Jock

by CM Foss

  “How are you not dying to know what he has to say? What’s kept him away?”

  I began nibbling on edge of my thumb. “I’m scared.”

  “Of what?” She threw up her arms, her cheeks turning red in agitation.

  “I’m scared for it to really be over.”

  Pity filled her eyes so much they were almost misty. She reached out to cover my hand with hers when I felt a presence behind me.

  “That’s crazy talk, Midge.”

  Chapter 40

  I turned my head and my heart leapt and sank and flip-flopped, right along with my stomach. Spots danced behind my eyes as all the breath left my lungs at the sight of the man before me.

  “What are you doing here?” I was completely breathless.

  One corner of his mouth rose, an expression I’d sorely missed. “More crazy talk.”

  I stood so quickly the backs of my knees knocked the iron chair over, scraping and clashing down, my dinner plate falling by the wayside. I watched the wreck with my jaw wide-open but was unable to move and save anything. I looked to Cooper with pleading eyes. I didn’t even know what I was begging for, just for her to save me. From myself, apparently.

  She jumped to her feet with much more grace than I had. “Go. Go.” She waved her hands. “You guys go.”

  “Thank you,” I mouthed before turning to Jace. He held out his hand, and I blinked at it multiple times before reaching for him. His skin was warm and dry; mine was anything but.

  I let him pull me out the door without a word about where we were going or what we were doing. I watched my feet, mind reeling around and around as we crossed the streets leading to the beach, completely trusting Jace to guide me safely through traffic. We kept going past the boardwalk to sit in the sand by the water’s edge.

  He tightened his grip on my hand when I tried to pull away. “I can’t let go of you just yet.”

  I wanted to smile at him, but my face wouldn’t make the right motions. I replayed his words over and over, the “just yet” part echoing loudest.

  He was tan. That thought struck me as well, his hair a little lighter than it usually was in the winter. It was summer hair. Beach hair.

  “How long have you been here?”

  “A few weeks.” He was smoothing a finger over one of my beaten knuckles, but I snatched my hand away as hurt washed over me.

  Tears pricked my eyes as irrational anger moved in and took away some of the pain. “Weeks?”

  He nodded, seemingly unfazed by my tone. “I had a few things to do.”

  “I don’t understand.” At all.

  He tilted his head to look at me, his eyes swimming with questions. “Why would you think we’re over? I mean really over?”

  I chewed on my lower lip as I debated how much to say. “Aren’t we already?”

  “No. We never have been. I think you know that.”

  “I’m scared, Jace.” My voice broke and he got up to kneel in front of me, blocking my view of the peace from the waves. He placed his hands on my knees and I gripped his fingers with mine, holding on for dear life.

  “You’re the toughest girl I know. What could have you so scared?”

  I sniffed and wiped my face on my shoulder, momentarily composing myself. I looked into his eyes, the ones I grew up with and dreamt about and had lusted over for my entire adult life, and maybe a little before. And here he was touching me, holding me, asking me.

  I forced the lump down in my throat with a hard swallow. “I’m scared that I’m better without you. I do better without you.”

  I could tell he wasn’t expecting that brutally painful answer by the way he blanched, his face losing its tan. He squeezed his eyes shut, swallowing hard. His fingers had turned white, pressing into my thighs and sure to leave marks. I didn’t feel a thing.

  “That’s not true.”

  “It is. I… it really is.”

  He opened his eyes and leveled me with his stare, full of so many emotions that I couldn’t see which one was on top.

  When he spoke, it was slowly and clearly and very determined. “I know that I wasn’t supporting you the right way. I didn’t then, but I know now. And I’m so damn sorry for that. I’ll never stop being sorry. Something had to happen for me to stop thinking of you as the young woman, the young girl, I remembered. I couldn’t see past her.”

  “What? What had to happen?”

  “You left me. You showed me that not only are you capable of taking care of yourself, you’re smarter than me.”

  I snorted softly. “We already knew that.”

  His lips curved into a smile, and I wanted nothing more than to press mine to them for a taste. “I mean it. You had to courage to stand up for yourself, the way I always wanted you to. You were right.” He shifted closer, spreading my knees with a gentle push and settling closer to me. I leaned forward and he grasped my face in his hands, smoothing his thumbs over my cheeks, drying the tears I hadn’t even realized had fallen. “I told you that you deserved to be earned, and I haven’t done that yet. But I’m working on it.”

  My eyebrows drew together, but he soothed the tension with a kiss to my forehead.

  “Can I show you what I’ve been up to?”

  I nodded mutely, still thinking about his lips and our talk and what else needed to be said. But he was already standing and dragging me to my feet, brushing the sand off my legs.

  “Where are we going?”

  “Hang on. You’re so impatient.” He gave my hand a playful squeeze.

  I tried, unsuccessfully, to hide a smile. “Am not.”

  “Are too.”

  Chapter 41

  It was a long walk back to a car that was not a rental. In fact, it was his usual red truck, but not the same one from back home. This one was new.

  I wrinkled my nose as I climbed in, inhaling that new-car smell. I actually hated that smell and left my door open until I could unroll the window and get fresh air. “Is Hitchen Security making so much money now that you can just buy cars for a quick trip?”

  He let out a breath of laughter. “Somethin’ like that.”

  I watched his hand smoothly turn the wheel, navigating to wherever we were heading. His easy attitude made me brave.

  “Why didn’t you call me back, last week?”

  He sighed heavily, the sound heaving from his chest. “I’ve been so busy, and every time I could call, I knew you’d be asleep or on a horse. I didn’t want to… interrupt you or distract you. I didn’t want to have some short, meaningless catch-up with you.”

  I cleared my throat. “Just so you know, a girl would appreciate a check-in rather than no contact. It makes our minds do some crazy things.”

  “Noted.” He glanced from the road to look at me briefly. “Why didn’t you call me?”

  “I dropped my phone and then it got hit by a sprinkler. I couldn’t call anyone.”

  “No. I know all that. Except dropped is a euphemism. I mean months ago. All this time.”

  “How do you know all that?” I was stuck on the start of his sentences.

  “I have my ways.”

  I gaped. “Have you been talking to Cooper?”

  He shrugged, unwilling to look at me again. “Don’t think I haven’t been keeping tabs on you, Midge. I always have, and I always will.”

  I realized then that we were parked and the engine was shut off. We were in a newer area of strip malls and offices. There were boutiques and dentists, orthodontists and gynecologists, and a small, understated sign for Hitchen Security. I felt the blood rush from my face as I stared at the letters.

  “Are you moving to Florida?” I asked stupidly.

  “Nope.”

  I swiveled my head back to him. “I don’t get it.”

  “I opened a branch here. Or I’m opening it. It’s a work in progress, but it’s getting started.”

  “Wow. Jace, that’s incredible. That’s major expansion. Congratulations.”

  I herky-jerkied a hug out of him, my movemen
ts awkward and regrettable. But I was excited for him, and a few months ago a hug would have been natural. I went for it.

  After a beat, he slid his arms around my back and pulled me close. We stayed there, soaking each other in for a long moment. When he pushed me away, I felt the stark sense of cold and loss.

  “Aren’t you going to ask me why? Why here?”

  I shrugged. “Good money? Lots to protect?”

  Of course I wanted it to be for me, but the brain part of me was giving a solid beatdown to the heart.

  “That’s a bonus.” He walked up and unlocked the door, pushing it open to allow me in.

  The front area was sparse but clean. Jace walked over and swiped one of the brochures that was set out on the front desk, then led me down a hall and into a comfortable office. He sat me down in a plush swiveling chair and spun me around once to face him, kneeling in front of me.

  I grabbed his hair and tugged up gently. “Why do you keep getting down on the ground?”

  He pulled my hand from his head and set it on my lap, keeping it covered with his own. “It’s the only way I can understand what it feels like to be you.”

  I snorted and shoved him with my foot, but all it did was roll my chair backward to hit the edge of his desk. “Okay. I give. What is going on here?”

  He took a deep breath, seeming nervous. It wasn’t an emotion I’d often seen him wear. “You will be coming down here every winter, correct?”

  I nodded.

  “And New York in the summer?”

  “Pretty much. Even when I’m done riding, I’ll be traveling as a trainer.”

  He passed me the brochure and rocked back on his heels. I scanned it from top to bottom, freezing when I got to the footer. Locations in Kentucky, Florida, and New York.

  “I don’t want you to change, Midge. Not one part of you. I don’t want to be someone who burdens you or makes you question yourself. I believe in you.” He tapped the brochure. “I want to be there for you. Will you let me come along for the ride?”

  My eyes misted and I squeezed them shut, blinking away the tears so I could see. “Why are you doing this?”

  “Because I love you.”

  My heart jumped into my throat and I swallowed past the lump there. “How could you?”

  He cradled my face in his hands and pressed his lips to mine, finally. His touch was soft but sure, his fingers holding me firmly to him. I sucked in a breath at the first teasing brush of his tongue on my upper lip, but he pulled back.

  “How could I not?”

  I let out a watery, sobby laugh. “Oh, I don’t know. I’m a pain, I have a horrible career, I can’t go on dinner dates, I’m a health insurance nightmare…”

  He cut me off with another hard kiss. “Stop. None of that is true. Well… some of it is, but I still love you, not despite all of it, but because of who you are and everything you do. My hope is that you’ll share some of it with me.”

  I scrunched up my eyebrows. “What do you mean?”

  “I don’t want to be left in the dark all the time. I don’t want you leading two separate lives and we’re all compartmentalized. That’s what’ll tear you into pieces. I want to be a part of it.”

  He stood up and went over to his computer, fingers flying over the keys at lightning speed without him even looking. Screens blinked on and off and different pictures popped up. On a big screen to my right, I rolled my chair closer when a horse came into view.

  “Is that my horse?” Trouble was fast asleep in her stall, the white mark on her face clearly visible.

  “No. That’s my horse.”

  My eyes grew wide as I looked up at him.

  “You can’t ride and train and own your own horse.” He pointed at the screen. “Hence.”

  Oh fuck, the tears again. This was becoming a new way to get rid of some fluids. “Hence, you bought a racehorse.”

  He shrugged. “I’ve heard it’s a worthwhile investment.”

  “They’re a horrible investment.” I was still half laughing, half crying, choking out the words.

  He let out a bark of laughter and stuffed his hands in his pockets. “What do you think?”

  “I don’t have any idea what to say. Why is there a camera on her?”

  “Because she’s mine, and I watch over what’s mine.”

  I met his eyes. “I’m in there all the time.”

  “You’re mine too.” He pulled me to my feet and sat me on the edge of his desk, settling himself comfortably between my thighs, like he had every right to be there. “You know that, right?”

  I nodded as he pressed closer.

  “And you love me, right?”

  I smiled through my tears and nodded again. “I always have.”

  “But you love me a little better right now, don’t you?”

  Now laughing through my tears, I took his face in my hands. “I didn’t know I could, but yes, I actually do.”

  He crashed his lips into mine, hands sliding beneath my tank top to meet the bare skin of my back. He ran them up and down, skimming over every part he could reach like he couldn’t get enough and couldn’t decide where to start. I lifted my arms and allowed him to move away only for the time it took to rip the shirt over my head and toss it aside. His arms went around me again, pressing us chest to chest, skin to skin. He was hot and hard in contrast to the chill from the air-conditioning, his arms forming a welcome blanket around me.

  I let my hands wander the contours of his body, a little harder, a little more defined than it was the last time. His were doing the same with me, and I wondered what he thought he was feeling. Hopefully some of the same. Maybe no more definition, but definitely stronger. I certainly felt it as he lifted me, spinning us around and carrying me to a couch on the side wall. He laid me down gently, with such control, when all I wanted him to do was lose it.

  He pulled back just enough that I could see his face. His eyes were dark and serious but had a hint of amusement as I bit my lip and concentrated on freeing him from his pants. The angle was awkward for me to wrangle loose the buttons, but he let me carry on, apparently in no great rush.

  I shoved his pants over his hips and used my feet to help them the rest of the way. As he kicked them free, I lifted my hips and he pulled my shorts off with no struggle. They were as ready to go as I was.

  He sank closer to me, melding our bodies, and just that contact alone was enough to steal my breath, melt my soul, and send my innermost muscles into near convulsions. I wrapped my legs up and around his waist, using my heels to press him closer to me. He shifted to align our hips, then rocked back and forth against me, easing his way inside.

  But then he paused. My heart nearly stopped, and I gasped, propping myself up on my elbows to look over at the door we’d left wide-open. It was empty.

  His shoulders began to shake as I looked back to him. “Why are we stopping? I thought someone was here.”

  He dropped his head to my shoulder, still laughing. “No. I just had a different idea. Leave it to you to spoil the surprise.”

  “But I love surprises. Unless you’re actually stopping. That’s a horrible one.”

  He just kept laughing to the point of silence, tears of mirth gathering in his eyes.

  I was almost annoyed but was in danger of getting the giggles in the most compromising of positions. I settled for deadpan. “This is our worst sexual experience ever.”

  His jaw dropped, but he was still fucking laughing. “Well, now I’m not giving you your surprise.”

  I mock-scowled. “Why won’t you penetrate me?”

  We both lost it, the word “penetrate” being the tipping point after an emotion-filled day and our usual ridiculousness.

  It took long minutes for us to calm down, our laughter fading as it tended to do. He started dropping soft kisses on my eyes, my cheeks, and my lips, traveling down my neck as the humor left and the heat built once more.

  He rose up, cradling my head in his hands, his lips hovering over mine. “I lo
ve you, Midge,” he whispered.

  I reached up and brushed my lips against his. “I love you more.”

  “Stop trying to one-up me.”

  I grinned. “Jockeys are a competitive lot.”

  Epilogue

  Jace

  Five Years Later

  She was beautiful up there on that four-legged beast of an animal, the same kind they measured the power of cars against. But she was just as powerful, as athletic, as agile as they were. She was just smaller.

  I white-knuckled my program, which was wrung into the tightest tube possible, damp and peeling from the sweat caused by my nerves.

  “You put some money up?” Lawrence leaned over to ask.

  “No.” I shoved him away. “You people have no idea about bad luck.”

  He tsked and shook his head. “She’s gonna be mad.”

  “She is not. I know my wife.”

  “Not like I know my sister.”

  I raised an eyebrow. “You really wanna go there?”

  “Ugh. That was fucking wrong.”

  “Says the man who knocked his wife up twice in the same go-round.”

  Steph smacked me in the back of the head. “For the last time, that is not how it works. Stop giving him so much credit.” She pushed the double stroller carrying their twin boys up beside us, miraculously carrying two sleeping monsters.

  She pointed at them and mouthed, “A good sign.”

  I sent her a grateful smile that was gone the moment the first strains of “My Old Kentucky Home” began playing over the loudspeakers. The entire crowd listened, well over a quarter of a million of them live, as the music floated over the track. I had to suck my lip between my teeth and blink away the mist that gathered, my heart residing heavily in my throat.

  Her silks were white and yellow, standing out against the dark coat of her mount, my horse. Another one. They kept us close and connected, so I kept buying them. Plus there was something thrilling about watching her win on our horses.

  The field jogged and cantered around to the gates, then filed in one by one. I kept a pair of binoculars trained on my girl. She looked fierce and collected, focused sharply on the next two minutes. But every now and again, she’d break out of character with a smile or a laugh, sometimes directed at a person, more often at the colt beneath her. By the way his ears flicked back and forth and the spark in his eye, he was digging it too.