by Barbara Gee
He released my ankle and rubbed his knuckles back and forth along his jaw, his throat bobbing with a hard swallow. “I told her I couldn’t imagine we had any reason to talk, but she insisted we did and begged me to come here to meet with her. We went back and forth about it for a while, until she finally just blurted out that it’s highly likely that I’m the biological father of her granddaughter, whom she adopted at birth.”
I concentrated on taking steady breaths, determined not to break down. Even though I’d tried to imagine every possibility of what JP was going to tell me when I got here, him being a father hadn’t been one of the things I’d come up with.
“And Adalyn’s just now telling you this?” I asked, silently calculating the child’s exact age. If she was JP’s, she would be three years and three months old. That was a long time to keep the father in the dark.
“Yeah, and she wouldn’t have told me now if she felt she had a choice.”
“Tell me everything.”
He grimaced and I saw his weariness. The dark smudges under his eyes. He probably hadn’t slept much the last couple nights, worrying not only about having an unexpected child, but also breaking the news to me.
“Okay, well, like I said, after I told Adalyn I didn’t see any reason for us to meet, she told me about Lily. She said Haley told her Lily is mine, that we were together the night of our class reunion. The timing of Lily’s birth fits that, but of course we can’t be a hundred percent sure without a paternity test.”
JP threw me an apologetic glance, then focused on the wall as he went on. “When she found out she was pregnant, Haley threatened to get an abortion. Adalyn begged her not to. After a month of back and forth, Haley agreed to have the child but only if Adalyn paid her to do it and also took the baby off her hands once it was born.”
I squinted in disbelief but didn’t interrupt him.
“Adalyn paid her a hundred and fifty grand and adopted the baby. Haley never even held Lily. She left town a few days after she was born and hasn’t been back. At least not that Adalyn knows of. She calls once or twice a year, always from a different place, but she never wants to talk about Lily. Doesn’t like to be reminded she’s a mother.”
“She’s not a mother,” I stated. “She might have given birth, but Adalyn is the mother.”
“Yeah, no argument there. And she’s been a good one. She loves Lily unconditionally and is doing everything she can to give her a normal childhood.”
“Is Grandpa in the picture?”
“No. They divorced when Haley was in middle school and he remarried and had three more kids. He lives in California.”
I shifted on the bed. “Why did Adalyn call you now?”
JP exhaled a long breath. “Adalyn found out five weeks ago that she has colon cancer. It’s already spread to other organs, and her prognosis is really poor. She’s already started chemo treatments, but her doctor isn’t giving her much to be optimistic about. He said that even with treatment, she could have as little as six months to live.”
I moved down the bed to sit beside him, our shoulders touching. “So she needs to make arrangements for Lily,” I said softly.
“Yeah. She didn’t call right away because she didn’t know if I was the best person to raise Lily. Her memories of me were positive, but a lot can change in fourteen years. So she hired a PI and had me thoroughly investigated. In the end, she decided to tell me about Lily and request that I meet her and get a paternity test done.”
“And if you’re her dad, she’ll turn Lily over to you just like that?” I asked. It came out more harshly than I’d intended and I took another deep breath, trying to dial back the emotion that was swamping me. “I’m sorry, it’s just that if she knew there was a good chance you’re Lily’s father, she should have told you about her in the beginning. Not waited until she had no choice. It’s not fair to you. If you have a child, you should have been told.”
“Agreed, and of course I told Adalyn that. She said she initially kept the pregnancy from me because Haley was so mad at me. She was afraid if Haley knew I’d found out she was pregnant with my child, she’d go through with the abortion just to spite me.”
“But why?” I asked.
“Evidently she had big plans for the two of us, starting with the night of the reunion. I doubt if we’ll ever know whether she actually intended to get pregnant, but according to Adalyn, Haley was planning for us to get back together that night. She’d decided I was ‘the one that got away’ and she was going to remedy that. She wanted to sweep me off my feet and then we’d live happily ever after and all that.”
“Then why not use the pregnancy to try to establish a bond? Even if she didn’t plan it, she could’ve used it.” I frowned. “Unless she was lying about you being the dad.”
He nodded. “I’ve thought about both of those things. I think I know the answer to the first one. She came to me a few days after she confronted you at the bank. She was so sure you and I wouldn’t be able to survive my betrayal, and she wanted to make sure I knew she was ready and willing to help me pick up the pieces.”
“Oh, I’m sure she was,” I said, the bitterness creeping through. For the millionth time, I wished I’d never heard the name Haley Knight.
“I told her that would never happen,” JP said with a crooked smile. “I might have added something about even if she was the last girl on earth. At any rate, when she left, she knew without question I had no interest in ever seeing her again.”
I took a certain amount of pleasure in knowing how adamant he’d been—which I would have known about in real-time if I’d given him a chance to talk to me all those years ago. It was yet another depressing thought.
I twisted my hands together in my lap. “Would a baby have made a difference though? If she’d come to you and said she was pregnant with your child, would you have given her another chance?”
“At a relationship with me, you mean?” JP asked. “No way. But of course I would’ve wanted to be part of the child’s life.”
“Which would have made you part of Haley’s life too, which would have accomplished at least part of her goal.”
“Maybe that wasn’t enough for her. Maybe she wanted all or nothing.”
I thought about that for a moment. “The fact that she didn’t use the pregnancy to try and trap you leads me to believe she didn’t plan the pregnancy. And I would think that increases the chance that you aren’t Lily’s father. Because from what I know about Haley, you probably weren’t the only man she slept with in that time frame.”
“No, probably not.” JP turned to face me, his right leg bent up on the bed. “But what if she is mine?” he asked gently. “I can’t tell how you feel about that possibility. Your questions have all been about Haley and Adalyn.”
I let out a shaky breath, unable to meet his eyes. “I’m trying not to think about it,” I admitted quietly.
He was silent for a moment. “I assume you’re hoping she’s not?” His voice was soft, not judging, but I picked up on something that gave me pause.
“Aren’t you?” I wondered.
“You first. I want you to tell me what you’re feeling before I tell you about the last couple of days.”
I swiveled until I mimicked his pose, facing him with one knee resting on the bed. My face must have shown my conflicted feelings, because he reached out and took my hand, his eyes warm.
“Be honest, Myla. I don’t want anything between us but honesty.”
My throat ached and my eyes stung but I did as he asked. “If I’m answering that question based only on my own wants and needs, then yeah, I admit that I hope Lily’s not yours. I hate the idea of that one night with Haley resulting in a child. It brings back all the old jealousy, which might be irrational, but it’s there. I also think about how it would complicate things. It’s purely selfish, but I don’t want Lily’s existence to threaten what you and I are building.”
A muscle jumped in JP’s jaw and I knew he hated hurting me. I pushed o
n, because there was more to it than just fear and jealousy.
“But if I look at it from the standpoint of a little girl who’s going to lose her mother and needs a good daddy to step in, my answer is different. She’d be blessed to have you as her father.” I swallowed around the lump in my throat. “I just have to figure out how to reconcile all the conflicting feelings I have.”
He sighed and his hold on my hand tightened. “In the interest of putting everything out there, Myla…..what if she’s not mine and I still want to step in?” he asked, his voice low, his eyes apologetic.
I felt my own eyes widen as I realized what he was asking. He was considering caring for Lily even if he wasn’t her biological father. I had no idea what to say.
“I know that’s piling on and I hate to do that to you. But I’ve spent most of the last two days with them. Adalyn and Lily.” JP shook his head slowly. “Lily is an amazing little girl.”
I managed a shaky smile. “Then maybe she really is yours.”
A corner of his mouth curved up briefly. “She’s way cooler than I ever was. The thing is, Adalyn doesn’t have a lot of options. She has a strong group of friends who will be a good support system for her as she deals with the cancer, but they’re her age. None of them are looking to take on an energetic three-year-old.”
“You don’t think she’ll break down and call Haley?”
“No,” he said emphatically. “Haley has a major drug problem. She’s struggled with it for a lot of years. Adalyn said she was in a rare clean phase at the time of our reunion, and Adalyn kept her clean during the pregnancy by making the payoff dependent on that. But less than a week after the birth she skipped town with a new man and her big wad of money and she’s been on the move ever since. The money is long gone, but the little contact Adalyn has with her makes it clear the drug habit is as strong as ever. Seems there’s always a man willing to feed the habit of a pretty girl.”
“Has she ever tried rehab?”
“Three times. Adalyn is well off financially, so she’s paid for it. The last rehab visit worked for a while. Haley got out two months before the class reunion and stayed away from drugs from then until Lily was born, but it was touch and go. Only the promise of a big payoff kept Haley from using while she was pregnant, and she didn’t waste any time going back to that life after the birth.”
“Does Haley still try to get money from her mother?”
“That’s why she calls a couple of times a year. When she’s between men, she calls her mom.”
“Does Adalyn give it to her?”
“Small amounts. It’s a tough thing. Knowing her daughter is in desperate straits is hard on her, but she knows if she gives her too much it’ll only make things worse. So she gives her just enough to survive—until she finds her next man.”
“Has she asked you to take Lily regardless of whether you’re her dad?”
“No.”
“But she’s hoping you will?”
“We haven’t talked about it, but I’m guessing so. Like I said, she doesn’t have a lot of options. Plus, her private investigator told her I’m close with my family, and she wants that for Lily. Grandparents and aunts and uncles.”
I pulled my hand slowly away from his and walked over to the window, my mind whirling. I tugged the heavy drapes open and looked outside, almost surprised to see life going on as usual out there when my own world was in such upheaval.
“Do I have a say in your decision?” I asked. “If Lily isn’t yours, I mean.”
“Yes. You definitely do. The last thing I want is to lose you again. I can’t lose you again. If you don’t agree with me taking Lily myself, I’ll find another way to help her.”
I folded my arms tightly across my chest, feeling backed into a corner. If Lily was his blood, then yes, of course she should be with him. But if she wasn’t, if he had a choice, then that was a different matter. Wasn’t it?
I held back the tears that burned and threatened to break loose. I didn’t want to be the selfish girlfriend who put her own feelings ahead of the well-being of a little child, but I couldn’t give him my blessing only ten minutes after finding out about Lily’s existence. It was too much to process in such a short period of time.
I heard a rustle as he got off the bed, then his footsteps coming up behind me. He wrapped his arms around me, on top of my folded ones, and drew me back against him.
“You don’t have to answer. I shouldn’t have even asked. Not yet. I’m just trying to figure out if it’s something I should consider.”
“I can’t answer,” I replied. “You’ve had two days to process everything. I’ve had ten minutes.”
He sighed against my hair. “I know. I just want to be transparent about where I’m at.”
“And I’m glad you told me. I’m just—I guess I’m kind of in shock.”
“I know.”
We stood in silence for a long moment. JP was the one to finally break it. “Since you’re here, I’d like for you to meet her,” he said. “Lily. And Adalyn too. But if it’s too soon, I understand.”
More silence while I thought about it, and then I nodded slowly. “I think I should. When? Now?”
“If you’re ready.”
Was I? Was I ready to meet the little girl who might be his daughter? His child, but not mine?
I nodded again, this time with more conviction. I could handle it as long as JP was beside me.
“I’m ready,” I said. “I want to meet her.”
He turned me to face him, dark blue eyes searching mine. Apparently satisfied with what he saw, he said, “Okay then. Let’s go.”
“Do you need to call Adalyn to see if it’s okay to bring me along?”
“I already told her you might be coming. She’s eager to meet you. She’s planning to make lunch for us, but if we get there and you’re uncomfortable, just tell me, okay?”
“Okay, but I hate to make her cook for us when she’s so sick.”
“Ironically she still feels pretty good. She never really had symptoms of the cancer, that’s why they didn’t catch it quicker. Now she’s had two rounds of chemo and so far she’s handled it like a champ. She has a few days before the next round begins, and she wants life to be as normal as it can possibly be. So if she wants to make lunch, we need to let her.”
“Maybe I can at least help her.”
JP smiled. “I think she’d like that.” He went and got my purse from the bed and put the strap over my shoulder before taking my hand firmly in his. “Thanks again for coming. I needed you. Even more than I realized.”
I held back a sob. “Of course I came,” I said, my voice sounding strangled. “I just hope I can be what you need me to be.”
He kissed me softly on the forehead. “You will be, Myla.” And then he led me from the room.
Chapter 20
I
t would take way too many adjectives to describe exactly how I felt as we walked up the sidewalk to Adalyn’s big, beautiful house. Terrified. Curious. Apprehensive. Hopeful. Resigned. Those were just a few of the conflicting emotions that roiled through me.
How in the world was I supposed to handle this? In less than a minute I was going to meet Haley Knight’s mother and daughter. Truthfully, I’d give anything to be back in Hidden Creek right now, having never heard of either of them.
I looked around as we walked, at the neighborhood with its large homes, generous lot sizes and big, mature trees. JP had said Adalyn was well off, and the house verified that claim. Had Haley grown up here? If so, she’d had a privileged upbringing, materially at least. I wondered what had driven her to rebel.
When we reached the front door, JP stopped and pulled me into the circle of his arms.
“It’s going to be all right,” he murmured. “Try not to think too far ahead. Let’s just get through the next few hours and then we’ll see where we’re at, okay?”
I nodded against his shirt. “I’ll try.”
He gave me another moment to prepare m
yself before reaching for the doorbell.
“It’ll be okay,” he repeated as we waited.
The door swung open, bringing me face-to-face with a lovely older woman wearing a warm smile of welcome. I guessed her to be in her early sixties, slender and petite, her short gray hair in a stylish yet practical cut. It didn’t appear to be thinning from the chemo—not yet anyway. Her eyes were dark brown and lightly made up behind fashionable half-frame glasses.
“Ah, you must be JP’s Myla. I’ve been so anxious to meet you, although I regret the trying circumstances.” She looked as if she wanted to give me a hug but didn’t know how I’d react. “I’m Adalyn, by the way. I can’t thank you enough for coming. I know this must be a tremendous shock for you.”
I appreciated her getting right to the point rather than wasting time on small talk.
“Hello, Adalyn. Thank you for having me. I’m sorry to hear what you’re going through.”
JP placed his hand at the small of my back and I sensed his approval.
“Yes, well, if nothing else, it’s forced me to take care of things I should have addressed long before now,” she said, giving JP an apologetic glance. “Come on in. Lily’s in the kitchen helping with lunch preparations. You two can take her to the playroom and have some time alone with her while I get the food in the oven.”
My heart began racing as we walked down a wide hallway and turned left. The house really was huge, especially for only two people, but it had a well-established feel to it, like it had been in the family for a long time. If that was the case, I understood why Adalyn had stayed there.
We entered a bright and spacious kitchen, and there was Lily, standing on a step-stool at the large island, patting a small lump of dough in front of her.
Adalyn chuckled. “Lily gets her own bit of biscuit dough to shape.” She smiled over her shoulder at JP and me. “Don’t worry,” she whispered, “it won’t be part of lunch. She works it until all the pouf is out of it.”
“JP!” Lily yelled delightedly when she saw us, giving an engaging giggle as he walked up to her and smoothed her blond curls affectionately.
