Jock

by CM Foss

  Toughen the fuck up.

  Blowing out a shaky breath, I slid out of my truck and slammed the door behind me. I took a brief moment to lean back on it and gather myself. I’d expected Jace to appear, but he didn’t. I glanced around, looking for him. I jogged across the street to see if he was waiting in his truck, but when I flung open his unlocked door, I stopped short when I saw it was empty. Huh.

  I stood there stupidly for a long minute before allowing the door to fall shut. I looked around again, feeling like I was being punked.

  Slowly I made my way back to my house. If he had broken in again, I fully planned to nut punch him.

  Sure enough, the front door was unlocked.

  “Jace,” I called out as I kicked my boots off with a groan. “If a door is locked, you’re not supposed to just walk in.”

  “That’s not very hospitable. And if I can get in a locked door, you need better locks.” His voice carried over from the living room. “Which I’ll be dealing with soon.”

  I turned left, bypassing his area entirely and heading straight for the kitchen. I had to eat something or I was going to pass out. I was having a hard time blinking, and the spots behind my eyes were dancing in the dim light.

  Immediately I went for a grapefruit, slicing it in half and starting to attack the wedges with a paring knife to free them. My hands were shaky in my hurry, and why I was taking the time to cut out perfect triangles, I couldn’t say. A little juice trickled out, running down my hand. I dipped my head to lick it off my wrist. My stomach turned in protest, and I set everything down on the counter, including my forehead.

  My body felt Jace before I heard him. My heart raced faster than it was already going, dangerously close to exploding; my skin heated, but my muscles relaxed. I let out a deep breath when he came up beside me, resting a wide hand on my lower back. It was warm through the thin cotton of my tank top, and just the weight of it felt… good. It felt so good I almost cried again. He gently took the knife from under my fingers and began prepping my fruit. I rotated my head to rest my cheek on the cool tile beside the sink so I could watch. He didn’t make a sound, just finished the job and passed it over. He opened and closed a few drawers to find a spoon and handed that to me as well.

  I lifted myself up and sank to the ground, sliding my back down the cabinets. I felt him lower down beside me, but I was intent on my stupid fruit and dared not take my eyes off it.

  My stomach continued to protest the first few bites, but then relaxed as it got used to the food. I squeezed the juice into my spoon and sighed as it trickled down my throat. Without a word, Jace handed me the other half, and I repeated the process.

  He waited until I couldn’t squeeze out another drop before speaking softly. “Why grapefruit?”

  “Highest potassium, lowest calories.”

  “When was the last time you ate?”

  I let my head fall back with a thump and closed my eyes. “Last night. Wait, no. I had some Skittles.”

  He didn’t seem to accept that as an answer. “And drink?”

  “Same.”

  He cursed and stood, stalking out of the room.

  My shakes subsided and my eyes began functioning again, so I stood and tossed the rinds, ready to make myself some dinner.

  Jace walked back in and propped his hip on the counter as he watched me putter around to grill some chicken breast and veggies. “Want help?”

  “Nope.”

  “I’m sorry,” he said softly.

  “For what?” There were so many things.

  “Just now, for… for getting mad.”

  I kept my back to him as I cooked. “Oh, were you mad? I didn’t notice. Maybe because I couldn’t imagine what you would have to be upset about.”

  “Oh, right.” He scoffed. “Just your complete inability to responsibly care for yourself. That’s nothing.”

  I spun and pointed at him with my knife. “Is this still an apology? ’Cause I feel like you could do better.”

  His eyes narrowed. I felt like he wanted to spank me, and I also felt like it wouldn’t really be punishment.

  “Why are you even here? You just created a scenario, all on your own, just now, in which you would have to apologize. So was that your plan? To come over, be an asshole, say sorry, and then leave? Because I’m kind of tired and kind of could do without that.”

  “No. I came for our date. Remember?”

  I just stared at him, tapping a finger on the counter as silence fell over the kitchen, save for the sizzling in the pan. “I’m sorry too.”

  “For what?”

  “For the fact that our date will be me snoring in your lap.”

  He snorted. “There are worse places for you to be than in my lap.”

  I brushed past him on the way to my couch, sinking into the corner of it with a heavy sigh. It felt so good to put my feet up. Jace followed me in, sitting on the opposite side.

  “What are we doing here, Midge?”

  “I don’t know. You seem way more bothered by it than I do.” He was sort of being a pussy. I could block this shit out all day. It’s called denial. Use it.

  “Come on. I know you. You think about me all day.”

  I raised an eyebrow as I looked over to see him smirking. “I don’t have time to think about you all day. You’re failing miserably at this wooing thing. Maybe you got the wrong girl.”

  “I don’t care if you’re the wrong one, as long as I got you.”

  I had my fork in my mouth, so I couldn’t do much more than widen my eyes. Finally I set my plate aside after I’d chewed and swallowed.

  “Why do you want me?”

  “That’s a valid question. You’re a complete pain in the ass.”

  I nodded. “I know. Plus I have no time for you. I’m, like, twenty pounds underweight. I’m moody. This is why I don’t date.”

  He shifted closer, placing both hands on my thighs and running them up and down my jeans. Insta-moist. I squirmed around, trying to relieve the ache at my core.

  “You’re beautiful. And smart. And quick. I respect you more than you know. If you weren’t Lawrence’s sister, I might let us go on like we have been. But in good conscience, I can’t fuck around with you that way. It eats away at me. And the truth is… I don’t want to. I want to be with you. I want to actually date you, not just talk about it. I want to go to dinner at your parents’ and… and hold your hand.” He reached and took my hand in his, flipping it around, softly tracing the calluses on my fingers. I tried to snatch it away, embarrassed at the way they looked, but he held tight, smoothing his thumb over my skin.

  “Well then, you’re really warped. I don’t know who would want to hold one of these nasty things.”

  He shut me up with a hard kiss but pulled away before I could properly reciprocate. “Stop putting yourself down. It’s obnoxious.”

  I groaned and stood to pace around. “I don’t do this, Jace. I don’t do girly stuff. I don’t even really know how.”

  He stood as well, walking over to slide his hands around my lower back, pulling my hips against him.

  “You’re right. You don’t.”

  I snorted and tried to push him away, but he held fast as he let out a chuckle.

  “Because you’re a woman. You’re sexy and strong and dedicated. Stubborn and pigheaded and sometimes misguided.”

  I frowned as he continued, but he tipped my chin up to capture my lips in his. He teased softly, tracing the seam of my mouth with his tongue until I opened to him, allowing him to sweep in and steal my breath.

  “But your family is not gonna let us be together.”

  I blinked rapidly. “What?”

  “It’s true. Between your usual schedule and so many frigging family festivities, it’s clear I can’t go on an actual date with you.”

  “Oh.” Why did that make me sad?

  “So we’ll have to use those family events as our dates.”

  “What?” I shook my head. “Nooo. Horrible idea.”


  “It’s the only solution. I think I can handle it.”

  “I can’t.” I pulled away again to pace. “I don’t think I can take one more thing before I break. It’s too much to balance.”

  “Hey.” He grabbed me and pulled me into his arms again, holding me close. It was… it was a hug. A real, total, full-body hug. He pressed a kiss to the top of my head. “We have to get a little creative here if we’re gonna make this work.”

  “Can we? Because it doesn’t seem very possible.”

  “It is if we put the work in. Will you help me?”

  He kept saying all the right damn things, easing me into his comfort. So I nodded against him, the action allowing me to agree and also rub on him a little.

  “Did you just rub yourself on me?”

  I nodded again. “A little.”

  He laughed, making his chest bounce around beneath my cheek. “Does that mean you’ll date me… at your parents’?”

  I nodded again, my lips curving into a smile.

  “You wanna rub more stuff against me?”

  I nodded again and he threw me over his shoulder, giving me a swift smack on the ass as he carted me off to bed.

  Chapter 30

  “Mom. Dad.” I looked around at everyone forming a semicircle around me. I swear they were multiplying. Actually they were. Julie was pregnant. I’m pretty sure Lawrence was trying his hardest to knock Steph up. Shudder. I waved a hand around. “Frigging everybody.”

  They all snickered, then grew wide-eyed when Jace walked up and took my hand. He thought it was funny to let me start this on my own. Jackass.

  “Jace and I are… dating.” I mumbled the last word so badly even I couldn’t make it out properly.

  “Huh? What was that?” Lawrence asked loudly.

  I glared at him, then at Jace, who was smirking and offering zero help. Holding his eyes, I enunciated very clearly. “Dating. We’re dating.”

  He grinned, his eyes crinkling up at the edges, and took my face in his hands in a way that was endearing and possessive and showed just how close we were. And that’s the same way his kiss was. Basically it showed my entire family that we knew each other very, very well. Biblically, even. At the time, I couldn’t care less, but my cheeks heated as he pulled away.

  I’m not sure exactly what I expected. Cheers? Questions? Maybe a little drama? But nope. They all either rolled their eyes, smiling and nodding, or came up to clap Jace on the back.

  “We were pretty obvious, weren’t we?” I muttered from the side of my mouth.

  Jace nodded. “Like wine on a wedding dress.”

  I grabbed his arm. “All right, all right. If you’re all so smug, I’m going to take my boyfriend away from here so we can spend a little time together.”

  Steph made a face at the word boyfriend, making me laugh and easing my discomfort. She got me.

  “Dinner’s in an hour,” my mom called out after kissing Jace on the cheek.

  I tugged on his arm, strongly encouraging him out the door. He chuckled the whole way out, where I crumpled to the steps, burying my face in my hands.

  “That was so embarrassing.” I groaned.

  “That was awkward for you.” He nodded.

  “Not you?”

  “Nah. I came out looking pretty good.”

  I stuck my tongue out at him. “Did not.”

  “Did too.”

  We smiled stupidly at each other until I realized that we were both idiots.

  “Wanna go for a ride?” I stood, brushing off the skirt of my dress.

  “On a horse?”

  I pursed my lips at him and raised an eyebrow.

  “You’re in a dress.”

  “I’m painfully aware.”

  “You really wanna…?”

  “Let’s go. It’ll be fun. Like old times.”

  “Yeah.” He sounded unconvinced. “Kind of.”

  “It’s like a date. No family around?” I held my hands up to the sky.

  “Fine.”

  I patted his chest. “You’re a good boyfriend.”

  “Please stop calling me that.”

  I snorted as we hopped in the Gator and drove the mile to the stables, pulling the same two retired horses from the field that we would ride all those years ago.

  “You know I haven’t ridden a horse since the last time I rode Bo. With you.” He scratched the gelding’s forehead.

  “Really? I don’t know how you can stay off them.” I vaulted onto Hampton’s back, tucking my dress around my legs to protect them. It did occur to me that I should be protecting the dress, but really, I didn’t want hair up my hoo-hah.

  “Guess it’s not in my blood.” He grunted as he climbed onto the fence to put a leg over Bo’s back.

  “You do pretty well considering.”

  “I do?”

  “Sure. I wouldn’t ride with you if you didn’t.” I wrinkled my nose. “Instant turnoff.”

  “Geez. That’s a lot of pressure.”

  I winked. “I think you can handle it.”

  I held back my mount so we were side by side, reaching out my hand so we could link fingers, at least for a few strides. It was nice, being out in the peace of the outdoors in the cool fall air, just us, no sadness or frustration or tension. We didn’t talk much, just listened to the hoofbeats and the crinkling of leaves. I felt Hampton’s muscles move easily beneath me, and I mean really move, not masked by the saddle and boots and blankets. With each step, I remembered my childhood love of horses, and I discovered that I still had it.

  I could have stayed out for hours instead of just one. As it was, we were pushing my mom’s patience, I’m sure. When we reached the horses’ field, we quickly turned them loose and hopped in the Gator to get back for dinner.

  Jace plucked a leaf from my hair as I drove. “That was fun.”

  I smiled over at him, wind blowing his hair wildly around his face, so he kept one hand on it in restraint. “Promise?”

  “Have I ever lied to you?”

  “Yeah, you have. So many times.”

  He looked affronted as we came to a stop in front of the house. “Like when?”

  I thought back. “Second grade.”

  He rolled his eyes. “Really? You remember back that far?”

  “I remember important stuff.”

  “Here we go,” he muttered.

  “You told me he liked me!” I half laughed, half yelled as I shoved him out the open side of the vehicle.

  He scrambled to stay on his feet, hands in the air as I turned on him. “He could have. It was a chance you took.”

  “I was eight!”

  “You were very mature for your age.”

  “He was thirty.”

  “Looking back, it was extremely immature of us.”

  “And creepy.”

  “There is that.”

  “What if he’d said yes?” I sputtered.

  “I’m sure we would have called the cops. Or at least your parents.”

  He looked like a deer caught in headlights even though he was laughing. When I was eight, he and Lawrence had convinced me that my crush on my riding instructor was completely valid and that I should write him a letter to confess my feelings. I don’t even remember what it said, but I’m sure it was awful. I already knew it was embarrassing. He’d uncomfortably turned the letter over to my folks, and I’d gotten a talking-to. Hands down, the worst talking-to of my life, worse than the sex talk. I couldn’t even take lessons from the poor man again for fear of death by embarrassment. After that, my parents had only hired female instructors.

  “I still have the letter.” My mom’s voice carried from the front door.

  Jace sank to his knees in laughter, his face red and his shoulders shaking. Every now and again he’d suck in a breath and then keep going. It took everything in me not to join him.

  I looked up at my mom, who was apparently unable to keep the grin from her face. “You should burn it.”

  “Never. I’ll give it to Jace
when you leave for Florida. Then he’ll have something to keep him company.”

  I’ve never seen someone go from heated laughter to ice-cold in such a short period of time. The warmth in his face turned to stone in an instant, and dread washed over me as I experienced the transformation. Even my mom must have felt it, because she ducked away with a soft reminder that dinner was about to be served.

  He stood to his full height, an unfair advantage in and of itself.

  I held up a hand. “You know I go south every year.”

  He looked down at his feet as if collecting himself. “I know you went last year. I didn’t know you were going this year.”

  My jaw dropped and I threw my hands in the air. “Well, what did you think was going to happen?”

  His lips were pressed into a thin line, his eyes flat and hard.

  My mind was spinning, all the events of our lives together blurring like the rings of Saturn. From growing up and watching him in admiration and adoration, the comfort he gave during the most painful and trying times in my life, to throwing cake, to the awkward growing-up stages and blushing cheeks, to our first kiss, to making love, to fighting and squabbling, to the restful moments leaning on each other. The problem was I could only see the circle, with no way forward.

  I squeezed my eyes shut, my heart threatening to bust out of my chest, and I felt like that pain would be welcome. I took a deep breath, and another, but I never felt like it was enough air to fill my lungs. “I’m done,” I said, my voice barely audible, but enough.

  “What?”

  “No.” I stopped him from coming toward me by stepping back. Tears welled up in my eyes, and I blinked them away furiously. “I can’t take it anymore. From my sisters and brother, and parents, to you. I can’t do it. I can’t be there for everyone. I’m breaking, killing myself to balance it all, and nobody cares! You don’t care.”

  “How can you say that? Of course I care.”

  I shook my head, sniffing and sucking my lip between my teeth. “No. You may care about me, but not enough to support me. You see me as something to protect. You see me as someone who can’t take care of herself. How many times have you said that to me?”