by Barbara Gee
“What are you making?” he asked, poking a finger into her dough and chuckling when she swatted it away.
“Biscuits for Grammy. She needs me to help.”
“I’m sure she does.” JP looked over and held out a hand to me. “Lily, I have a friend I want you to meet.”
I went to them, taking JP’s hand and smiling down at the beautiful little girl. She gazed at me with big dark eyes. The color surprised me. With her light blond hair I’d expected either JP’s blue eyes, or lighter brown ones, like her mother’s. I was glad she had Adalyn’s eyes instead of Haley’s.
Adalyn leaned against the counter beside Lily. “Lily-billy, do you remember I told you about JP’s friend Myla?”
Lily went back to “kneading” her dough, giving me a few curious looks from the corners of her eyes.
“Myla wanted to meet my new buddy,” JP said, keeping hold of my hand while propping his other elbow on the counter. “Are you making an extra-big biscuit for me?”
“Cuz you’re really really hungry?” Lily asked, giving him a huge grin.
“I’m always hungry, remember?”
She nodded enthusiastically. “I already had a snack. Teddy Grahams!”
“Did you save some for me?” JP asked, looking at her with exaggerated hope.
“Nooooo!” Lily replied with a giggle. “They were all for me!”
I leaned in beside JP. “Were they the chocolate Teddy Grahams?” I asked.
She shook her head and gave me a shy smile. “No. Cimaninnom.”
“Mm, those are my favorite,” I told her.
JP poked her dough again, bringing on another round of giggles. “No, JP. This is my biscuits.”
Adalyn pressed a kiss to the top of Lily’s head. “Why don’t you let me finish the biscuits while you go show Myla your toy room,” she suggested. “I bet she’ll like all your dollies.”
Lily’s dark eyes fixed on me. “Do you have dollies?”
“I did when I was little. A whole bunch of them.”
“I have a whole bunch too.”
“Can you show me?”
She jumped off her stool and ran off.
“You sure you don’t need any help in here?” I asked Adalyn before following.
She flicked a hand. “I’m fine. It’s more important that you spend time with Lily.”
We left the kitchen to find Lily long gone, but JP knew where to go. We went down the hall to an open door on the opposite side.
“This is where they spend most of their time,” JP told me.
The play area occupied half of the large room, with toys and books galore. There was even a small teepee set up in the corner. The other half looked to be Adalyn’s own “play room,” complete with a reading nook and a well-organized craft area. I could tell that the two of them spent a lot of time in here together—it was a very lived-in room.
“See my dolls, My-My?”
I chuckled at the name. JP opened his mouth to correct her, but I grabbed his arm and shook my head. “No, I like it,” I whispered. “My grandma used to call me that.”
I got down on my knees and exclaimed over her collection of dolls. And doll beds. And strollers. And highchairs. And clothes. Clearly these dolls lacked for nothing.
Lily introduced me to each one. She was extremely verbal for three years old and I enjoyed listening to her. I also watched her face closely as she talked, looking for any sign that she was JP’s daughter. I didn’t see any obvious similarities, but thankfully I didn’t see Haley either. Lily really did resemble Adalyn the most.
After I’d gotten acquainted with the dolls, we moved on to a low table with an age-appropriate construction set laid out. A little wooden hammer, fat wooden nails, screws with colorful tops, and lots of chunky wood pieces in various sizes and shapes with pre-drilled holes for the nails and screws to go into.
“JP bringed me this,” she said. “My friend Jake gots one and now I do too.”
“What are you going to build?”
“Me and JP builded a house but I taked out the nails.” She looked back at JP with an angelic smile. “You wanna make another house with me JP?”
He put his hands on his hips and gave her a mock glare. “Are you just gonna take it apart again?”
“Yes!” she squealed, giggling when he tickled her.
I sat cross-legged on the floor and watched them construct a big square that with enough imagination could be called a house. Lily gleefully pounded the blunt nails, but turning the screws took more concentration. I watched them, their heads close together as JP patiently waited for her to twist all the screws in place, helping when they got stuck.
It was obvious the two of them had already formed a bond, and it was easy to see why. Not only was Lily completely adorable, she was extremely engaging. Smart and talkative and such a happy little gal. My cheeks grew sore from smiling at her animated jabbering.
Then I remembered why we were here and my heart squeezed painfully at the thought of Lily losing her Grammy—the only mother she’d ever known. Yes, children as young as Lily were usually pretty resilient, but so much depended on what happened after Adalyn passed.
And to some extent, that depended on me.
It was a sobering thought. If the paternity test showed that Lily wasn’t JP’s biological child, he would have zero obligation to her. In that case, if I made him choose, I was pretty sure he’d choose me.
But it would definitely change things between us. Obligation or not, if I was the kind of person who walked away from a sweet little girl and her dying grandmother—who desperately wanted to know her beloved grandchild would be loved and cared for after her death—it would change things. JP would understand my position, I knew he would, but it would also hurt him. It would make him look at me differently, especially if he found out Lily wasn’t thriving in whatever her new situation ended up being.
Good thing that wasn’t likely to happen. I’d only met this little girl thirty minutes ago, but I already cared about her. She was an amazing, innocent child, and if JP was the only thing keeping her out of the foster system, I couldn’t see myself telling him no.
In fact, I found myself hoping the paternity test came back showing Lily was indeed his. Not that I didn’t still feel some jealousy at the idea of him having his first child with another woman—I was human after all, with a strong possessive streak. But the important thing was Lily. If she was his biological child, it would make getting custody of her so much easier.
I was sure JP hoped for the same.
I watched them play, smiling at JP whenever he glanced over at me. Although he’d told me not to think too far ahead, I couldn’t help doing just that. Integrating Lily into our lives would be a huge adjustment. JP would be a single dad, which was complicated enough on its own. Add in the fact that he’d have to help Lily through a period of grief while moving her to a new house in a new town, and the situation grew even more daunting.
I was glad Adalyn had started the process now, while she was still feeling good. That would allow JP and Lily to grow their relationship gradually, maybe starting with short visits to his house. Hopefully it wouldn’t take long for her to feel comfortable there. It would ease both JP’s and Adalyn’s burdens exponentially if Lily was already adjusted to what would be her new home when the time came that Adalyn could no longer care for her.
I’d have to do my best to support all of them. There were many variables and a lot of apprehension. But if Adalyn had decided JP was the best person to raise Lily, who was I to second-guess her?
I forced my mind from the future back to the present, watching as Lily worked on the final screw. JP looked over at me again and I pressed a hand to my heart, telling him the little girl had already found a place there. JP kissed the top of Lily’s head and rose gracefully to his feet.
“You keep working on that screw, sweetheart. I need to give My-My a hug real quick, okay?”
“Kay,” she said, unfazed, which told me she was a girl well-used
to spontaneous hugs.
JP pulled me up and into him, cradling my head against his chest. “She’s something else, huh?” he asked, his mouth close to my ear.
“She’s precious,” I whispered back. “It’s awful to know she’s going to lose the Grammy she loves so much. She won’t understand.”
“I know.”
I pulled back far enough to look up at him. “I’m not sure it matters, but when will you know if she’s yours?”
“We mailed the test off yesterday. We should get the results in less than a week.” His brows drew together as his gaze locked with mine. “I want her to be mine, Myla, and it has nothing to do with Haley. Can you understand that?”
I raised my hands to cup his face. “Of course I understand. I want that too. Does Adalyn know of anyone else who might be her father if you’re not?”
He shrugged. “She says that since Haley was sober at the time she probably wasn’t with as many guys as she normally would have been. But she still doubts I was the only one.”
“She doesn’t have any names?”
“No. Which means there’s no way to contact them about Lily if the test comes back negative.”
I slid my hands down to his shoulders. “We need to make sure she knows you want Lily either way and talk to her about the process. I assume she’s adopted Lily, which means she can make you her guardian and that’ll make your own adoption process easier, right?”
He chuckled. “Yes, she’s adopted her. But I thought I told you not to think too far ahead.”
“I can’t help it. If Adalyn’s doctor is right, we don’t have much time. Everything needs to be in place so there aren’t any surprises after she’s gone.”
JP’s eyes were warm as he kissed me lightly. “We can talk to Adalyn when Lily goes down for her nap. But I don’t want you to feel like I’m rushing you into anything. I just dumped all this on you a little over an hour ago. You need to take some time to consider all the implications.”
I looped my arms around his waist and nodded. “I will, but I don’t think anything I come up with is going to trump the well-being of that little girl. She needs you, JP. If Adalyn believes you’re the best one to take care of her, then you are.”
“But you’ll tell me if you can’t see yourself being a part of this, right?” His eyes searched mine. “Because I know Lily needs me, but I need you. I don’t want to have to choose.”
I looked over at the little girl who was humming contentedly as she put a small doll inside the “house” she’d built. Then I looked back at JP, my heart full of love for him.
“I already chose you, JP. Lily doesn’t change that.”
He closed his eyes for the space of a heartbeat, then bent his head and kissed me, harder than before. “That’s all I needed to know,” he said when it ended. “We’ll figure everything else out as we go.” Another brief kiss. “We’ll talk to Adalyn and make a plan.”
“My dolly likes this house, JP,” a little voice crowed. “Stop huggin’ My-My and come see.”
JP grinned and let me go. We rejoined Lily on the floor, and after watching her play with her dolls for a few minutes, JP suggested switching to the Lincoln Log set. Lily wrinkled her nose until he told her they could build a stable for her toy ponies. Then she was all in.
Adalyn came in soon and settled on the sofa to watch. I got up and joined her.
“Your man is a builder through and through, isn’t he?” she remarked. “He showed up with those toys a day after being forced to play dolls all afternoon.”
“He is,” I confirmed. “He and his brother, both. He probably told you they work together?”
“Yes, he did, and I love that he’s so close to his family.” Adalyn’s expression turned pensive. “I want you to know that I feel very bad about waiting so long to let JP know he might have a child. Waiting until I had no choice. Now that I’ve seen them together I realize how wrong I was. I also know it’s selfish of me to drag him into this now after keeping Lily from him all this time.” She gave me a rueful smile. “I’ve made some big mistakes, but Lily shouldn’t have to suffer for them. If JP’s her daddy, she deserves to have him in her life.”
“I agree,” I said softly. “And believe me, I know what it’s like to wish you’d done things differently.”
She reached over and patted my leg. “I appreciate your understanding, and JP’s too. Even if it’s stemming from simply not wanting to deny a dying woman her dearest wish, it’s far more than I deserve.” Her eyes lit on Lily and stayed there. “I love that child with my whole heart and soul. I refuse to die before I know without a doubt that she’ll be taken care of.”
“I understand. Of course I do.”
“Even though I’m interfering in the life you and JP are building together?”
I looked back over at JP and Lily. “It’s been a shock, I won’t deny that.”
“And I won’t deny I’ve been praying day and night that the test will confirm JP’s paternity. I hope you aren’t angry at me for that.”
“You’re only doing what any loving mother would do.”
Her throat pulsed with emotion as she nodded. “JP and I have talked a lot over the last two days. I’m well aware that Haley caused you two a lot of grief, Myla, and now it feels as if I’m stepping in to cause still more, and I regret that. But I have to know…..if JP is Lily’s father, will you be able to find it in your heart to not only accept her, but to love her as she deserves to be loved? She’s just an innocent little girl—” She wanted to say more, but her voice broke and her hands began trembling.
I turned toward her and took the hand nearest me between my own, tears blurring my vision. “Adalyn, I think it would be much harder not to fall in love with her, don’t you think?”
Her brows shot up, and then a smile lit her face. “Yes, Myla,” she said softly. “Yes, I do think that.” She moved her free hand to press the top of mine. “Thank you, my dear. You and JP have brought me more hope than I thought possible. I’m still not ready to face my own mortality, but I thank the good Lord for giving me enough time to make preparations for Lily. I’m going to keep praying for a positive test result. I don’t want to have to come up with a plan B.”
***
After we ate lunch and Lily was in bed for her nap, JP told Adalyn that the test results wouldn’t make a difference in his decision to accept guardianship of Lily. He wanted her regardless.
Adalyn looked between the two of us almost like she thought she couldn’t have heard him correctly. A look of wonder and joy like I’d never seen lit up her face before she put her head down on her arms and sobbed, the cries coming from the deepest part of her heart.
JP put his arm around her and let her cry. She needed the release. She would still be leaving her beloved child, but now she had confidence that this child, whom she’d cherished and nurtured from birth, would be okay. JP’s blood or not, Lily would be okay.
I wiped my own tears, marveling at the capacity for love God had instilled in the humans He had created. JP would carry that love on, and so would I.
Lily Knight would miss her Grammy terribly, but she would never feel unloved.
Chapter 21
W
hen Adalyn calmed down, we talked about the legal process of assigning guardianship to JP. She’d already talked to her attorney and learned that if JP was Lily’s biological father it would all be fairly simple and straightforward, as long as Haley didn’t interfere. Adalyn hadn’t asked about the alternative, which was JP wanting Lily even if she wasn’t his. But Adalyn had faith in her attorney to carry out her wishes. It was the same guy who had handled her own adoption of Lily, and she assured us he was the best.
JP had a lot of questions, so he asked Adalyn to try to get an appointment for them to meet with the attorney tomorrow. She called and was initially told by his assistant that he was booked up for the day, but when Adalyn explained the situation, the woman put her on hold for a few minutes, then came back and said they could have a
n hour at ten o’clock.
I hoped the meeting would ease JP’s mind rather than raise possibilities of what could go wrong. And with Haley involved, there were definitely things that could go wrong. Or so the pessimistic part of my brain told me. I didn’t voice my concerns, however. The last thing I wanted to do was bring JP down.
Then again, the fact that he wanted to meet with the attorney indicated he didn’t need me to point out that Haley could mess up Adalyn’s plans. He’d already figured out that his best defense was to be proactive, and hopefully tomorrow would give him a good start.
We spent the rest of the day playing with Lily. JP and I took her outside for a walk, stopping in at the small neighborhood park at the end of the cul-de-sac. She played on the swings and the slide and chattered nonstop. I found myself hoping the trauma of losing her Grammy wouldn’t have a lasting effect on her sunny, carefree, inquisitive personality. Lily was a delight and she was already completely enamored with JP. Hopefully that bond would make things easier for her as Adalyn grew sicker.
We ended up not leaving Adalyn’s house until eight that night. After dinner, when it was time to start her nighttime ritual, Lily had begged JP to stay and read to her. Grammy always read her two stories in bed, and she so badly wanted JP to do it this time.
He’d looked at me to see if it would be okay, because I was the one who had a two-hour drive home and he didn’t want to keep me too late. I told Lily that JP would love to read to her. And to no one’s surprise, she got three books out of him instead of two.
Before we left, JP asked Adalyn if she would be willing to bring Lily to Mountain View to meet his family at some point. Adalyn was eager to do it, but the timing depended on how her next round of chemo went. She said the visit could possibly happen in as little as a week, but only if she responded as well to round three as she had to the other two.
She hugged me good-bye with the promise of seeing me soon, then asked JP if he could pick her up at nine forty-five the next morning for their appointment at the attorney’s office. She was sure she could get one of her friends to come and stay with Lily so they wouldn’t have any distractions. JP promised to be there, and then we walked to his truck.
