Phoenix (The Bellator Saga Book 4)

by Cecilia London

  Caroline frowned. “Okay, that sounds like some serious Seal Team Six shit. Why are we part of it? We don’t have that kind of training.”

  Damn it. Ballard shuffled some papers in his hands in a clear sign that he was not entirely comfortable doing the talking. He was about to get to the part Jack dreaded. Jack glanced over at the major and nodded.

  “Well,” Ballard said. “I suppose you all are a distraction while the other team goes in and ‘captures’ our prisoner.”

  Caroline looked confused. “Another team?”

  “We have a special operations unit located on the main base. Part of the California Republican Army. All former Delta Force or Navy SEALs.”

  “We’re goddamn bait,” Jones muttered.

  “We’re decoys,” Caroline corrected.

  “Does that matter?” he asked. “Might as well put fucking targets on our backs. You got any red paint, Crunch?”

  Caroline waved her hand at him. “Stop. Let them explain.” She turned to Jack. “Commander?”

  Of course she would put it on him. He could try. Jack pointed at the opposite side of the building. “You and your team create the diversion here,” he said. “Our CRA friends liberate our operative through means that I’m still a bit unclear on, but I assure you, it’s all within the bounds of international law.”

  “Well, that’s fucking comforting,” Jones said. “As long as we’re not breaking any precious rules.”

  Caroline smacked her palm down on the table next to him. “Show the commander and his advisors some respect. We wouldn’t be going in there if it wasn’t important.”

  Jones sat back in his chair, duly chastened. “Yes, ma’am.”

  Well, that was the first time Jack had seen that happen. Points for her.

  Ballard stared at Caroline, then turned his attention to Jack. “Sir, we don’t need a higher ranking officer on this mission. Lieutenant Gigowski is perfectly capable of-”

  Was everyone trying to undermine him today? Caroline had volunteered and he was bound and determined to respect her decision, even if he thought it unwise. Jack cut him off. “They go as a team.”

  Ballard glanced over at Caroline again. “Yes, sir.”

  He’d received the message loud and clear. Good. “All right,” Jack said. “Let’s fill in the rest of the blanks and get these soldiers on their way.”

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Caroline and her unit spent most of the day shoring up details with Jack and his advisors. They’d be wearing their aliases on their uniforms. If captured they were not to reveal anything about the rebellion. They’d be flying in on a helicopter just like the one Gabe and his unit had used, except they’d be stopping to refuel at a secret site close to the Nevada border, where a plane would be waiting for the return trip. If anything went wrong, they’d be able to dash out of there in higher powered aircraft if necessary. All those annoying details were covered but it didn’t matter. They were going to do their jobs and get the fuck out of there. Death and failure weren’t options. Unless they hit a snag or their intelligence was bad, they’d be free and clear and back on base before anyone even realized they’d left.

  They all ate dinner together – her unit, Jack, and his advisors. Her fellow majors seemed much more likely to open up once they were allowed to decompress. All in all, it was as pleasant an experience as one could imagine under the circumstances, even if Jack was at the other side of the table completely ignoring her. She wondered if anyone had noticed. After the other men scattered, she walked over to him.

  “Will you walk home with me?” she asked.

  He’d been shoving around his unfinished dessert but brought his head up. “Excuse me?”

  “I just – it’s dark and I thought you could take me home.”

  He shook his head. “You don’t need an escort, Major.”

  Every distant statement he made reminded her of how much damage she’d done. She took a deep breath. “Will you please walk me home?”

  He gathered up his garbage. “Fine. Let’s go.”

  Another clear night. Another quiet walk. The tension was palpable. But this time she unlocked her apartment door and beckoned him inside.

  They stood in the middle of the living room. Was she supposed to ask him to sit down? She didn’t know. Was she supposed to talk first? Probably.

  “It was nice spending time with you today,” she said.

  “Really?” he asked. “I thought I caught you nodding off once or twice during the briefing.”

  He’d noticed. Well, she was past the point of being tactful. No doubt he knew that already. “That meeting was the most boring thing I’ve ever had to sit through.”

  She expected him to maybe crack a smile but the bland expression remained. “Boring is usually code for important,” he said.

  She reddened. “I know.” Caroline stared at the floor, wondering how she could find a creative way to ask him to leave when she was the one who invited him up in the first place.

  “I liked watching you interact with your team,” he said.

  Was this how it was going to go? Exchanging choppy one line statements until one of them got frustrated enough to end the conversation? “They’re good men,” Caroline said.

  Jack rocked back and forth on his feet. He was delaying. She wasn’t sure why, given the mood he was in.

  “Would you like me to make you a cup of tea?” he asked.

  She glanced at her watch. “It’s late. Weren’t you lecturing me about caffeine consumption the other night?”

  “Some chamomile would help you sleep.”

  No smile. No real affection in his voice. Still, was he going to drop the act? Bridge the gap? She didn’t know. Caroline reddened again, thinking about the last time he’d been in her apartment. In her bed. Holding her. She wanted him to do more than that. She tried to clear her head. “I don’t want anything to happen that we’ll regret.”

  “Rest assured, Major, you don’t have to worry about anything regrettable happening tonight.”

  Well, that was harsh. She stared down at the floor. It had been a very awkward couple of days and it didn’t seem to be getting any easier. Jack cleared his throat and tipped her chin up so she was facing him. He stroked her cheek with his thumb, the move so subtle that she wouldn’t have noticed it if she hadn’t been zeroed in on his touch. Almost a perfunctory gesture. But there was a hint of something else there, something other than warmth. She stared into his eyes, hoping for more. Hoping that she’d see the introspective, loving man who had escorted her home the night before.

  Jack reached in his pocket and pulled out a chain with a ring on it. “I want you to have this.” He flattened his hand against her palm, placing the chain in it. “Please take it.”

  The spell was broken. “That’s your wedding band.”

  “I know. It belongs to you. I have yours. Fair is fair.”

  He sounded so…practiced when he said it. Like it meant nothing at all. She closed her hand over the chain. “I don’t-”

  “I’m not going to take it back. Do what you want with it. It might bring you a little luck.”

  Did he want her to wear it? Why didn’t he say so? “Jack-”

  “I want you to promise me that you’ll be careful,” he said.

  The mask fell away, if only for a moment. Caroline looked away from him, placing the ring in her pocket. He hadn’t explained why he’d overridden his advisors and she wasn’t about to ask him why. He could have pulled her back and hadn’t. She had her suspicions. He’d gotten sick of her snide remarks. Of having to deal with her brokenness. And he had very little desire to talk her out of unwise decisions. There was no more effective way of conveying that he didn’t give a shit.

  “I’ll try,” she whispered.

  Jack caressed her cheek again, bringing her to face him. “Do more than try. You have the ability to complete this mission. I have confidence in you. Just please be careful. I can’t lose you again.”

  Maybe she didn’t
want the mask to fall away completely. Listening to him tell her to be careful while carrying that coldness in his voice was worse than when he’d opened up to her. She stared at the floor again as he withdrew his hand.

  He cleared his throat. “Major, you are to return to this base in one piece tomorrow. That’s an order.”

  Caroline had done nothing but engage in stupid and irrational behavior since she’d joined the movement and she had a very strong suspicion that she’d done it again. She looked up at Jack, who appeared to be so very sad. It broke her heart to know she was the main reason for his melancholy.

  And she wanted him. Fuck, she wanted him. Even though he was angry as hell with her. The sudden onslaught of emotion made her dizzy.

  Before she even knew what she was doing, she kissed him hard, grabbing his shirt. Jack drew her to him, pushing his tongue inside her mouth to meet hers. She leaned in closer, moving her hands from his shirt to his hair. He responded ferociously, grasping her waist, not letting her pull back. She tugged at his shirt collar, desperate to close the remaining distance between them, feeling him pull her hips closer to his, spinning her around until they were up against the wall.

  Caroline scratched at his back as he brought both hands up to fist her hair, tugging at her head gently. She moaned against his lips and spread her legs apart. He pressed his knee between her thighs as he continued to tease her tongue with his, greedily consuming her. She could feel his heart racing, beating in time with hers. She was practically humping his leg but didn’t care. She wanted his skin against hers, his mouth on more than just her lips, his fingers everywhere he wanted to put them. If she could just get closer to him, just one inch, one centimeter, one millimeter closer…

  She pawed at his shirt, untucking it from his pants. She could do things to him. All the things he liked. She could get down on her knees and show him how much she missed him. Unless he acted first. He would be so warm, and his chest would be so firm, and if she asked nicely he’d do everything she wanted him to do. And he would be gentle and kind and rough and beautiful and hers….

  Jack broke the kiss and leaned against the wall, panting. His sweet breath blew hot and heavy in her ear. The kiss had affected him. Really affected him. The thought empowered her but wasn’t enough to put a damper on her growing shame.

  She turned away from him, squeezing her eyes shut, incredibly embarrassed. She shouldn’t have done that. Shouldn’t have gotten caught up in something that wasn’t meant to happen. It wasn’t fair to him.

  “Holy mother of mercy,” he whispered, still holding her in his arms as he regained his bearings. “The next time you kiss me like that I’m locking us in my bedroom for a month.”

  She’d thrown him off. And she wasn’t sure whether that was good or bad. Caroline didn’t know how long they stood there. She didn’t want it to end. She was afraid to open her eyes, afraid to touch him, afraid to say or do anything.

  Jack kissed her cheek before pulling away with a heavy sigh. “Good night, sweet Caroline.”

  She knew she had to say something to him. To explain. To assuage his guilt as well as her own. To get him to stay. But before she even had a chance to open her eyes, he was gone.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Caroline dressed the next morning, pulling on her undershirt, buttoning up her BDUs, making sure her boots were spit polished. Her uniform wasn’t much to look at; it was leftover surplus from the Marine Corps. She glanced in the mirror, straightening her jacket and tucking her hair under her beret, since it wasn’t quite long enough to pull back. She was grateful that her helmet and most of her other tactical gear would be waiting for her on the helicopter. Jonesie undoubtedly had scads of jokes saved up for while they were in the air.

  You’ve come a long way from business suits and dresses, lady.

  She grabbed the necklace off the dresser, squeezing it in her hand, then looked down at the wedding ring attached to it. There was no good reason to put it on. Not really. But maybe Jack was right. Maybe it would bring her a little luck. She put it around her neck and tucked the ring under her shirt, then ran out the door. She didn’t want to be late.

  * * * * *

  It was early, just before dawn. The sun started to rise above the horizon. By the time Caroline arrived at the airstrip, she knew she was no longer on time. Dammit, how incredibly unprofessional. Jack was waiting next to the helicopter to greet her.

  “Your friends are already on board,” he said.

  “Sir,” Caroline said, giving Jack a crisp salute. “I’m sorry, I-”

  He waved his hand. Maybe he was in a better mood than he’d been the night before. “There’s no reason for you to do that.”

  She shrugged her shoulders. “I was trying to apologize for my tardiness.”

  “Which is why you immediately reverted to your typically colloquial behavior.” He smoothed her jacket collar. “Ready to go?”

  He was definitely in a better mood. “Yes,” she said, reaching for her hip. Double dammit.

  “What is it?” Jack asked.

  She was late and she was unprepared. She was clearly hitting them all. “I, um, forgot my sidearm.”

  “Your rifle isn’t enough?”

  Caroline looked around, trying to figure out who had a handgun she’d be able to borrow. Jack grabbed her arm.

  “Take this,” he said, pulling a Glock and an extra magazine out of his pocket.

  “You walked over here with a loaded gun in your dress pants?”

  He gave her a half smile. “You weren’t around to remind me about proper firearm safety.” He handed her the Glock. “Take it. It’s yours.”

  “Okay,” Caroline said, holstering it in her belt.

  He gave her a probing look. “No. I mean it’s literally yours. Take a closer look.”

  She pulled the gun out of its holster, seeing her initials scratched into the butt of the handle. “Oh,” she said. “Where did you-?”

  “I’ve always had it,” he said quietly. “Never even fired it, actually. Stayed inside my coat the entire time. Fresh bullets, though. And it’s been cleaned and test fired by someone other than me. Our techs assure me it’s in perfect working condition.”

  “I’m sure it is.” Caroline tried not to sound ungracious. “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome. Use it well.”

  He was detached, but not entirely. “Um, Jack, about last night-”

  “We don’t need to talk about that,” he said. “But I certainly won’t argue if you let me make you dinner after you get back.”

  His detachment hadn’t taken long to vanish. “Don’t press your luck,” she said.

  Her unit was inside the helicopter. The ground crew wasn’t paying attention. Jack moved closer to her. “I trust you completely but am very glad you have your men. I know they won’t let anything happen to you.”

  Odd for him to make that observation, since technically she was supposed to keep them safe. Or minimize their exposure. “No,” Caroline said. “They won’t.”

  He wanted to say something else. He was itching to say something else. Jack took her hand.

  “I try not to focus on regrets,” he whispered. “But if I could go back, I would have held onto you so much tighter. I should have never let you slip away from me.”

  Oh, God. It was happening again. He would once again open himself up to her when she didn’t have the strength to handle it. He’d decided to save it all up until the last minute when she wouldn’t have the courage to turn him away.

  Jack cleared his throat. “You can do this and do it well,” he said. “You’re the smartest, most intrepid woman I know. Your unit will listen to you.” He brushed some nonexistent lint off her shoulders and kissed her cheek. “Just be careful. Trust your instincts. Everything else will take care of itself.”

  She couldn’t help herself. She knew what he wanted because she wanted it too. Caroline impulsively kissed him on the lips. “I know that’s what you really wanted to do.”

  �
��No,” he said, pulling her beret off. “This is what I really wanted to do.”

  Jack kissed her deeply, wrapping his arms around her. Caroline let her hands drift up to his hair, pleased when he groaned against her lips. He pressed his fingers firmly into her back in a familiar possessive movement. She caressed his hair and he moaned again, letting his hands dip down to her waist. She pulled back first, dazed, aware that they’d been kissing for much longer than was necessary.

  “I need to get on the helicopter,” she said, straightening her jacket.

  “I know.” Jack smiled a tiny smile, leaning toward her ear and pressing her beret into her hands. “Be fearless, my love.”

  Caroline was flooded with panic, starting to wonder if she wasn’t going to make it back. If that gnawing feeling in her gut was more than pregame jitters. Maybe she really had taken on a suicide mission. And her husband had no desire to stop her. She felt Jack withdraw, then took a step backward.

  “Hey, Princess!” Jones’ distinctive voice called down from the helicopter. “Get on this damn thing before we take off without you.”

  Caroline took another step toward the transport. “I have to go,” she said, readjusting her beret.

  Jack didn’t say anything, bringing his hand up in a crisp salute. Something he wasn’t really required to do, especially as her commanding officer. She told herself to return the gesture but instead turned around and rushed inside the helicopter.

  “Nice of you to join us.” Jones smiled. “Your face is kinda red.”

  “Is it?” she asked.

  He laughed. “Yep.”

  So much for the division between officers and enlisted personnel. “What did you see?”

  “I didn’t see nothing,” he said. “I mean, aside from you making out with the commander.”

  Caroline blushed even deeper as he led her toward the middle of the helicopter.