wicked smile. “We will talk then. And you’ll stay for more than a weekend. Be sure of it.”

  Deva smiled back at him, hesitant about what she was about to say next.

  “I have another question, what does ‘liubmaya’ means?”

  The face she adored looked at her in such a way, her breath caught. “Lyubimaya. It’s an endearment. It means ‘my love’.”

  Deva had suspected as much. Hoped as much. And that little word gave her the strength to take yet another leap. To trust him with her heart once more.

  “Ya lyublyu tyebya, Alyosha.”

  Aleksei frowned, his silver gaze wavering for a second before he took her in a mighty bear hug. His voice was raw and filled with the same emotion she felt in her soul.

  “Oh, my Deva. We must work on your accent. And I love you, too.”

  Chapter 40

  Department of State, Washington, D.C.

  Zoe Somersby tugged at her blouse once more. She hated suits, any kind of suit. They were made as a torture device by men to ogle women’s asses, and she wasn’t even talking about the pain of wearing high heels! And it was difficult enough to find a skirt or pants that could fit said ass! One of the downfalls of having curves in the modern world.

  But convention was to be dealt with, and she knew that sometimes, looks could give a necessary edge. So, she used it, with every last one of her own talents.

  Stretching her arms over her head, she winced at the kink in her neck. That was the trouble of being back in front of her computers. But when she was in the field, Zoe longed to be in front of her computer. One of her many quirks.

  Looking at the clock, she grabbed her file to head for her meeting. As she proceeded through the hallways of the building, Zoe smiled at the so-serious smart suits walking by. In her opinion, they all appeared to be continuously constipated for the last ten years. People underestimated fun and whimsy, and that was so sad.

  Rounding the corner, she saw her boss still sitting in his office. She pivoted gracefully.

  “Hey, Mark! Aren’t you coming to the weekly meeting?”

  The older man with impressive bags beneath his eyes lifted his bloodhound face to her. “What meeting?”

  Zoe smiled affectionately at the man who put up with so much. “Weekly meeting? Meeting room D? Now?”

  Mark tilted his head to his phone and looked back at her, shaking his head. “I have no meeting scheduled, Zoe. I don’t know what meeting you’re attending, but I’m out! Hallelujah! For once, I’ll be able to meet my deadline!”

  Zoe was confused and readjusted her tortoise-shell glasses. “I thought it was our weekly meeting. So what meeting am I going to?”

  Leaving without listening to Mark’s incoherent mumbling, she walked back to her cramped temporary office, one that changed every time she was back in D.C. and dropped her file before sitting back in front of her computer.

  When she opened the appointment in her calendar, she blinked. The subject read Meeting about the Meaning of Dark Sparrows. Her heart somersaulted in her chest at the reference. Bolting from her chair, and despite her high heels, she walked briskly to the other end of the corridor, towards Meeting Room D. She was tempted to ditch the shoes and start running, but it would have raised suspicions. Tendrils of red hair escaped from her neat bun, but she couldn’t care less. Disheveled looked better on her anyway.

  When she pushed open the door, a smile bloomed on her face at the sight of the slender woman with spiky red-haired standing there.

  “Beatrice! Beatrice Dante, my friend!”

  “Crazy Zoe!” Zoe launched herself into her arms, surprised by the sudden rush of emotions clogging her throat.

  “Bea. It’s so good to see you!”

  From the corner of her eye, Zoe saw a blonde woman step aside, giving them a little privacy and closing the door.

&
nbsp; Giving her one last squeeze, Zoe let her go. “You don’t know how happy I was when I just read your superhero code name on my computer.”

  The older woman laughed and shook her head. “You may be the only one who thinks that me contacting them would be cool.

  Zoe shook her head. Beatrice was an intelligent woman, the founder of Purgatory, an organization dedicated to rescue missions when official alternatives were tied. When she had been saved by her all those years ago, and Beatrice had asked for her to return the favor some day, it was clear in Zoe’s head that she would jump at the chance. “Nah! I’m suffocating now in my office, and I want out! It’s only a temporary assignment, but after being stationed in the Middle East and making some significant contributions, being cooped up in this dungeon will be the death of me.”

  “Well, I may have something for you.”

  Zoe shot her hands in the hair, making a whooping sound. “Oh yeah! Anything to get out of this suit and killer pumps.”

  Beatrice winced. “Well… what I need you for might require them.”

  Groaning, Zoe let her arms and head fall back in defeat before looking at her friend again. “Will it be in a closed office space without any windows?”

  Beatrice hesitated, and Zoe groaned. At the sound, the older woman smiled apologetically. “There will be windows. I promise. Please, let me introduce you to the one who’s supervising the whole thing. Gabrielle Thorne.”

  Zoe smiled and took the offered hand of the beautiful blond woman before her. “Blonde, tall, beautiful, and probably deadly. Women must hate you.”

  Gabrielle blinked before bursting in laughter. “Well, I don’t know about that. I never admire myself in the mirror. Does it bother you?”

  Zoe looked her up and down before shaking her head. “Not really. My type attracts another demographic.”

  It was Gabrielle’s turn to assess her before angling her head. “What is your type? High-powered business women?”

  Zoe smirked. “Sometimes! Don’t let the look fool you. I’m what we call a geek or a nerd. Dork is another good one. I’m a bookworm, with a big brain, and Spiderman underwear.”